I wake up to Honeycrisp growling. A second later the rest of the dogs start barking. My heart jumps in my throat and I automatically reach beside me.

“Silas—”

“I know,” he says with a groan. He’s already moving. I squint as he turns on the bedside light just in time for Honeycrisp to join in the barking frenzy. She’s standing at the foot of the bed, bracing herself, pointing her whole body toward the door. I look over and Silas is digging through the back of his closet. He pulls out a shotgun.

“What the fuck?”

“It’s not loaded. Stay here,” he says. I want to follow him, help if I can, but I’m too scared. Honeycrisp isn’t helping the situation. She’s completely flipping out and she’d guarding me. It’s not helping.

“Honeycrisp, come here.” She looks at me and does a double take before she sits beside me. She chills out a little, but she won’t stop growling. Hank, Morty and Gala are still going nuts out in the hall. There are even a few weak barks from Joe.

“Quiet. Go sit. Sit!” I hear Silas say. The dogs hush immediately. “Who is it?” The response is muffled but a few seconds later I hear the door open.

“Where’s Liz?” Fuck. It’s Scott.

I don’t think, I just jump out bed and rush down the hall. Honeycrisp is right beside me. Sure enough, Scott is standing there in the foyer in front of Silas. They both look at me. The difference between them is so stark and clear, especially under the creepy yellow light that shines in the hallway between the dining room and the TV room. Silas is in his boxers, no shirt, his feet bare. Scott is still dressed from work in a pressed, custom suit. I feel like I haven’t seen him in months even though it’s only been a week.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” I hear myself say.

“I came to get you. I thought you were sleeping on the couch,” he says to Silas as he glances into the TV room, then back at us both.

My brain rushes to come up with an excuse, but I haven’t even processed the how and why of Scott being here. I’m not quick enough to spit out an answer. I’m not quick enough to stop Silas.

“I’m not,” he says, direct and plain. It’s like I can see the realization spread out over Scott’s face. I can see him connecting the dots. His mouth opens like he’s about to say something and then he starts laughing hysterically.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me! The two of you?! The two of you are fucking! You’re. Fucking him,” he says gesturing between us. Hank barks at the sound of his raised voice. Silas doesn’t try to quiet him down. Instead he hauls off and punches Scott right in the face.

“Silas!” I yell. Before I can come between them, Scott recovers and rushes him. They slam into the wall and Silas catches the corner of the door jamb in the back, but that doesn’t seem to faze him at all. He lands two more quick punches to Scott’s side. I have to break this up. I foolishly try to get between them.

“Stop!” It doesn’t work though. Scott shoves me back. He doesn’t hurt me. I only stumble a few feet before I catch myself on the front door. It doesn’t matter though. Honeycrisp is on him. It happens so fast. She gets him by the arm, a deep growl coming from her. Scott yells out, the pain and fear on his face obvious before he kicks the hell out of Honeycrisp. She lets out the most sickening yelp as she skids across the wood floor.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I say. Silas and I immediately rush to her. She tries to get up twice, but gives up.

“She fucking bit me!”

Silas glances up at him, then runs his hand over Honeycrisp’s side. I want to cry when she lets out a sad whimper. “She didn’t even break your skin,” he says. I look up and see he’s right. She got a piece of Scott’s suit jacket. She scared him, she didn’t hurt him.

“We have to go,” Scott says to me.

“Tell me what is going on,” I say as I stand. I remember he’s actually here for a reason. “Did Tillery find something?”

“This isn’t about Tillery.”

“Then what—”

“They’re firing you!”

“What?” Silas and I both say.

“Murrell is canning you. He kept pressing me about where you were and when I finally told him, he told me he wants me to deliver you to the office tomorrow morning. So we. Gotta go. Come on and get your shit. You can say goodbye your boyfriend.” Silas starts to stand, but I put my hand on his shoulder. He holds back.

“Deliver me?! For what? What the fuck is going on?”

