CHAPTER 3
EVERY MUSCLE IN Kurt’s body tensed as he prepared for Caitlyn’s reaction.
“Oh, shit,” she blurted at the sight of his prosthetics.
He dropped his pant legs. “I was one of the lucky ones.” The shock and pity and sorrow in her eyes wouldn’t gut him if she were anyone else.
Her lips pursed. She took a deep, shaky breath, squared her shoulders, and gave him a slow once-over that might have heated his blood under other circumstances. Setting her hands on her hips, she said, “Seems like you’re taking this whole Man of Steele thing a bit far.”
He blinked.
Then he laughed as a relieved breath tumbled out of him at her use of the nickname that wouldn’t die. “Yeah, I guess so. Though technically, it’s titanium and aluminum…”
Holy hell, she was perfect. No tears, no apologies, no angry tirades about the unfairness of the world, no questions about why he bothered to get out of bed in the morning. Just humor. Just his old friend who still understood exactly what he needed.
Except he had to check the impulse to kiss her right now. Though, really, that wasn’t a new problem.
Her emerald eyes—yes, emerald, goddammit, green as the pendant his mother had worn every day—met his, and his stomach bottomed out. Twelve years since he’d last seen her, and she was even more beautiful than he remembered. Freckles still spattered every inch of skin bared by her V-neck T-shirt, and her auburn hair was pulled into a twist, the way she’d worn it in the Air Force. She still wore confidence as a second skin too.
She bit her lower lip and his mind took off into dangerous territory. “So you think you can’t do the job because of this,” she said, her voice flat as she gestured to his legs.
Her words slammed him back to reality with a sickening thud. “Yes.” Jesus, no need to belabor the point.
“But you’re running a business, so your brain’s okay, right?” she asked. “No TBI?” Traumatic brain injury was common among vets, especially those who’d suffered catastrophic injuries. Her concern had merit.
“No. I got lucky there. There was no explosion, and my helmet did its job.”
She grimaced and gave a sharp nod. “How’s your aim?”
“Probably still not as good as yours, but I do all right.” In their Air Force days, she’d been the best shot in the maintenance squadron, and probably the best on base. More than a few of her ex-boyfriend Aaron’s Security Forces buddies had lost their dignity by betting against her at the range.
“Great. I don’t expect any trouble, but just in case…”
An exasperated grunt escaped him. “You don’t get it. Unlike many amputees—even some of the older veterans—I’m lucky enough that Uncle Sam gives me the most advanced prosthetics money can buy. I’m highly functional. But I don’t have the tactical mobility to be effective in the face of a threat.”
“I’m not hiring you for security. But if I were, it would be for your strategic mind. Your ability to create a plan and anticipate problems. That’s your real strength.” She waved her hand down his body like one of those game show models on The Price is Right, an appreciative expression on her face that made his skin tingle. “I mean, you’re obviously strong…”
Her green eyes met his and he could almost imagine he saw desire there. Could almost imagine leaning in, pressing her to the wall, and— He gave himself a mental head shake. She’d made his “friend status” clear a long time ago in the worst possible way.
But he couldn’t pull his gaze away from her mouth, from the little freckle that perched on the line at the edge of her upper lip.
Jesus. This was such a bad idea. He’d totally lied. He’d have zero trouble pretending to be the besotted fiancé. But playing the role, knowing she didn’t reciprocate, would be pure hell.
And yet, how could he say no? He’d never been able to walk away from a friend in need. If she was just doing this to fend off an overzealous admirer, he’d tell her to shove it. But, one, this guy Glenn sounded more like potential stalker material, and two, her cause was just. If helping her meant saving innocent lives, not to mention her sister… What choice did he have?
Fuuuck. “If I’m going to agree to this, we need to set some ground rules. The first being that you find yourself a new fake boyfriend once the party is over.”
Caitlyn looked as if she’d eaten something bitter. “Fair enough.”
“But before that, I think we need to clear the air.”
“Unfortunately, I’m tied up all afternoon. Can you be back here at five?” Kurt asked, his expression making it clear that never would be preferable.
