No. No. No.

It’s not supposed to happen this way.

I grip Decker’s hand in mine, probably a little too tightly. Without glancing at Jeremy, because I’m delaying that as long as possible, I tow Deck back to Macy.

“Sweetheart, will you stay at Jay’s house for just a little bit longer?” I turn to Macy with a pleading glance. “Be over to get him in a few minutes?”

Her eyes flick from Jeremy to me, down to Decker, and back to me.

“Go ahead boys. You can help me make individual pizzas for dinner.”

Decker and Jay high-five. Jay immediately turns and heads back for his house, but Decker turns back toward me. His face is full of concern. “Mom? Everything okay?”

My gut clenches, and my eyes fill with tears that I will not shed in front of my son. Clearing my throat, I nod and offer him a bright smile. “Yep. Just need to talk to my friend from work for a few minutes. Then I’ll be right over.”

He glances toward Jeremy, unsure. But he finally turns and follows Jay back into the house.

Macy eyes at me, folding her arms across her chest. Keeping her voice low, so Jeremy won’t hear, she addresses me. “Do you need anything? Want me to call anyone?”

I shake my head. “No, please don’t. It’s not what you think, Macy. This is…I know and trust Jeremy. I promise you that’s the truth.”

She scrutinizes me. Whatever she’s searching for, she must have found, because she reaches out and squeezes my shoulder. “I can keep Decker as long as you want me to.”

I squeeze back, giving her a grateful smile. Even though smiling is the very last thing I feel like doing at this moment.

“Thank you, Macy.”

With one last warning glance at Jeremy, she heads inside after the boys.

Slowly, I turn to face him. The look on his face almost brings me to my knees.

He’s staring at Macy’s house, following the path Decker took with his eyes. I can almost see the wheels in his brain turning, turning, turning. His face is ghost-white, and he’s repeatedly running his hands through his hair.

“Jeremy?”

When he turns his gaze on me, there’s so much torment in his eyes I need to look away. I want to look away, but I can’t. I’m tethered to that gaze, whether I want to be or not. He takes a step closer to me, and I plead with my eyes.

“Jeremy—”

He holds up one finger, walking until we’re closer. “You have a son?”

The words are broken. Like he swallowed shards of glass before he spoke them. My tears spill out, running down my face. I don’t bother to wipe them. Inside my chest, my heart constricts, squeezing tighter and tighter until I know it must be failing.

Because Jeremy’s is.

“Yes.” The word falls out on a sob.

Jeremy’s teeth clench together and his hands ball into fists. His eyes, sometimes the color of a calm green pasture, turn into a torrential storm.

“How old is he?” The words are like bullets, each one slamming into me with brute force.

“Jer—” I choke on the word, unable to get it out.

Jeremy’s voice rises. “How old is he?”

“Eight!” I scream. “He’s eight, Jeremy. He was born exactly seven months after I left you.”

Knowing I need to escape the look in his eyes, I turn and flee. I run for my house, but I don’t bother to close and lock the door. I know, without a doubt, that Jeremy would knock it down right now.

And after hearing what he said about his grandparents, I had been thinking about how involved Jeremy was. But seeing his reaction right now slices me open: I made a mistake. He had no clue what they, along with my own parents, did to me all those years ago. He was a victim of their cruelty, of their insistent need to control everything, just like I was.

But I didn’t know. They fed me lies.

Sitting on the couch, I’m finally swiping at the streaming tears, staring at the door when Jeremy walks through it.

He’s like a hurricane, filling up the room with his presence. His energy swirls all around me, pressing in from all sides. But I keep my eyes glued to my hands, which are folded in my lap.

He doesn’t sit beside me.

Instead, he paces the room. His footsteps heavy and thudding against the hardwood floors. When he speaks, his voice is stronger than it was outside, but it’s so full of anger and turmoil that I rock backward, like I’ve been punched.

“I have a son? God, Rayne…I have a son?”

