Chapter Thirty–Four
Hopelessness Is Not A Virtue
Charlotte spent a week in bed, refusing to deal with anyone or anything. And then she got up and threw herself into her business. Every morning felt like a fresh razor against her heart but she couldn’t afford to sit around feeling sorry for herself. She had a life to live and a business to grow.
If she’d learned one thing from Jordan, it was that focusing on the bigger picture was important.
No, the one big thing she learned from Jordan was that it was a bad, bad idea to sleep with a client. But the other important thing she’d learned was she had to stop focusing on the little details if she wanted to build her business.
She didn’t just want one corporate contact, she wanted a constant stream of work, and she couldn’t rely on being able to go into every company and pitch her services. She couldn’t even get her foot in the door without lying at most places and Charlotte Nichols was done with lying. What she needed was make people come to her.
To do that, she needed to stop trying to personally find someone who needed PI services at the moment she happened to call them. Instead, she needed to make it easy for them to find her.
She had the money from Jordan to help get started with her plan. She was surprised when the money arrived; she’d given him her bank details when they’d negotiated her contract, but after getting thrown out, she didn’t really expect him to pay her. She thought about returning it but that would mean talking to him. She wasn’t going to give herself an excuse to do that.
It was bad enough she found herself pushing thoughts of him out of her mind on a regular basis: the passion in his voice when he talked about how to make the company better. The rough feeling of his chin in the mornings. The way he’d look at her sometimes, as if she were a gem he couldn’t believe he’d found.
Well, she’d certainly messed all that up, hadn’t she?
For the millionth time, she shoved the memories out of her mind and tried to focus on the advertising training course she’d signed up for.
Her mind drifted back of its own accord. If only...
If only what? If only his father hadn’t sabotaged her father’s career? But then, that was hardly Jordan’s fault, was it?
If only Lauren hadn’t heard her in the office? She’d relived that day so many times. By now it was clear what the soft click she’d heard had been: Lauren must have passed by the office, noticed someone moving around inside, and peeked in. And then baited Jordan into catching her. Not that she could blame the woman.
No, there was no point in talking to Jordan, although she thought about it all the time. She had stopped in front of the company, hoping he might come out. She would pretend it was just a coincidence. “Oh, I was just walking past. My friend works near here and asked me to meet her for lunch, nothing to do with you.”
But everything was to do with him.
She sighed and went back to trying to write her advertisement. He would probably be very happy with some beautiful rich girl from a local family who would hang on his arm and talk about charity fundraising galas and the best brand of gourmet kitchen appliances and how to get your staff to do what you want. That wasn’t her.
He wanted someone who would drop everything for him. He thought she would be grateful to quit her job and just move in. She shook her head. It was like he didn’t know her at all. But then, she hadn’t really given him much of a chance, on that front. She just didn’t think it was going to end up like this. The truth was, when she devised her plan, she hadn’t thought ahead to the possible aftermath at all.
She certainly never thought it would make her feel like someone had crushed her heart with his bare hands.
She never thought she’d tear up just looking out the window, knowing she’d never feel his arms around her again.
Some other no doubt perfectly sensible woman would get her white picket fence and totally look the other way when Jordan’s step-mother flirted with him and they’d have a gaggle of kids and she’d numb the pain with gin until he retired and took her to the Caribbean once a year for a break from the tedium of her life.
She gritted her teeth. That wasn’t what Charlotte wanted and that wasn’t what she was going to settle for. Even if it would mean having Jordan. Even if it meant waking up next to him every morning and hearing that dark rumble of his voice before coffee. Even if...
ENOUGH. She put herself back to work writing an introduction to her services that she could post to work networking groups. She had all the details for a Facebook ad—because she’d understood, now, that she didn’t need to pitch investigations at the top of the company. The CEOs were all too busy to talk to her. She needed to be talking to the staff, because they were the ones who knew what was wrong. And she could make them the ones who solved the problem that the CEO didn’t even know he had.
She looked for management forums and other places where sales and admin staff hung out and discussed their work issues. She even found one for Lovett Industries specifically, and thought about putting a post in there to introduce herself and see what happened. He wouldn’t even know that Charlotte Nichols was her and wouldn’t it be funny if they pulled her in to investigate something?
She imagined the look on his face. “What are you doing here?” Followed by calling security, no doubt. It wasn’t one of her greater ideas. She deleted the post draft and moved on to the next group.
The people he relied on would have to find someone else.
She made a list of common issues: faked sick leave, missing equipment, staff disappearances, corporate espionage. The latter was a bit of a stretch but made the whole enterprise sound a bit more serious. Jane Bond. She put herself out there so people knew she was ready and willing to supply them with information and data—all legal, no shady business.
When she finished, she closed the laptop with a resounding click. That was the other thing she’d learned from Jordan: turn off the work when you can, don’t let it trickle into every hour. She phoned her mother and asked what they were having for dinner. Her parents would be thrilled to see her and it was better than eating alone. She remembered when Jordan had promised to cook for her—and he was probably an amazing cook. Not that she’d ever find out.
There were so many things they’d planned, even though they’d only been together for a few days. She thought they could have had fun together, in a different world. If he wasn’t Jordan and she wasn’t Charlotte, maybe. And especially if his father wasn’t George goddamn Lovett.
She should never have introduced herself. She wished she’d never met any of them.
She grabbed her stuff and drove to her parents, hoping to leave the thoughts of him behind.
It didn’t work. It never did.