Chapter Eighteen
Nicki had butterflies in her stomach all through the next morning. She checked her phone roughly ten thousand times while she ran errands, honestly unsure what she was expecting to find. News that Miah had spotted something of interest on the security footage? A flirtatious confirmation of the time of their rendezvous? A cancellation of said date that would, frankly, ruin her entire day?
Nothing came, and no shock, really. His duties often took him out of cell range, plus he seemed like a no-nonsense man, the type with no reason to confirm plans, as he always kept his dates.
In the end she caved and did the confirming herself. At quarter to twelve she tapped out, Turkey with swiss okay with you?
She didn’t get a reply by the time she needed to head out, so turkey with Swiss it was.
When she pulled into the lot there was a tall delivery truck parked near the entrance, and she slid in beside it, hoping it’d still be there when she left so she and Miah just might sneak an unseen kiss goodbye in the privacy of its shadow. A girl could hope.
She pulled out her phone and found a message waiting, sent only minutes ago. Not much use to you now, but that sounds great. See you soon.
She replied, I’m out front. Hiding behind a feed truck. She got out of her car and stood in plain view, and Miah came striding out of the farmhouse and down the porch steps moments later. He smiled when he caught sight of her, melting her bones like Kit Kats in the summer sun.
He waved. She waved back. She wondered how many minutes it’d be before she was kissing him again, and how many minutes more before she got to feel his naked skin pressed to hers.
He drew close. “What’re you hiding back here for?”
“Thought maybe I could steal a private kiss goodbye behind this truck after our date, if it lingers.”
“It won’t, but I admire your strategy.” He paused, regarding her for a long, thorough moment, gaze moving down and back up.
“Hi,” she said, feeling shy in an instant.
“Hi. Thanks for meeting me.”
“How long have we got?”
“It’s flexible. Not much more than an hour and a half, though. And what I have planned is a twenty-minute drive.”
“I guess we’d better get a hustle on, then.”
He held out an arm, waving it toward his bike.
They walked over together, and Nicki said, “It’s going to look suspicious, us riding off on a bike together in broad daylight.”
Miah shrugged. “If my mom already knows, the greatest damage is done. Plus we’re staying on the range. A few hands might spot us,” he added with a little frown, “but not the townsfolk.”
She laughed. “Tell me you didn’t just use the word ‘townsfolk’ in earnest.”
“Just being quaint.”
“Thank goodness for that. And anyhow, your hands are probably just as bad. Gossip spreads quicker than a brush fire in small towns. Or dense city neighborhoods, for that matter.”
“I’m prepared to risk it,” he said. “How about you?”
She chewed her lip, but her answer needed no consideration. “Yeah, I am. Provided my son doesn’t get wind of this the next time he winds up mucking stalls for you.”
“Fair point. Rather take my truck? That’s slightly more discreet.”
She eyed his Triumph, two helmets already hanging off the bars, a big blanket rolled and bungeed to the rack behind the seat. Goddamn if a ride on that machine didn’t trump discretion. “No, let’s take the bike. Live dangerously.”
“I like the way you think.”
He stowed their lunch and they got their helmets strapped on and climbed aboard. Nicki’s heart revved into high gear right alongside that engine, and she held on tight to Miah.
The last time she’d held him this way, she’d known his kisses made her weak and stupid, but she hadn’t known so much else—what he looked like naked, how he made love, how his skin smelled and the sounds he made. And today . . . Well, after today she’d know how those eyes looked in the bright light of day as they stared down into hers, and what it was like to have sex surrounded by a sea of sage grass, under a sky as wide as half the world.
“Where are we going?” she shouted over the engine as they rumbled down a quiet dirt road into the range.
“Someplace where we won’t be bothered,” he shouted back.
They rode for fifteen or twenty minutes, until the vibrations left her nerves at once numb and humming. Miah eased the bike to a dusty stop along the edge of the road and shut it off. Nicki dismounted and unstrapped her helmet, hoping her hair didn’t look too squished, then immediately wondered what it might look like in a half hour’s time.
Miah grabbed the blanket and a big metal Thermos, and Nicki the food.
“We’re going to burn to a crisp,” she said, gazing up at the empty blue sky.
“We won’t,” he said. “I know a spot.”
