I was surprised to find Dominic was gone by the time I woke up the next morning, considering it was barely six.

I hadn’t been able to sleep after we talked the evening before. My brain wouldn’t shut off. My heart wouldn’t stop racing. I’d been restless all night.

Walking away from my bedroom window, I grabbed my phone from the bedside table and started scrolling through. That was when I noticed all the e-mail alerts that had come through.

Once I started reading, I sucked in a broken gasp and stumbled, the backs of my knees hitting the bed. I sat before my legs gave out and continued reading.

To: Sophia

From: BigSpoon

Subject: My whole world

Sweet Sophia,

There are many things I’ve done in my life that I regret. I regret the decision I made in high school to bleach my hair so I could look more like those douchebag boy-band assholes all the girls were crazy about. I regret that one time I let you talk me into eating sushi off a conveyor belt—I never knew just how badly food poisoning could hurt until then. I regret accepting that dare to drink an entire gallon of milk when I was sixteen—sure, I won a hundred bucks off Tony Sinclair, but that kind of sickness was only rivaled by the sushi mistake I mentioned earlier.

I was laughing so hard by the time I finished the first paragraph that I had to stop to get control of myself. I remembered each and every one of those moments Dominic was talking about, and with them, all the good memories I had of growing up around him and Lola.

But one of my biggest regrets was that it took me so long to make you mine. See, I had this amazing girl in my life for years, and I was too much of an idiot to see her as anything other than my little sister’s best friend. I never told you this, but I thanked God every single day we were together that you hadn’t grown tired of my stupidity and moved on before I had my shot.

It might’ve taken me longer than it should have to wise up and see the beautiful, amazing girl standing right in front of me, but I eventually got there. In my defense, I’d always been a slow learner.

I didn’t know the meaning of true happiness until I had you, butterfly. I didn’t know what unwavering, unconditional love was. Sure, I loved my mom and Lola, but that was different. Growing up around my father, I’d let myself believe that soul mates were something made up in romance novels and movies.

But then you told me you loved me and I felt it. For the first time in my life, I felt it, Sophia. Down to my bones, in every single inch of my body.

And there hasn’t been a day that’s passed in the last fourteen years where I doubted that you are just that.

My soul mate.

My everything.

The love of my life.

That’s what you are, my sweet Sophia. And I know it’s hard for you to see it right now, but I know I’m yours too. I hurt you, and I’ll spend every day until eternity hating myself for that. But you’re mine, baby. And I’m yours. And I’ll wait for as long as it takes for you to forgive me and let me back in, because not only do I not know how to live without you in my life, I don’t even want to try.

You’re my whole world, butterfly.

Yours forever,

Your BigSpoon

A fresh wave of tears trickled down my cheeks, making the words on the screen blur before my eyes, but I kept going, opening the next e-mail.

To: Sophia

From: BigSpoon

Subject: Sleepovers

Sweet Sophia,

Do you remember the very first time you stayed the night with me? I remember it like it was yesterday. I’d already moved back home and was working for my dad. You were only a couple days away from moving to Seattle to start college, and I was already starting to miss you like crazy.

I couldn’t think, couldn’t concentrate on anything other than the fact that I’d just gotten you and already you were leaving. I was so consumed with it that I started fucking up at work. Nothing major, just little things here and there, like showing up late a few times because I’d stayed up all night talking with you.

Anyway, my dad laid into me about my commitment to my job. He said I was soft for letting a woman mess with my head when I had more important things to concentrate on. He accused me of being weak when it came to you. But I knew I wasn’t weak. He was the weak one. It takes strength to love someone with your whole heart, and he’d never been capable of doing that. Not even with his own children.

We got into a huge fight, screaming and shouting and calling each other horrible names. I was miserable by the time I left his house, but when I got home, you were there. You saw it written on my face and knew exactly what to do to make me feel better.

You didn’t even have to say a word, baby. Just being in your presence was enough to soothe me. You stayed with me that night, even though your father was against it. You wore one of my T-shirts to bed, and I remember thinking you’d never looked more beautiful than you did when you walked out of my bathroom in it.

You got us into bed and pulled the covers over us. Then you told me “Normally I prefer to be the little spoon, but since my man needs it, I’ll be the big spoon tonight.” The last thing I thought before I fell asleep that night was that I’d gladly be your big spoon for the rest of my life.

I still mean that. I want every night with you. I want to take you to bed and make love to you until you can barely move. Then I want to curl you into my chest and fall asleep with my arms wrapped around you.

Please let me do that, butterfly. Forgive me, baby, and I’ll spend the rest of my life letting you be the little spoon.

