It was late when Alistair, weary to the bone, rode into the courtyard and dismounted. No one came running to take his horse. He frowned. ‘Halloo.’
No answer.
No doubt they were still down at the Wheatsheaf imbibing Prosser’s best. And John Coachman and a groom were well on their way to London with Julia.
Surely, there should be one lad left on duty.
He removed Thor’s saddle and began the task of grooming himself instead of seeking out the stable lad who must be around somewhere. It felt good to be busy. He knew it for what it was, of course. A way to put off returning to an empty house. For some stupid reason he’d hoped she might not have gone.
His gut roiled at the memory of what his stepmother had told her. Shame washed through him that Julia would believe he would have willingly abandoned a woman carrying his child. It seemed, even in her eyes, the dissolute Duke was sunk to the depths of depravity. Damn Isobel and damn Elise for not coming to him after their brief encounter. Instead she’d gone to his father, no doubt expecting him to force Alistair to the altar. Instead, he’d whisked his heir off to the Continent and required Luke to fill the breach.
Curse it all. What a mess his life had turned into.
A lonely mess, without Julia. He missed her already.
He glance up at a sound, expecting to see one of the lads coming to help, or take over.
Instead, he saw his stepmother, a lantern in one hand and a pistol in the other.
He frowned. ‘What are you doing here?’ And for once it wasn’t a rude question. He couldn’t recall a time when he had seen his father’s wife in the stables.
‘Waiting for you.’
He straightened and moved away from Thor, his gaze on the pistol in her hand.
Isobel glared at him. ‘You weren’t supposed to survive childhood, Alistair. And would not have if not for that interfering old governess. I could not believe you avoided my trap in Italy, either. But even you cannot survive a bullet to the heart.’
His gut lurched. Recollections of French soldiers chasing him away from the ship sent to bring him home surged through his mind. Memories of how they had seemed to know exactly when to arrive at the dock and the way they had singled him out. ‘You had me betrayed to the gendarmes?’
She glared at him. ‘The clergyman your father hired to conduct you around Europe promised me you were dead. He said he saw your body.’
Pain shot through Alistair’s chest. ‘They shot the fellow I was with. A friend. I switched our papers, took his identity.’
She glared. ‘It was supposed to be you. The Lords were hovering on the brink of declaring my son Duke and you came back.’
‘Inconvenient, to be sure.’ He edged away from the stall. He didn’t want her shooting Thor by mistake. ‘I suppose you had my girth cut, too.’
‘A broken neck is a common enough occurrence.’
It could have been a broken back, leaving him paralysed. His blood ran cold. ‘There were other accidents when I was a boy. The stone falling from a chimney. The leak in the boat on the lake. Was that you also?’
‘You were such a hardy little beast.’
‘And Julia? The poppy?’
‘How did you figure that out? That stupid Robins woman, she could do nothing right.’
He shifted towards an empty stall. ‘It was one of your servants I saw Robins with in Boxted. I knew I recognised him, but could not place him until now.’
‘You always were too clever for your own good.’ She waggled the pistol. ‘Not clever enough. Don’t make the mistake of thinking I cannot use this. Your father taught me well.’
His father always was a damned good shot. And a good teacher too. He held still.
‘Why did you seek to harm my wife, when it is I who holds the title you want for Luke?’
‘I won’t risk having you leave behind an heir. Not after all my trouble to be rid of you.’
Cold fingers strolled down his spine. ‘You will leave Julia out of this.’
‘I wish I could. Actually, I didn’t think she would go after our talk this morning. She actually likes you, more fool her. But I gather from my man she took me at my word and left. For some reason, she went to London instead of Portsmouth, but I will deal with her later.’
Not if Alistair could help it. He kept his gaze fixed on her face, tried to look harmless, confused. ‘Your man? Another of your spies planted in my household?’
She shrugged.
He folded his arms over his chest, eyeing the distance, weighing the likelihood he could get to her before she pulled the trigger. ‘How do you plan to get away with killing me in my own barn?’