“Something about conduct unbecoming. He wouldn’t tell me more, but you need to get your shit and we need to go. I’ll be in the car.” He doesn’t even look at Silas again. Scott just storms out the door and slams it behind him.

“Fucking hell,” I sigh and then I crouch back down next to Honeycrisp. “Is she okay?”

“I don’t know. I’m gonna take her to the vet,” he stands and starts walking toward the bedroom.

“You want me to stay with her?”

“No? You have to go,” he says over his shoulder.

“Silas—”

He stops and turns to look at me. His whole body is bright red. He’s holding so much in. We both are. “I’m not trying to be clever. You have to leave. She’s my dog. I’ll take care of her.”

“Well I’m staying with her until you get dressed. Scott can fucking wait.” He mumbles something that sounds like “Whatever” as he stalks away. Gala and Joe follow him. Hank and Morty seems to be torn, but after a second, Hank comes over and sniffs me, then Honeycrisp.

“You’re okay, girl. It’s okay.” I gently rub her ear. It’s the only thing that’s keeping me from vomiting. Silas is back a few moments later. I look up as he hops into his boots. I get out of his way as he leans down and gently scoops Honeycrisp up.

“You should go,” he says.

“Just let me help you.”

“Fine. Grab the door.” I run ahead and open the front door, making sure I close the other dogs in behind us. I don’t have any shoes on. I don’t care. I run down the porch steps, and across the yard, then open the driver’s side door for him. I push the seat forward and move out of the way so Silas can slide her into the backseat.

“I’m gonna kill him if you don’t let me leave now,” he says once he has her situated. He won’t look at me. I want to help him, I want to comfort him and be there for Honeycrisp, but Scott is watching us from his SUV.

“Okay.”

“You have my number, right?” he asks. We haven’t been calling each other. Whenever he wants to talk to me he just appears in the kitchen. I nod. “Yeah, I put it in my phone the other day.”

“Call me when you figure out what’s going on. I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Okay.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see Scott’s window roll down. I want to think getting punched would be enough. Apparently not.

“As much as I’m enjoying this vacation to the country, would you like to hurry the fuck up?!”

“Shut up, Scott! I’m fucking coming!” I might kill him myself.

I look back at Silas and that vein in his forehead is actually growing.

“Go,” he says with a surprising calm. He doesn’t wait for me to answer him. He gets in his truck. I storm back inside and have to push past the dogs who are all gathered at the door. They follow me into the bedroom, even Joe. I know they are scared and confused, but I have to go. I get dressed, then gather up all my stuff and throw it in my duffle bag. It becomes painfully clear how comfortable I’ve become in Silas’s house when I have to search for my computer charger. I find it in the kitchen.

I check the bedroom one last time to make sure I didn’t leave anything behind. I see my rainboots by the door. There’s no reason to take them with me. I have to go. I don’t bother saying goodbye to the dogs. I’ll only get them more worked up. I’ll cry. I make sure the door is closed shut behind me and I make my way across the yard to Scott’s car. I ignore the way he’s leaning back against the headrest, holding his hand over the spot where Silas punched him.

I climb and buckle my seatbelt. “We can go,” I say.

“God, you even smell like him.”

“Have you always been this much of an asshole?”

Scott turns to me. “Have you always been this easy?”

My body reacts on its own. I slap the shit out of Scott.

“Jesus Christ!” I’m pretty sure I hit him in the same spot, but I don’t give a shit.

“Don’t ever fucking talk to me like that again.”

“Don’t hit me again,” he says. It’s not an order though. It’s more of a plea. I think I got my point across. He surrenders. That doesn’t change the fact that I’m still shaking. Too much is happening.

“Let’s just go.” I try not to look at him as he rubs his face. Getting clocked by me and Silas inside of fifteen minutes probably didn’t do much to help him think before he speaks, but it might have at least shut him up for a few minutes so I can think.