Forever Your BigSpoon

Dominic

A sob wrenched itself from my throat as I finished the e-mail. When we broke up ten years ago, it had been so easy to forget all the good times and focus on the bad. All those tiny moments that made my love for Dominic so strong were pushed to the back of my mind, locked away in the deepest, darkest recesses, because remembering made the pain that much worse.

I’d forgotten about that night until just now.

His messages as BigSpoon were opening a door to the past, letting all the good come rushing in, and I found myself craving each of his words. So I opened the third and final email.

To: Sophia

From: BigSpoon

Subject: All the reasons why

My butterfly,

There are so many things about you I love that it would be impossible to list them all, so I’ll just tell you the ones off the top of my head.

1. I love the way you scrunch your nose when you’re laughing.
2. I love it when you sing in the shower, even though it’s horribly off-key.
3. I love how fiercely loyal you are to those you love. Lola and Daphne might not be your blood relation, but there isn’t a single thing you wouldn’t do for them.
4. I love how you’re such a bad cook that you look like a kid on Christmas morning when I offer to cook for you.
5. On that note, I love how much you love it when I cook for you.
6. I love how, when you get home from work, the first thing you do is wash your makeup off, put your hair in a ponytail, and throw on ratty sweats because your comfort is more important to you than looking good 24/7.
7. I love how you used to flit around when you were younger, never content to just sit around—hence being my butterfly—but then you settled down and grew into a confident, self-assured woman who can sit at home watching Game of Thrones without a care.
8. I love that you’re House Stark to an almost obsessive level, all because of Jon Snow. Although I’ll admit I’m a little jealous of your crush on the guy.
9. I love your passion for sports. Just one of the many things that makes you every man’s dream girl.
10. I love you DESPITE how crazy you are for scary movies and haunted houses.

That’s all I can think of at the moment, but the point I’m trying to make is that I just love you. Every single thing. Good and bad. And if you let me, I’ll wake up every morning telling you another thing I love about you and go to bed with you as the little spoon. There won’t be a single day that passes where you won’t know the extent of my feelings for you.

I’m never giving up on you, my butterfly. Please don’t give up on me. Forgive me so I can have my world back. Come back to me so I can be whole once again.

I’ll never stop loving you.

BigSpoon, a.k.a. Dominic

Oh God. My heart couldn’t take it any longer. I dropped my phone onto the mattress beside me and hung my head, letting the tears come unchecked. I let myself feel everything: the good, bad, and ugly. I allowed it all in.

By the time I finished crying, I was exhausted, both emotionally and physically. My eyes were puffy and itchy, but I felt a sense of calm that I hadn’t felt in a very long time, not even when Dominic and I had gotten back together. I’d still been waiting for the other shoe to drop then, so I’d never been totally calm.

Now I was. And it was a miraculous thing.

My phone rang and I picked it up in the hopes of seeing Dominic’s name on the screen. However, the person calling wasn’t the Abbatelli I wanted just then.

“Hey, Lola. Can I call you back later? I need to—”

“Sophia?” The sound of her tear-filled voice put me on high alert instantly. “What’s the matter?”

“Is Dominic with you?”

“No, honey. He was gone when I woke up.” My vision went fuzzy, a fear I’d never experienced in my life making my blood run cold. “Is he okay? Did something happen?”

“He’s… he’s really upset.”

Waiting for her to get out what she was trying to say was sheer torture. “Talk to me, babe.”

“I-it’s….” She sniffled into the phone. “Our dad died.”

It felt like all the air was sucked out of the room. “What?”

“It was a heart attack. He died last night. I had to call Dom and tell him, and he just… God, Soph, he lost it. You know about his relationship with our father. He was always trying to please him.”

“Oh God. Lola, when did you call him?”

“A-about thirty minutes ago.”

I shot up and rushed to my closet. “He must have taken off right before I got up.” I snatched the first articles of clothing I saw off their hangers and threw them on the bed so I could strip out of my nightgown. “Lola, I have to go. I need to get to Dom. Are you okay?” I hopped from one foot to the other as I pulled on a pair of leggings

“Y-yeah. I’m all right. I know I shouldn’t be upset. He was such an a-asshole, but….”

“But he was still your father,” I finished for her. “I get it, honey.”

“Thanks. Just go to Dom. Make sure he’s okay?”

“I will. And I’ll call you later, I promise.”

With that, I hung up the phone and threw it down so I could put on my sweater and slip into my Uggs. Then I grabbed Lancelot and my purse and rushed out the door.

All my earlier pain and heartbreak was forgotten. All I could think about was making sure Dominic was okay.