CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

The men continued to shout through the front door.

“Otkroy seychas, ili my soobshchim tebe o soprotivlenii!”

Daniil’s manner was serious and respectful as he let them in. “Ne nado.”

Tabitha watched through the louvered slats as two men in IADC jackets came into the bedroom. The procedure was the same, with consent forms and Daniil having to choose a specimen jar. But the attitude was different. Her testers had been polite, and professional. These men were harsh, their accusatory gestures impossible to miss. They treated Daniil as if he was guilty of something. The guy by the bathroom snapped an order. Daniil reached to unbutton his jeans. Tabitha closed her eyes, unable to watch.

It seemed to take forever. Drawers were wrenched open and slammed shut. She peered through the slats as the man who hadn’t followed Daniil into the bathroom riffled through his suitcase. In the closet, she shivered. Even though it was freezing, she didn’t dare try to dress. They might hear her. She and Daniil had done nothing wrong, but how would it look if the men found her naked in the closet? Bad for Daniil. Bad for her.

When Daniil came out of the bathroom, he shouted at the man searching his suitcase. More harsh words were exchanged. At last, the men left.

Tabitha slipped into her panties and blouse and stepped from the closet. Daniil sat on the edge of the bed, his back to her. She touched his shoulder. “They were horrible! I’ve never seen testers act like that. The woman who came to test me wanted my autograph for her niece.”

Daniil looked up with flat, wounded eyes. His mouth twisted in a humorless smile. “That’s the difference between us. No one assumes the worst of you.”

He rose from the bed and walked into the living room. She followed him. At the bar, he poured whiskey into a heavy glass. “Now do you want some?”

“No thanks.” He was pulling away, when she wanted only to comfort him. This was as disturbing as what she just saw. Daniil dropped onto the black leather sofa and propped one bare foot against the glass coffee table. She sat down beside him. The leather upholstery was cold against her bare thighs. “What did they say to you?”

“That because I took so long to answer, they should report me for resisting the test. When I told him he had no right to go through my things, he said why should I care if I have nothing to hide?”

“You should report them. They were completely unprofessional.”

“And who would listen?”

“Your coaches!”

He shook his head. “They’ve pushed against Bogdanov already. Still this continues.”

She hugged her arms close to her body. Her thin silk blouse offered little protection from the chill in the air. Daniil, shirtless, seemed oblivious to the cold.

“Why?” she asked, suspicion creeping into her voice.

Anger flashed in his eyes as he looked up. “Why do you think?”

Growing dread knotted in her stomach. Everyone was under pressure to win this season. Everyone knew there was cheating in their sport. Russia’s reputation for it was well-known.

So was Daniil’s.

He’d been suspended before, though not for PEDs. At least that was the official story. But if that was true why did Bogdanov have it in for him? And why was Daniil not willing to push harder to clear himself?

Could it be because he was guilty?

The men had treated Daniil like a suspect. His father was known as a ruthless man, and though Daniil insisted he was nothing like that, she had no way of knowing if it were true.

As much as Tabitha tried to suppress the Fiona-like parts of her personality, it was impossible to wipe away all of them. Did Daniil also carry some of his father’s worst traits? He continued to take money from the man. Was his father’s support contingent upon winning? She pressed her lips together, not wanting to ask the question, but unable to ignore it.

“Daniil? If you were doping, would you tell me the truth?”

“So you suspect me too.” His voice was void of emotion.

“No!” But she heard the doubt in her voice. And if she could hear it, so could he.

“Then why do you hide us? And don’t use Brett as an excuse. You can respect his privacy without continuing to play his fake girlfriend. Who are you really protecting, Tabitha?”

Heat rose in her cheeks. Brett had said the same thing. And she’d been the one to insist they continue the masquerade.

His accusation cut to her heart. She covered her face with her hands, confronted by the awful truth.

His cold gaze bore into her. “You just said that what Jason did changed how you see everything. You expect the same treatment from me. And why wouldn’t you if I’m as bad as everyone says? I cheat, I steal and if you get too close, I’ll drag you right down with me.”

She wanted to tell him he was wrong. But more than once, she’d thought exactly that. “When I met you, every alarm was going off, but I ignored them. I saw that you were more than what everyone said.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have ignored those alarms.” His mouth twisted. “I’m destined to hurt you, Tabitha. It’s what I do. And I’m not worth the heartache.”

His words twisted like a knife in her gut. “Don’t say that. I love you!”

He flinched, as if she’d struck him. “For now. But we both know love doesn’t last. Tears and moving vans for you. For me, a mother who left me behind as a way to punish my father for his cheating.”

She stared. “He told you that?”

“I overheard our cook and maid talk about it. But it made sense. So from then on, I did everything I could to punish Nikolai.”

He went to the bar and poured another drink, then returned, bottle in hand. He drained the glass in one gulp, then gestured with the empty tumbler at the spider web tattooed on his stomach. “I never told you what this one meant. It’s a prison tattoo. My prison isn’t a real one with bars, but one I built for myself. Just as hard to escape.”

She put her hand on his arm, desperate to bring him back from this black pit. “But you don’t have to stay there! You helped me find the courage to embrace who I am, to be someone new. Your love changed my life! Let my love help you change yours.”

His gaze held hers, and for a moment, it seemed she’d reached him. But then anger and bitterness toward the family that had thrown him away, descended like a cloud, shutting her out. He pulled his arm back. “You make too much out of it. We had fun, and that was all. Best to end things before you regret it.”

“That’s not what I want!”

“But it’s what I want.”

Tabitha couldn’t believe what she was hearing. The words sliced like a knife, shredding her heart to ribbons. Her eyes flooded with tears at his cruel words and cold smile. She’d fallen in love with a man who didn’t love her. She’d fallen for his lies. How could she have been so stupid?

But hadn’t she wondered the same thing about Fiona countless times? Who was Tabitha to think she was any more deserving of happiness?

Numb, she rose from the sofa and returned to the bedroom. She dressed quickly, desperate to leave before her self-control shattered. Her mind raced, frantic to find the right words—any words—that might change his heart. But none came.

The whole time they’d been together, she’d been looking for the reason it could never work between them. Now she knew. She’d never trusted him. He’d never loved her.

Or had he? Was she so foolish and naïve to have misread him?

She crossed the living room, and he was still in the same position she’d left him. The only thing different was that the whiskey bottle was empty, and his glass was full.

She paused on her way to the door, standing just behind his shoulder. She wanted to touch him, but kept her hands close to her body. “I love you, Daniil, even if you don’t believe it. And somewhere in there, you love me. You say that you’re a liar and a cheat, and that you’re just like your father. Maybe in some ways, you are. But that isn’t who I see, and it’s not the man I gave my heart to.”

“What if you were wrong?”

“I suppose it’s possible.” She laughed sadly. “What do I know about relationships? But I know that in Vancouver, I taught a loving, kind and decent man to ice dance. I made love to him in Paris. That man saw something in me no one else did, and I’ll never forget him.”

Daniil looked up. The flicker of emotion in his eyes sparked precious hope that she’d reached him. And then it disappeared. If it had ever been there at all. Her throat tightened. “I didn’t want it to end like this, and if I hurt you, I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t want it to end this way, either. I’m sorry too. Good bye, Tabitha.”

Tears flooded her vision. She grabbed her coat and walked out the door.