CHAPTER SIX
She was magnificent. As a performer, Jessica Morgan captivated and enthralled her audience. As a woman, she was strikingly beautiful, naturally sensual, and literally took his breath away in every sense of the word.
Standing off to the side of the stage and deliberately shrouding himself in the shadows so Jessica couldn’t see him, Noah watched in reluctant fascination as she belted out an upbeat tune that had the crowd dancing and singing along. He should have felt a twinge of guilt for calling her out tonight, but he didn’t regret issuing her the dare, not when it enabled him to see her so comfortable in her element as a pop star.
Much as it pained him to admit it, he respected her fortitude for calling his bluff and treating the clubgoers to an impromptu concert.
And treating him to a side of her he’d never seen before.
He’d always known she was talented. Back in high school, it had been her angelic vocals and the soulful lyrics she wrote that had initially caught his attention. He could still remember that day in vivid detail, when he’d been walking through the school’s empty hallways after basketball practice and heard the strum of a guitar and a soft, female voice singing a poignant melody that had stopped him in his tracks. Curious to put a face to the amazing voice, he’d peeked into the choir room, surprised to find Jessica Morgan, the shy, pretty girl he’d been attracted to from afar.
He’d known her name and spent too much time in the classes they shared together staring at her curly auburn hair, gazing at her graceful features, and every once in a while, when he was really lucky, catching a rare glimpse of her stunning green eyes. While he’d been completely infatuated with her, it hadn’t taken him long to realize that she was a loner, and the only times he saw her laugh or smile were with her good friend, Zoe Russo. Jessica never met his gaze, and whenever he saw her in the hallway she walked with her head down, always reserved and guarded.
In the choir room, she was completely alone, lost in her music and unaware of his presence. He stood quietly in the back of the room, his heart beating crazily in his chest as he listened to her sing, waiting patiently for her to finish so he could talk to her without anyone else around. He knew he was risking a rejection, but he also knew he’d always regret not taking advantage of this opportunity if he walked away now.
After the last note of her song drifted away and the room went quiet, he finally spoke.
“You have a beautiful voice,” he said, startling her.
She jerked around, and as she realized that she was no longer by herself a mortified look came over her face, followed quickly by a wariness that would have sent most guys scurrying back out the door. Not him. He’d walked toward her, complimenting her on her song, trying to put her at ease while attempting to ask her easy, casual questions that would start a conversation between them.
She’d stonewalled him with one-word answers and still he wasn’t discouraged. He invited her to join him and a group of his friends to a party on Friday night, and she’d politely but flatly refused. Then she stood up, told him that it was late and she had to get home, and he let her go…even though he wanted to ask her to stay.
As captain of the basketball team, he could have had any girl in high school, and there were many who made it very clear that they were more than willing to put out for a star athlete like him. He hadn’t even been tempted. Unfortunately, the only girl he was interested in didn’t want to have anything to do with him.
Undeterred, he set out to change Jessica’s mind and spent the next month courting her. He gave her silly, flirtatious notes. He put handpicked flowers into the slats of her locker to surprise her. He walked her to every single one of her classes and carried her books, despite her insistence that she could carry them herself.
He joined her and Zoe at their lunch table and discovered that Jessica loved peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwiches. He did everything he could think of to make her feel special and valued when it started becoming painfully clear to him that her home life was less than ideal and her time in the choir room after school was a form of escape for her.
In time, his efforts paid off. Slowly, eventually, she started to smile at him. Laughed at his stupid jokes. Glanced at him with pleasure and longing, instead of distrust. Let him listen to her sing without being embarrassed. And, most important, she started sharing things about herself that gave him better insight as to why she was so guarded.
Weeks later, in the choir room, he kissed her, and ridiculous as it sounded, he saw fireworks and his future with her. Their slow, evolving friendship turned into something more intimate, and he discovered that falling in love with Jessica Morgan was the best feeling in the entire world.
He learned that he was the first guy she’d ever kissed.
Her first boyfriend.
Her first lover.
He wanted to be her last.
They remained together, practically inseparable, for a year and a half. She spent most of that time with his family, staying away from her mother, and her emotional abuse, as much as she possibly could. She and Noah talked about getting married someday, after college, and having a big family. They had huge dreams, and he wanted to make every one of them come true for her. For them.
Then came high school graduation, and two months later, in August, he departed for Allegheny College, where he’d been granted a full-ride basketball scholarship. In Pennsylvania, all the way across the country from her, while she remained in Vegas, where she planned to attend The University of Nevada, Las Vegas.
It never happened. Within a few weeks of him being gone, something changed. Jessica changed. During phone calls home she was cool and distant, and whenever he pressed her to tell him what was wrong, they’d argue and fight and she’d shut him out. Then, out of the blue and without a reason why, she broke up with him.
