I killed a human.

I clutch my chest as the gravity of my actions sets in. Yes, I intended to kill a vampire, but that’s different. For one, they’re technically already dead, and I’d save more lives than the one I took. But this person was innocent. He doesn’t even have a gun. Was he staff? A butler or driver?

Heavy footsteps approach. Two guards with guns train their sights on me. I can’t focus on the man right now. My adrenaline spikes, and I jump through the window, doing a forward roll and landing on the grass still circling forward. I crouch, then run. I’ve never been gladder for my days in high school track.

Their voices yell behind me, but I can’t make out their words. Bullets fly by, narrowly missing me, and I screech as one blows through my hair, the noise piercing and the heat scorching.

Sebastian stands at the gate, his hands in tight fists. He growls into the night. A guard fires his semi-automatic at me. I bring up my hands and cross them over my chest to protect myself like I did earlier, and I feel the soft glow grow denser and form a wall around me as bullets ricochet.

When I reach the guard running for me, I worry I’ll have to fight him, but he turns and runs off to the left when he realizes his bullets can’t hurt me.

Sebastian whips over to a tree and his face strains as he plucks it from the ground like a carrot. He holds it over his head and tosses it straight for me. What the hell is he doing? But as it sails over my head, I know he never meant it for me. I glance over my shoulder to watch it fly straight for the guards, who drop to the ground. It gives me enough time to pick up the pace and run across the finish line of the gates. “Let’s go!” I scream to Sebastian, but he doesn’t move. “Sebastian!”

He stares at the guards with murderous eyes. “Let them come to me. All of them.”

“No! Let’s go. This is over.”

With a growl, he smashes his fist into the metal of the car, leaving a massive dent. Then he gets in and peels off. His hands grip the steering wheel so tightly they’re almost translucent.

We drive in silence for several minutes, me trying to get my breath, and him, his usually pale face, blazing. When he finally looks over in my direction his face softens. “Are you all right?”

I nod, still huffing breaths, but tears rim my eyes and spill over before I can bat them away.

“What happened? Are you hurt? Where?”

I smooth my hands over my eyes and then my face. “I’m fine. I…just…I killed someone.”

“Is that all?” he asks, confused.

I frown at him, and tears fall faster. I didn’t sign up for this. Killing vampires is one thing. They’re parasites, many of whom kill when there is no need. But a human? Unarmed? I’ve crossed a line, and I can’t take it back. “I shot a ball of light at Markus, and it hit the man.” I sniffle and wipe my nose with my sleeve.

He shifts uncomfortably. His eyes lighten to blue as he scratches his chin. “People die all the time. It’s not like you meant to do it, right? I mean, you can at least give yourself credit for that.”

“It doesn’t help.”

“And Markus? Did you stake him?” His raises an eyebrow as he waits for my reply.

My silence says it all.

He grips the wheel tighter and crushes the part of the wheel that’s within his grip. “I made it clear. He had to die.”

“And he will. He drank my blood, so it’s only a matter of time, right?”

“It could take ages before he falls.”

“Sebastian, he said he’s killed me two dozen times before. He told me things about myself that…” I gulp down the memories. They sting as much as killing the human does. “He knew me well, and he knew I couldn’t beat him.”

“Bullshit. He’s a liar and a very good one at that.”

“No, he wasn’t lying. I…had a flash of a memory, and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with what I saw. I’m not what I thought I was, what I strangely hoped I was. I’m a monster, just like him.”

“What did he say?”

I don’t see the point of hiding anything, and it’s clear he’s on my side and has been from the start, so I tell him every last detail. While he processes what I’ve said, I worry he won’t look at me the same way because Penelope isn’t who he thought she was either. She lied to him. Or did she?

“You can kill him. Yes, she wasn’t strong enough the last time, but she almost had him after killing her coven. And if you’ve lived other lives between then and now, I’m certain she’s taken more.”

