“Okay, there’s one more signature left, and we should be done here.”

Stephen Jensen, my attorney, placed the last remaining document in front of me and I signed where he directed. My stomach twisted, a sick feeling settling into the pit as ten years of my life vanished with the simple stroke of a pen.

“Well, that should do it.” Jensen gathered up the papers spread across the conference table. “I know this finalization has been a long time coming, Colin, but in the end, I think it was fair.”

“Fair or not, at least Natalie and her father’s company are out of my life. For good.” I stood and shook his hand. “Thanks, Jensen, for getting this settled. I just hope I never need your services again.”

“Me too.” Jensen returned my handshake with a sad smile on his face. “You take care of yourself, and try to put this behind you.”

“Will do.”

While exiting the office building, I exhaled a deep, cleansing breath and looked up at the clear Dallas sky as the warm afternoon breeze blew across my face. The warmth felt good and . . . freeing.

As I walked toward my car, the reality that I no longer had any ties to my wife sunk in. The thought of calling Natalie my “ex-wife” made me laugh. It was bittersweet. Finding humor in the tragedy of our marriage gave me a bit of relief.

No one around would’ve noticed, but there was a definite weight off my shoulders. I felt it down to my bones. Removing the heavy load hadn’t come easy, but I had no regrets. That part of my life was over and it was time to finally move on.

It had been a long and lonely year since I’d filed for divorce. Even after I walked into Natalie’s office and found her having sex with a senior executive, I’d played it safe, needing to stay spotless without even a hint of another woman in my life. We were playing a poker game and I wanted to keep all my chips, and possibly take some of hers. Her father owned the company, and I had more to lose, so I’d remained faithful to her through it all.

I missed being around a woman, and not just sexually. Although that would have been nice too. Real damn nice.

Hell, I was sick of being alone. I missed having someone to share my day with and join me for dinner out instead of eating alone.

After all the crap I’d been through in the last year, I guessed I still believed in love. My parents lived it every day of their life. Even after thirty-five years, I could still see the sparks fly when they were together. A love like theirs couldn’t be hidden.

My cell phone rang once I was inside my parked car. It was Dave, my best friend since elementary school, likely calling to check up on me. He had stood by me throughout the yearlong divorce battle. He was the friend I called when life threw shit at me.

“Hey, Dave.”

“Hey, man.” His enthusiasm made me smile. It was his happy-go-lucky way. “How did things go? You met with the lawyers today, right?”

“Yep. I’m officially divorced. Just left their office.”

“Wow. Thank God it’s finally over. You can start over now.” He had no idea how much I wanted to do just that.

“My thoughts exactly.” I started the car to get the air circulating. The heat of the day turned my interior into a sauna.

“You can begin tonight. Love Handles starts at seven.” Dave had a convincing way of telling people what to do. I think he missed his calling as a diplomat for the State Department.

“I’ll be there, but I plan on getting a car service tonight. I have a little celebrating to do and don’t want to worry about how much I drink.”

“I’ll swing by and pick you up around six thirty. It’s no problem.”

“That’d be great. I’m not one to turn down a free ride.” We both laughed.

“The girls will be there tonight. Hope that’s all right.”

Usually, our weekly Love Handles Club night was just the guys, but some of the wives and women we knew from our high school days joined us on occasion.

“Sure. I haven’t seen them in a while. It’ll be good to catch up. Who knows, maybe one of them will have a lead on a job for me since I’m gainfully unemployed.”

“You may be unemployed, but you should be set for life with the divorce settlement. Unless Natalie and her father didn’t buy out your shares of the company as planned.”

“I’m good. Everything worked out and my attorney said it was a fair deal. I say it’s done.” I really didn’t want to talk about the specifics. “So, where are we meeting tonight? The usual?”

“Yes, The Londoner. I feel like playing a game or two of pool.”

“Bob humiliated you last time, if I’m not mistaken.”

“It was ugly. I need to save face tonight,” he continued. “Oh, I almost forgot, someone special’s coming. Someone I think you’ll want to see.”

“I just signed the papers a few minutes ago. Please tell me you’re not trying to hook me up already,” I groan, conveying my annoyance at Dave trying to push me back into the single scene.

Given the opportunity, Dave would rattle off a list of women he thought would be perfect for me. I, on the other hand, wanted a little time to breathe. I wasn’t quite ready to jump into the dating game tonight.

“Oh, it’s nothing like that. It’s Kirsten. She’s joining us tonight.” His words hung in the air between us.

After a few seconds, I finally replied in almost a whisper, “My Kirsten?”

“Yes, your Kirsten. Is that all right?” His question had a hesitancy to it.

“I guess so,” I said, but truthfully, I wasn’t sure how I felt about seeing my high school sweetheart after all these years. “It’s been a long time. I saw her at the reunion a few years ago, but I didn’t even get to say hello. Right after we made eye contact, her jerk of a husband ushered her out of the banquet hall.”

“Yeah, I remember you telling me about that. Well, I have some good news for you.” Dave paused, increasing my anticipation. “She’s coming alone. Tina’s bringing her. I don’t know the whole story, but she moved back here from Atlanta—”

“She’s back in Dallas?” I interrupted. “Permanently?” I should’ve been happy with the news, but having my first love around with her possessive husband wouldn’t be an easy pill for me to swallow. The thought of running into them somewhere in town filled me with dread.