They chatted about nothing and everything for a little while, following a faint path through the brush and rocks, until finally their oasis appeared—a strange tree looking nearly like a cactus, with clusters of spiky pom-poms that reminded Nicki of pineapple leaves. It made a perfect umbrella to shield them from the high noontime sun.
“Well played, Church.”
He laughed. “Thanks. I’m desperate to get close to you again, trust me, but not enough to get sunburned.”
“What the heck kind of tree is this?”
“Joshua tree. Technically it’s not a tree, though—it’s a yucca.”
“Noted. And a final question, what’s in the Thermos?”
“Just water.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
They got to the tree and Miah laid out a thick wool blanket in its shade. They sat together and Nicki unwrapped the sandwiches.
“They look a little . . . melty,” she said, peeling the waxed paper from the gooey, cheesy edges.
“My mind’s not on the menu,” Miah said, smirking at her. Fuck, she liked when he looked at her like that. Liked it way too much.
“And here I’ve been telling myself you’re the last surviving gentleman.”
“Do gentlemen invite ladies to indecently expose themselves in remote locales?”
“Only when it’s the lady’s idea.”
He smiled again and took a bite of his sandwich.
She asked about his strategy with the surveillance footage while they ate and drank, and he asked how Matty was faring in school.
She shrugged. “His grades are pretty good. He says he’s bored, actually. But I did get a message from one of his teachers, saying there was a disruption in class yesterday. Nothing worthy of detention, and it sounds like it was some other kids who were instigating it, but I’m not pleased. I know what happens inside kids’ heads when they get tarred with the troublemaker brush often enough.”
Miah nodded. “That happened to Vince, for sure. At a certain point, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
“Exactly.”
“If you need me to scare him straight again with manual labor, just say the word.”
“Thanks, but the way he goes on about it here, it’s not going to work as a punishment.”
“Well, an incentive, then. Tell him I said if he keeps his nose clean, I’ll get Raf to give him a riding lesson.”
“Yeah? He might go for that.”
“Raf’s even done some rodeo work, too.”
“Well, I’ll look forward to buying Matty his first neck brace, then.”
Miah chuckled. She wanted to roll around in that sound and never come up for air.
Before long, Nicki was crumpling her waxed paper and dropping it into the empty lunch bag. “Clock’s a-ticking, cowboy. Want to show me what you’ve got planned for me, way out in the wilds of the range?”
“Nothing I want more.”
They moved closer together on the blanket. Miah was cross-legged, and Nicki scooted up, reaching under his knees and rearranging his legs into a V. She did the same, cocking her legs over his, and knocked his hat aside with a grin. He retaliated, tugging her tight to him by the waist. She grabbed his biceps and lust wound through her as their mouths met.
This kiss was different. This kiss was practiced and familiar, and no less exciting for it. More exciting, in fact. This man knew what she liked now, and he wasted no time in giving it to her, claiming her mouth with deep, sensual strokes of his tongue. This kiss was possessive, and she couldn’t wait to feel that sensation in her entire body. Couldn’t wait to cut this man loose in his element and see what sort of animal hid inside his dusty work clothes.
He held her jaw, fingertips pressing behind her ears. The touch made her feel faint, and she realized her own hands were between them now, fingers fumbling with his shirt buttons. He knocked them aside, making quick work of it. He tugged his shirt from behind his belt to undo the last button, and the impatience she read in his jerky movements was as sexy as anything else about this man. She pushed the button-up from his hard shoulders, revealing a white undershirt. When he peeled that away, Nicki did the same with her tee. She studied his bare skin, his dark nipples and his chest hair and the lines of his tan, where he went from golden to brown. He studied her in return, taking in her cleavage and the caramel satin and lace of her bra.
“You’re so fucking sexy,” he whispered, then all but dove for her neck. She raked her nails through his hair and breathed him in, along with all those exotic scents of the landscape.
“I thought about this all morning,” she told him, lost in his kisses, hardly aware of what she was saying. “Wondering if I just dreamt it—you and me, feeling this right.”
He spoke against her skin. “And did you?”
“No. No fucking chance.” She knew that now. Their chemistry last time was no figment of the wine and the waiting. She felt it just as truly now, in the broad light of day.
Miah’s jeans came off next, then Nicki’s. She edged close, stroking against him with only their underwear between them. The way his breath caught lit her up, white-hot.
