Secluded Mountain Cabin on 30 acres! Exceptional privacy! Hidden driveway!
Jaden clicked on the real estate listing that promised the escape he needed. Perfect. The place was in No Man’s Land, Canada, which sounded like paradise right now, considering it had been almost three days since that article had gone viral and the influx of calls and texts from reporters all over the world hadn’t even started to slow down. Some paparazzi idiots had even camped out at the end of the street just waiting for him to leave.
At the moment, moving out of the country looked like a pretty damn good option. Except Canada might not be far enough away. Maybe Siberia…
Bella slunk into the office with the same forlorn posture she’d moped around in since Kate had left three nights ago. Didn’t matter that Jaden had taken the dog on two hikes a day via their secret trail out back, or that he’d thrown the ball for her, or even that he’d given her extra treats. She still gave him those sad, pathetic eyes every time he looked at her.
“Come here,” he said through a sigh. The dog trotted over. Was it just him or did she look more guilty than sad this time?
Bella came and sat at his feet, and sure enough, she had something in her mouth.
“Drop it,” he commanded.
The dog complied all too happily. Didn’t take him long to figure out why. It was a hair tie. Kate’s hair tie. The one Jaden had tugged on to free her soft, long hair when she’d spent the night with him, when it felt like nothing could damage the connection they’d built.
Except for lies. Those could pretty much destroy anything.
The ache that had taken up residence in his gut sharpened. “You’ve got to get over her, Bella.” Yeah, sure. He was telling Bella. Not himself for the thousandth time. “I know it’s hard being here.” Seeing as how this is where the three of them had played house for the better part of a week. “But we’ll move on.”
He scrubbed his hand behind the dog’s ears until she leaned into him with a purr-like growl. “I’m looking for a place to go right now. We can start over.” Again. He was getting pretty damn good at it. “Then it won’t be so hard to forget.” And yet he already knew how that logic worked. He hadn’t seemed to forget either one of his parents, even though they’d pretty much abandoned him the day he was born.
Jaden turned back to the computer screen. What choice did he have, though? When he and Kate were messing around about her using him for his bathtub and massage skills, he had no idea how much truth hid inside those jokes. While he’d been thinking about a future with her, she’d been carefully taking notes on his story so she could expose him to the masses. How could he have been so stupid?
A sound outside the window forced him to leave that question unanswered.
Bella’s ears perked.
Awesome. Just what he needed. The paparazzi sneaking around his backyard. Jaden shut his laptop and crept along the office wall, staying just behind the curtain. He almost laughed when he peered out and saw Levi Cortez tromping across the back deck like some kind of criminal.
The dog saw, too, judging from the mad swing of her tail. Bella scratched at the window, barking and whining at the prospect of company.
“Easy, girl.” Jaden nudged her out to the living room, where they met Levi at the French doors. “What’re you doing here?” he asked as he let him in. He had a feeling he already knew.
Levi sauntered past him in his cowboy’s gait. “Haven’t heard from you for a while. Figured I’d check in. And I saw the photographers outside, so I came around back.” The man sat on the leather couch in the living room and leaned back like he had all day. Bella followed him, nosing his hand as though she’d been starved for attention the past three days.
Jaden stood where he was. “You could’ve called.”
“I have called. You haven’t answered.”
Yeah, he hadn’t even looked at his phone in a good twelve hours. After getting a text that had asked if he planned to marry Kate Livingston, he’d thrown the damn thing in a drawer. But Levi wasn’t here to simply check up on him. And Jaden had had enough bullshit for one week. “Why are you really here?” He positioned himself in the chair across from the couch so they were facing off.
Levi grinned. “You haven’t had the pleasure of meeting my sisters-in-law, Naomi and Jessa. But they’re about as obstinate as a bull that’s lost his balls. And they happen to like Kate. So here I am.”
Jaden shook his head to stop Levi right there. “You’re wasting your time,” he informed his friend. “I can’t stay here now. I’ve already found a place in Canada. You have no idea what it’s like to have to hide in your house.”
“So quit hiding. Who cares if they take pictures or write more stories?” Levi leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, still casual but also more determined. He obviously still had that stubborn streak. Typical bull rider.
“According to Jessa and Naomi, Kate’s pretty broken up about everything.”
“She’s good at pretending.” Jaden knew that for a fact. He’d replayed every scene of their tryst in his head. Every kiss. Every story she’d shared. Not once had he suspected she’d turn on him. That was the worst part. After everything he’d been through, he’d become an expert at sniffing out ulterior motives, and she’d completely snowed him.
“I get why you’re pissed off,” Levi said. “But it seems to me you used her too.”
The anger that had only started to recede churned again, growing bigger, stronger. “How do you figure?”
The edge in Jaden’s voice didn’t seem to faze Levi. He simply shrugged. “When we talked on the phone last week, you told me you didn’t think about the accident when Kate was around. So you used her as a distraction. Or did you screw her that night for her benefit?” The obvious sarcasm confirmed Levi already knew the answer. It also confirmed that word about him and Kate had gotten around Topaz Falls faster than Jaden could’ve dreamed.