‘An unfortunate robbery, a duke cut off in his prime, a body to prove it, too, this time, and all but forgotten in a sennight when my son takes his rightful place.’ Bending at the knees, the pistol held steady, she set down the lantern.
In the brief second she glanced down at the lantern, he risked another step closer. He needed something he could launch at her.
‘You cannot kill my husband before a witness.’ Julia stepped into the circle of lamplight.
Alistair wanted to shout at her to run, but feared that his stepmother might do something foolish like fire the damn pistol. Now he had Julia to worry about, too. Not that he was worried for himself. His father had been right. His younger brother would always have made the better Duke.
Pistol levelled at Julia, the Dowager backed against the wall of Thor’s stall. ‘Make one move, Alistair, and I will shoot her.’ She shook her head. ‘What are you doing here, girl? You should be well on your way to London. You are spoiling my plan.’
God help him, but the woman sounded irritated. ‘Julia, you need to go.’
A look of hurt crossed Julia’s face. ‘I’m sorry, Alistair. I thought of something I wanted to tell you before I left.’
A thought that would get her killed, if he wasn’t careful. ‘You need to leave.’
Isobel’s face turned sly. ‘No. Stay. When the authorities find the Duke dead and the rubies in your wife’s possession, they will know who to blame for your demise and everything will be as it should be.’
Alistair gazed at Julia. ‘You took the rubies?’
‘I did not,’ Julia said, stiffening.
‘You’d have been welcome to them,’ he muttered, moving a step closer to his stepmama. ‘They are said to be cursed.’
Isobel must have caught his movement from the corner of her eye because she shifted to keep him in view, but the pistol remained pointed at Julia. ‘She has the rubies all right. Or rather an excellent version in paste. I had my man pack them in the bottom of her dressing case. With that and all the other evidence pointing at her, who will believe her protestation of innocence?’
The woman had run mad. ‘You should have shot me when I first returned,’ he said. He would have been glad of it. He hated the future of unmitigated loneliness he’d carved out by indulging in his lust with Elise. ‘Or is this Luke’s idea? He always did have a devious mind. I suppose he was worried he might be suspected, having the most to gain.’
‘This is nonsense,’ Julia said stepping between Isobel and Alistair. ‘And you know it.’
The pistol wavered, then steadied. Mouth dry, he stepped out from behind Julia, causing the pistol to swing his way.
‘Stand alongside your husband, Julia,’ the Dowager said. ‘Tell her, Alistair. Or so help me I will shoot her first.’
‘And then what?’ a male voice said.
‘Good God,’ Alistair said bitterly. ‘Is everyone hiding in the dark in my barn? All it needed was you.’ The odds had just got a whole lot worse.
‘Luke, darling. Thank goodness,’ the Dowager said. ‘Tie her up, while I deal with him.’
Luke strode over to his mother and grabbed for the pistol. ‘I’ll take that, Mother.’
The gun went off. A searing pain crashed through Alistair’s head. Shot, by God—
Everything went dark.
* * *
Julia screamed and went to her knees beside Alistair. Blood was pooling in the straw around his head.
‘Fire!’ someone yelled.
She looked up to see flames running along the floor catching straw on fire, little sparks and smoke dancing in the air.
‘The lantern,’ Luke shouted.
Isobel was backing away from the flames. ‘You idiot,’ she screamed. ‘You have ruined everything.’ She started reloading her pistol.
Luke rushed to Alistair’s side and knelt down.
‘Stay away from him,’ Julia said, her heart pounding with fear.
He glared at her. ‘We have to get him out of here.’ He grasped Alistair under the arms and began dragging him. Smoke was all around them. Flames licking at her skirts. Heat. Thor squealed and kicked at the walls of his stall.
Luke glared at her over Alistair’s inert body. ‘Run. Trust me, I won’t leave him.’
She saw truth in his eyes, the agony of loss, and ran for the faint patch of daylight already disappearing in a veil of black smoke.
Outside, she fell to her knees her eyes streaming, her throat burning. Gasping and coughing, she fixed her gaze on the open doors and the smoke billowing from within.
