When the Mounties filed in that night, Jess noted that Kendall was carrying his guitar. She smiled, happy that she’d have a chance to dance with Theodore. There was something about being held in a man’s arms as he spun her around a room that made her feel loved.

As soon as supper was over, Jess hurried to the sink, and she and Miss Hazel made short work of the dishes. As they were doing that, the men were pushing the tables up against the wall so there would be room for dancing.

Kendall sat down in a chair along one wall and tuned his guitar. Jess was surprised when he started to play. Theodore had said he was good, but she’d had no idea he could possibly be that good. Why wasn’t the man playing professionally? And when he sang, Jess felt goose bumps on her arms. He was absolutely fantastic.

Theodore waited until Jess put down her dish towel, before grabbing her hand and spinning her out onto the floor. To Jess’s amusement, Elijah bowed low in front of Miss Hazel, begging for the pleasure of her company on the dance floor.

The beat was fast and fun, and Kendall seemed to pick up the pace after a bit. For the second dance, they switched partners and Jess danced with Nolan while Miss Hazel danced with Joel.

When Kendall started a slower song, Jess found herself back in Theodore’s arms. “He’s really good,” she said, her voice filled with amazement.

“He is! He could be playing and singing professionally, but he was more interested in fighting bad guys, so he’s here. We’re glad to have him, because he’s a good Mountie, and he does a lot to keep us entertained.”

“I’m glad you have him. I can’t imagine how lonely it would be if you didn’t have someone like him around.”

Theodore nodded. “I’ll be lonelier than ever before when you get on that train to go back to Ottawa. Mother never should have put the idea of marrying in my head!”

“I’m really sorry we showed up the way we did. I feel bad for my part in it.” Jess didn’t meet his eyes, and instead watched as Elijah and Miss Hazel danced cheek to cheek, Miss Hazel’s eyes filled with mirth.

“I’ve never blamed you for what happened, Jess.” At her look of disbelief, he amended his statement. “Well, not after the first few minutes at the train station. When I had time to think about it, I knew you weren’t being deceitful. That was all my mother. I don’t think she’d ever do anything like that to anyone but me. She thought the two of you would get off the train and I’d marry you, because I would fulfill her promise. I couldn’t, though.”

Jess sighed. “I know. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“I feel as though I have.” He struggled to find the words he needed to say—the words that would make her want to stay. “At the academy, they discourage Mounties from marrying. I always felt that if I did marry someday, it would feel like I was providing a hostage to any man who I angered in my line of work.”

“And? Is that how you feel?” she asked.

“All I can think about is how much I want to have you by my side for the rest of my life. It’s selfish of me, because I know that your life back in Ottawa is so much better than I could give you here. A life with no friends to call your own. What kind of life would that be?”

“If I was married to you, it would be wonderful. I can live without female friends, but I don’t know that I can live without you.” Her eyes met his for the first time since the conversation had started. “When I dreamed of you and the future we could have together, it was just some sort of peaceful dream where we walked along hand-in-hand and smiled at each other a lot.” She shook her head. “Since I’ve taken the time to get to know you…to really spend time with you…to be kissed by you…I know I’ll spend the rest of my life missing those things. Because now that I’ve had them, I want them forever.”

His heart sank at her words. She was rejecting him. Jess was still planning to go back to Ottawa and live out her life without him. “Would it be better if I stayed away from you for the remainder of your time here?”

A tear sprang to Jess’s eye. “No, it wouldn’t. Let me have my dream for a little bit longer. Please.”

He nodded, but he couldn’t meet her eyes again. Not when she was crying. It was all he could do not to growl in pain, like the bear she’d called him. Maybe he should quit his job and go back to Ottawa. He could be a police officer there. It wouldn’t be the same as being a Mountie, but he wasn’t sure how much that mattered. Without Jess, his life wouldn’t really feel complete.

He stared over her head as he continued to spin her around the room. None of the other men tried to cut in. They must have recognized that he simply was incapable of letting her go for now. How could he? Soon she would be off to live her life without him, and he’d be left to deal with her memory. He would see her everywhere he walked.

Jess wanted to beg him to let her stay, but if he didn’t want her, then she wasn’t going to plead. She’d find a way to be happy. She had to.

* * *

Jess cried herself to sleep that night, and was glad there was no mirror the next morning. She didn’t want to see her bloodshot eyes. She was up even earlier than usual, making muffins for the men to go with their eggs and bacon. She couldn’t sleep, so she might as well work.