“You bring condoms?” she asked between kisses.
“I did.”
“Bless you.”
He laughed and his gaze roamed her body, like a starving man perusing a buffet.
She ramped up the friction, loving the way his eyes shut and his hands clamped tight to her waist. She’d forgotten this aspect of sex—how good it felt, driving a strong man wild, making him weak and needy, feeling all that power roiling inside her like witchcraft.
“Keep this up and it’ll be a short tryst,” he warned.
“That’ll never do.”
“Here,” he said, stilling her hips. “Why don’t you lay down?”
They swapped places, Nicki reclining across the blanket.
“Your head okay?” he asked.
“I’m so not thinking about my head right now.” She was too curious what he had in mind for her. As it was, the grass beneath the blanket was cushion enough.
He got into position between her legs, on his hip and forearms, his shoulder tucked to the underside of her knee. Aha.
Before he gave her his mouth, she got his knuckles beneath her panties—raspy and rough, tracing a slow line along her seam.
“You gonna make me wait?” She grinned with her eyes shut, feeling the shifting sunlight on her face as the fronds above them rustled in the breeze.
“Not long.”
The wait was delicious in itself. For a minute he gave her that glancing touch, then she felt more—first the caress of dry air on her skin when he slid her underwear away, and then the heat of his breath. Then his lip, or his nose. She shivered and whispered his name, her hands clenching into fists at her sides. Man, it had been a long time.
“Anything you want,” he murmured against her sex, “you just say.”
“Okay.” All she wanted was to feel this, from him, discover something entirely new about this man in the way he gave head. It told you so much about a guy, told you if he was patient and tender, or bossy, cocky, sensual, masterful, indulgent.
No more teasing. His tongue parted her, beard tickling. She twitched and giggled, then melted completely as he gave her a second, slower, deeper lap. His hands slid under her butt, squeezing, feeling greedy. She returned the favor, telling him how she felt right back, drawing her nails through his thick hair and along his scalp. A little moan or sigh warmed her, interrupting those smooth, succulent strokes of his tongue.
“You can go faster,” she whispered.
He did. And now at the top of each lap he gave her clit an extra tease—first licks, then soft sucks that drew her between his lips.
She moaned and her legs gave a wobble—always a good sign, same as the rush of heat now tingling in her feet. “That’s really good.”
The excitement was building already, pulsing in a tight, hot little ball in her belly, promising to grow, to deepen, to leave her begging and groaning against this blanket, under this vast sky.
She opened her eyes. Before she sought Miah, she took in everything around and above them, this backdrop like nothing she’d ever known, like nothing that had ever existed in her fantasies. Now it would. Now it would be burned in her memory forever—the exact cornflower blue of the sky, the wink of the pure white sun between the blades of the Joshua tree. The dry, powdery scent of the earth and the spice of the sage on the breeze.
Now she looked to Miah—the arches of his eyebrows and the sheen of the light on his hair, the way it curled, tucked behind his ears. The shape of his nose from this precise angle, the powerful swells of muscle at his shoulders. All these details about this man and this place . . . they felt like facets coming together to create something abstract, something wholly magical and erotic.
“Don’t ever stop doing this,” she said.
A soft laugh hummed against her. “You’re the boss.”
And he likes that, she thought, remembering how he’d been when she’d ridden him in the guest-room bed. He liked serving a woman, and not in any sort of submissive way. It excited him, she bet, giving a woman pleasure with his mouth or his cock, excited him on that same raw and aggressive level that simply taking pleasure did to other men.
In some other reality, I would have been so proud to call you mine.
It was a sad thought, but fierce as well. He was like no one she’d ever known, and no one she’d ever meet again, no matter where life took her after Fortuity.
Emotion rose and ebbed just as the arousal did, the whole of her vibrating and throbbing with something beyond pleasure, even. She’d never tried anything harder than alcohol in her life, but she had to imagine this was what it felt like to be high, with the earth and her body and another person all swirling together in a confusion of light and heat and sensation.
“Oh my God. Don’t stop. Please.”
She could feel the effect of her words in the strokes of his tongue—they sped at that command, just as they sped further when she fisted his hair.
He wants to serve you.
“Give me your fingers. Please, Miah.”