Where were they? Had she made a terrible mistake in trusting Luke? Moments seemed like hours and then Luke, carrying Alistair over his shoulders, staggered out. Behind him, Thor was screaming.
Luke turned to go back in. His mother came out of the smoke. ‘Don’t.’
He shook her off and, wrapping the cravat around his face, ran back inside.
‘No,’ his mother howled. ‘No. My son. The Duke.’ She plunged into the building.
Julia on the ground beside Alistair, pressing a handkerchief to his wound, could only stare in shock. A moment later, Luke bent double, his cravat now covering Thor’s eyes, came running out of the barn. He led the horse into the paddock, removed the blindfold and the panicky horse galloped off. Luke was staring all around him.
‘Luke,’ Julia called out. ‘Your mother. She followed you back inside.’
‘What?’ He strode towards the barn which was now a blazing inferno. Julia rushed to his side, held his arm when it looked as if he might try to dive in. ‘There is nothing you can do. Think of your sons.’
He sank to his knees. ‘Why did she do something so stupid? Blast it, she was safe.’
She put an arm around his shoulders. ‘She was never going to be safe.’
Eyes glittering in a soot-covered face, he gazed at her, then buried his face in his hands.
The heat from the barn was dreadful, even at this distance. And they needed to help the living. Now.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, patting his back. ‘But, Luke, we need to get Alistair up to the house. He needs a doctor.’
Servants came running—some from the house, others on their way home from the village inn. Without a word they formed a bucket brigade.
Julia sent one of the younger lads to fetch a doctor. Luke, with one last despairing look at the blaze, hoisted his brother over his shoulders and carried him up to the house.
* * *
Two days later, Alistair reclined on the sofa in the drawing room with an interesting bandage around his head, wondering where his wife had gone off to.
Not that he was worried she would gallop off to far distant climes. She had promised she would not. Not yet, at least. But she remained unhappy. And she had been gone a long time, having promised him a tisane for his headache.
The sound of footsteps in the hallway had him leaning back against the cushions. It seemed, from the heavy footfalls accompanying the lighter steps he recognised as Julia’s, that they had company. Dash it all, and they still hadn’t had a chance to talk. Now he was out of bed and dressed, he’d thought to have a discussion with her, lay all his cards on the table. And if she left him after that, he wouldn’t blame her. Indeed, he’d do everything in his power to make her life easy.
A hesitant Luke appeared in the doorway. His face showed relief when Alistair beckoned him in.
‘I won’t stay long.’ Luke turned his hat in his hands. ‘I wasn’t sure you’d see me despite what Julia said.’
His wife was a sensible woman. ‘Sit down. Julia tells me you saved my life, little brother.’
Julia followed him in and sat down on the ottoman beside his sofa.
‘Your wife saved your life.’ Luke’s voice was full of pain. ‘I couldn’t save Mother.’ Luke perched on the edge of a chair. ‘The inquest this morning declared her death an accident. The funeral is tomorrow.’
‘We will be there. My condolences.’ There was little more he could say. His sorrow for his brother’s loss was genuine, though he could not grieve for his stepmother.
‘She could not let it be,’ Luke said, his voice harsh. ‘She would not see that the last thing I wanted was the dukedom. You know that, do you not?’
‘I wondered,’ Alistair said. ‘For a time. Especially after the cutting of my saddle at Beauworth.’
Luke bowed his head. ‘That was my fault. I mentioned you were expected at Beauworth when I saw her. I had no idea what she planned.’
‘She wanted to be sure Jeffrey inherited,’ Julia put in. ‘One can understand the motive if not the deed. He is the rightful heir.’
Luke groaned. ‘That’s what makes this all so impossible.’
Guilt rose in Alistair’s throat in a solid lump, making it difficult to breath. Regret followed swiftly. One night of pleasure had ruined so many lives. He swallowed. ‘I assured her he would inherit. I would never go back on my word.’
Luke made an odd face. His dark eyes were haunted. ‘You don’t understand. Elise had been having an affair with a married man for years before you and I ever met her. It was he who suggested she put the cuckoo in your nest, since you were one of the few unwed peers readily available. When Papa whisked you out of the country, she insisted on me instead. I hated you at the time, because I really did think you were Jeffrey’s father. And later, after she told me the truth...’ he shook his head ‘...I hated her.’