He thought it was a matter of giving her time and space to deal with whatever was bothering her, but a few days after that she just…left. Gone, without an explanation. Disappearing on him and everyone else without telling anyone what she was doing, where she was going, or why.
Even after he’d discovered that she’d gone to Los Angeles and was living with Zoe, Jessica had thwarted every attempt he made to contact her. The blow had been devastating, leaving him confused, angry, and unable to make any sense of what had happened between them.
A year later, he was watching her on the hit TV show Make Me a Star and wasn’t surprised when she made the final three. Throughout the years he’d followed her career, bought every one of her CDs, and watched her enjoy huge success as a pop star, but he was never able to get over the way things ended between them. Unresolved issues. Unanswered questions. And a whole lot of bitterness on his part that had affected every relationship he’d tried to have with a woman since her.
Most of all, Noah never stopped wondering if walking away from what they had together had been worth it to her. He saw this as his opportunity to finally find out. To confront Jessica and finally get the answers that she owed him so he could get on with his life, like he should have years ago.
He glanced from the unruly crowd to the dynamic woman up onstage with the glorious mane of auburn hair. Despite everything, this confident woman—so opposite of the quiet, introverted girl he’d once known—intrigued him. The soft, smooth voice he’d once known was now more refined, definitely sultry, and raspy enough to appeal to the men in the room.
As her head-turning body did.
Full, firm breasts, shapely hips, and long, slender legs made for one helluva bewitching package. When she was a teenager, her figure had been slim and lithe, everywhere. Now, she possessed the kind of Penthouse curves that men fantasized about and lusted over, and the way she dressed only accentuated her sex appeal.
They were changes he as a man couldn’t help but notice and appreciate.
She finished up her set of songs and thanked the crowd for their enthusiastic response before heading backstage, where Noah had instructed security to escort her to the luxurious green room reserved for celebrities. It was a fully stocked private lounge, a place for entertainers to cool down and relax after a performance.
All he wanted was a few minutes alone with her before she returned to the upper level with her band members and friends. Heading to the green room, he gave a nod to the security guy guarding the door, then stepped inside the lounge.
Jessica was standing across the room, tipping her head back as she dabbed the perspiration from her face and throat with a plush hand towel, giving him a handful of seconds to admire the wild tumble of her hair and the sensual arch of her neck before she turned to look at him.
Her complexion was flushed from the show, her green eyes bright with the exhilaration of performing, which quickly dimmed with caution as she met his gaze. Not that he could blame her for being leery, considering how their first encounter earlier that afternoon had ended.
She set the towel on a nearby table, then ran her fingers through her hair, pushing the damp strands away from her face before crossing her arms over her chest. “You sure know how to put a girl on the spot.”
“You do this for a living,” he said with a casual shrug, refusing to feel bad or apologize for provoking her. “I didn’t think it was a big deal.”
The corner of her lush mouth twitched with what he swore was a hint of humor. “Then you won’t mind when you receive the bill for my private concert here at Taboo.”
He didn’t know whether she was joking or not, but he was willing to pay the price for her up close and personal performance. “Whatever the cost, it was worth it.”
“So, you enjoyed the show?” She sounded surprised and pleased.
“Very much.” Why lie? She had an incredible voice and used it to her advantage. She also had a dozen GRAMMYs and other industry awards to validate her amazing talent.
Not that he’d ever openly admit to following her career so closely.
“Would you like a drink?” He indicated the wet bar behind her.
“Sure,” she said with a nod. “Water would be great.”
Walking around her, he fetched a chilled bottle of water from the refrigerator, twisted off the cap, and handed the bottle to her. “Here you go.”
“Thank you.” She took a long drink, then licked the excess moisture off her bottom lip with her tongue.
“Quite a nice career and life you’ve made for yourself,” he said, the first twinge of resentment creeping into his voice. “Was it worth it?”
Obviously hearing the accusation underlying his words, she stiffened, her entire posture shifting into defense mode. “Was it worth what?” she asked tentatively.
“Giving up us,” he clarified, not bothering to sugarcoat his feelings. “You and me and the future we’d planned on having together.”
A hurt look passed across her features, and she took another drink of her water before setting the bottle on a table. “It wasn’t like that, Noah,” she said softly, her voice sounding raw and pained.
“Could have fooled me,” he said, steeling himself against the bit of vulnerability he saw in her gaze. “I leave for college, and a few weeks later you take off for Los Angeles without a word. And when I finally find you, you ignore my letters, my calls, and any attempt I make to contact you…all for this,” he said, waving his hand around the lavish comforts of the green room and all the perks that went with her pop star status. “I can’t believe I was so wrong about you.”
She flinched at the bitterness seeping into his tone; then her chin lifted obstinately and she glared at him. “Go to hell, Noah.”
His jaw clenched tight. “Baby, you already sent me there.”
It was the truth. The past nine years had been torturous when it came to memories of her, of them. Nine years spent wondering what the hell had happened between them that made her cut him out of her life so completely.