“Wait? What?”

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“I thought she lied to you. But she didn’t, did she? No, she told you the truth, and it’s you who’s lying. Why would you make me out to be some hero when she was the complete opposite?”

“I told you the truth—mostly. Yes, I may have spun the way she got stronger a little but—”

“A little! It was a flat-out lie.”

“You were excited to be saved from your boring life in that boring town, and you were only too happy to hunt when you thought you were the good guy. And you are...the good guy. It’s just that the lines you wouldn’t cross for the greater good aren’t the same as Penelope’s were.”

“Stop the car.”

He keeps driving, sighing at me like I’m a petulant child.

“Stop the car!”

“Listen to me carefully. Markus is alive, and if you care for your sister at all, you’ll do what I say. You run back to your sister, and he’ll find you and kill you both. Is that what you want?”

“I fucking hate you.”

He rolls his eyes. “You’ll get over it.”

“What else are you hiding from me? What other lies have you told? Have you really not seen me since the seventeen hundreds?”

“That was true. It’s obvious someone wanted to hide you, and they did a good job. I thought you died for real back then.”

“Maybe I realized what a prick you are, and I avoided you.”

“You’re sounding more and more like yourself, Penelope.”

I hit my head against the headrest, angry with him and also furious with myself. How could I have been so blind? “I cared about you. I actually imagined how my future might look with you in it.”

He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for you. When you get your memories back, you’ll thank me.”

“He seemed to think they’d come back too. How do you know they will?”

“I... I don’t. I can only tell you what Penelope told me a long time ago, that you lived many lives, and sometimes, you got flashes of who you were before. You would follow the crumbs of those memories, hoping to feel whole because although you were fierce, you were also a little lost.”

“I don’t want any of those memories back.”

He shrugs and glances at me for a brief moment. “I don’t think you get to choose what you remember and what you forget.”

---

The plane ride is much longer sitting in silence, but I have nothing to say to Sebastian right now. I put my faith in him, and he betrayed me. He can insist all he wants that he was doing what was best for me—he was doing what I wanted—but none of that is true. He was doing what he and Penelope wanted, and even if I share her DNA, I’m not her. I won’t let myself become her, not even if I get every single one of my memories back, because I also have a lifetime of memories and values my parents taught me that can’t be ignored. I’ll never be okay with taking lives, and I can’t forgive myself for the innocent one I took at Markus’s house.

Sebastian left his car in the airport parkade, and we find it easily. As soon as we climb inside, he connects his phone to Bluetooth, and I gaze at him with a watchful eye while it rings on speaker.

Justine’s voice quietly says, “Hello?”

Justine? I raise an eyebrow. He responds to with a shrug.

“Hello, sweetheart.”

Her breath makes a static sound as she sighs into the phone. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I need a favor.”

“Of course you do. But I’m done helping you. You missed a full moon last night. I called and called, and you didn’t answer. You agree to turn me, and here I am, a human. Still.”

He mouths a curse. “Justine, I was out of the province, but you have my word it will happen on the next full moon.”

“Your word means nothing to me anymore.”

“Me either,” I say softly.

“Is that Emily?”

“Hi, Justine.”

“Still with that piece of shit. He hasn’t got you killed yet?”

“He’s working on it.”

Sebastian lets out a low growl before turning on the heat. I didn’t even have to ask, but it doesn’t warm me to him. I’m still beyond angry, and I don’t know how we’ll get past it. If I forgive the lies, it doesn’t change the fact that he put his and Penelope’s desires over my own. He loves her, not me. And I won’t be second best to anyone, not even a sadistic former version of myself.

“Leave him,” Justine says. “Before it’s too late.”

“Thank you for the advice, Justine,” Sebastian says. “But contrary to what both of you believe, I’m trying to keep her alive. And I need your help to do it.”

“Is that true?” she asks me.

“I don’t know what he’s planning, but there’s truth to it. I may have pissed off an elder. He’s likely coming for me now.”