The silence between us grows, stretches, distorts.

Finally, I look up at him. I look him straight in the eye, because he deserves that. “Yes, Jeremy. You have a son. He’s…he’s my whole world. And he’s amazing.”

All the air leaves him in one breath. His body sags as he crouches on the ground, one hand brushing the hardwood planks while his forehead rests against the other palm. His eyes are squeezed shut.

I wait. My limbs are frozen, my eyes never leaving his face. The air in the room grows thick, heavy, almost oppressive as I wait for his response.

Finally, he looks up at me, falling back onto his butt and pulling his knees up. The emotion in his eyes is devastating.

“What did I ever do to you?” His voice is trembling with his heartbreak.

“Nothing!” I swipe at my eyes.

“Then why would you keep this from me? My son? Why would you take off all those years ago without saying a thing?”

Unable to help myself any longer, I rise from the couch and make my way across the living room to where he sits. Crouching down beside him, I reach out and stroke the side of his face with my hand. He flinches but doesn’t pull completely away. The hurt in his eyes slices through me, threatening to cut me down altogether.

“I’m so, so sorry, Jeremy. I made a mistake…I should have talked to you. I thought you didn’t want me, or us.” I indicate myself and toward the home next-door, where Decker is staying with Macy and Jay.

His expression turns to a mask of bewilderment. “Why the hell would you think that?”

Sighing, I know I’m not ready to tell him this story. But it’s not about me anymore. Because of my choice not to trust him all those years ago, my son has missed out on eight years with his father.

And Jeremy has missed vital time with his son.

I retreat back to the couch, and Jeremy follows me. When I sit down, he perches beside me, his intent gaze watching me, waiting.

“When I got pregnant senior year, I was so scared, Jeremy. I didn’t know what you would think. I thought maybe you’d think I was trapping you here in Wilmington with me, when I knew you wanted a future in football anywhere but here.”

His gaze is laser-focused on me. “You meant more to me then than any football career.”

I take a shuddering breath. “I had hoped you’d feel that way, and I was going to tell you no matter what. But I told my parents first.”

He winces, because Jeremy knew my parents back then. Strict, iron-fisted Catholics, my pregnancy devastated them.

“They were so ashamed of me, Jer.” I glance down at my hands, all that shame and the feeling of abandonment washing over me again like I’m back there in that time.

I suck in a sharp gasp when Jeremy’s big, warm hand covers mine. He squeezes gently, encouraging me to go on. But if I look at him right now, I’ll lose it. So I stare at our hands and continue with my story.

“They went to your grandparents. The adults talked it out, made decisions without either you or me. Your grandparents insisted that we let them tell you, and that everyone would make a decision accordingly after that.

“It was right before winter break, and my parents took Olive and me on vacation to the mountains, remember? Well, they sat me down and told me that your grandparents had called and told them you didn’t want to have anything to do with me or the baby. That it would ruin your future, and it wasn’t what you wanted.”

Now I glance at him. His eyes are wide, disbelieving.

“I swear to you on all that is holy, they never told me, Rayne. They never told me.”

I nod, sending him a small, sad smile. “I starting wondering about that when I spoke to you the other day. I finally realized that maybe everything wasn’t as it seemed then.”

He pulls our joined hands to his mouth, just resting them there. He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, and I just wait, watching him. Finally, he opens them and squeezes my hand again.

“Keep going, Rayne. What happened next? You never came back from that trip. Why?”

The urgency in his voice is strong; the desperation in his gaze signals he needs to know the ending of this story more than anything else in the world right now.

“My parents told me they were taking me to a doctor’s office for a prenatal checkup.”

My voice breaks on the last word, and Jeremy brings my hand to his lips. He holds my hand in both of his, holding me steady when I’m trying my hardest not to fall apart.

“Only it wasn’t a doctor’s office. It was an abortion clinic. They’d accepted money from your grandparents to have the baby aborted, and extra cash to boot. I was so devastated, Jeremy. So hurt and scared and…alone.”