So many emotions raged through him, and with her standing there looking so proud and defensive and gorgeous he couldn’t stop from doing something shocking to shake her calm, too-controlled composure. He advanced determinedly toward her, and her eyes widened as she realized his intent. Automatically, she took a step back as he continued to close the distance between them, again and again, until she came up against a wall and had nowhere left to escape.
Finally reaching her, he shoved his hand into the wild mass of curls falling around her shoulders, then slid his fingers around the nape of her neck so she couldn’t turn her head away. Before she could take another breath, before she could utter a word, his mouth was on hers, harsh and hot and unrelenting. She gasped in shock, her lips parting to his demanding tongue, and he took the kiss deeper, delving in with total domination.
She made a sound in the back of her throat and lifted her hands between them, splaying them against his chest. The heels of her palms pressed into muscle, initially trying to push him away; then slowly, gradually, her fingers fisted in his shirt and she didn’t fight his sensual assault. Instead, she kissed him back, and that’s when everything shifted and changed between them.
Softened.
Became more about pleasure than punishment.
Her mouth yielded beneath his, the tension in her stiff body evaporated, and all the anger he’d harbored toward her melted away. Her lips molded perfectly to his, so sweet and achingly familiar. As was her slow, gradual surrender and the surge of desire that settled low in his belly.
This was why he couldn’t move on. Why no other woman—and there had been quite a few—had managed to erase Jessica from his memory. The undeniable heat of passion was still there between them, as if they’d never spent a day apart. As if she were still his and had never stopped loving him.
Which she didn’t.
Too soon for his liking, she shook her head, dislodging his lips from hers and ending their kiss. They were both breathing hard, and he pressed his cheek against hers, unwilling to let her go just yet.
“Noah, don’t,” she rasped, her voice thick with regrets. “Please, don’t.”
Her words, her demand, snapped him out of his fantasy world and brought him right back to the present with a jolt. Disgusted with himself, he pushed away from her and jammed his hands on his hips. “Don’t what, Jess? Don’t want you? Seems like that’s out of my control, despite every reason I have to hate you.”
She visibly recoiled from the sting of his words, and all those emotional walls he’d just torn down with a kiss, she shored right back up again.
Which pissed him off even more. “I’m not like you. I can’t just shut off my feelings and forget everything we shared like it never happened.”
“Dammit,” she said, her voice rough with frustration and her eyes suddenly shimmering with moisture. “You have no right to do this to me.”
“Don’t I?” he countered, shoving his hands deep into his pants pockets when a part of him wanted to kiss her again. “You’re the one who walked away without so much as a good-bye. The least you can do is tell me why you left. Give me at least that much respect.” He wanted, needed, that closure to a past he couldn’t forget.
She swallowed hard and her hand flitted to her stomach, pressing against her sparkly dress. “I left because I had to. I left because I had no choice.”
“There’s always a choice,” he refuted, “and the one you made, for whatever reason you made it, was damn selfish.”
“I know,” she whispered, and glanced away while brushing a tear from her cheek with her fingers. “And I’m more sorry than you’ll ever know.”
It wasn’t the cavalier, uncaring answer he’d been expecting and the animosity inside of him slowly ebbed away. “Dammit, Jess, what happened?”
She shook her head, her remorse nearly palpable. As was the sadness in her gaze. “It’s been nine years, Noah. Just let it go. Please.”
He wished that were possible, but he just couldn’t do as she asked. “I’ve tried to let it go, let you go, but I can’t,” he said, revealing much more than he’d intended. “I spent the past nine years wondering what I did wrong. What I might have said to make you end things so abruptly. And I just can’t figure it out.”
She stepped away from him, back into the middle of the room where it was open and safe and there was no chance of him touching her again. “It wasn’t you, Noah.”
He followed her with his gaze but let her have the space she seemed to need. “Was it someone else?” he asked, his gut clenching as it always did when he considered that scenario.
“No, there’s no one else,” she said with a shake of her head.
Whether intentional or not, her reply encompassed past and present tense, letting him know that it hadn’t been a guy to break them up and currently there was no man in her life, either. Why that relieved Noah he wasn’t about to analyze.
Right now, at this moment, Noah knew that she wasn’t going to open up and give him the answers he needed. She was back to being guarded, and pushing her any more tonight would do no good. But that didn’t mean he was willing to let her walk right back out of his life a second time, without giving him the closure he deserved.
“Can I see you again?” he asked, knowing it was a long shot that she’d agree. Especially after everything that had just transpired in this room with her tonight.
She gave him a small smile. “I really don’t think that would be a good idea.”
Her reply didn’t surprise him. Instead of pushing her and risking her completely shutting him out, he decided to give her the space she seemed to need before he contacted her again.
And the next time he did, he’d do so in a way that she wouldn’t be able to refuse him.