While the muffins baked, she mixed the dough for bread, leaving it to rise on the work table. While she waited for the men to come, she got out a huge pot to make jam. She loved making jam for some absurd reason no one understood, including herself. There were still berries left to be picked, so if she could get all of the jam made today, perhaps she’d have time to do more tomorrow. Then she wouldn’t have to worry so much about Theodore or any of his friends having to eat the old bread that came from the mercantile.

She forced herself to think only about the work she was doing, not letting her mind flit to going home. Home. It was such an odd word. It didn’t even feel like Ottawa was still her home.

She looked around the little cabin, thinking about how it had looked when she’d arrived. The windows now sparkled, and the floor was clean enough she wouldn’t mind eating off of it.

She pushed the jam to the back of the stove a few minutes before she knew the Mounties would arrive, and tried to tell herself she was happy. Knowing she wouldn’t have to work nearly this hard back in Ottawa should thrill her, shouldn’t it?

Joel was the first of the Mounties to arrive that morning, and he quickly set the room to rights, moving the table to the middle of the floor where it had been. “Are you all right?” he asked softly.

Jess shrugged. “I’m sure I’ll be fine.” She forced a smile to her face, but it took everything she had in her to do it. It actually hurt to try to turn up the corners of her mouth. She’d always been a relatively happy person, the first one to pitch in during a crisis. This wasn’t going to change that about her.

When Theodore walked into his cabin, his eyes immediately went to Jess. She looked so sad to him. He wanted to gather her in his arms and beg her to stay, but how could he do that? She’d already told him she had no intention of staying in British Columbia.

Having grown up in the hustle and bustle of the nation’s capital as she had, he knew that the quiet of Squirrel Ridge Station would never be right for her. No, they’d made the right decision, he was sure of it.

Jess made sure she didn’t make eye contact with Theodore as she served all of the men their breakfast. When she didn’t immediately sit down to eat with them, Joel asked, “Aren’t you eating, Jess?”

Jess shook her head. “I have to watch the jam. Go ahead without me. I’ll get something later.” She took a wooden spoon and continually stirred the jam, though it really wasn’t necessary at all.

After they’d eaten—a particularly quiet meal—the men put their dishes into the basin so she could wash them. Theodore stopped behind her, but didn’t touch her as he usually did. “I’ll need to work through my lunch break today. Maybe you or Mom could run something over to the office?”

“Of course.” She knew she’d send his mother. He knew she’d send his mother. She was too heartbroken to do anything else.

He left for work absolutely dejected. What did you say to the girl you loved who was about to disappear from your life forever? He had to figure it out, because in two days, she’d be gone.

As Jess washed the breakfast dishes, she saw the pastor ride out of town toward the north. He was gone, and so was her hope of marrying Theodore. There was no pastor now. Their fate was sealed.

When she’d finished with the jam, she made a sandwich for Theodore’s lunch, left a note for Miss Hazel to deliver the lunch to him at noon, and she left the cabin, taking only paper and a pencil with her. She’d always enjoyed drawing, so she went to the lake and captured the sun over the water. She spent hours there, drawing whatever came to her, and at the end of the day, she felt better.

She looked through the sketches she’d made, and after the one of the lake, every single sketch was of Theodore. She flipped through them, and couldn’t help but smile. She’d captured him in every mood, but mostly she’d captured a look of love on his face.

She closed the notepad, hugging it to her. Maybe she’d give it to his mother, but more likely she’d keep them to pull out and look at. She’d drawn him in his Mountie uniform in every picture, knowing she’d always remember him that way.

It was late afternoon when she finally got up and headed back toward the cabin. She needed to get supper on the table, and she didn’t even know what she was going to cook. She didn’t know if she had it in her to cook, but she couldn’t let five men go hungry simply because she was sad. Whether she was heartbroken or not, Nolan would gnaw the back of his chair if he wasn’t fed on time.

When she stepped into the cabin, Miss Hazel was sliding something into the oven. “Did you cook?” Jess asked.

“I thought it would be best if I took my turn today. I made two large beef pot pies. Are you still planning to make several meals tomorrow to leave the Mounties with when we head back to Ottawa?”

“Yes, I think I am. I don’t really know what my plans are at the moment. My mind is spinning.”

“When was the last time you ate something?” Miss Hazel asked, looking at Jess with a worried expression. “Lovesick or not, you have to eat to keep up your strength.”

Jess shrugged. “I don’t know. I think last night.”

“Sit down. I’ll fix something for you.”