“Well, shit.” She mumbles some inaudible noises and words. “What do you want, Sebastian?”

“I need you to protect the house. And I need you to give your magic to Emily.”

She laughs long and hard. We pass two speed signs on the poles at the side of the road before she finally stops and takes a deep breath. “I would never, not even to help a good witch.”

“I swear if you give her your magic, I will turn you the second it’s done. What do you need magic for anyway, once you’re a vampire? That’s magic enough.”

The line is quiet while she considers. I eye Sebastian and hope to God he’s being upfront with her because if he expects me to do what my former self did to an entire coven, he’s got another thing coming.

“The moment it’s done,” she repeats.

“You have my solemn word,” he says finally.

Trees whiz by, and I watch them, unwilling to look at Sebastian’s face for fear I’ll see a glimpse of a lie. But I can’t ignore the feelings in my gut. When I do, he stares straight ahead, refusing to look at me.

“All right. When do you need me?”

“Yesterday.”

---

Alexander meets us at the door when we come to a speeding halt in front of the house. He regards us coolly, though his eyes hint at annoyance. Sebastian gets out and jogs up the stairs. I look at the car in front of us and don’t recognize it. It’s a little hatchback missing its bumper, and there are rust and dent marks over the body. I assume it’s Justine’s.

The brothers are in the lounge when I head inside to join them. Justine, sitting in a chair with a glass of golden whiskey, smiles when she sees me. She stands, and we embrace. As we pull apart, she says, “You don’t have to follow these two, you know.”

Alexander hisses at her. “What’s done is done. We must finish it now, or we’re all dead.” He looks at his brother. “You assured me you’d be careful, and yet he knows who’s helping her.”

“How does he know?”

“You tell me,” Alexander snaps.

“I said nothing. He might have seen Sebastian at his house…smelled him, maybe. Wait, how do you know he’s coming?”

“He called and commanded me to stay here and wait for him.” His expression is icy, and he directs it straight at me. I look at my feet. This isn’t my fault. I did the best I could. If anything, it’s theirs for putting me in an impossible situation. Sebastian had to know how many times I’ve died at Markus’s hand.

“He drank my blood—only a little but he still drank it. Maybe he’ll die before he gets here. Or we could run and wait it out.”

Alexander shakes his head. “Well, lucky me, I can’t leave. And I promise, wherever you go, he’ll find you. The only option we have is to protect the house and get ready for a fight. He won’t come alone.”

“But Justine will stop them from getting in like she did at her home with Sebastian.”

Alexander laughs. “What are you talking about? The house is owned by a dead man. She can’t keep supernaturals out without casting us out, too.”

Shit. That plan would have worked—or at least bought us more time to think. Having Justine here doesn’t make a lot of difference if she can’t keep Markus and his goons away. We’ve dragged her here for nothing because I won’t force her to give me her magic. I’ll fight Sebastian myself if that’s what he thinks is going to happen. “What’s our plan?”

“You already know,” Justine says. “And while this goes against everything I’ve ever been taught, Sebastian is right. This way I’ll still live, stronger than I’ve ever been, and you so will you.”

“I can’t take your magic. It’s part of who you are.”

“Like the coven members who sacrificed their lives for Penelope, I’m willing to sacrifice my magic to send one more vampire elder to hell, where they belong.”

“But…”

Sebastian cuts me off, probably assuming I’ll correct her. Would she still help me if she knew what Penelope had done? What I’d done? Everything she assumes about Penelope is a damned lie. I want her to have all the facts before she makes this life changing decision.

“We need to hurry. He’ll be here soon,” Sebastian says, his tone clipped.

“But…”

“Emily, we all die if you don’t do this. Do you understand? You, Justine…your sister. My brother and me. He’ll wipe us all out, and he’ll likely make you watch and kill you last.”

