Even though it was such a small thing, I was excited to tell Alex about the kiss when she finally made it back home that night. Of course, the more I thought about my excitement, the stupider it seemed—there hadn't even been tongue involved or anything, it had just been a quick peck on the lips. We might as well have been friends, at that rate. Not that I went around kissing my friends, but you know, there just wasn't anything all too intimate about what we'd done.
And then there was the fact that he hadn't really responded to it. I don't know, I guess I'd somehow had this thought in the back of my head that if I kissed him, he would realize that I was okay with it all and really wanted him to kiss me, and then he would kiss me back and…
Instead, he had almost acted as though it had never happened. I didn't know what to make of that.
I was starting to wonder again if maybe he had friend-zoned me without telling me. But I didn't think he would go so out of his way to help a friend who was hungover. Then again, I hadn't known him for all that long; who knew what he was like with his friends.
So by the time Alex got home, I was practically bursting with the news, ready to get her opinion about it. Not that I really thought that she would be able to enlighten me as to what was going on in Ben's head, but maybe she'd have some sort of insight. And if not, at least we could commiserate about it together.
If anything, though, she looked entirely nonplussed to hear about it. “So, two guys in the span of 24 hours?” she asked. “I wouldn't have known you had it in you. But I guess maybe last night was just a trial run for today?”
I stared at her, wondering where the hostile tone was coming from. “What are you talking about?” I asked.
She raised an eyebrow at me. “Dan? Last night at the party?”
“Yeah, we talked about French literature and stuff,” I said. “I mean, we probably sounded like totally pretentious assholes to anyone who might have overheard us, but...”
“You don't remember kissing him?” Alex asked. She had her hands on her hips, and she looked every bit like a scolding mother.
I laughed a little. “Of course I didn't kiss him,” I said, rolling my eyes a little. I frowned, remembering all the hazy parts at the end of the night, though. “Oh god, I didn't kiss him, did I?” I didn't have any clear memories of it, but I did remember getting closer and closer on the porch swing, underneath the blankets. “Wait, did I kiss him or did he make a move on me?”
“You kissed him,” Alex told me, a little grimly. “It was...pretty obvious. And it was with tongue and everything. So you'll forgive me if I'm not totally excited to hear that you've managed to press your lips against your boyfriend's finally...”
I blushed and ducked my head a little. Still… “I mean, it's not like it's any of your business if that's what I want to do,” I told her. “You don't need to act all high and mighty about it and judge me or whatever.”
“True,” Alex said. “Just… I mean, we both know this relationship with Ben is really weird, Rachael. The fact is, he doesn't call you for days at a time and then just shows up and wants you to go to lunch with him or whatever. If that's not the kind of relationship that you want—and you want to do more things like go to a party and flirt with guys like Dan or whatever it is that you want to do… Well, I just hope you see that you could actually do that. You don't have to go out with Ben just because he's the first guy who wanted to date you this year.”
I scowled at her. “That's not why I'm with Ben,” I told her.
“You also don't have to date him just because he's super attractive,” Alex said. “Seriously, Rachael, you're attractive. You could get any guy that you wanted. You don't have to put up with-”
“Okay, yeah,” I said, cutting her off, feeling a bit angry. “Look, I'm not selling myself short or whatever. I shouldn't have kissed Dan. I was just...really drunk and I guess kind of frustrated at Ben. That doesn't make things better, but it doesn't mean that I don't want to be with Ben.” I bit my lower lip. “Do you think I should tell Ben that I kissed Dan?”
Alex stared incredulously at me. “Are you stupid?” she asked. “If you really want to stay with Ben, that's great, but you don't want to tell him that, oh yeah, you accidentally kissed someone else while you were drunk at a frat party. That's not the way to get the guy to call you back any sooner...”
I sighed and shook my head. “I feel bad lying to him, though,” I admitted.
“You probably should have thought about that before you kissed Dan,” Alex said snidely, and even though I hated the way that she said it, I couldn't deny that I had done something really stupid. “Anyway, you think Ben isn't going to feel bad if you tell him about it? If it comes down to who is going to be hurt, you or him, well—you're the one who screwed up...”
I ducked my head, picking at the edge of my comforter. “Yeah,” I said. “You're right.” I looked up. “So how did things go for you, anyway? I didn't think you were planning on coming back home last night...”
“I wasn't,” Alex said, rolling her eyes. “I just came to check up on you and make sure that you were going to be able to get yourself home all right, but then after I assessed the situation, I had a feeling that, no, you probably weren't going to be able to get yourself home on your own. So I cancelled my own plans for the night to bring you out for pizza and then back here.”
“Oh,” I said. I ran a hand over my face. “Well, thanks for that. I really appreciate it.”
“You owe me one,” Alex said simply, shrugging at me.
“Does that mean you're going to drag me to another frat party at some point?” I asked worriedly.
Alex laughed. “Oh no,” she said. “I'm pretty sure we learned that lesson already...”