It’s Dorrit. I know. Somehow he’s got me fired. I watch the house as Scott turns on the car. I watch the single light coming through the small windows in the front door as he backs up and turns around. I watch the trees as we make our way back out to the road. I try to breathe. I try to calm my heart. I can’t. There’s a storm in my head, a rushing sound in my ears. Almost dying was bad, so bad. Somehow, this feels worse.

“So are you like in love with him now?” he says as we pull onto 87-South.

“I’m not talking about this with you.”

“So you just weren’t going to tell me? You’re my fucking friend and I do all this shit for you. I try my best to get you somewhere safe. And you pay me back by fucking my twin brother?”

I turn to him. “I get that you’re hurt right now, but how could you even think that this is about you? Seriously. Think about what you know about me, think about what you know about your brother and you really think this was payback?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“What reason would I possibly have to try and hurt you on purpose? When I have ever—”

“Not you! I mean Silas! I—” He stops. I keep my eyes on him as his jaw clenches. “Silas and I—”

“He told me.”

“What?”

“He told me what happened. He told me everything. Everything that happened when you were in high school. Everything that happened after.”

“Of course he did. I should’ve—”

“You should have what?”

He shakes his head and I see his jaw tense even more. “I should have asked you out when I had the chance,” he says quietly.

I let out a heavy sigh. “I mean, I guess, but it wouldn’t change anything Scott.” I hate to say it, but it’s true. “Your mom—

“My mom what? Did you talk to my mom?”

“Yes. Your brother suddenly had a girlfriend, which was your idea, might I add. She found out and I had to play along.”

“Fuck. Okay!”

“She… thought I was using Silas, that Silas was using me to get back at you, but he honestly had no idea how you felt and neither did I. We—this happened before we talked to your mom.”

He doesn’t respond. I don’t feel like I need to say more. He knows. He’s pissed. I get it, but he’s not entitled to my complex feels about all this. And there’s the small matter of the fact that we’re driving to my career execution. If he’s done talking about it, so am I.

Twenty minutes later, he makes it clear that he’s not done.

“So you actually like each other?” he says.

“Yes—I don’t know.”

“Well good luck with that shit. What? Didn’t even take you a week and Saint Silas won you over.”

“Scott, I didn’t pick a side. It happened. I won’t deny that, but there was no plot. No matter how pissed you two are at each other, Silas and I didn’t plan this. Jesus Christ. I cannot be a part of your ongoing feud. I won’t.”

“I bet he told you I fucked him over and stuck him with the farm. Didn’t he?”

“Scott.”

“No. I mean, I feel like you should at least hear me out. Since he told you everything. You know why I gave him the farm? That whole town hates me. The whole town. After what I did to their golden boy. Every time I came back to see my parents, someone would tell me to fuck off. I bet you met Ginny and Maya. Ginny actually tried to fight me. There’s a reason I only come into town at night. When I want to see my parents, I meet them somewhere else. Silas and I split holidays so we don’t have to be in the same room together because he won’t speak to me.”

Okay, I wasn’t expecting all that. Scott was a kid. He made a stupid mistake, but as he’s talking I can only think of one thing. “Did you really try to fix things with Silas? I can’t imagine not speaking to Brooklyn, no matter how badly I screwed up.”

“Yeah, I fucking tried. I apologized to him. Didn’t matter though. Everyone had made their minds up about me. Even our fucking parents,” he says the last bit almost to himself. At that moment, the rational part of my brain tells me it’s time to back away. This isn’t my fight. Yes, Scott is pissed and hurt, but so much of this isn’t about me. And I have problems of my own.

“Murrell really told you he was firing me? That sounds a tad unethical.”

“He didn’t tell me. He was freaking out and Caroline let it slip. She said it was bad.”

“I emailed Dorrit,” I sigh.

“What the fuck did you say?”

“Basically? Come at me, bro.”

Scott bursts out laughing. “That’s fucking amazing. Oh, man. Yeah. He’s definitely behind this. Threatening a client is a great way to end your career.”

