I’ve always loved the palace, with its slender towers and pointed roofs. When the sun hits the white walls it almost glows, pure and bright, like nothing bad could ever happen there. Now, though, it was different. Only one of my parents was going to be waiting to greet me. Don’t cry, don’t cry.

To my relief, Garrett distracted me. “What’s that?” he asked, pointing to what looked like a massive stone wall in the distance.

“A dam,” I told him. “It generates the power for half the city. My father had it built, just after the war.  He wanted to send a signal that it was time to scale back the military and look to the future.” And it looks like he was wrong. And now I might have to take my country to war. Suddenly, the palace didn’t seem welcoming. I was terrified. I’m not ready!

As I stepped nervously down from the SUV, the palace guards bowed low and then swung open the doors. My mother was waiting just beyond them and I ran to her. We hugged... well, I hugged; she stood there stiffly. But I’ve learned to accept the way she is now. I still remember what she was like before the war, when she smiled and laughed and loved, and that helps. I know that she’s still in there, somewhere.

“What’s he doing here?” she asked as soon as she saw Garrett.

“Mother! He saved me!”

“And he’ll get a fistful of silver, or pounds, or whatever they have in America. But it’s not appropriate that he’s here. Only the roy—”

“He is a royal guard. I made him one.”

She gawped at me, then crossed her arms and glanced at Jakov. “It was bad enough when you and your father insisted on hiring a Garmanian to guard you. But an American?” She narrowed her eyes. “What’s going on, Kristina?”

I felt myself flushing and prayed it wasn’t visible. “Nothing!”

Garrett arrived behind me and bowed politely. My mother just glared at him, then wheeled around and stalked off.

Aleksander ran over and embraced me. He, at least, was capable of giving me a real hug. He turned to greet Garrett, too, but faltered when he found himself eye level with Garrett’s chest. He recovered fast, craning his neck back to meet Garrett’s eyes and warmly shaking his hand. “I’m sorry, Your Majesty,” he said, “But there are things you must attend to. As soon as your maid has had a chance to dress you in something more appropriate—”

I held up my hand. “Before anything, I need to see my father. Where is he?”

Emerik took Garrett off to find him a guard’s uniform. Aleksander led me to an elevator and took me down. Due to the bitter winters in Lakovia, people have always built down into the earth. The palace has several floors of cellars, including the palace dungeons and a medical facility.

Dr. Glavnic, the head of the palace’s medical staff, showed me into a private room. He was in his sixties, a bear of a man with a thick silver beard, and he’d been looking after our family for decades. He even helped to deliver me. “There’s no change,” he said sadly. “But talk to him. There’s some evidence that it helps.”

He and Aleksander left me alone and I walked slowly towards the bed. My father looked so peaceful: aside from the bandages on his chest, he could have just been sleeping. But the shrill beep of the machines made it impossible to pretend.

I ran to him and threw my arms around his neck. And once I started to cry, I couldn’t stop. It was the first time I’d been alone since I became Queen. When would I next be able to let it out?

So I sobbed. I cried until the sheet covering him was damp. “I don’t know what to do!” I whispered to him. “I’m not ready to rule, not even close! And there’s no one I can talk to, not one person—”

The door creaked behind me.

I turned around.

The dark blue of his royal guard uniform was like the very last light of the day, just before true dark. And its gold braid, when it caught the light, was like the first kiss of dawn. I’d been around royal guards my whole life but I’d never seen the uniform look like this before, the snow-white shirt stretched tight over a chest so broad. He was born to wear it. His shoulders were so strong and wide as they pushed out the jacket, his waist so tight and muscled above the leather belt. I knew that Emerik would have tried to tell him that all royal guards are clean shaven, but Garrett had clearly drawn a line because his cheeks were still dark with stubble. Strong, honorable... and rough. Willing to break the rules, if that’s what it took to protect me.

I’d been wrong. There was still one person I could talk to, even if we couldn’t be together. I ran to him, threw my arms around him and he hugged me into his chest for long minutes. We only separated when we heard Aleksander’s footsteps in the hallway.

Aleksander took me upstairs to my bedroom—as my chief advisor, he’s one of the very few staff who is allowed in my private chambers—and waited outside my room while Caroline helped me in a dress. It was a relief to be back in more traditional clothes, but—I looked sadly at the American clothes I’d just taken off—sort of a shame, too.

“If you’re ready, Your Majesty,” Aleksander called from outside, “we should go. They’re waiting for you.”

I rushed outside. “What? Waiting for me? Who’s waiting for me?”

“Your other advisors. The commanders of your armed forces. Representatives of the treasury, the courts, the intelligence services and the police—”

“You just said there were some things to attend to!” I said, hurrying down the stairs. “Why didn’t you tell me there were people waiting?!”

“Well... because you’re the Queen, Your Majesty. They’ll wait all night, if necessary.”

I stopped dead on the stairs and stared at him. That’s when it really sank in. I was the Queen. And this was the moment I had to start ruling.

