Chapter Twenty-Four
Chase
I came out of the doctor’s office, trembling. I’d finally gotten the answer to a question I’d been asking since my accident, and the only thing I could think about was running to Taylor to tell her all about it and lose myself in her arms and kisses until I stopped thinking so damn much. But she wasn’t mine to kiss anymore.
She didn’t want me.
But still… I wanted her.
My phone rang on cue, and I ignored it, knowing it was my father wanting to hear the news. He didn’t get to know. I was too pissed at him for hiring Taylor to watch over me, just like I hated him for making her go away. If he hadn’t called, if he hadn’t told her to end the charade, then she’d still be mine, and I’d still be happy.
Against my will, my mind went back to the little bit of conversation I’d overheard earlier today in class. I was dying to track down Anna and demand answers, but to be honest, that was the coward’s way out. If I wanted to know what was going on with Taylor, there was one way to find out—ask her myself.
The truth didn’t scare me.
But she did.
Every night, I tossed and turned, missing the feel of her body next to mine. And every morning, I reached out for her in an empty bed and felt lonelier.
The pain wasn’t going away.
Neither was my love for her.
Who was threatening her? Why did she look so damn sad when she didn’t care about me? Did she miss me at all? Was any of it real?
I needed closure.
Then I could deal with what doc had told me in there.
There was only one way to get closure. I had to go see her.
Without hesitation, I headed for my car, my heart pounding.
“Chase!” Amanda called out.
Jesus. Every time I turned around, she was there. After class. Before class. At the cafeteria. At study sessions. Clinging to me. Touching me. Trying to make me miss something I never fucking would. I kept telling her I wasn’t interested, but she just kept smiling and telling me she’d wait. It was infuriating and annoying.
If only Taylor was so damn dedicated to me.
“Hey,” I said halfheartedly, not slowing down my steps. “Another dentist appointment?”
“No, I came to see how your appointment went,” she said, running to keep up with me. “What did the physical therapist say? Can you play again, or will you be working for your father after graduation? If you ask me, either one is a great option.”
I stopped walking mid-step, narrowing my eyes on her. I hadn’t told Amanda about going to therapy, or even my dreams of getting back on the field.
The only person who knew about it was Taylor…and my dad.
“How did you know about my appointments?” I asked, my voice low.
“W-What?” she said, paling. “You told me.”
I crossed my arms. “No, I didn’t.”
“Yes, you must have.” She reached for my hand. “Chase—”
“Holy shit.” I laughed. What Anna said earlier about wondering why people were around me made perfect sense now. “You’re working with him, aren’t you? Or is it for him?”
She laughed nervously. “Working with who?”
“My father.” I dragged my hands down my face, unable to believe that both the women at my side at Villanova were there at my father’s request. What the fuck was wrong with him? Hell, what was wrong with me? “You’re working with him.”
She shook her head. “No. Of course not—”
“You’re just like Taylor.”
She stiffened, her nostrils flaring. “I am not like her.”
“You’re right.” I opened my car door. “At least she told me the truth up front, and admitted to being there at my father’s request. Hell, she even told me the truth in the end when she admitted to not loving me.”
“Did she tell you the truth about that? Did she really?”
“Yes,” I said, pinching the bridge of my nose. “As much as I might wish otherwise.”
“Funny, because she’s been crying herself to sleep every night.”
I stiffened. “Who told you that?”
“My friend is roommates with her friend, and she heard Taylor tell Anna she cries every night because she misses you.” Amanda shrugged. “So it seems to me she wasn’t so honest in the end after all, was she?”
“She cries herself to sleep?” I blinked. “Over me?”
She said nothing.
Just laughed.
I slid into my seat, unable to think about anything but Taylor crying. I didn’t want her to be sad, especially over me. I wasn’t worth it. But she’d told me she didn’t really want to be with me, that it had all been a matter of convenience. Had she lied to me? Did she actually care? If so, nothing would stop me from fixing what we’d broken.
Nothing.
Amanda rested her hand on my thigh, way too damn close to my cock. Panic pinched the corner of her lips into tight lines, maybe because she realized that in trying to diss Taylor, she’d basically told me Taylor still cared about me and ruined any chance she had of winning me back…which, ironically enough, she still thought she had. “Chase, forget about her. She’s not the girl for you. We should go out, and then—”
“Leave me alone, Amanda. I mean it this time.”
And then I slammed my car door shut, leaving her standing there with her mouth hanging open. Maybe she’d tell my father I was onto her. Maybe she wouldn’t.
To be honest, I didn’t give a damn.
