M I R A B E L L E
I had no idea how I would make it on a ranch full of men right now. A girl needed her girlfriends at a time like this. When I saw Shiloh’s name on the screen of my phone, my heart ached with the need to talk to her.
“Hello?” My voice was thick with pain and unshed tears.
“Mira? Are you okay?” Shiloh’s voice was unusually somber. So tuned into my feelings, she had to know I was barely holding it together.
“No.” My breath shuddered as I swallowed back tears.
“Oh, sweetie. I wish I was there. I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through.”
God, I wish she was here, too. In Baltimore, she was more than my roommate. She was my best friend. Being around her was comfortable, like wrapping yourself in a warm blanket. She was fun, witty, and intelligent, but most importantly, she was genuine and unpretentious.
“Me, too, Shiloh. Me, too.”
Her words of encouragement lightened my grief, if only for a moment, and with promises to speak soon, we ended our call.
The mattress absorbed my weight as I gathered the comforter around me. My bedroom hadn’t changed a bit. Dalton kept everything the way I had before leaving for college. The ache in my chest was so severe that, if I hadn’t felt the same pain off and on the last two days, I’d swear I was having a heart attack at only twenty-two-years old.
Tears started, and my body shook. Was I ever going to stop blubbering at random times? For someone who wasn’t much of a crier, I was sure doing it a lot now. Face buried in my pillow to muffle the sobs, I jumped when large, rough hands rubbed circles on my back.
“We were going to fix the fence on the east side, about a forty-five-minute ride away. We took the quads out with a wagon because a part of the fence was completely down, and we needed more supplies than usual.” Si’s low, deep voice lulled me into a much-needed state of calm. My breaths grew shallow, anticipating what was coming next. He was finally going to tell me.
Since I’d been back on the ranch, everyone I’d asked about what happened to Dalton told me to talk to Si. But other than discussions about funeral arrangements, he and I hadn’t said much. Maybe he feared this conversation as much as I did, and our first encounter hadn’t been the most civil, thanks to my stubborn temper.
“Dalton and I always ran the quads hard. We raced like kids every time he and I got out together.” I heard a smile in his voice. “That day wasn’t any different, except my four-wheeler was pulling the wagon, so I was slower. We were almost to our destination when . . .” He paused and took a deep shaky breath. “Fuck, Mirabelle, one minute we were laughing and racing, and the next, he was flying through the air.” He gripped my nightgown, twisting it in his hand as if he was back in the moment. My breath froze in my chest. Deep pain coated his words. Part of me wanted to turn over and wrap him in my arms, but I couldn’t move, afraid he would stop talking, but just as afraid of what I would hear next.
“He must’ve hit a hole or something because the quad literally stopped and launched him. By the time I got to him, he was on his back. He didn’t look hurt. I kept expecting him to start laughing, but he just stared at me. That’s when I saw it.
“Blood dripping out of the corner of his mouth. I got on the radio and called the guys to bring the truck. Dalton shook his head, and I knew—I fucking knew, Mirabelle. He did, too.” Si’s voice caught in a sob, and my own tears started again. “I didn’t know what to do for him, so I laid down next to him and held his hand. He was able to talk a little, so we just talked and waited.” Tremors wracked Silas’s body. Between the two of us, my bed shook as if there were an earthquake.
“He was my fucking best friend, the closest thing to a brother I’ve ever had. I loved him, and I told him that, too.”
My heart broke for Si. I couldn’t imagine doing what he did for my brother, but I was so grateful he had. It meant so much to know he didn’t die alone.
“By the time the guys pulled up, he was gone. Ryke knelt down next to us and just waited. I’m not sure what Nate was doing, but he was there when I was ready to shift Dalton. When we moved him, I finally saw what got him. There was a rock under him that he must’ve landed on just right. Severed his spine and tore some vessels, they said.”
I gasped. I couldn’t imagine how painful it was for him. Si must’ve known where my mind was.
“He said he wasn’t in any pain, Mirabelle. He seemed unnaturally at peace the whole time. I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry I couldn’t save him.” Si stood and leaned over so his mouth was right behind my right ear. “He said to tell you he loved you and that he was so fucking proud of you.” He kissed the top of my head before walking out of my room and shutting my door.
My heart was broken. I couldn’t find any words to speak, so I let my tears say everything I felt.
The barn door closed behind me with a soft whoosh, and I took a deep breath. Fresh straw, old, musty wood, leather, lemon oil, and horse manure. The smells, good and bad, made me smile. They were home—everything I knew and loved. The stomping, snuffling, and soft neighs of the horses increased as I moved down the aisle. Before I even got there, Snickers put his head over the stall and when he whinnied louder, I couldn’t help but smile.
“Hey, buddy, I’ve missed you. I’m sorry I stayed away so long,” I murmured, unlocking the gate to slip inside Snickers’ stall. His eyes were soft and genuine as they peered down at me. They saw through me—they always had. When he nudged my chest, his ears perking, a giggle burst out. After the last few days, laughing felt foreign yet good. “Want a treat, Snicks?” Pulling a peppermint from my pocket, I held it out to him, smiling as the softness of his nose tickled my hand.
Dalton had laughed when I’d picked the name Snickers because it was my favorite candy bar. When he was a foal, he didn’t have the same coloring and marks as he did now. But through the years, Snickers grew to fit his name. His body was milk chocolate, with white on his back and hind quarters. The dark spots on the white were called a Spotted Blanket, and they reminded me of the nuts in a Snickers bar.
“I bet you miss him, don’t you, boy?” He rubbed his nose against my shoulder. “I do, too, Snickers.” My hand stroked over his neck as I leaned into him, his warmth comforting me. “We’re going to bury him today, buddy. I don’t know how I’m going to get through it.” Finding my cheeks wet was no longer a surprise to me, though how my body still produced tears was a miracle. Would I ever be able to wrap my head around what happened to Dalton? Would I make it without him in my life?
Gone were the two AM wake-ups to watch the meteor showers. No more stockings filled on Christmas morning, even though he knew I no longer believed. No more obnoxious pranks leaving me wet, dirty, muddy, or angry. No more infectious laughter or pancakes in bed on my birthday. No more holding me when I was scared.
When my mind settled beneath the weight of warm, loving memories, I said goodbye to Snickers and ran smack into Ryke who stood silently against the wooden wall, waiting patiently.
“I’m sorry, Ryke, were you waiting to work with Snickers?” I asked, looking around and realizing his stable mates had already been turned out. How long was I in there with him?
“It’s no problem, Mira.” Ryke smiled softly. “You and Snickers need each other right now. It looked like it, anyway.” He shrugged.
“Yeah, I think you’re right,” I agreed.
“Caroline says we’re leaving for the church in about an hour and a half.” He squeezed my shoulder before entering Snickers’ stall.
“Thank you, Ryke.” Taking in a deep breath, I filled my lungs with the comforting smell of fresh straw before heading to the house to get ready for what just might be the hardest day of my life.
After today’s goodbyes, I would truly be alone in the world. My entire family was gone.