It’s been a week since Seth and I had our encounter, and it’s played on my mind in between the whole dad thing. But I still don’t think I’m ready for anything. We haven’t caught up since the kiss; I haven’t even taken my car in to get the tyre replaced. Seth rang me two days ago, informing me my replacement wheel was here. He mentioned nothing about our heated moment. The thought of it alone still steals my breath. I’m going stir-crazy not seeing him and being caught up in his spell. His voice over the phone was hypnotising and I found myself in a daydream of our kiss while he told me to come in and get the tyres changed. I don’t remember much of the conversation.
My phone has slowly settled down. Crystal still messages me at least once a day, apologising. A part of me wants to reply and see what kind of explanation she can come up with—another part wants to rip into her and just yell profanities in her face. Yelling is always a great release; it cleanses your soul of all the hatred and unhappiness you might be feeling. Unfortunately, it only lasts for a short period.
Today has been another relaxing day. After two days, I finally worked up the courage to face Seth and take my car in to get the new tyre put on and the spare chucked in the back. I went in with the sensation of bubbles popping wildly in the pit of my stomach and, high hopes of seeing Seth again, but was let down when a different guy, Chance, came out. He’s chirpy and from what Sherri mentioned last night in conversation, he could be fun to be around. She’d rang me to see if I’d made my decision, but instead we talked about other things. I enjoyed hearing stories of when Seth was younger and the trouble he and Chance would get into. Although I didn’t imagine Chance would be almost as delicious looking as Seth, with his sandy blond hair and ocean blue eyes, well defined arms, pretty much a surfer dude, he came close. Seth wins that competition, hands down.
“Ya know he’s not here, right?” I’d been caught off guard by his statement.
“Umm . . . sorry?” My eyes dropped down to Chance on the ground, fitting my tyre.
“Seth. He’s not here today.”
“Oh, I wasn’t looking for him.” Ah, yes, I had been, and I was totally sprung. My eyes had darted around the shed and kept falling back to the door, waiting for him to strut through in his true Captain America style. Chance gives me the ‘nice try, lady’ look. I’m a terrible liar.
“Sure, sure. He’s mentioned you recently.”
My interest has been piqued. “Oh, has he now? All good I hope.”
He’d grinned, as he’d finished the job and stood to face me. “All the good stuff, sweetheart.”
After paying, I’d left to soak up more rays on the beach. Canyon Bay is beautiful. I was up early this morning to watch the sunrise. It was stunning, relaxing, and gave me a sense of peace and belonging.
Since Mum informed me Dad was possibly not my father, the feeling of not belonging has weighed heavily on my shoulders. Dad says no matter what, I’m his daughter, and this is all that matters to him, but what about me? Do I want to find my real father? Will I be disappointed if I do? Or can I be happy with the man I thought was my dad and maybe forgive Mum for her lies? So many questions are continuously turning over in my head.
One day, hopefully soon, I’ll be able to become the bigger person and forgive Mum.
The daylight is fading, the evening colours of orange and pink light up the sky. Maybe I won’t ever leave. Sherri’s proposal has been in my thoughts. I have nothing else going on, and who knows what the future holds?
Out of nowhere, an idea springs into my mind—a seriously crazy idea. My heart pumps with anticipation. Leaping from my chair, I resolve that living my life on the safe side is dull and I’m over it. Now it’s time to reassess everything. Now is the time to take wild chances and see if things can be better on a darker, wilder side of living. Moving to this beautiful place was the first step and now it’s time for the second step in my plan. Racing down to the almost dark and empty beach, I drop my towel and begin stripping off my clothes. I can’t believe I’m about to do this. It’s something I’ve only ever thought about doing—now I’m going to give it a go.
Skinny-dip in the ocean—what the hell am I thinking?
An energised thrill spreads throughout my body. I’m completely naked, and the breeze kisses my skin like a soft caress. The weather isn’t cold, but it’s not scorching either; it’s perfect beach weather. Leaving my clothes in a scrunched-up pile on the sand, I run the short distance into the water.
My bare feet covered by the salty water, I slowly descend farther into the ocean until it splashes at my waist. It’s such a freeing feeling, the water swirling around my bare body. My face hurts from smiling so hard.
All my life I’ve wanted to do this—to know what it feels like. Tonight, I decided that I’ve been missing out on something exhilarating and freeing. Diving under the water, I soak my hair, the coolness refreshing my senses.
As I lie back and float, looking at the stars that are beginning to shine, it feels magical. There are small swells in the water rocking my body and I lie on the surface of the water. There are no waves; it’s flat and perfect, and I feel free and alive. It’s something I want to experience more.
I’m unsure of how long I float in the water. The night is solid black now, with only the reflection of the full moon glowing on the ocean and lighting my way back to the cottage. Flicking my legs down, I realise I can’t touch the sandy bottom like I could just minutes ago. My heart fills with alarm. Where is the cottage?
My chest is tight with fear as I fight to breathe. In all the excitement of feeling free, I’m now so far out I struggle to see the shore.
I hear something in the distance, coming from a dim light in the distance, which I’m hoping is the cottage. Unable to make out what the sound was, I begin screaming for help.
My attempt to swim towards the shore is a struggle. I’m fighting against a rip that keeps pulling me back out to sea. Oh, my gosh. I’m going to die out here, naked.
“Help me, please!” I continue to cry out in the hope someone will hear me. Fear takes an iron grip on my chest.
My arms and legs become tired with the constant struggle against the rip in the ocean, pulling me farther from my happy place. I don’t know how long I’ve been calling out or treading water, waiting and hoping for someone to find my pile of clothes on the shore.
Another voice sounds, so I cry out again. Now my tears mix with the sea. Breathing is a struggle. I can barely keep my head above water. I need to calm down, but my attempts are useless. My legs keep seizing up on me with cramps and my arms are like lead weights slowly pulling me down into the depths of darkness.
This is it—I can feel it. My life will be lost to the sea. My tired legs stop. My arms cramp and are unable to hold me up. I sink, sink into the abyss.
Closing my eyes, I see Seth’s face behind the lids. His charming smile and twinkling steel blue eyes. Why aren’t you here saving me? I want to scream at him, but I have nothing left within me. No more fight. Just darkness.