He slid one hand free and she felt him there, two fingers, maybe three, easing inside. She felt lush and wet and searing hot, everything feminine and impolite.
“Yes. Make me think about it. About you.” About what would come next—what had to, it felt, or else she’d die of deprivation. She imagined how hard he must be, how impatient and neglected his cock must be feeling, and how perfectly quenching it’d feel for both of them in that moment when he sank inside her. It was that thought that had the orgasm rising up, an undeniable force.
“Faster,” she begged, so close.
His hand pumped and his tongue fluttered against her clit, and when she came she imagined him above her, taking her. No clothes, no condom, just two bare bodies united in the exquisite, violent dance called sex.
He knew just when to back off, leaving her a gasping mess, twitching atop the blanket.
“Wow,” she blurted.
Miah sat up, grinning. He wiped his mouth and beard on the back of his wrist, the action so shameless and self-satisfied . . . Unreasonably sexy.
“That was . . . whoa.”
“It was whoa?” he echoed.
“Precisely.” She made it up to sitting on wobbly limbs and pulled him close for a kiss. “Now you.” She was happy to reciprocate, though she did still crave the things that had pushed her over the edge, to watch this beautiful body working hard above hers.
There was a new fire in him—she felt its heat and power as he edged her back down with his body. He ditched his shorts and got a condom from his jeans. Nicki watched, memorizing every detail of this moment, afraid to imagine any of it ever fading. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so alive and alert, not outside of childbirth. Again, all down to whatever magic was intoxicating her right here, right now.
“Hang on,” Miah said, and slid his hand beneath her head, in lieu of a pillow.
“You don’t need to.”
“I want to.”
And, truth be told, she wanted it, too—just that little extra cushion made it far easier to glance down between their bodies, and that was a view she coveted above all the other natural splendor on offer.
“Thanks.”
“You ready?” There was a rough, ragged edge to his voice that suggested he nearly didn’t care, he was so horny, and that was just as sexy as the knowledge that he’d never actually take things there without her word.
“Beyond ready,” she assured him.
With that hand under her head, he was already so close, she could feel the heat radiating off his body. She watched as he guided his cock to her, watched as he drove inside, slow and smooth and easy. He grunted and his eyes shut. She poured her awareness into each thick, hot inch that claimed her body, and wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Nicki.”
“You feel so good. Show me what you need.”
His pace was measured to start, steady, but as each minute passed he took her quicker, quicker, a little less composed, a little more frantic. Mastery was sexy, but his desperation blew it clean out of the water.
Her gaze was nailed between their bodies. “Miah.”
“Can you come again?”
“Maybe.” She’d been too lost in his pleasure to bother worrying about hers. And now, when she went to touch herself, he beat her to it.
“Tell me how,” he said, his free hand slipping between them. All his weight was on his other forearm, the whole of his body locked and laboring, every muscle cocked.
She bucked when his fingers found her clit. “Fuck.” Those calluses. “Just that. Exactly that.”
Never had a man felt so . . . so . . . everything. So in control, even as his touch trembled and his arms quaked. So determined and so desperate, so needy and so aggressive. He was everything at once. Everything male and animal and sensual. Irreplaceable.
The second climax rose, deeper and meaner than the first. It arrived in a rush of heat and a pleasure that bordered on pain, brief and body-rocking. She came down just as quick to find the nails of one hand biting into his back, the others dug hard into his arm. She eased up and so did he, moving so his weight was on both forearms. He kissed her forehead.
“Thanks,” she mumbled, still catching her breath.
“Of course. You good?”
“So good. All I want is to watch you fall apart.”
He smiled, looking drunk. “You won’t have long to wait.”
She smoothed his hair behind his ears and took his head in both hands. He didn’t shy from her gaze; their eyes locked as his body began to race. Nicki couldn’t look away if she tried—the intensity of his stare was like nothing she’d ever known, like fire and electricity and a hundred things she had no names for. Like life itself.
Then all at once, those black eyes shut. His expression went from disbelief to something rivaling pain, his hips hammering hard. A moment later, he was there. He locked their bodies so tight his hip bone gnashed her inner thigh, and she wished for a bruise, a souvenir of what she’d done to him. Of what they’d made together, out here.
“Miah.”