“Tina said she’s moving back to Dallas and the husband isn’t. I think they split up. But don’t quote me on that.”

Thoughts began to jumble in my head at the possibility of Kirsten being single now, too. I needed to find out for sure before I let my mind even toy with the idea.

“Well, it’ll be good to see her. Thanks for giving me the heads up.”

“What are friends for? Maybe you two can celebrate tonight. Your freedom and her homecoming.”

“Let’s avoid divorce talk, if you don’t mind. Deal?”

“Deal,” Dave answered with gusto. “Listen, I have a conference call in a few I need to prepare for. I’ll see you at six thirty.”

“Okay. See you later.”

I tossed the phone aside and pulled out of my parking space to head home. I needed some time to mull over what Dave had said. Hell, I was going to see Kirsten Parker tonight, and I really couldn’t begin to wrap my mind around that.

My hands started to sweat, and it had nothing to do with the day’s heat. Regret tinged with a sprinkling of fear—pretty much what every heartbreaking jerk should have felt after coming to his senses too late.

I stomped on her love with my selfishness and had no excuse for my nineteen-year-old self. I was a dumb knucklehead. If I could have had a do-over, I never would’ve done the idiotic things that led to our breakup.

Kirsten and I had met our freshman year in high school. She had attended a private religious school before switching to Highland Park High. The first day of school, I saw her in my second period class.

She was nervous, but who wouldn’t have been? We were a snobby bunch of rich kids who had been in the same crowd since preschool and didn’t embrace newcomers easily. I moved to her side in hopes of rescuing her. I also wanted to be the first one to introduce myself to the pretty girl standing alone. There was just something about Kirsten. I could still see her looking up at me with those pretty brown eyes. She seemed so fragile and vulnerable.

Standing next to her, I’d looked down, and said, “Hi.” She’d smiled back at me, and from that moment on, I’d been wrapped around her little finger. We’d just clicked. During our four years of high school, we’d shared everything two crazy, lovesick kids could possibly experience together. However, our relationship changed when we went off to different colleges.

Kirsten went to Baylor University in Waco, the school her parents had chosen for her. They were deeply religious and thought it best to have their impressionable daughter attend a nice Baptist college.

I’d gone off to the University of Texas in Austin and joined a rambunctious fraternity. In hindsight, not a very smart idea if you wanted to keep a long-distance relationship going.

I’d convinced myself I was immune to the temptations of booze and willing women. Sadly, I ended up living like there wasn’t a beautiful girl two hours away expecting me to be faithful.

A few weeks after the first semester started, I fell off my high horse when I slept with one of the sorority girls who hung around the frat house. She’d been trying to get me into bed since we met at a freshman mixer. I was drunk as hell the night I caved, but nothing excused what I had done.

After being apart for two months, Kirsten came to visit me over UT’s homecoming weekend in October. She hadn’t suspected I’d cheated on her; everything between us had seemed fine. When we’d talked on the phone, I had kept up the ruse of being a devoted boyfriend in fear of losing her if she learned the truth. What a complete jerk.

However, my secrets hadn’t stayed hidden for long. During her short stay on campus, she’d found out I was seeing other girls.

Kirsten had arrived at my fraternity house on Saturday morning before the big football game. I’d brought her up to my room where several of my frat brothers were enjoying some pre-tailgate partying.

The drinks had been strong and one of the guys was wasted and forgot Kirsten was coming to visit. I’d tried to keep my cheating a secret, but nothing stayed hidden living in a frat house full of horny guys.

I’d warned everyone to keep a lid on what had happened with the other girls. However, my drunken friend had spilled my secrets as soon as Kirsten walked into the room, shouting that I’d found another hot girl for this week’s football game. I’d tried shutting him up, to keep him from saying more, but he’d started naming the other girls, and each one had been like a punch to my gut and likely a dagger to Kirsten’s heart.

Her beautiful eyes had filled with tears as she searched my face for an answer, and I couldn’t say a word to confirm nor deny. She didn’t need me to, though. She knew the truth because she knew my heart, and it told her I was a lying cheat. There’d been no defense for what I’d done. 

After a few seconds, everyone around us had gone back to partying, acting like nothing earth shattering had happened right in front of them. But Kirsten and I had stood a few feet inside the room facing each other, neither of us moving a muscle or saying a word. We’d looked into each other’s eyes for a long, long time. Then, she’d whispered the last words I’d ever thought I’d hear from her . . .

“Goodbye, Colin.”

I remembered them like it was yesterday.

She’d turned away from me, tucked her overnight bag into her side, and walked out of the room. I had no idea where she was going or what I should’ve done. My feet were frozen to the floor. So, I did nothing. I just let her go. Biggest damn regret of my life.

I still can’t figure out why I didn’t chase after her. Maybe I felt she deserved better than me, and it was probably true. Who knew what went on inside a stupid nineteen-year-old’s brain?

When I finally came to my senses a few hours later and tried to find her, I was too late. Tina, her best friend from high school who also was at UT, told me Kirsten had gone back to Baylor brokenhearted.

No matter how hard I’d tried to reach out to her, she’d refused to see me again. I’d lost her for good.

Funny what stood out in my mind after all those years. I’d stopped her right before we’d entered the frat house. We had been standing on a shaded side of the porch away from the crowd and she’d looked up at me, her eyes wide and expectant. I’d taken her sweet face in my hands and kissed her soft lips in what ended up being our last kiss.