Tears roll down my face as I remember how I felt that day all those years ago. Finally, I thought my parents were going to be there for me during this ordeal, that they were going to support me. I’d already decided I was going to keep our baby. It was part of me and part of Jeremy, and I wanted that.

Sniffing, I wipe my eyes. My voice is filled with irate venom. “Devout Catholics, my ass. Their daughter creates one scandal, and they’re willing to go against their beliefs. Ironic, huh?”

When I glance up at Jeremy, his eyes are brimming with his own unshed tears. He grabs the back of my head and pulls me in until our foreheads are touching.

“I wish I could have been there for you. I would have been there for you.” His whispered words work as a healing balm, soothing the scar tissue left from years of hurt and anger.

“But I didn’t know that. I’d been told that you wanted nothing to do with our baby, and that broke me, Jeremy. Even after I’d given birth, the thought of finding you and introducing you to our son after you’d rejected us once…I just couldn’t go through that again.”

We locked eyes, and the pain swimming in his mirrored the ache I felt down to my soul.

“I left that clinic and never looked back. I ran, Jeremy. I ran and my grandmother got me to Phoenix. I’ve never spoken to my parents since, but Olive is in Decker’s life.”

Jeremy pulls back, a small smile crossing his face for the first time. “Decker? That’s his name?”

Unexpected shyness blossoms inside me, and I nod. “Decker James.”

He tests out his son’s name for the first time. “Decker James.”

As I stare at him it once again dawns on me just how hard it was doing it all without Jeremy. Believing what they wanted me to believe, that he didn’t love me. That he didn’t want our baby. It wrecked me in so many ways, changed who I am inside. I couldn’t recover from that rejection, not just for me but for my child, so I had to bury it deep and keep moving forward.

But it was always there. And knowing that it wasn’t true slices me open.

We’re both silent for a few minutes, lost in our thoughts. But our hands remain linked, and when Jeremy speaks again his voice has lost the desperate edge from before.

“What have you told him about me?”

I meet his gaze. “Just that he was born out of love, but not all moms and dads live together. I told him that I didn’t know where you lived, and so far he’s been okay with that.”

Jeremy nods, his expression thoughtful and anxious. “I want to meet him, Rayne. I want him to know who I am to him.”

Standing, I walk to the living room window and glance out at the nearly dark street. A shiver creeps down my back when I remember what almost happened on that street less than an hour ago.

I’ve had Decker all to myself since he was born. It’s been my sole responsibility to care for him, love him, and raise him. I’ve never had to share that task, and I never felt like I was lacking. It’s been a joy to raise him, even though doing it alone was hard at times.

Learning to share him with Jeremy is going to be a challenge.

But I’ve never run from one of those, and I want Jeremy in Decker’s life.

Nodding, I turn to face Jeremy again, folding my arms across my chest. “You can meet him. I’m not sure I’m ready to tell him you’re his father yet, though. Maybe we can ease him into that after you two have gotten comfortable with each other?”

Jeremy’s face falls a little, but he nods. “Yeah. If that’s what you think is best, Rayne.”

He stands up and comes toward me, an unreadable expression on his face.

Wonder? Awe?

Why would he be looking at me that way?

“I can’t believe you’ve been raising our son alone all this time.” He stops when he’s standing just in front of me. His arms reach out like he wants to pull me in close, but he stops himself, shoving his hands through his hair and turning away from me instead. The wonder dissipates and a tortured expression takes its place, a flash of pain chased by venomous anger.

“How have you been doing it all alone? Where does my son go when you’re at work? Is he happy? God…I don’t even know what he’s like.” He shakes his head, a strand of his hair falling into his face.

Uncrossing my arms, I use my hands to punctuate my words. “He’s happy. And healthy. I had my grandmother to help when Decker was a baby and a toddler, but she passed away about a year ago. I’ve been doing it the way most single mothers do…he’s been my whole world for his entire life. Neither of us has known anything different.” I spread my arms wide at the last.

