Chapter Thirty-Five
Kini floated on an ocean of cold pain. Her whole body hurt. Stupid sheriff had done something; she couldn’t quite remember what. Oh yeah, he’d shot her. Twice.
It was Smoke the sheriff wanted to shoot. There would have been no talking him down from the moral ledge he’d teetered on; he’d been determined to jump.
She’d felt the impact of the bullets, but didn’t recall any pain until after she’d rammed him, knocking him down.
No wonder she hurt.
That was okay, because Smoke was okay.
He was okay, wasn’t he?
She lifted eyelids weighing fifty pounds each, looking for him, wanting to know where she was and what happened. The sound of an active heart monitor and motorized IV pump beeped and hummed next to her left ear. Hospital bed. Hospital room.
Which hospital?
Kini turned her head to see if anyone was around to answer her questions and found Smoke sitting in an uncomfortable-looking chair, asleep.
The last time she’d seen him, he’d been wearing someone else’s clothes spattered with blood and burn holes. Now, he was wearing scrubs and hospital booties on his feet. The edge of a bandage peaked out from under one of his pant legs.
“Smoke?”
She couldn’t seem to make her voice box work.
Putting as much strength as she could into it, she said, “Smoke.”
His eyes opened and he stared at her, his expression blank for a long, horrible second. Then awareness and relief flooded his face and he sat up abruptly in the chair. “Kini?”
“Hi,” she said, trying to smile, but her face hurt a lot, too, so she gave up on it.
“How are you feeling?” Smoke asked. Then closed his eyes and grimaced. “Dumb question.” He opened his eyes again. “Any difficulty breathing? Headache?”
What? Why would he ask all that? She had a heart monitor attached to her chest and a blood oxygen saturation monitor clamped to her right index finger. Not to mention more cuts and bruises than she could count along with the two bullet wounds.
She made an isn’t the answer obvious noise. “Everything hurts,” she managed to whisper. “How are you?”
“Fine.” There was a thread of pain, of something unhappy in his voice.
She didn’t like that, not at all. “I hope you punched the sheriff repeatedly in the face,” she said, trying to smile. For the two of them to be in a hospital and not under arrest, the sheriff’s illegal activities had to have been uncovered.
Smoke pressed his lips together so tight they were no more than a thin white line. He stared at her for so long she became concerned.
“He was caught, right?”
One of the muscles over Smoke’s jaw flexed. “He didn’t get away, and he’s in no position to hurt anyone anymore.” He rubbed his face with both hands. “Davis was selling biological weapons on the darknet, black market internet. The FBI is trying to piece together who his buyers were from what’s left of the computers at the marijuana farm, but they’re not having much luck.”
“Damn,” she whispered.
“Given what he was doing, the CDC thinks the farm was the source of the hantavirus outbreak. Not sure how yet, but—”
“I think I know,” she interrupted. “Blackwater put a body through a wood chipper. What happened to Blackwater? I think he may have done the same with some of the people producing his biological weapons. If he mixed the results with compost or soil then used it as fertilizer or even disposed of it at the nearest landfill, the result could be an increase in rodent carriers all over this area.” Out of breath, she found she couldn’t keep her head up any longer. “Ask him what he did with…the bodies.”
He got to his feet, limped over to the bed, and kissed her on the forehead. “I wish I could,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry about.” She smiled despite the pain, so damned happy they’d both survived far too many people trying to kill them. “You kept your word, kept me safe.”
He recoiled as if she’d shot him point-blank in the chest.
What? “Smoke?” Kini reached out with one hand, but he slid away, out of reach.
He swallowed hard, agony and loathing reflected on his face. “I killed the sheriff.” His voice sounded like it had been sliced over and over by the words he forced himself to say. “Shot him in the head. I had no choice, he was going to use that axe to…I had no choice.”
Oh, Smoke, no. He’d had to kill for her. He’d had to relive all the horror he desperately needed to put behind him in order to have a life. A good, happy life.
“It’s okay,” she croaked. Her voice was giving out along with her strength.
He turned away, running one hand through is hair like he was going to pull it out. “It’s not okay. I promised not to kill anyone, and I broke my word.” He turned back to her. “It looks like I’m really good at two things. Killing people and letting the ones I love down.”
“You didn’t—” she whispered, no longer strong enough to do more than that.
“I did,” he said with complete conviction. “I wasn’t here for Liam, and I shot that fucking asshole Davis only a few inches from your head.”
A horrified squeak came out of her. She didn’t remember any of that.
He recoiled again, then his entire body changed, and he stood at attention. “I’m a warrior, always have been, always will be. If I have to kill to protect myself and those I’ve sworn to protect”—he gave her the saddest smile she’d ever seen—“I’ll kill.”
What was he trying to say to her? It didn’t sound like an apology. He didn’t have anything to apologize for. “I don’t understand.”
“I gave you my word I’d keep you safe.” His gaze swept over her body. “I did a shitty job.”
“Anyone else would have had a corpse on their hands. You did an amazing job.”
“You nearly died,” he snarled. “Blackwater was right. Bloodshed follows me around. If I stay near you, it’s going to happen again.” He met her gaze, his own filled with anger, regret, and determination. “I won’t put you through that.”