“I guess that’s it, then. We were using each other.” That wasn’t how it felt, though. He hadn’t intentionally used her. It wasn’t about the sex for him. It was that he thought she’d made the effort to see him. The real him. The one no one else cared to notice.
“She wasn’t using you.” Levi sounded so sure, but how could he know? He hadn’t been there. He hadn’t seen how good Kate was at drawing information out of him. How she’d lured him into telling stories that she’d probably written up in the fucking article.
“Maybe she was using you at first,” his friend acknowledged. “But that’s not why she wrote the article. Have you even read it?”
No. He hadn’t been able to stomach the thought of staring at her words. Words that had been taken from him without his consent.
His silence must’ve spoken for him because Levi nodded. “You really need to read it. Hell, it almost made me choke up.”
“I can’t read it,” Jaden said simply. He’d read plenty of articles that had torched him, and he hadn’t cared. But Kate’s words would matter more.
“Guess I’ll have to read it to you, then.” His friend shifted and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. “At least the good parts.”
“No thanks—”
“‘When I first met J.J. Alexander,’” Levi interrupted, “‘I saw what the rest of the world had seen—a cocky, bitter, fallen hero—’”
“You can stop now.” Pain roiled in Jaden’s gut. He knew her words would sting.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have read that part. It gets better.” Levi turned his gaze back to the phone. “‘After spending a week with him, I realized I was wrong. We were all wrong. J.J. isn’t bitter or closed off or arrogant. He’s wounded, haunted by regrets just like the rest of us. In one split second, his board caught an edge, and that tragic accident didn’t only change Kipp Beckett’s life, but it also changed J.J.’s life forever. He hasn’t been able to escape it. He thinks about Kipp every day.’” Levi glanced up at him. “See? She’s obviously trying to help, to get people to see your side of the story.”
“I don’t need people to see my side of the story.” He hadn’t made excuses for any of it. The accident might not have been intentional, but it was still his fault. It was all on him. “The article will only make things worse.” She’d put him back in the same spotlight he’d been running from for months.
“There’s more.” Levi bent his head and went back to reading. “‘Instead of exposing Jaden as a disgraced athlete like I had intended to do in this article, I fell for him. I fell for his subtle wit and his thoughtfulness and his profound depth. I fell for the way he loves and protects the dog he rescued from abuse and neglect. And yes, I even fell for his emotional scars because they are what make him so real. In one week, I discovered that J.J. Alexander has more empathy and strength and compassion than I ever will.’”
Her words roused hope, but he couldn’t quite hold on to it. “Maybe she wrote it that way on purpose.” Everyone wanted a good love story. “Maybe she wanted it to go viral so she’d have a recognizable name.” What if she didn’t care about him at all? No one else except for Gram ever had. Not his parents or his teammates. When he had been competing and winning, everyone had wanted to stand by him, but after he had fallen, he stood alone.
Levi shoved his phone back into his pocket and glanced around, a sure sign he was changing his approach. “Growing up, you and I didn’t exactly have the greatest example of what love should look like.”
“That’s an understatement.” When your parents left, love pretty much looked like abandonment. Levi knew that as well as he did.
“I was like you for a long time,” his friend said. “Happy with a hookup here and there. But everything was different when I reconnected with Cass. It didn’t matter what she did to me. How angry she got or how many times she pushed me away. I couldn’t let her go. Not because I wanted anything from her either. I just loved her.”
Jaden stared out the window. Had he ever just loved anyone? He didn’t know how.
“Look…” The first signs of frustration showed in Levi’s narrowed eyes. “I’m not as good at this lecture thing as Lance is. All I know is, I couldn’t picture my life without Cass. I guess you need to decide if you could have feelings like that for Kate. Or for anyone. Maybe not now, but someday.”
The feelings were already there. That’s why he hurt like this. Somehow, the last two days had been lonelier than all twenty-four years of his life before he’d met Kate because now he knew what he was missing. “I already screwed it up.” Jesus…had he really told her she was the fakest person he’d ever met? It wasn’t only the words he’d used, though; it was also the venom behind them. She’d never forgive him for treating her that way.
“Believe it or not, I have some experience in begging a woman for forgiveness.” Humor returned to Levi’s voice. “But before you can ask for it, you’ve got to get yourself in a better place so you don’t need a distraction anymore. Or things will never change.”
The words were like stones sinking into his gut. Nothing would ever change if he didn’t work for it. He’d put too much on Kate. It couldn’t be her responsibility to pull him out of the pit he’d been living in. It shouldn’t be. She deserved more. “I did use her.” He cared about her, too, but that didn’t change the facts. He’d only wanted her there because she made him feel something. She’d given him the courage to face the mountain again. All that had mattered was what she could offer him.
