Shelby bent over the toilet and dry-heaved for what had to be the fifteenth time, but her stomach wouldn’t calm down. Her body felt hot, then cold. Her skin clammy.

This wasn’t illness, though. This was terror.

She’d lost him.

How could she have been so stupid? So insensitive?

How could she have ever, ever, said something to make him think she didn’t want him.

She did.

Dear God, how she did.

But she’d felt trapped. Closed in. Downright scared. Because how could she—her of all people—live in that spotlight that he did? And not just any spotlight, but a downright raunchy one.

Surely he understood that. He knew her, after all. He had to know that her reaction wasn’t about him. It was about standing in that spotlight where people like her mother would see her and frown and wag judgmental fingers.

That’s what she was scared of.

Not Nolan. Because how could she ever be scared of the man she loved?

---

“You really ought to take her calls, dude,” Connor said as they sat in the KIKX break room after the show. “She’s been calling every day like clockwork.”

“Maybe I should,” Nolan said. “Hell, maybe I deserved it. Maybe she’s right to be embarrassed by me.”

“Bullshit,” Connor said. “I mean, come on, man. You make people laugh. You make people think. You damn sure make people talk, and that’s a good thing.”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I only—”

The intercom buzzed and the receptionist announced a call from Amanda.

“I’ll take it in here,” he told her, then went to the phone and punched the button for the proper line.

Connor stood and walked to the door, signaling that he’d catch him later.

“Amanda? What’s up?”

“It’s me,” Shelby said. “I figured you’d talk to Amanda, but please, don’t hang up.”

Surprisingly, he didn’t. The phone was still to his ear. And as hurt and as angry as he was, the sound of her voice only underscored how damn much he missed her.

But missing her wasn’t enough. Not by a long shot.

“You haven’t returned any of my calls,” she said.

“There’s nothing to say. I’ve been in a relationship with a woman who didn’t respect me. I’m not going there again.”

“No. No, don’t you dare lump me in with Lauren. I respect you, Nolan. Hell, I need you. I was just caught off guard. Scared.”

“About what?”

“Being caught in the spotlight like that. With my mother freaking out about toothbrush vibrators and people asking me about the stuff between us that you talk about on your show. I can’t riff about sex like you can. And I’m not comfortable with people looking that closely at my life, much less my sex life. But it’s not you. Don’t you get it? Don’t you understand the difference?”

“Baby,” he said softly, his heart squeezing tight in defense against the words he had to say. Because even though she didn’t realize it, she’d just told him that there was no way for them to be together. Not ever. “I do. I get it.”

“Well?”

“Don’t you see, Shelby? That’s the life you’d have. We can’t be together behind concrete walls. If you’re with me the walls are glass. I can shield you some, but not completely. Because even if I don’t talk about our sex life, I’ll still be talking about vibrators and hard-ons, and your mother will be mortified and your clients will raise their eyebrows. It’s the one constant of what I do, and there’s no way around it. And we both know I can’t quit. It’s what I am. It’s who I am.”

“I know.” He heard the small sob and it nearly broke his heart.

“It can’t work, Shelby. And you’re the one who just told us why.”

---

For days, Shelby battled her thoughts, trying to decide what to do. And trying to figure out who she was, and what she wanted.

All she knew for certain was that she wanted Nolan. What she didn’t know was what she was willing to give up. Or, for that matter, how to convince him.

The answer to the first question came to her on Wednesday after work when Frank called her into his office and told her that a local radio station, KIKX, was looking to hire a consulting accountant for a long-term project.

“It’s just the right kind of client and the right type of work to get you squarely on partnership track.”

It was, too. That job would probably seal her fate, and she’d be a partner within the next two years.

She turned it down. Because the only thing she could think about was the no-dating policy between Brandywine employees and the employees of clients. And the thought of not being with Nolan for that long was impossible to bear.

Which told her what she was willing to give up.

Now she just had to figure out how to get him back. And when she realized that it was Wednesday evening and the night of the Mr. April contest, the pieces fell into place.

Shelby knew exactly what to do.

She just hoped it would work.

---

By the time Shelby reached the bar, the contest was already underway, and she saw Nolan standing shirtless on stage as the final guy walked to the microphone, flexed his muscles, and told the audience to vote for him.

As he walked back to stand in the line with the other men, Beverly Martin, a local film actress who was the contest’s emcee, started for the mike, presumably to wrap up the contest and tell the audience to cast their votes.

“Wait,” Shelby called, sprinting for the stairs that led up to the stage.

Beverly took a step back, clearly confused, as Shelby bounded onto the stage and grabbed the mike.

“It’s okay!” A voice shouted from the back of the room, and Shelby said a silent thank you that Brooke had gotten her text message begging her to please ask Jenna to let Shelby have this moment in the spotlight.

Now that she was here, though, staring at hundreds of faces, she thought she just might die of mortification.

Swallowing, she turned to look behind her, needing to see Nolan. He stood shirtless with the other guys, his eyes wide, and his weight shifted forward, as if he was ready to leap to her rescue.

And that alone gave her the courage to go on.

“Um, hi. So, right. I realize this is a little over the top, but I just wanted to tell you why you should vote for Nolan Wood.”

Behind her, all the guys started to mumble, and someone from the audience shouted, “Anything for a rating, Wood! Awesome stunt!”

“No, it’s not a stunt. I mean, I guess it is. But it’s not his stunt. It’s mine. And it’s not for ratings.” She looked over her shoulder at Nolan, then bit her lip before continuing. “I’ve got a much bigger prize in mind.

“So, right, moving on. Why vote for him? Well, his abs are awesome and he’s a really good kisser.”

“Jesus, Shelby,” Nolan murmured, which only made her laugh nervously and continue. “But all these guys look pretty awesome. So it has to be about more than that. And the thing is, Nolan’s got this great way of looking at life. He embraces passion and silliness. And he sees sex—oh, God—here I go, talking about sex in front of all you people—but he sees it in all its incarnations. A covenant, a promise, an escapade. Fun. Silly. Reverent.”

She drew in a breath and plowed on, afraid that if she paused, they’d kick her off the stage. “He’s a guy who serves the community in so many ways. And he’s a guy who really lives in it. A guy who truly made himself. A man who’s so comfortable in his own skin he’s willing to put all of himself out in front of the world. And that’s something I really admire.

“The thing is, I’m not like that. I don’t have that openness, and that scared me, and I screwed up. But that was my bad. Not his. Because Nolan is the best man I know, and I’m telling you this so that you’ll vote for him. But hands off, girls, because he’s mine. And when he talks about his Paradox on the radio, just so you know, that’s me, and I loved every minute I had with him.”

She wiped away a tear. “Hopefully I’ll have more, but I’m so afraid that I lost him. And I really hope I didn’t. Because I’m head over heels in love with him.”

She stood for a second, and the room was totally and completely silent. Then she managed a tiny smile and said, “Ah, um, I should go,” and started toward the stairs.

She didn’t make it. Someone had her arm, and when she looked back, she saw that it was Nolan.

She only had time to gasp before he pulled her close, then bent her body back in a full-on Hollywood pose. He kissed her then, long and deep and wonderful, and when he put her back on her feet, her whole body was shaking.

“I love you,” he said, and she burst into tears.

“I said it first,” she managed, gulping a little.

“Yeah, you did.” He pushed the hair off her face. “Let’s get out of here.”

“They haven’t announced the winner yet.”

He looked out at the audience, then to the other men. Then he looked at her face and his eyes locked on hers. “Trust me,” he said. “I just won the only thing I want.”