“Of course. I know I sprang this on you, but I’m flying home in the morning, so I’ll be as flexible as you need.”
Caitlyn killed the time with a six-mile run around the Mall and monuments that did nothing to calm her nerves, a late lunch at a deli in Arlington, and a short, fitful nap in her hotel room before returning to Steele’s offices.
“Hi,” Tara Fujimoto said with a smile from behind the massive reception desk when Caitlyn entered. “I’ll let Kurt know you’re here.”
“Thanks.”
Caitlyn had met Tara briefly a few years ago. According to Todd Brennan—one of Kurt’s guys—she was Steele’s receptionist, business manager, supply ninja, and team mom, rolled into one. And she somehow did it all while looking as if she’d just stepped out of the pages of one of the fashion magazines Caitlyn’s mom still read from cover to cover.
Tara was too short to be a model—maybe five feet out of those towering heels she wore—but she was petite, polished, and beautiful, with long, glossy black hair, wearing a tailored blue dress that was both professional and sexy.
Next to her, Caitlyn probably looked freakishly tall and drab in her V-neck and jeans with running shoes, hair pulled off her face. But, as a pilot, comfort—especially given the Caribbean’s humidity—and deflecting unwanted interest were her top fashion priorities. Besides, even if she made an effort, she couldn’t compete with a woman like Tara. Caitlyn had inherited none of her mom’s sense of style.
Which was fine. She’d rather not waste the energy.
“Can I get you anything to drink?” Tara asked, after she’d spoken to Kurt over the intercom.
Caitlyn declined and sat on the long, brown sofa, laying her parka over the armrest. Magazines were artfully scattered across a low, glass coffee table: Foreign Affairs, Guns & Ammo, Men’s Health. Tara returned to her work and the office was silent, save for the heat blowing through the overhead vent and the tapping of a keyboard.
Five minutes later, as Caitlyn thumbed through an old issue of The Economist, Kurt emerged from the hallway behind a tall, thin black man who towered over Kurt’s six feet. The man buttoned his suit coat and slung a leather messenger bag across his chest.
“Thanks for walking me through everything, Gordon,” Kurt said.
“No problem. I should have the paperwork ready for your signature early next week.”
“Perfect. Enjoy your weekend.”
“You too.” The man waved to Tara and left the office.
Kurt stopped at Tara’s desk. “You don’t have to stay. I can close up.”
“I know,” she said, with a quick smile. “But I want to finish double-checking the numbers before I release everyone’s payments on Monday morning.” She glanced at Caitlyn and pitched her voice too low to hear from across the room.
He shook his head. “No. Nothing like that. I just thought you might want an early start on the weekend.”
“I don’t think Netflix will mind if I’m running a little late. Might as well get this done so I’m not stressing over it.”
Netflix? In her interactions with the people at Steele, Tara had struck Caitlyn as a social creature. One who would always have a date or a night out with friends on her calendar. But what did she know? Maybe Tara was one of those super-friendly introverts who retreated to her home at the end of the day to recharge in solitude.
Now that Caitlyn could understand.
“I appreciate it,” Kurt said. “But remember, there are no bonus points for being a workaholic around here.”
“Thanks, Pot.”
He chuckled. “Sure thing, Kettle.”
Aww, weren’t they flippin’ adorable? Caitlyn feigned interest in the magazine on her lap. Could she be disrupting a fledgling relationship with her request? Kurt and Tara would be beautiful together, but the thought left a sour taste in her mouth. Which was stupid. She had no right to be jealous, especially since she had no desire to get romantically entangled with a man she couldn’t walk away from, no matter how sexy.
A long-term man was not part of her long-term plan.
Kurt turned to her, his smile fading. “Ready?”
Never. “Sure.” She grabbed her coat and followed him to his office. Through the east-facing window, the low sun washed the Capitol in gold, setting the colorful trees aflame. “Your view is incredible.”
He gazed out over the Potomac. “I like it, though I’m sure it’s nothing compared to the view from your office.”
