Chapter 36
Amelia watched as Kate, Millie, and Millie’s infant rode away in her carriage. She’d promised to join them soon. Kane Roberts had apprehended Kendall and Mrs. Pots and taken them to Bow Street where they would be kept in a cell to face charges in court.
Mrs. Pots had begged to be forgiven and said that she had been coerced into helping him. Part of Amelia wanted to forgive, but if Mrs. Pots had helped kidnap her friend, there was nothing Amelia could do to help her now.
As much as she hated this, she needed to face Richard. To give him a way out of their situation if he desired it. It wasn’t fair for him to be forced into an arrangement he hadn’t agreed to. It was time to face her grandmother and tell her exactly what she should have said from the beginning.
She would have to face the reality after. If she had to wash dishes for a living, she would do it, but if Kate could help her until she could find a proper job, perhaps as a governess, she could help Millie and her child.
Yes, that sounded like a good plan. The only problem was she would dearly miss Richard. More than miss him. She would be heartbroken, but it would have to be if he wished it. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if he chose to stay because he felt he had been forced into it. It was the least she could do; after all, she had approached him to propose the idea.
Once the carriages were out of sight, she strolled to him. The grimace on his face was hard to endure, but this could not wait.
“May I take you home?” he asked.
She nodded. He helped her into his carriage and he joined her, sitting across from her. It reminded her of the night he had rescued them in the alley. The way he had risked his life to help a stranger. Even the expression on his face made it difficult to speak. After all, they hadn’t spoken since the wedding, when he’d rushed out.
“I want to thank you for everything you’ve done,” she said softly.
He gave her a slight smile, one that helped ease the tension somehow. Oh, how she wanted to kiss him and tell him how much she appreciated him and all that he’d done for her. She wanted to kiss him first thing in the morning and between meals, and she wanted him to be the last person she saw before bed. Oh, how she loved him.
She loved him?
Yes, she loved him.
And this was going to be a more-than-difficult conversation to have. “I think it is only fair that we get an annulment.”
“Annulment?” he said, frowning. “What about the inheritance?”
“I realized after seeing Millie that this life is short, and I don’t wish to live under my grandmother’s scrutiny any longer. If I have to, I will find an occupation, something I can do to earn a living.”
“You’ve thought this through, haven’t you?”
“I have,” she said. “Governess would be a good occupation for me. It makes sense since I never wanted to be married or have children.” She paused and looked nervously at her hands. “Of course, this means you won’t get your part of the inheritance, which I am sorry for. If I had it, I’d give it to you. You’ve done more than you promised, but I haven’t. In turn, you’ve lost Somersby Hall because of me.”
Why was he looking at her as if he were about to toss her out of the carriage? Was he angry that he wasn’t going to get his money? To make things worse, he wasn’t saying anything to make this easier on her.
“I guess that’s it,” she said. “I plan to leave soon. The sooner the better, actually. And you will be free to choose another heiress, one that has something to offer you. I am sure there are plenty in London Society.”
“Sounds like a good plan,” he said.
Her heart sank. He could at least pretend to be disappointed. “It is, isn’t it?” she said, her tone suddenly perking up. She was beginning to get angry as his indifference. After all they’d shared, how could he? She looked out the window, frowning. Ugh, she hated when he got to her like this. “And by the way, I don’t—”
He cut her off with, “You're angry with me.”
“You're right, I am.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to say. It’s over between us. Besides, you would not understand.”
“Try me.”
She opened her mouth and saw that he was ginning. “Are you laughing at me? This isn’t amusing, not to me.”
He shifted and sat next to her. “My foolish wife, I always love that spark of yours.”
My wife? Her heart started to beat against her chest, faster and faster. “I don’t understand. You were so angry with me after the wedding.”
“I did need to think things through,” he said. “To figure out what this is between us.”
“And what is this?” she said, not realizing she was holding her breath in anticipation.
“I don’t know,” he confessed. “All I know is my life seems unfit without you. I can’t image you not in it. I can’t image waking up without you next to me. I want you with me permanently.”
She was relived and happy. Very happy. Tears fell as the weight of sorrow she’d been carrying in her heart from losing him left her. “How could you just sit there and watch me make a fool of myself?”
He grabbed her hands in his and kissed her fingers.
“What about the money? You won’t get my inheritance straightaway. What about leaving London? The annulment?” she asked.
“I’d rather have the woman I love, if you don’t mind.”
She gasped in surprise. “You love me?”
“I do, deeply. I suppose I have since the day we met.”
She lunged and wrapped her arms around him, and they both fell back onto the seat. “Oh, Richard. I thought I was going to lose you,” she said, weeping.
“I was an idiot. I realized why I hated this place as much as I did. Why I kept running. Why I joined the army.”
“Why did you run?” She searched his eyes, and there was sadness there. “It’s all right if you don’t want to discuss it.”
“I do, actually,” he said with a sigh. “My parents were, I was told, madly in love. So much so, everyone was jealous of their union because they were so happy together. I recall the fights started when I was four, maybe five. They fought relentlessly, but that wasn’t what made me stay away. I could deal with shouts and angry exchanges, but it was my brother’s crying that really got to me. He’d sob and wonder when our mother was coming back. He was never the same after she finally left us, and she didn’t return. With my mother gone, my father took to drinking more and more and whoring. I left to travel the world spying for my country, not really having a home, nor missing it. I didn’t want the responsibility of a family or to take the chance of repeating what my parents and my brother and I went through. It was hell for everyone. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t want to be trapped here and be faced with hating someone for the choices I made because it was expected of me. I liked my freedom and I didn’t want to give it up.”
She saw the melancholy on his face and she wanted to soothe his sorrow, but she gave him the space he needed to say what he had to say to her.
“I came home when my brother passed. My mother didn’t come to his funeral even after my father begged for her presence. What kind of mother does that to her own child?”
Amelia’s heart broke as she listened to his story. What kind of a mother does this? She had thought the same thing when her mother gave her up and never came to visit her or wrote to her, so she understood that pain. “I don’t know why she did what she did, but I will always be there for you, I promised you this.”
He kissed her and smiled. “I know. But know that I’m not telling you this for sympathy, but just so you’ll understand that my view on marriage isn’t what it ought to be.” He paused to look at her. “But I also know I don’t want to live without you next to me.”
Her heart soared and broke for his suffering. “Oh, my love, I will never leave your side. Trust me on this.” She smiled and wrapped her arms around him. “I won’t, my love.”
“Even when I’m in a foul mood?”
“No, you fool. And if you want to leave London, or England for that matter, I will be by your side wherever you want to go.”
“What about the children, the baby?”
Her eyes widened. “Does that mean we can have them with us?”
“It will not be easy, but if that is what you want.”
“I do, I wish to educate them. Perhaps we can even start a school for these girls once I inherit. We can rebuild. And travel too.”
He smiled and caressed her cheek. “A good plan, my wife,” he said.