“Well, my work here is done.” Levi stood and gave Bella a good scratch behind the ears before he opened the back door. “We’ve got a poker night at my place next Tuesday if you’re up for it.”
Jaden simply stared at him. How could he think about next Tuesday right now?
“You can let me know after you get this shitshow cleaned up,” Levi said with a grin. Then he slipped out the back door, leaving Jaden to sit and wallow in his own stupidity.
Seeming to sense his misery, his dog walked over, sat down, and laid her head on his knee.
“Damn, Bella.” He rested his hand on her head. “How are we gonna fix this?”
* * *
The Craig Hospital gift shop was stocked with flower arrangements, stuffed animals, and inspirational books and plaques. Jaden wandered down an aisle past shelves of trinkets inscribed with clichéd messages: Get well soon! Healing thoughts and good wishes!
The sentiments turned his stomach sour. What could he say to Kipp? What could he bring him that would make any of this better? He’d been trying to figure that out for two days, and he still had nothing.
Hands empty, he ducked out of the gift shop, dragging three months of guilt along behind him. When he’d emailed a request to visit Kipp in the hospital, Jaden fully expected him to decline, but he hadn’t. Come on by anytime, Kipp had written. I’ll make sure you’re on the list.
It was surreal walking down the hall now. He’d imagined this place would look like a dungeon—dark and depressing—but windows everywhere let in the bright sunlight. Two young women pushing themselves in wheelchairs rolled toward him, chatting and laughing like they were in the hall of a high school. They smiled as they passed, and somehow he found a smile too. They looked happy. Healthy. He hoped the same was true for Kipp.
Jaden continued down the hall, following the directions to the rec center where Kipp apparently spent most of his afternoons. The room looked nothing like he imagined. There were low Ping-Pong and pool tables and a huge television screen mounted on the wall with video game consoles lined up underneath.
“What’s up, Cowboy?” Kipp wheeled himself over, a Ping-Pong paddle sitting in his lap. He looked…the same. From the bandanna tied around his head to the sturdiness of his broad shoulders to his confident grin.
The sight stung Jaden’s eyes. “You look…good.” He didn’t mean to sound so shocked, but all of the mental images he had of Kipp were still from those first few days after the accident when the media had plastered pictures of him being loaded into the medevac.
“I feel good. Just kicked Jones’s ass in a game of Ping-Pong.” He gestured to another man in a wheelchair who’d moved on to the Xbox. “You want to be next?” Kipp asked with that signature spark in his eyes. Without waiting for an answer, he wheeled over to the Ping-Pong table and brought Jaden a paddle.
He almost didn’t know what to do with it. “You want to play Ping-Pong?”
“Hell yeah. I’m undefeated.” Kipp trucked to the other side of the table and got into position. “Zeros,” he said one second before he nailed a killer corner shot that Jaden of course missed.
“I wasn’t ready.” He wasn’t ready for any of this. He hadn’t even told the man he was sorry yet.
“Better get ready, Alexander. Because I’ve had a lot of time to practice.” Kipp found another ball on the floor nearby and rolled back to the table. “One–zero.” He served another zinger that whizzed by Jaden’s right shoulder.
“Wait. Hold on.” Jaden set down his paddle. “I didn’t come here to play Ping-Pong. I came here to tell you I’m sorry. I’m sorry you got hurt and not me. I’m sorry I’m not the one sitting in that chair.” It could’ve been him. “You don’t have to pretend this is easy.” He got that Kipp didn’t want his pity—Jaden wouldn’t want pity either—but the man’s life would never be the same.
Kipp rolled his eyes as though he’d been dreading this conversation as much as Jaden. “It’s not easy,” he acknowledged. “But I’ve had three months to process things. At first I was as pissed as hell about it. Some days I still am. But I’ve also learned my life isn’t over. Hell, I’ve already been invited to be a commentator for the X Games next year.”
He should’ve been competing in those games, though. Jaden didn’t say it. Kipp already knew what he’d lost. Somehow he seemed to be on the road to accepting it. So why couldn’t Jaden? Why couldn’t he release the guilt? “You let me know if you ever need anything.” Maybe that would help. If he could just do something for Kipp, maybe he could forgive himself. “I’ll be there for you. I’ll help you out however I can.”
“You don’t have to be sorry, J.J. I’ve seen the footage.” His old rival mocked him with a smirk. “It’s not your fault you’re not as good on a board as I was.”
Same old trash talk from one of the greats but this time Jaden didn’t return fire. He couldn’t. “I should’ve pulled back.” He’d been moving too fast, too recklessly. He’d wanted to win. That was the truth of it. If he’d backed off, the accident never would’ve happened.
“I would’ve been offended if you had slowed down,” Kipp said. “We competed. We’re athletes. That’s what we do.” The man’s expression sobered. “The last three months have sucked but I’ve got a lot going for me. That’s what I want to focus on now. The future.”