Alistair felt as if the air had been sucked from his lungs. As if he’d been struck a blow to the kidneys. ‘He isn’t mine? Are you sure? He looks more like me than you. Why the devil did you never say anything?’
‘I didn’t know Mother had told you he was yours until I heard what she said in the barn. By the time you returned from your cavorting in Europe, he was simply my son. Elise must have told her that Banbury tale years before, to account for Jeffrey’s early arrival.’
Cavorting he had been. More guilt, but this time overwhelmed by relief. He didn’t have a son. Something inside him shifted. Eased. He frowned. ‘Then why did you want to have nothing to do with me?’ He’d been more hurt by his brother’s resentment than he had wanted to admit.
‘Mother said you suspected me of appropriating more than my share of the estate’s funds in your absence. After all I had done to keep things together, to hold them for you, I was furious.’
‘Sadly, she always did try to divide and rule. I should have known better than to believe anything she said. How came you to show up in such timely fashion at the barn, may I ask?’
‘Percy. He came to complain that Mother wasn’t treating him right after all he had done for her and me. She’d paid him off, but he wanted more. Said Mother was on her way to seek you out. Not that I expected to arrive to see you held at pistol point.’
Alistair groaned. ‘Families. I suppose I must do something about Percy right away.’
‘No need. I told him that I would speak to his dear papa if he whispered one word about any of it. I hinted that it might not be in the Duchy’s interest to help with the come out of his multitudinous sisters, should even a rumour escape. It was the idea of his mother’s reaction to that little gem that had him sworn to silence. I’m afraid I committed you to a great deal of expense.’
‘Worth every penny,’ Alistair said, grinning at a brother who had always been good at complicated reasoning.
Alistair glanced over at Julia, who was looking terribly pale. He wanted to take her in his arms and ask her what was wrong. She had stayed with him because he was injured, because that was how she was. Kind. Generous. Far too good for him. And now he was improving, he feared she would take up his earlier offer and go.
A reason he had avoided talking about her decision to leave him. While he certainly didn’t want to think about a future without her, he must, if that was what she wanted.
‘I’m sorry, Luke,’ he said, wanting to give his brother a hug, but not sure it would be welcome. ‘Truly. Thank you for coming to the rescue. You always did try to stand between me and your mother. I am sorry things turned out the way they did. If there is anything I can do for you—’
His brother’s expression darkened. He clenched his fists. ‘You can tell me why you let me believe you were dead for nigh on two years.’
‘The French soldiers in Rome made sending letters difficult.’
‘You were imprisoned?’
‘In a manner of speaking. If you could call the home of Rome’s most famous courtesan a prison.’
His brother gave him a piercing look. Then cracked a laugh. ‘Trust the dissolute Duke to end up somewhere like that.’
‘It worked pretty well until I ran out of money.’ He realised her betrayal no longer hurt. He didn’t care. There was only one woman he cared about and she was planning to leave him. ‘I don’t suppose you would like to take on the job of land steward for the Duchy?’ If so, he would go back to roaming Europe. If Julia didn’t want him, there was nothing for him here.
‘I cannot. I promised Beauworth.’
No escape then. ‘His gain, my loss. But when your contract ends?’
‘I will consider it.’ Luke rose. Alistair remained where he was, knowing Julia would have his hide if he so much as raised an eyebrow. Luke leaned over him and kissed his forehead. ‘Welcome home, Alistair.’
‘Better late than never,’ he growled, slapping his brother on the shoulder, but he could not help feeling pleased.
When he had gone, Alistair smiled tenderly at his wife. He knew it was a tender smile, because he felt exceptionally tender. And worried. ‘We need to talk.’
She inclined her head, but her expression boded ill.