“Smoke, no—” she tried to say.
“I’m a ticking bomb. I don’t know when I’m going to go off. I don’t know what I’ll do when it happens, but it will happen.” His gaze drilled into hers, holding her still and silent. “I’m not safe, and you…you need someone who is safe.”
He left the room before she could say anything.
“Smoke?” she tried to call, but her lungs didn’t seem capable of pushing out the necessary air. “Smoke!”
He had to come back, had to listen to her. She didn’t blame him, didn’t fear him. She grabbed at the wires and tubing within reach. There was a call button somewhere, right? She could get the staff to stop him, bring him back.
The button was clipped to her pillow. She pressed it, pressed and pressed and pressed.
A disembodied voice said, “Your nurse is on her way.”
“Get security to stop Smoke from leaving,” she said as loud as she could.
“There’s smoke in your room?” Alarm now in that professional voice.
“No. Lyle Smoke.”
“Someone will be right with you.”
Damn it. He was going to be gone before anyone understood what she needed. She needed Smoke.
He used to be good at reading her mind.
At least he looked healthy, well, aside from the limp. But she wanted to know what happened. Had he really shot the sheriff? Did they find all the bacterial and viral samples he’d removed from his secret lab? Were Smoke’s dad and grandfather okay? Was the outbreak still going strong?
She had so many questions, but Smoke was gone.
A nurse came in, but she was in that hazy place between awake and sleep. The nurse changed the dressings on her wounds, giving her the outstanding news that both bullets had done very little damage. She’d lost some blood and had been given a couple of units while in surgery, but she’d make a full recovery in a few weeks.
“Smoke,” she said to the nurse. “I need Lyle Smoke.”
“He’s left the hospital,” the nurse said. “Is there anyone else I can call for you? Family?”
“No.” She didn’t have anyone else.
…
The next morning, after having her first cup of coffee since waking up, Henry Lee came into Kini’s room. She’d met the lab tech a few times and liked his no-nonsense attitude, but he didn’t look like a tech right now. Dressed in black jeans and T-shirt, and wearing a gun in a shoulder holster, he looked like a modern-day gunslinger.
“How are you doing, Kini?”
“Okay, I guess.” She’d be better if Smoke came back, but she wasn’t going to whine at Henry. She’d give Smoke a piece of her mind when she caught up to him. When, not if. She didn’t care how long it took to track him down, she was going to have her say, and then have her way with him.
“Smoke shot the sheriff,” she said. “Do you know how it happened?”
He studied her for a moment then nodded. “The sheriff had a chokehold on you and wouldn’t release you. I slipped Smoke my backup gun. He shot Davis before he could get you to his car.”
If that had happened, she would have bled to death. So, why did Henry look so worried?
“Will Smoke be charged with his murder?” She tried to sit up and had to remind herself she had to go slow.
“No, there were plenty of witnesses. It was a justified kill.”
Is that how men viewed it? Justified or not justified? If that was the case, why didn’t Henry look any less worried?
He met her gaze and what she saw on his face made her stomach clench. “Then what’s wrong?”
“Something has got Smoke spooked.”
“Spooked?”
“Agitated, anxious, unsettled, twitchy, worked up. Completely not Smoke.”
She glanced at the doorway, hoping the subject of their conversation would appear. But there was no one there. “Talk to him. Ask him what’s wrong.”
“Nobody can ask him jack shit.”
“Why?”
Henry didn’t answer.
Closed-mouth men were going to drive her crazy. “Henry, just tell me.”
“He left.”
“Left?”
“Disappeared.” Henry surged up to his feet and began to pace. “He sent me a six-word text. Gone fishing. Back in two weeks. ” Henry kept pacing. “No one has a problem with him taking time off to get his shit together. Hell, he’s smarter than I was when I got out, but I’d like to make sure he’s not doing something stupid. No one knows where he is. Not his parents or his grandparents. No one.”
Hah. His family had lied, because they knew as well as she did where he’d gone. They were assuming he’d come back when he was good and ready. “I know where he is.”
Henry stopped pacing. “Where?”
She gave him a tight smile. “Not telling.”
He stared at her. “Why the fuck not?”
“He’s doing exactly what you think he’s doing. Working through the shit in his head.”
Henry frowned and plunked himself in the chair again. “River said the same thing.”
“Why are you so worried?”
“I went through a rough patch when I first got home after…” He tapped his prosthetic leg. “If it weren’t for a couple of my Battle, I might have done something stupid.”
“Battle?”
“Battle brothers. Men you serve with, fight with, survive with.”
“I might not have fought with him, but I think I understand why he’s doing it alone. He has to get to a certain point before he can talk about it with anyone.”
“Smoke, the man who doesn’t talk?”
“He talks, he just says more with less.”
Henry rolled his eyes. “Thanks for clearing that up not at all.”
“If you stop squawking, I’ll show you where he is. After I’m cleared for light exercise, that is.”
Henry opened his mouth to argue, but she wasn’t finished.