The view from her cockpit was tough to beat. “A little variety is good.” She hung her jacket on a rack near the door and slid into the same seat she’d taken earlier.
Kurt settled across the desk from her and rearranged a stack of papers. “So…”
Might as well get to it. She let out a deep breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask permission, or at least warn you that I’d used your name. I honestly never expected it to matter, but I figured if Lambert did follow up, you’d be both legit and intimidating.” She caught herself wringing her hands and clasped them together in her lap. Be strong. “As much as I love Terrell, even if he was single, Glenn would never believe I was dating a guy who owns a comic book store in Maine.”
Kurt studied her, his expression unreadable, not leaving even the tiniest crack in his mask from which to gauge his thoughts.
She swallowed hard. “Besides, there are very few people I trust in this world, and you’re still one of them.”
“Unfortunately, I can’t say the same about you.”
The air rushed from her lungs. Wow, direct hit. But then, she deserved it, didn’t she? “I’m sorry for how I treated you.”
He twiddled a pencil between two fingers, but his eyes never left her face. “I get deciding you’re not ready for a serious relationship, especially with a guy who’s staring down nearly two years of training. And I know all we did was kiss before I left, but after two years of being friends, it felt significant. Like the start of something. I spun foolish, elaborate fantasies around you while I was gone, and you were back at Tinker fucking other men.”
Her cheeks flamed. The urge to defend herself rose hot and eager as lava in a volcano, but she tamped it down. No matter how much it hurt him, she’d rather he believed the lie.
“At any point during the ten weeks I was at Indoc,” he said, his voice unexpectedly soft, “you could have told me you didn’t plan to wait around.”
That hadn’t been her plan at all, but telling him so would only confuse things. “I didn’t want to distract you, but I know I could have handled it better. I’m sorry.”
His mouth twisted.
Did he want her to be more contrite? More apologetic? There was no point. She couldn’t change what she’d done. He’d either get past it or not.
“Why did you even kiss me then?”
Her stomach dipped. Kissing him had been like sipping champagne. Delicious and sparkling and fun, and so, so hard to stop. She looked down at her hands intertwined in her lap.
Something had changed in her that night. They’d been waiting outside after dinner at a popular Mexican restaurant in Oklahoma City while Terrell used the restroom. Kurt had leaned against his battered Explorer, hands in his shorts pockets, looking hotter than ever after all the workouts he’d done to prep for PJ training. And it hit her.
He was leaving.
She’d kept him at arm’s length for the two years since he’d joined their maintenance crew, initially because she was dating Aaron, a cop on base, and later because they were coworkers. And, ultimately, because he was the kind of man she could fall for too easily. Smart, fun, handsome, honorable to a fault, and sexy as hell. But Caitlyn hadn’t wanted to fall. Not ever again.
She would not be her mother, who repeatedly gave away her heart, gave away her power to men, and received nothing but misery in return. Caitlyn would no longer allow herself to be that emotionally vulnerable.
But that night, she’d wanted a taste of Kurt, of what she was missing out on. A little piece of him to carry with her when he was gone.
“I don’t know,” she finally said, because how did you ever explain the magnetic draw of another person? And why you would run from it. “You were leaving and I wanted to know what it would be like.” Could she come up with a more pathetic answer? When it came down to it, she’d been selfish.
His lips curled. “Not good enough, apparently.”
God, that he could doubt his appeal. “You’re a great kisser.” In fact, part of her wouldn’t mind a repeat right now. “I just can’t do long term, and I sensed that you wanted more.” That wasn’t entirely untrue. “I wasn’t ready for that. I’ll probably never be ready. I’m sorry I didn’t handle it better.”
“Me too.” Kurt sighed and gave a slight head shake. “This is ridiculous. It’s been twelve years. I should be able to move past something that happened when I was twenty-fucking-two years old.”
She scoffed. “If you learn how, let me know.”
His eyes narrowed at her slip.
Rushing in before he could question her, she said, “I’m not asking you to forgive me, just to give me a chance now.” She stared at her hands. The cold weather and artificial heat had already dried her cuticles and caused a hangnail.