“Did you take Teddy his lunch?” Jess asked, even in her confusion, thinking of Theodore first.

“Yes, I did. He said to thank you for making it for him.” Miss Hazel broke a few eggs into a bowl and the added a dollop of milk. “Do you want me to tell the men that you’re not feeling well tonight?” She poured her mixture into a frying pan.

“I don’t know what I want. Is it possible to love someone so much that you ache inside?”

Miss Hazel sighed. “I’ve come up with some stupid plans and schemes over the years, but this was the absolute worst. I truly believed that when Teddy saw you get off that train, he would marry you, simply because I’d said he would. I should have known my stubborn son better than that.” She slid the plate of scrambled eggs in front of Jess, adding a couple of muffins from breakfast.

“I wouldn’t have wanted him to marry me just to keep your word to me. It wouldn’t have been right.”

“Maybe not, but I still thought it was what he’d do.” Miss Hazel took the seat across from Jess, her face filled with sadness. “I’m so sorry to have hurt you this way. I didn’t realize you were already in love with him or I swear I’d never have attempted to get him to marry you this way.”

“I know you wouldn’t have. I’m not angry.” Jess pushed the food around on her plate with the fork. “It’s always been Teddy for me. Every time a man asked me if he could court me, I told him no, because I couldn’t imagine myself in love with anyone else.” She took a bite of the food, but it tasted like sand. She didn’t want to eat. She didn’t want to do anything but sleep so she could forget the pain of being rejected by the man she loved.

“If you want to go to bed early tonight, I’ll make your excuses.”

Jess was tempted, but she shook her head. “No. I can’t hide from my problems. As much as I’d like to avoid Teddy for the rest of my time here, I just can’t do it. It’s the coward’s way out, and I’m anything but a coward.” She stood up. “I do think I’m going to lie down for an hour before supper, though, if that’s not leaving too much of the work for you.”

“Not at all.” Miss Hazel stood up and walked around the table to hug Jess. “I hope you don’t hate me for my part in all of this.”

Jess smiled, though it hurt. “I could never hate you, Miss Hazel. You’re one of the most amazing women I know.” She wandered off into the bedroom, not realizing until she was already there that she’d forgotten her notepad. No matter. She’d get it later.

When she closed her eyes, all she could see was Theodore…but even in her dreams, he couldn’t bring himself to ask her to stay.

* * *

When Theodore arrived for supper that evening, he looked around for Jess. His mother stood at the stove, which surprised him. “Where’s Jessica?”

“She’s taking a little nap. She didn’t sleep well last night.”

Theodore sank into one of the chairs at the table. “Mom, I feel like the world’s worst villain. I didn’t mean to hurt her, but it seems that’s all I’ve done since she arrived.”

“That’s not true. I’ve seen true joy shining from her eyes most of the time she’s been here. You hurt her a lot the day she arrived at the train station. And whatever passed between you last night…well, it broke her heart.”

“Is she okay?”

“She will be.” She dropped the notepad that Jess had spent the day drawing in on the table in front of him. “She didn’t do any work today other than making the jam. Instead she went out by the lake and drew. She spent the whole day drawing, not even remembering to eat until a couple of hours ago when I fixed something and shoved it under her nose.”

“I didn’t know Jess could draw.” He opened the notepad and smiled at the lake. She’d drawn it just the way it had been when they’d first walked beside it. “This is beautiful.”

“She does good work. She always has.” She stood over the table watching him as he flipped to the next page and then the next.

He saw his face staring back at him from every page. She’d captured him perfectly. He could remember each emotion he’d shown her as he thumbed through the notepad, but it was the emotion on the last page that made him want to drop to his knees and beg Jessica’s forgiveness.

He stood with a flower in his hand, one that he’d picked for her and tucked behind her ear as they’d walked. The look in his eyes was…well it was how he felt every time he saw her. His heart filled until it felt as if it was overflowing. There was nothing without her. He saw before him an endless stream of loneliness. Loneliness that no guitar music would ever take away.

“Does she know you’re showing me this?” he asked finally, looking up at his mother, who stood there watching him with tears in her eyes.

She shook her head. “No, Teddy. She doesn’t even know that I’ve seen them. She left her notepad here when she went to take her nap. I don’t think I was meant to see them at all. I know you weren’t.”

He closed the notepad and laid it in the center of the table. “I need some time. How long before supper’s ready?”

“About ten minutes.”

“I’ll be back.” He left through the backdoor, walking away from the house and toward one of the trees in the woods there. He had to do something to end their heartache.