Jeremy throws his head back, a frustrated groan ripping from his throat. “It didn’t have to be that way for you, Rayne!” His voice rises a notch, but his anger doesn’t intimidate me. It devastates me.

“I would have been there!” Pacing away from me, his long legs stride with purpose toward the window. “I never would have let the girl I loved raise our son alone. Never!”

A fresh wave of tears prickle my eyes. “I…I was crushed when I thought you didn’t want our baby. If you didn’t want that part of us, you didn’t want me, either. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, he was a part of me. We were a package deal. And the way your grandparents talked…they were so adamant that there was no way you would want us. I shouldn’t have believed it…but I was young, and scared, and my parents’ betrayal made me feel so alone. I didn’t know what to do…so I ran.”

A shiver shakes me, and I wrap my arms around myself again. Tears soak my cheeks, and when Jeremy turns to face me, his eyes flashing, he takes one look at me before the anger on his face relaxes into sorrow.

“I feel robbed, Rayne. Time with my son…with my family…was fucking stolen from me. I don’t know what to do with that.”

I nod. I’m wrung out, drained, exhaustion setting into me from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. And the pure, unadulterated sadness seeps in, right down to my marrow. “I don’t, either.”

We stare at one another, the silence stretching, twisting, reaching between us. And I find myself second-guessing every choice I ever made. I know I did what I thought was best for Decker and me at the time, but the pain in Jeremy’s eyes, the sorrow written in every move he makes, tears me apart. I wish I had believed in him. I wish I had believed in us. Where would we be right now if I had?

Finally, I step toward him. My voice is nothing but a hoarse whisper. “But we’re here now. And so are you. We can make this—your relationship with Decker—right.”

His gaze deepens, and I nearly fall into the wilderness of his eyes. “Yeah…I plan on it.”

His voice is full of finality, of determination. The confidence in it makes me quake just a little bit.

A car door slams outside, a noise that normally wouldn’t have phased me. But Jeremy’s gaze flicks to the window, and his body goes rigid. He closes his eyes briefly.

“Fuck. This has been…incredible. Finding out about him. But we can’t forget that something really, really bad could have happened tonight if I hadn’t followed you home.”

I pull my arms in tighter to my chest, fighting the urge to quiver. “Who do you think that was, Jeremy?”

The sinking feeling in my gut tells me I already know the answer to that question.

His eyes cloud over. “I don’t know. I’m gonna head back to the office to run his plate, but I don’t want to leave you…and Decker…alone.”

Understanding dawns on me. “My friend Macy, from next-door. Her husband travels a lot for work, and she and her son are alone a lot. I’ll ask her if we can stay over.”

Jeremy looks skeptical. “How well do you know her?”

My mouth twitches. His protectiveness is…attractive. More than attractive.

Sexy as hell.

“She and Olive have been neighbors for a while now. Olive trusts her, and so do I. She watches Decker while I’m at work.”

Jeremy narrows his gaze. “No…that’s not gonna work for me. I need to know that you and Decker are safe. I want to check you into a hotel. Just for the night, until I can do some digging.”

I eye him. “You really think we need to?”

He nods, and I don’t even consider arguing with him. There’s no question in my mind that Jeremy has Decker and my best interests at heart, and if he says we shouldn’t stay here tonight then I’m going to go with that.

“I’ll pack our things.” Turning away from him, I head for the stairs. But Jeremy’s voice, deep and sure, makes me pause.

“We’re not done talking about this, Rayne. I want to know more about…what it’s been like for you. I want to know everything.”

He wants to know what it’s been like for me?

Oh, God. My heart squeezes in my chest, a dangerous feeling that I haven’t had in years spreading through my insides like warm chocolate syrup. Jeremy cares, and not just about his son.

About me.

Maybe he never stopped.