“Yeah.” I’m gonna vomit. “Pull over.”

“What?”

“Pull over. I’m gonna puke.”

“Shit. Okay.” He throws on his hazards and makes his way over to the shoulder. As soon as he stops, I throw up my door and I vomit.

* * *

Scott offers to come up, but I won’t let him. It’s barely five a.m. and I have hours still until I’m due at the office. He checks in with me almost every ten minutes the whole way back to the city. He cracks jokes. He’s trying to show me he still cares. He also called me easy. He also accused me of intentionally trying to make the shit between him and Silas even worse. He says he’ll see me at the office when I get there. I thank him for the ride. I go inside and he doesn’t come with me.

My building is quiet. My apartment is clean and still. It’s weird to be back, but it strangely feels mine again. I look around in the near dark. No one’s there. No one’s lurking in my pantry or under my bed. I climb in the shower and stay under the spray for a long time. When I get out, I climb in my bed and let myself cry until I fall asleep.

Two hours later, my alarm goes off. I get up and I get ready for work.

* * *

Mr. Walmax, Ms. Dunne one of our human resources ladies, Joy Boyle, and a member of the building’s security team are waiting for me when I get to the office. I haven’t seen Walmax in months. I know this is going to be fun. We go to a conference room. We sit. Dunne explains that they are letting me go. There was an anonymous email sent. There was a video attached. A video of an explicit nature. This is not what I’m expecting. I’m expecting this to be about Dorrit, explicitly about Dorrit. No explicit video of me should exist so I ask to see the video. There’s some hesitation, but Walmax allows it. I’m glad there’s nothing in my stomach when Joy turns her laptop toward me. She doesn’t press play, just shows me a still image.

Dorrit must have someone better than Tillery on the payroll. It’s me on the tape alright and it’s explicit. I remember this night. I remember this client. I saw him steadily for a year before he moved on to a more sadistic Mistress. I was twenty-two and I’d just started law school. I’d stepped up my game. Branched out a bit. I was doing riskier things. He asked me if we could record our sessions. I agreed and then he’d delete the tapes in front of me after we watched him together. But I remember this night clearly. The camera was on his desk. This was shot from the nightstand. Joy explains that there’s clear evidence on the tape that I took cash in exchange for these explicit acts.

They’re letting me go.

I don’t try to tell them that I know Dorrit is behind this. I pissed him off. I survived, I clapped back. He’s not stupid enough to try for my life again, but in his own way, he can end me. I don’t even try to tell them it’s not me, but I do tell them the footage is from a long time ago as if that is going to help me keep my job. I tell them I don’t do sex work anymore. Joy asks me if I have any questions. Walmax is looking at me strange, but he doesn’t say anything. I’m handed a final check. My laptop is mine so I don’t have to hand it over, but I do have to remove my personal items from my office. Maybe I always knew this wasn’t going to last forever because I don’t have enough personal items to fill the box they’ve provided for me. I put it all in my bag. The office is surprisingly quiet as I’m escorted out. I don’t see Scott once. Murrell is out of the office today. Surprise.

I almost make it all the way to the train before I realize a car is following me down the street. I don’t even see it until it stops and I hear a man say my name.

“Miss Lewis.”

I turn as a tall, balding White man in a black suit steps out of the town car. I just stare at him as he sticks his hand in his pocket. It’s a bold move, but maybe the D.A. will take me seriously about someone purposefully trying to kill me when they find me dead in the middle of Sixth Avenue. Instead of shooting me though, he hands me a drive.

“Mr. Dorrit got your message. Your business with him is done.” He turns and heads back to the car.

“What’s on the drive?” I call after him.

He doesn’t answer. He just leaves me hanging there on the sidewalk as he drives away. I watch the car until a woman power walking, talking on her cell, bumps into me. I need to move. I’ll go to Brooklyn’s, I’m too fucked up to keep running. I’m too raw to hide. I know she’ll be in court for a while, but she lives in our old apartment, our family place. Going home might be what I need right now. I call her. I leave her a message. I go into the chat app. I leave her another note just in case she doesn’t check her voicemail. I will be in her apartment when she gets there.