* * *
‘I don’t like to speak ill of the dead, Alistair,’ Julia said, trying not to let her anxiety show, to continue to act the convenient practical wife as long as she remained under his roof, ‘but I really think your stepmother had lost her reason. Yet she was clever, too. And ruthless.’ Something the woman had accused Alistair of, but Julia knew it wasn’t true. Had known it in her heart. She was babbling in the face of the far more important things that needed to be said. Things that would decide her fate.
She launched into the speech she’d been preparing in her mind all day. ‘I should go. I cannot bear the thought of you being shamed because of me. Someone else may recognise me.’
‘No. If you had not come back...I owe you my life.’
‘As I owe you mine. There are no debts between us.’
Alistair pushed himself up and reached for her hand. ‘Julia.’
She revelled in the warmth of his palm on her skin. She quelled the urge to rest her cheek against his thigh. ‘The doctor said you were not to exert yourself.’
‘I am well enough to exert myself with you, my love.’
She froze. ‘I didn’t think to hear you ever say that.’
‘What, “exert”?’
She gave him a little shove with her shoulder. ‘Not that.’
‘Oh, you mean “my love”.’
His voice was droll. Not possible. Her husband was never droll, though he was occasionally sweet.
The back of her eyes burned. She blinked hard and turned her face away. ‘You shouldn’t say things you do not mean.’ Dash it, she sounded teary, when she had meant to sound teasing.
‘And if I do?’
Perhaps teasing was not such a good idea after all. ‘Your moods change like the weather.’
‘You are a good woman, Julia,’ he said softly.
‘Tell that to the lace merchant in Cheapside. But for you I would have gone to prison or worse and now you are stuck with me as a wife and little chance of a true heir to your name. I should never have let you save me.’
He pressed his lips to the back of her hand. ‘I would not give up one moment of these past few weeks with you in my life.’
The feel of his lips warm and dry against her skin made her eyes burn more. ‘Nor I.’
He gazed at her steadily, but deep within his cool gaze, his shield against hurt, she sensed longing. ‘Why did you come back?’ he asked.
She hesitated, fearing his scorn. ‘I was not speaking the truth when I said I cared for you.’
Hurt flashed in his eyes, a regretful smile formed on his thin lips. ‘I deserve that.’
‘Oh, no. I didn’t mean it that way. I—’
He rubbed circles on her back and she wanted to arch like a cat. And possibly purr. How did he know exactly the right spot to caress? ‘It is all right, Julia. I understand. I would like us to remain friends, if that is at all possible.’
Her heart nearly broke in two. ‘Friends.’
‘You did offer friendship a few weeks ago.’
The hope she had been clinging to so tightly began to wither. She shook her head. ‘That isn’t—’
‘Very well. If it isn’t possible, I quite understand.’ His voice was soft and low and so full of pain, she wanted to weep.
‘Alistair, let me finish.’
‘Of course,’ he said. ‘It is your right.’ He visibly braced himself.
Startled, she stared at him. What on earth...? ‘Oh, Alistair, you mistake me.’ She dropped her gaze to her hands in her lap, worried about how he would react to her baring her soul. ‘When I said I cared for you, I should really have said I love you. I was halfway to the Bull and Bear when it occurred to me I had been lying to myself for weeks. I love you for your generosity. I love you for your honour and the way you protect your people. And the way you love your horse. I adored the way you counted me as one of yours from the moment we met. You are a good man. A kind one, despite all anyone says. Honestly, I think I fell in love with you at Mrs B.’s before I even knew any of those things. My heart knew. I love you with all my heart.’ She swivelled to look into his dear face, to try to make him understand. ‘Alistair, because of that I cannot allow my presence in your life to cause you harm. I promise, once I go, I will never trouble you again.’ Her voice caught.
He sighed, a long soft expulsion of breath as if he had been holding it in for a very long time.
She glanced up at his face, but could not read his expression—the cool reserve had returned. A heavy lump settled on her chest. ‘If you still want my friendship, then I will give it, gladly.’
‘I cannot remember the last time I had a friend,’ he murmured. ‘Someone in whom I could confide all my secret hopes and not fear betrayal. I’ve been betrayed so many times, until I met you, I thought I could never trust again.’
