Benny stretched out on the bed in Misty’s old room, comfortable in the blue sweats Scott had loaned him. Every inch of him was clean and the bed felt like a cloud. This was only a twin mattress but it seemed enormous after sleeping with his knees curled up for weeks. Misty was Scott’s older sister. As a teenager, she’d lived in a bedroom in the basement of the Sullivan’s split-level house, but she’d graduated college and moved out a couple of years ago. Since then, boxes and totes—presumably inventory from the gift shop—had mostly taken it over, but Scott had cleared a path for him while he showered. After, he’d brought food down for Benny to eat.

Now Benny was clean, fed, warm, and content. He hardly knew what to do with himself. He kept running his tongue across his teeth to enjoy how squeaky-clean they were. It was the best feeling in the world.

Scott’s parents had gotten home a while ago and Benny had been lying quietly, half-dozing in the dark while he stayed as still as possible so they wouldn’t hear him. A part of him felt like escaping when Scott wasn’t looking, but another part of him was enjoying the comfort too much to move. This cluttered basement room felt like heaven.

Through the large window, he could see the Sullivan’s back yard, illuminated by a light by the back door. It was so ordinary. Filled with a swing set and patio area. He knew there was a grill to one side and a table where he’d eaten burgers and hot dogs with Scott and his family. He’d been a part of the Sullivan’s life for so many years and he’d never realized just how good they had it until his world started to crumble around him. He’d hid it from all of them. And now he could hardly believe he and Scott lived on the same planet, much less had dated.

Benny felt his eyelids growing heavy, so he flipped onto his side and pulled a blanket up over him. He hadn’t had a solid night’s sleep since before he left for juvie. Who cared if it was only ten o’clock at night? Why shouldn’t he go to sleep now?

Some time later, Benny awoke to the squeak of the bedroom door. He tensed as he squinted in that direction until the person standing there came into focus. They were silhouetted by the light behind them and their ears jutted out enough that he knew it was Scott. Scott was self-conscious about his ears, but Benny liked them. There wasn’t a part of Scott Sullivan he didn’t like. Except maybe his tenacity.

“You shouldn’t have come down here,” Benny whispered.

“I know.” Scott closed the door behind himself, quietly padded over to the bed, and crawled in next to Benny. Scott tugged at the covers until he could burrow under them, then rested his head on the pillow next to Benny’s head.

“Hi.” His voice was soft and it made Benny’s chest ache. God he’d missed Scott.

“Hi,” Benny managed. “What are you doing?”

“I’ve missed you.” Scott slid a little closer, wrapping his body around Benny’s stiff form. He was afraid if he let himself relax he’d reach for Scott and pull him closer. And he definitely couldn’t do that.

“You shouldn’t be down here, Scott,” he protested.

“I know.” Scott’s tone was matter of fact. And it was clear he didn’t care at all. And that he wasn’t going to leave. He slipped his hand under the hem of the sweatshirt Benny wore. His fingertips were cold, but Benny was too toasty to complain. Even in the basement, this house felt so warm. He was pretty sure one of his toes was never going to fully regain feeling.

“Your mom didn’t seem surprised when she saw us together at the store,” Benny said. He’d been wondering about that since it happened.

“Why would she be? I told my parents about us.”

Benny tensed. “You did?”

“Yeah.”

“How’d they take it?”

In the dark, he could feel Scott shrug. “Fine. Although my mom cried because she was super sad I hadn’t told her I was gay before that. She thought I felt like I couldn’t.”

“That was me.”

“Yeah, I know it was. Why were you so adamant we couldn’t tell them about our relationship anyway? I told you they wouldn’t care.”

“There’s a lot I didn’t tell you about what was happening at home.”

“Yeah, I fucking figured that out.” Scott always swore when he was annoyed.

“It got bad after my grandma died and Dad went to jail. Like, real bad.”

“How bad is bad?”

Benny shrugged, even though it was too dark for Scott to see him well. “Bad bad. Like, parties and drugs, and skeezy people who I thought might hurt Angel.”

“Fuck.”

“That’s why I stopped coming over after school. I had to stay with her.”

“You told me you were working.”

“I did, when our neighbor could look after Angel. But I had to be home when she couldn’t. I couldn’t leave her alone in that house.” Benny swallowed reflexively. “And that was all before my dad went to jail. It got worse after.”

“How could it get worse?”

“Pretty sure my mom’s ... doing stuff with guys in exchange for drugs.”

“Oh shit. Why didn’t you talk to me about this stuff then?”

“I was embarrassed.”

“I was your boyfriend. How could you be too embarrassed to tell me?”

“Because I knew I wasn’t good enough for you!”

Scott clapped a hand over his mouth and Benny realized he’d been too loud. He pried Scott’s hand away and whispered, ‘sorry’.

“How can you be so smart and yet so dumb, Benny?” Scott hissed. “I get it, okay? Your family is fucked up. But you’re not your family. You made a mistake with the wallet thing, but you had good intentions. I feel bad that I’ve had it so easy when you’ve had it so hard but—”

“I don’t want you to feel bad,” Benny argued. “You should have it easy. That’s a good thing. We’re just living in two totally separate worlds now. It doesn’t make sense for us to be together.”

“Only in your head. I don’t see it that way.”

“Then maybe you’re not as smart as you think you are.”

Scott was quiet for a long minute. “It really hurt when you ended things. I thought it was my fault. That I’d done something wrong. You kept saying you weren’t good for me but I thought you really meant I wasn’t good enough for you.”

“What? That’s crazy.”