“Stop. This is important. There was another bad guy at the drug house before it burned down. His name is Gary and he left to drive a very sick man to the hospital.” She could still remember how awful the man’s lungs sounded. “Gary is…dangerous. He hurt me for fun.”
Henry’s face took on a flat expression. “Skinny dude. Looked like he hadn’t showered in a while?”
“Yeah,” Kini said slowly, a sinking feeling in her gut. “That sounds like him.”
“He’s dead.”
“Did you…?”
“No, I didn’t kill him. The asshole walked into the ER waving a gun demanding a doctor, and telling everyone to get out of his way. An older lady who’d been calmly waiting in line shot him in the back with a big-assed revolver she pulled out of her purse.” Henry grinned, but it wasn’t nice at all. “I guarantee no one will jump any lines in this town for a while.”
…
One week later, she directed Henry to the edge of the canyon, as close as you could get to the kiva Smoke had built as a teenager.
Kini pointed out the stair rock from above. “That’s how you get in.”
Henry looked at her like she’d lost her mind then shrugged. “I hope I don’t break my good leg trying to get into that nice hidey hole.”
“Henry,” Kini said, exasperated with the grumpy lab tech. “There’s nothing wrong with either of your legs, so stop grousing.”
He blinked at her, the question clear. Are you fucking serious?
She crossed her arms over her chest. As a heart attack.
He shook his head then began looking for an easy route down the canyon. He never made it to the bottom.
Smoke rose out of the canyon faster than any man had a right to manage. He frowned at Henry and scowled at Kini. “What?”
Kini couldn’t believe that’s all he would say. She opened her mouth to say so, but Henry spoke first.
“You doing okay?”
Smoke seemed to consider the question seriously. “Yeah, okay.”
“Coming back to work next week?”
Smoke nodded.
“Good enough.” Henry gave him a brief nod and started walking back to the SUV parked not far away.
Smoke looked at her then shouted at Henry, “Forget something?”
“Nope,” Henry said, sounding positively cheerful. “She’s your problem now.”
Smoke turned to her, his scowl turning into a glare.
She glared back. “How’s the fishing going?”
“Caught something I didn’t expect,” he muttered.
“Well, you should have.” Anger flared hot and bright, giving her more energy than she’d had for days. “You walked out of my room without so much as a goodbye.” She walked up to him and poked his chest with an index finger. “That was rude as well as cowardly.”
He flinched. “I was trying to avoid this conversation.”
“You avoid all conversation,” she said, putting her hands on her hips “Yet, I never had any problem understanding you until now and vice versa. What changed?”
He turned his body so he could only see her in the corner of his eye and said with a quiet voice that vibrated with despair. “I broke my word.”
“What are you talking about?” Then she remembered the first conversation they’d ever had, in his room, on his bed, with her naked on his chest. “You kept your word. You kept me safe.”
He spun and grabbed her shoulders, holding her in place while he bent down until they were nose to nose. “If I’m with you, I can’t keep you safe from me.”
“What do you mean, from you?” She angled her head to one side. “Smoke?”
“I promised I wouldn’t use violence. I broke my word. It’s going to happen again, it’s just a matter of time.”
It was her turn to scowl at him. “This fishing trip of yours didn’t do its job.”
He stared at her like she’d lost her mind. “Didn’t you hear what I said?”
“I heard, now it’s your turn to listen to me.” She thrust a finger under his nose and shook it. “The sheriff gave you no choice. You had to kill him. If you hadn’t, he would have killed me, and many more people. You did the only reasonable thing possible.”
He shook his head, so she put her hands on either side of his face and held him still. “You were forced to make a decision between two horrible outcomes. The sheriff’s death or my death. You made a choice to save me, not because it was easy, but because it was hard, and that choice hurt you.”
His gaze never left hers, and it was so full of pain and self-disgust she wanted to shake him and kiss away all the hurt at the same time. “You are not a monster. You’re a man who sacrificed his peace of mind to save others.” She took in a deep breath. “You’ve also taught me that I can’t hold what my father did against the rest of the human race. I can’t let what he did dictate my life.”
He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers, breathing deep for several long seconds. “Thank you.” He pulled back with a solemn expression on his face. “Maybe…you’re right.”
“So, what are you going to do about it?”
He didn’t answer, just closed his eyes and rested against her as if she were the sun and he’d been freezing his whole life.
She wanted to hold him, kiss him, love him, but she was running out of energy fast. Her limbs seemed to weigh more than they should, and her body ached.
“So, are you done with your fishing trip?” she asked, glancing at the jeep she’d driven. His jeep. It had been hidden by Henry’s rented vehicle.
When she met his gaze again, it was to find him frowning at her. “You look pale.”
“This is my first full day out of the hospital.” She put a hand up to stop him from saying whatever put the scowl on his face. “I’m fine, just a little sore, but finding you, talking to you, was important to me.”
“I’ll drive you back to town.” He studied her for a moment. “When do you go back to work?”
“I don’t know, maybe a week or two from now.”
“Wait for me in the jeep,” he said.
Would he ever stop frowning at her?
“I’ll get my gear.” He took off down the canyon while she walked slowly to the vehicle and got in the passenger seat.