He trusted her. Her heart lightened. ‘I am sorry for what those women did to you: your stepmother, Elise, that woman in Italy. You did not deserve such treatment.’
‘I thought I deserved nothing until you came along. But now you say you love me, yet you want to leave.’
‘Hush. I don’t want to leave. It is for the best. You need children. An heir.’
‘I need you.’ He pressed his lips to the top of her shoulder. The little hairs on her nape seemed to rise in welcome to his touch. ‘The kindest, sweetest, dearest—’
‘You are making me sound like a saint when you know perfectly well I am not.’ Her voice sounded too full of emotion to go on, yet she finished what she had to say. ‘You know what I did. My presence can only bring harm to your name.’
‘Julia, darling,’ he whispered softly in her ear. ‘I love you so much, names mean nothing. When I thought you had left me for good, I was devastated, yet I did not want to keep you against your will. Your happiness is everything to me.’
He picked up her hand and pressed his mouth to her palm. Heat roared through her veins. She gasped.
‘I love you, Julia. I want us to make memories together. Memories to drown out the past. I want the friendship you promised. And companionship. But most of all, I need your love.’
‘You have it, my dearest sweetest man,’ she whispered. Tears ran down her cheeks.
‘You are crying.’
She choked down a sob. ‘Happiness.’
‘My life. My soulmate. Only with you do I feel like a whole man, instead of an empty shell. Love me. Please, darling.’
He curled a hand around her nape and brought her lips down to his.
‘Alistair, your wound,’ she squeaked.
He pulled off the bandage. ‘My wound is fine, it is my heart that hurts with longing.’ He kissed her deeply, until they both had no breath left.
She lay with her head on his shoulder and stroked his cheek. ‘You really need to be careful of that head wound.’
He pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose. ‘I have a gift for you. I wasn’t sure I would ever have a chance to give it to you. Or if you’d accept it.’
‘I told you, I do not need things to make me happy.’
‘Please. I would like you to have this one.’
When he asked so nicely, how could she refuse? ‘I don’t want you getting up. Tell me where it is and I will get it.’
‘In my writing table. Bottom drawer.’
She got up and found a small package wrapped in brown paper.
‘Open it.’
He sounded excited, like a small boy at Christmas time.
Expecting jewels or something similar, she unwrapped the outer layer and discovered a red-velvet sleeve containing something cylindrical. When she opened the drawstring, a telescope... No... ‘Alistair!’ She gazed at him. ‘A kaleidoscope. You remembered. How lovely.’ She held it up to her eye.
‘Point it towards the window, to get the best of the light,’ he said. He started to rise.
She shot him a warning look. ‘You have received two blows to the head now and the doctor said—’
‘Hang the doctor.’ But he sagged back against the cushions as if the effort had been too much.
She held the kaleidoscope to one eye and closed the other. ‘Oh, how pretty.’
‘You turn it and the patterns change.’
In awe, she turned the tube, gasping at the beauty created by the crystals inside. ‘I love it. I will treasure it always. A kaleidoscope of butterflies. Thank you.’
He looked so pleased with himself, she could not resist. She bent over him and kissed him full on the mouth.
He grasped her shoulders, pulling her down until she once more lay beside him, changing the brief brush of her lips into something much more intense. On a groan, he broke the kiss and rested his forehead on hers, his breathing ragged.
She snuggled against his shoulder. ‘But, Alistair, I cannot give you your heir.’ Misery was a painful ache in her heart.
‘If children come along, I will be grateful, provided no harm comes to you. But truly, although I did not realise it until recently, I already have everything I want or need. Someone to love and care for. Someone to call my own who cares for me, not for my title or my wealth.’
‘And you won’t mind that some stranger’s child will one day be the Duke?’
‘You heard Luke. He considers Jeffrey to be his son in every way. And so will he be treated by us. I will teach him to be ducal and you can help him learn to be a gentleman around the ladies. We will be a family.’
‘A family built on love instead of secrets.’ It sounded perfect.
She pressed upward to seal their vow with a kiss and he groaned again. ‘A bed, love. We need a bed.’