I glare at him. I know what he’s doing. He’s forcing my hand, trying to convince me to keep the truth from her because he knows what she’ll do as much as I will. She’d never agree to this. My conscience preys on me and makes my stomach turn, but as much as I want to do the right thing, I can’t risk Kara. Or Justine. Not when she’s willing to help a near perfect stranger.

“Are you ready?” She rubs her hand along my upper arm to comfort me.

Sheepishly, I look at my feet. “Yes.” All I can think of is how much I truly dislike Sebastian right now, and I wonder how I’ll ever look at myself in the mirror again. “What do you need me to do?”

“It’s okay,” she says with a sad smile. “I’m happy to help.”

I nod. Guilt twists in my chest like a knife blade.

She produces a dagger with a jeweled handle. “I’ve already done the spell. Just do what I say, and it will be quick and painless for you.”

“And for you?”

She touches my face, and when her smile lifts, the slight wrinkles around her eyes stick out. I’m such an asshole.

“I can’t let you—”

She covers my mouth with her hand and shakes her hand. “It’s too late for that.” She takes my hand in hers and turns it over to reveal my palm. With the knife, she slices through my flesh, only slightly deeper than a scratch but deep enough to draw blood. It stings, and I flinch, but it’s more than bearable. Then she slices through her own palm.

“Repeat after me.” She takes my hand in hers. Our warm blood mingles, wetting the entire surface of my palm. “Accipere virtutem meam.” I say it with her, our voices low and serious. “Again,” she says. Over and over, we repeat ourselves. I feel nothing other than the lingering bite from the blade.

“We have a problem.” Alexander rushes from the room.

I watch him over my shoulder, but Justine scolds me. “No! Keep going. Again!”

“Accipere virtutem meam.”

“Focus! Feel my power drain from my body, travel through my arm, and into my hand to mingle with yours. See it grow. Do you see it?”

I look around me as my light brightens, taking on a whiter tone like the headlights of a car. “Yes.”

“Again!” she demands.

Now I feel it, a rush of adrenaline, like breathing pure oxygen while every muscle in my body flexes and releases, over and over. My fingertips tingle. The hairs on my neck and head stand on end. My light brightens more, reaching several feet from my skin. My heart races. Every noise in the room reaches a crescendo until there is nothing. My eyes flash closed. I drift on a cloud of warmth and billowy softness, swaying. Justine’s hand no longer touches mine. I don’t know when I lost it.

My eyes slowly open, and I’m hovering above the ground. The room is empty except for Justine and me. She lies on the floor, not moving. And I panic. “No! Please, no!” I fall to the floor with a thud and roll her over onto her back. Her chest barely moves. “Sebastian, do something!” Her heart is a whisper, but I hear it as I press my ear to her chest immediately over her heart. “Sebastian!”

“She’ll regret it,” he says. “There’s no time. They’re almost here.”

“Do it!”

He doesn’t move. “I swear I’ll never forgive you if you break this promise to her. I’ve already lied to take her magic. Don’t make me an accomplice to her murder, too.”

He growls in frustration before his fangs slide out. He bites his wrist, and when he withdraws, blood pools and slides down his arm to drip on the floor. He whirs over to kneel beside us. “She won’t live to change.”

“Do it!”

He rolls his eyes before cradling the back of her head and pressing his wrist to her lips. Though she doesn’t respond, I watch as his blood hits her tongue to spread and slide down to her throat.

“What now?” In books, often they swap blood and Bob’s your uncle, but in real life? I have no idea.

“Look away.”

“Why?”

“Because you won’t like what comes next.” He snaps her neck to the right, and her body goes limp before he lowers her head to the floor.

“Please tell me she’ll come back? That you didn’t just kill her?”

“If Markus doesn’t kill us all and burn our bodies, she’ll come back.”

The doorbell rings, and I feel Alexander behind me. When I turn, he looks at me with restrained hate. “Do you want to get that? Or should I?”