Downstairs, Garrett rejoined us and fell into step beside me. Aleksander led us to what we call the Great Room, where my father has all his meetings. The doors are twenty feet high and Aleksander walked ahead of me, nodding to the guards to open them.

I stopped. I’m not ready! I didn’t know tactics or political maneuvering like my father. I couldn’t give inspiring speeches, and I couldn’t do that voice my mother did that made people obey: my version was just a pale imitation. “I can’t do this!” I whispered to Garrett.

“Yes you can, Your Majesty,” he told me in that honeyed rumble. He grabbed my hand and gave it a secret squeeze behind Aleksander’s back. “I believe in you.”

I took a deep breath and moved forward into the room.

There were at least a hundred people there, rows and rows of them arranged around a circular table that held the most senior ones. As one, they all stood and bowed.

I tried not to let my legs shake.

My father’s huge, ornate chair was waiting for me. I slowly sat down. My feet almost touched the ground.

Everyone waited.

I swallowed. “The bombs,” I said. “Tell me about the bombs.”

“No deaths yet, Your Majesty,” said the head of the security services. “But a lot of destruction: famous storefronts, monuments, some public squares. All well-known places. They’re trying to spread panic and it’s working: people are terrified. No group has claimed responsibility. We’re analyzing the explosives they used. We’re guessing they’ll turn out to be Garmanian.”

“It’s a classic tactic.” Everyone turned to look at General Novak. He was a big, round man with thick white hair and mustache. “Eliminate the leadership, then spread panic among the population. When you have absolute chaos: invade.”

Novak had been in charge of our armed forces for twenty years and had guided my father through the war. He hadn’t wanted the peace deal: he’d thought we should have pressed our victory and wiped out Garmania completely. My father always described him as a big, loyal attack dog who had to be kept on a tight leash. They’d argued, especially over cuts to the military, but my father had always trusted him. And now it looked like Novak had been right all along. Garmania was going to invade us again. Oh God, please no.

“The Garmanian Prime Minister continues to deny any involvement,” said Aleksander.

“Is it possible he’s telling the truth?” I asked. “Could Silvas Lukin be doing all this on his own?”

“I don’t see how,” said the head of intelligence. “He has access to military-grade weapons, like the mortars he used in Texas.”

Garrett ambled forward out of the darkness. A few people eyed him suspiciously, but his imposing size made them listen. “There’s something else. Someone high up, someone who has access to all the information coming out of the FBI, is helping them out. If Lukin’s just some lone nutjob on a cause, I can’t see how he’d get that kind of help. But if a government’s behind it, that makes a whole lot more sense.”

Novak nodded gratefully. Then he turned to me. “Since the war, your father’s been scaling back our military. The Garmanian forces outnumber ours. If we wait until they attack, we’ll lose.”

My stomach sank through the floor. “You want me to attack first?!”

Novak slammed his fist on the table. “They attacked us! They shot your father! They tried three times to kill you! They’ve put bombs in our capital city! If that isn’t an act of war, I don’t know what is!”

The room seemed to spin around me, a carousel going way too fast. This can’t be real. I can’t have millions of lives in my hands. “I won’t go to war without more evidence,” I managed. I looked at Aleksander. “And make sure nothing leaks to the media about these attacks maybe being connected to Garmania. Nothing. Not until we’re sure.”

“At least let the Air Marshal ready our bombers,” said Novak. “Then we can launch immediately if things change.”

I hesitated... then weakly nodded. All of ten minutes in power and I was discussing going to war. All the horrors I thought we’d left behind us... they were all going to come back. I was scared and if I was scared…”The people must be terrified,” I said aloud.

“Yes, Your Majesty,” said Aleksander. “You should address the nation and tell them to be brave. I’ll arrange a broadcast—”

“No,” I said. “That’s not what my father would have done. He wouldn’t have sat here, safe in the palace, and told people to be brave while there were bombs going off. And if this does turn into war, I’m going to have to ask mothers to send their sons and daughters into combat. I can’t ask them to do that if I’m cowering in here myself.” I thought for a second. “What’s happening with my coronation?”

Aleksander looked shocked. “With the threat to your life, I was thinking we’d just do a small, private ceremony—”

“No. Do what we’d normally do. The whole thing. A parade. Show the people that these bastards don’t scare us.”

There was shocked silence. Then, “Of course, Your Majesty. We’ll make plans right away.”

I met Garrett’s eyes across the room. He looked furious that I was putting myself in danger... but he slowly nodded. He understood why I was doing it and he’d protect me.

Just gazing into those clear blue eyes made my heart feel like it was being slowly torn in two. I needed him to protect me, but I needed so much more than that. I needed to feel his arms around me again. I needed to wake up to the warmth of his chest against my back. I needed him. And I knew, looking into his eyes, that he needed me, too.

Those feelings weren’t going away. We were just keeping them buried.

And I wasn’t sure how long we could.