When I come out of the station in my old neighborhood, something in my heart drops. I don’t think. Something about being on the same familiar streets with no one to talk to makes me feel more empty. More alone. I call Silas.

“Hey, I was waiting for you to call,” he says.

“Hi. They definitely fired me.”

“For what?”

“A sex tape. An old sex tape. It was Dorrit. Not on the tape, but he sent it to the partners. I know he did,” I say and then I tell him about the man and the drive and the message he had for me from Dorrit himself. “I don’t know what’s on it, but I’m sure it’s a final threat.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Find another job? Pray he’s done fucking with me and get on with my life. I’m on my way to my sister’s place right now. She’s at work, but I don’t want to be in my place alone,” I say. I sound so pathetic. I am not going to cry in the middle of the fucking street in the middle of the morning.

“Come back,” Silas says.

“I can’t—”

“Why?”

“I just got laid off—”

“So you can take a couple days. I’ve heard you can job hunt online now. Come back.”

“I don’t drive. How am I supposed to get there?”

“I’ll come get you.”

“No,” I say a little too quickly. I say like I don’t want to see him. It’s not that at all. It’s just too far for him to drive in the middle of a Tuesday. Still, I know what Silas hears. He’s quiet for a long time, but I know he hasn’t hung up.

“I just need to figure out—” I start to say, but he cuts me off.

“I want to say something, but I know it’s going to make you angry.”

My eyes close and I let out a deep breath. I brace myself. “Okay. I appreciate the warning. Say it.”

“I really like you. I might love you. I can’t be your friend.”

“Silas—”

“No, Ebie—I mean Liz. Please let me finish,” he says. I can hear it through the phone. He is choosing his words carefully. I have to listen.

“Sorry go on.”

“You said yourself. You tell me what you want. I tell you what I want. We negotiate. You don’t know what you want, but I do. I want to be with you. I want to see if we can make this work. I’m not saying move here and marry me. I’m saying just come back for a few days, but I know you think I’m trying to lock you down. I’m not. I know it might not be fair for me to make demands, but I already know I can’t handle you calling me every day or even once a week just to talk to me as your friend. I can’t handle it.”

“I hear you,” I say, swallowing the massive lump in my throat. I know from anyone else this would sound like an ultimatum, but this is Silas. If there’s one thing about Silas, it’s just how easy things with him can be if you can just meet him halfway—and in this very moment, I can’t. I’m not thinking about forever. I’m just thinking about today. The next few weeks until I get my shit together and find a new job. Even I know that’s an excuse. He’s only ninety minutes away. He’s not asking for everything, just something, but right now, I have nothing I can give him. I have barely enough to give myself to get through the rest of this awful day.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he says. There’s five different kinds of defeat and resignation in his voice and I swear my chest cracks open. “If you change your mind, you know exactly where to find me.”

“I know,” I barely squeak out.

“I gotta go.”

“Wait! Is Honeycrisp okay?”

“Yeah, she’s fine. Nothing’s broken. She’s just a little bruised up. Gave her some treats and took her over to the barn. She’s visiting with her buddies.”

“Good,” I saying, laughing a little at the thought of that red brown dog recounting her brave brush with danger. The tears start leaking out of my eyes.

“I gotta go. I have to run down into town.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Bye, Silas.”

“Bye, Liz.” He ends the call. I want to call him back, I want to tell him that I have some level of compromise in me. I don’t. I can’t. I slip my phone into my purse bag and cover my face.

“Eh, girl! You alright?” I look up at an old man standing across the street. He sticks his hand high in the air to make sure he has my attention. Then he slips a cigarette in his mouth.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” I call back, wiping my face.

“Okay! You take care of yourself!” he says with a straight face and a firm nod.

I manage to smile back, and then I turn and keep walking.