“Because you need a fake fiancé.”
“Yes.” She took a deep breath and bit her lip. “But also because I’ve missed you.”
He scoffed. “You don’t have to lay it on so thick.”
Of course he thought she was trying to manipulate him. In all fairness, she was. But not just to save Rose. Time had given her perspective. She could see now how much she’d hurt them both. To protect herself, she’d hurt him instead.
Deep down, maybe that was why she hadn’t considered any alternatives to this plan. Because she finally had an excuse to meet with him face to face and work things out.
Bracing her hands on her knees, she leaned forward. “If you really can’t do this for me, I’ll suck it up and say we broke things off. It was selfish to think I could waltz in here and ask this of you.” She sat back. “But either way, I’d like to try to be friends again.”
“Why?” he asked, the bafflement in his voice tugging at her heart.
Why indeed? This wasn’t her plan at all. “Because I like you?”
He gave an exasperated laugh and shook his head. “You’re not selling this very well, Brevard.”
She shrugged. “Hey, I’m a bit rusty. Normally, I just hang out with my dog. He doesn’t care what I say as long as I feed him.”
“You have a dog?” A full-on smile lit Kurt’s handsome face, and something in her chest fluttered.
She ruthlessly crushed it. We’re friends. Or they might be again, eventually. Anything more was out of the question. He could so easily hold all the power in the relationship if she gave in to her inconveniently alert libido. Her aversion to that wouldn’t change, and she didn’t want to hurt him again. “Yep.”
“Me too. A German Shepherd. In fact, I need to get home to feed Max and let him out.” Kurt laid his big, strong hands on the desk, his smile slipping away. “So tell me this. If we ‘break up,’ what happens with Glenn and his father? And Rose.”
She sighed. “I don’t know. I’ll think of something. It’s not so far-fetched that we might end things. If you and I were actually engaged, I can’t imagine trying to decide who’d give up their business to live with the other. After three years, it’s the perfect excuse to call it quits.”
“As long as you don’t say I cheated.”
Her heart sank. He was going to beg off. “I would never impugn your character that way,” she said. That was one thing his future wife wouldn’t have to worry about. Kurt was a man of honor to his core.
He rubbed his forehead. “You figured I wouldn’t be able to turn you down, didn’t you?”
Damn. She’d totally miscalculated. “I’ll admit, I hoped your savior complex might work in my favor.” She sent him an apologetic smile. Suddenly it was vital that he not feel coerced into helping her. “But you owe me nothing. We were friends once, I was stupid, maybe we can be friends again. If you agree to do this and resent me later, it’s not worth it.”
The sentiment surprised her as much as it seemed to shock him. She’d flown to DC determined to convince Kurt any way she could, but with him sitting right in front of her, she couldn’t bring herself to guilt him into helping her with a problem she alone had created.
“Just how far would we have to take this ruse?” he asked, his dark eyes probing.
Heat rose up her neck and warmed her face, even as her heart kicked with hope. “Some light PDA for authenticity, like holding hands, maybe a quick kiss here and there.” Her stomach flipped at the last thought. Jesus. Would she be able to keep the public displays of affection under control? She unconsciously licked her lips and his eyes followed the motion. Her body tingled in anticipation. Maybe this was a horrible idea. “You okay with that?”
One side of his mouth kicked up. “I think I can handle it.”
But could she? “Does that mean you’re on board?”
He sighed. “I’ll have to check my calendar, but yeah. When do you need me?”
Right now. Given her way, she’d straddle him on the chair and kiss him blind. Or at least pump her fist in triumph. She refrained from both. “In two weeks. The party’s on Saturday, the twenty-first.”
The wait to get to Rose was going to be excruciating, but she didn’t see another way to save her without causing a political shit storm and getting a lot of people hurt or killed, possibly innocents.
He donned a pair of reading glasses that somehow made him even sexier, and clicked his computer mouse several times, his expression inscrutable. “Fine. I’ll do it.”