The whole way to Taylor’s dorm, I rehearsed in my head what I was going to say. I came up with a perfect speech. I’d start slow and then ease my way into asking her if she truly cared about me, and if so, why she had lied, and then I’d beg for forgiveness if need be. But the second I walked up to her door and heard her voice, it was déjà vu all over again…because the door was open, and she was on the phone with my father.
“No, sir, we haven’t spoken.” A pause, and then. “I don’t care if you want him with Amanda, I told you the last time you asked, I will not pimp out your son, and I won’t do so…now…either.”
She’d turned around and trailed off upon seeing me. She bit her lip, listening to my father on the other end.
“Sir, I have held up my end of the bargain, and you need to hold up yours.” She hung up, even though I could hear my father still talking. Tossing her phone on the bed next to Mister Fluffybottom, she crossed the room. “You have a bad habit of eavesdropping.”
“You have a bad habit of leaving your door open,” I shot back. I pointed at the stuffed animal I’d spent hours combing the web for. “You kept him?”
“Of course I kept him.” She crossed her arms, stopping short of reaching distance. “What are you doing here, Chase?”
“I had to see you.”
She bit her lip, watching me closely. She wore a pair of jeans, a loose-fitting T-shirt, and a pair of Keds. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun, she had no makeup on, and she had bags under her eyes as if she hadn’t been sleeping well.
I hadn’t been sleeping well, either.
I missed her too much.
Did she miss me?
I tried to remember everything I’d rehearsed in the car on the way here, and even had the first sentence on the tip of my tongue, but when I opened my mouth, all that came out was: “Who’s threatening you?”
She laughed. “Still worked up about that?”
“Yes.” I locked eyes with her. “Who’s threatening you?”
“It’s nothing for you to worry about,” she said dismissively, waving a hand.
“That’s not an answer.” I walked up to her, backing her up until she stood her ground. It took three steps. “Who. Is. Threating. You?”
She tilted her chin up defiantly. “I don’t have to tell you. You’re not my boyfriend anymore. I don’t owe you anything.”
“Did you lie to me?”
She blinked at the change of subject. “About what?”
“About not caring.” I caught her chin, tipping her face toward mine. “Did you lie?”
She bit her lip, her nostrils flaring.
I could see the honesty inside her begging to come out, warring with the need for self-preservation, and I knew her answer before she even opened her mouth. “Did you lie to me about not caring if I was using you?”
“Yes,” I admitted without hesitation. “I did. I fucking care.”
She sucked in a breath.
“I can’t sleep without you,” I said without thinking. “Okay, wait, that’s dramatic. Obviously, I sleep, or I’d die.” I dragged a hand through my hair, laughing nervously because I was already off the script. “I try to fall asleep alone in my bed, and I eventually do pass out, but I’m restless. Lost.” I dropped my hands to my sides, fisting them. “I’m lost without you, Taylor.”
She swallowed hard.
“I never should have told you I’d be fine without you.” I uncurled my hands, then re-fisted them. “I’m not fine. I miss you, Taylor.”
She licked her lips. “I miss you, too,” she whispered.
My heart picked up speed. “Did you lie when you said you didn’t care about me?”
“Y-Yes.” She pushed her hair out of her face. “And, if we’re being honest, I’m a little angry you believed me so easily.”
“I’m sorry.” I took a step toward her. Just one tiny step. “I never should have, because I know you, and you aren’t like him. You’re not a liar who uses people to get your way.”
She shook her head. “No, I’m not.”
“I know.” I stared at my feet. “I guess I just find it hard to believe someone like you could love someone like me.”
She stiffened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re pure. Kind. Wholesome. Perfect.” I held my hands out at my sides. “I’m flawed. Damaged. Cold. Imperfect.”
Her lower lip trembled. “No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am, but you never saw me that way, which makes you even more pure.” I reached out and touched her cheek. “You’re everything I want to be, Taylor.”
She swayed toward me, closing her eyes. “Chase…”
“Why did you lie to me?” I skimmed my knuckles over her cheek. “I know there has to be a good reason.”
She shook her head, tears welling in her eyes.
“Please tell me why?” I asked, my heart squeezing tight because it was time to ask the question I’d been wanting to ask since the second I walked into her dorm. “I’m sick of half truths and second-guessing, so I’m going to be straightforward and honest here. I love you, Taylor. I’ve loved you almost my whole damn life, and I’ll probably always love you, even if you tell me to fuck off right here and now. I will do anything for you, fight anything for you, if you tell me what it is you’re fighting. I will hunt dragons, kill beasts—whatever the hell you need, I’m your man if you want me to be. The question is, do you feel that way, too? Will you fight for me?”