His moans faded to sighs, then to nothing but hot and heaving breaths filling the space between them.
He didn’t need reminding about the condom—he slid out, still panting, and stripped it away. Nicki turned onto her side when he urged her to, welcoming the damp heat of his skin as he spooned her.
Their sweat burned away in seconds. For a long time, they simply lay there, catching their breath, coming down to earth, to the sound of the Joshua tree’s leaves fluttering above them. She found his hand at her navel and squeezed it, stroked his coarse knuckles.
He heaved an almighty sigh, then held her tighter still. He murmured, “Are you my girl?”
Nicki shivered, flushed, lost track of her breath for a long moment. What a question. “Right here, right now? Yeah, I think you know I am.”
“But only for the here and now?”
She twisted around to meet his stare. “It’s complicated.”
“I know. You have your son to think about. I don’t take that lightly, either. But I also don’t think it’s just me, feeling like this is . . . like this is something special. Like this is more than just some fun between friends.”
She didn’t reply right away. Too many feelings collided—a thrill to hear those words, the urge to confess that he was right, a thousand percent—she was hopeless for him. But that clashed so sharply with another thought, one that left her sober and cautious. There were two hearts on the line here. Three, if Matty should ever be in a position to get attached to Miah as well.
“It’s not just my son,” she said, rubbing a thumb along his lower lip, speaking to that spot. “I can’t say for sure if we’ll even still be here six months or a year from now.”
His brows drew together. “Really?”
She nodded and met his eyes—brown now, lit up even in the shadow of the tree. “Really, I’m afraid. I came here on a whim. In a panic. I wanted a change, and Fortuity was about as different as I could get. It seemed safe, and quiet, beautiful in a strange, foreign way. And it is all those things . . . But the ‘foreign’ part, that’s been more of a challenge than I expected. I’ve never lived anywhere but Chicago before. I didn’t know how it would feel when the adventure wore off. I didn’t really know what homesick felt like. Until I did.”
“You want to move back?”
She shrugged, one shoulder jerking. “I do and I don’t. I can’t go back to my old job—I won’t risk it, for Matty’s sake. I can’t say what I’d do, though; not being a cop would break my heart. But if Matty stays miserable at school and my mom stays isolated at home . . . It’s not fair. I came here for them, or I told myself I did. But I get it now—it was what I wanted. Maybe what I needed. A change, and distance from all the grief and guilt. Every month that passes, I feel more and more sure it was a mistake.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“It’d be different if Matty was happier. My mom, she’ll be fine. She’ll make a place for herself, wherever she is. But to sentence that boy to get on a bus every morning, to go to a place he dreads, with no friends to make it bearable . . . If things don’t change for him, I don’t see any other choice.”
“Sure.”
“Plus I’m not exactly feeling valued myself. Professionally speaking.”
Miah winced. “The locals here can be pretty slow to thaw.”
“Tell me about it. And to be frank, the BCSD’s a bit of a boys’ club. A white boys’ club. I’m not holding my breath about scoring a membership.”
“I get that.”
She kissed him softly on the lips. “If it weren’t for all that . . . Yes, I’d absolutely be your girl. I’d want to see where this went. I’d want to get serious, and I’d hope to quit sneaking around and let Matty know about us, down the road. But . . .”
“But you have no idea how long that road’ll even be,” Miah supplied.
“Exactly. We’ll stay until winter break, at the very least, and hopefully until the school year’s over. But not at the expense of my son’s mental health.”
“Of course . . . Well, I won’t lie. That breaks my heart a little.”
And hearing him say so had hers breaking right back. “I’m sorry to have to tell you. You and me . . . This,” she said, taking his hand and lacing their fingers between their chests, “has been the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.”
“Me too.”
“It won’t be easy to say goodbye. And it won’t get any easier, the more time we spend together.”
His lips twitched. “What are you saying?”
“I don’t know. If I was smarter, and stronger, I’d say we ought to end things sooner rather than later.” She smiled. “But as it turns out, I’m weak and stupid for you, so I think I’d prefer to take my chances and enjoy this for as long as it lasts.”
He smiled back. “I’d like that, too.”
“Good. In that case, I guess my answer is yes.”
“Your answer?”
She kissed him again, slow and lingering. “Yes,” she said again, lips still touching his. “I’m your girl.”