“I didn’t know what was going on,” Scott sounded bewildered. “You disappeared for like two days. You came back and said you got caught stealing. You barely told me anything before you broke up with me. I tried calling you and you refused to talk. And then you were just gone.”

“I was in juvie.”

“I know that, but ...”

“I’m sorry,” Benny said in a small voice. He could see how it must have looked from Scott’s perspective. But his head had been such a mess. The worse his life got, the less he felt like he and Scott belonged together. And getting arrested for stealing a wallet was just the final straw.

“It was so crazy then,” he admitted. “I got arrested and sent to family court. I came home until the hearing and then I got sentenced and sent off to juvie. I just wanted to make a clean break with you before I went.”

“Clean break? You’ve got to be kidding me. I was a mess, you stupid idiot.”

Benny laughed for the first time in far too long to remember.

“It isn’t funny.” Now Scott sounded mad.

“You calling me a stupid idiot is.”

Scott shoved him. “You hurt me.”

“I know,” Benny admitted, growing serious again. “I didn’t mean to.”

“I know.”

They lay there silently for a long time. Scott didn’t tell him what he’d done was okay. Which was fair. Benny didn’t really deserve forgiveness. But Scott did slide closer and Benny had a feeling he’d been forgiven anyway.

Being so close to Scott again made him feel really confused. Flushed and excited, of course, but mostly not lonely for the first time in months. Almost a year, actually. With Scott wrapped around him, the noise in Benny’s head about what would happen next grew quiet and still and the gasping panic he’d been carrying around with him was dissipating. Scott made him feel everything was possible. But that was crazy.

“Do you remember the one sleepover we had? Out in the treehouse?” Scott asked a while later. He was still gently running his fingertips up and down Benny’s spine.

Benny’s face heated. He remembered. How could he forget it? They’d had enough privacy that they could explore a little. Scott’s mouth had been so eager and Benny had lasted an embarrassingly short amount of time. But it had been so good. And he’d done the same for Scott.

He’d never admit it aloud but what he’d liked best was falling asleep in the same sleeping bag as Scott. Feeling warm and safe and like the rest of the world didn’t exist at all.

“Yeah,” he said a little roughly.

Scott slid even closer. “Maybe we could do that again.”

“I thought you agreed to stop pestering me about getting back together if I came and stayed at your house.”

“Who said anything about getting back together?” There was a teasing note in Scott’s voice that made Benny smile in the darkness. “Maybe I’m just using you.”

“Are you saying you don’t want to date me anymore?”

“No.” Scott drew little circles on Benny’s back with his fingertips. “I just want to remind you why we’re so good together.”

“We don’t have to do what we did in the treehouse for me to remember that,” Benny said around the lump in his throat. “I know we’re good together in that way. But I also know I’m not good for you otherwise.”

“Benny ...” The hurt in Scott’s voice made Benny’s chest ache even more and he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Scott’s. This was why he hadn’t wanted to stay at the Sullivan’s house. It hurt too damn much to be around Scott.

They were both silent a long time. Benny could hear the quiet rumble of the furnace in the other room and Scott’s soft breathing. “Okay, we don’t have to do anything,” Scott said. “But can I stay down here a while and just hold you?” He sounded very tentative.

“Sure,” Benny agreed, against his better judgement. “You can stay. Just don’t stay too long and get us caught. I need to think about what to tell your parents first.” If anything, he finished in his head. He still wasn’t convinced telling the Sullivans about his situation was the right choice.

“Okay.” Scott fumbled for something and a moment later, the space between them lit up with the bright glow of a cell phone. Benny squinted at the blue glare. “I’ve set a timer for a couple of hours from now. It’s on vibrate.”

After the light disappeared, Benny flipped onto his other side. Scott lay there a moment before he molded his body around Benny’s. He felt bigger than the last time they’d been together like this and Benny wondered if Scott was taller than him now. He’d been so shocked at seeing Scott at the store, he hadn’t noticed.

Scott pressed a kiss to the bottom of Benny’s hairline, making his skin prickle. He felt a stirring in his boxers and he closed his eyes and tried to ignore it. If he could will himself to sleep, wanting Scott would go away. Wouldn’t it?

***

Scott was gone when Benny woke up. The room was light and the sun sparkled off a dusting of snow they’d gotten the night before. It looked perfect and peaceful through the windows, especially when Benny was snuggled up under the covers like this.

If he wanted, he could go to sleep again. He didn’t have anywhere to be or anything he had to do except laundry once he was sure Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan were out of the house. He might need to get up and pee soon though.

A part of him wondered if he should leave once he did laundry, showered again, and ate something. Hell, with no one here, he could filch some food to take with him. Of course, if he did, then he would be living up to his reputation as a thief. Why not strip the house of valuables while he was at it? Pawn the TV and other electronics and run off with the money?

Benny’s eyes stung. He hated that a small part of him was tempted. The larger part thought it would be the most despicable thing he could possibly do. And he knew he’d get caught. He wasn’t going to do it, but the fact that even a tiny part of him had considered it made him hate who he’d become.

Benny rolled over and heard the crinkle of paper under him. He fumbled for it and read the messy handwriting on the torn scrap of paper.

I think Mom and Dad are dragging me to the store with them today. One we’re gone, feel free to do laundry and eat whatever you want. There’s a ton of food so mom won’t notice anything being missing. Just promise you won’t leave without saying goodbye.

Benny felt a stab of guilt. Scott was so nice and so trusting. But even he didn’t trust Benny not to disappear without warning.