“I really don’t understand the fucking point,” I snap at my psychologist as he studies me above a thin wire-rimmed pair of glasses that sit on the bridge of his nose.

“Maybe it will help? That’s all I’m saying.”

I chuckle under my breath, tired of his games and sit up. “Look at me – I have one fucking leg, I barely weigh over a hundred and thirty pounds, and I just lost the love of my life. Nothing is going to help me, you understand?”

He writes something down and then looks at me. “What?” I ask. “What are you always writing down about me?”

“Notes, for your treatment. Nathaniel, I’m concerned for you. You’re extremely angry, it’s not like you.”

“Well, like I just fucking said, look at me – I lost Arion and I’m a bit of a fucking mess,” I grit.

“I am looking at you and you look just fine to me. You need to learn to adapt to things now. Nothing is going to change going forward if you continue to act like this.”

I shake my head, pissed that he isn’t understanding where I am coming from. I’m tired of being the reserved guy. I’m tired of keeping quiet. No more. I’ve told him time and time again that since my reason for existence is gone, I’m angry. Hell, I’m more than angry. I’m fed up with the world. I mean, how can I not be? I love her and there is nothing that I could’ve done to change things. When you love someone the way I love Arion, it’s what you do. It’s what’s right.

“Shall we at least try and finish today’s session?”

Looking at the door, I’m really contemplating leaving. But how will that help me? I’m here for a reason. Not only does the military want me to be, but I told my parents I would keep trying.

Lying back down on the couch, I close my eyes.

“I want you to focus on going back to a memory with Arion. Preferably, when you first fell in love, but anything will do.”

I close my eyes and there she is – again. Her gorgeous face haunts me day and night. Long, blonde hair, clear skin, light eyes, and those lips. So plump that my cock twitches thinking about them. Seeing her so pure and beautiful absolutely kills me and the fact that I cannot be with her, well, that is where my anger is coming from.

“Where are you, Nate?” Roger asks me.

“With Arion.”

“Where?”

“It’s dark.”

“Look around, what do you see.”

“Stars and waves. The ocean, we’re at the ocean and…it’s night.”

“Good. What are you two doing?”

“Running and laughing, and we…we…keep looking back.”

As I run along with Arion, everything is as it was before I left. I know I never should have left. All though joining the military was to give us a better, more stable future, it didn’t do that. It was ultimately the end for us and almost the end for me.

“Suddenly we stop. In front of us are tons of different sand castles, all lit up.”

“What is she saying?” Roger asks.

“I…I can’t make it out.”

“Talk to her, Nate. This is where I need you to break through!”

“I’m trying, it’s like she can’t hear me.”

I sit down on the sand and Arion follows, sitting on my lap.

“Louder, Nathaniel.”

I ignore Roger and focus on listening, trying to be part of the conversation.

“Come on, Nate,” Roger orders.

I try with all of my might, but quickly I am getting pulled away. Then before my eyes, I watch myself morph into Bain and I hear him loud and clear. Arion, will you marry me?

“No,” I yell and jump between the two of them, except when I move, my leg is gone and I collapse hitting the sand.

Looking up with pain in my eyes, I watch Anion nod her head and then throw herself around him. Yes! she repeats over and over, kissing him.

Sitting on the cold, wet sand, I watch how happy the two of them are and fade away, like a ghost that was never there. Opening my eyes, the beautiful scenery of the ocean and the night is gone, replaced before my eyes is the blank white ceiling of Roger’s office.

I knew this is what would happen. Roger wanted me to break things off with Arion. He thought it would subconsciously disconnect me from her, but I disagreed because I knew in my gut this is what would happen. This is how things are always going to be. She is my one and only. She always has been and she always will be.

“That’s all the time we have for today,” Roger says. In my opinion it’s another hour wasted of my life. “I’d like to see you before your next scheduled appointment,” Roger says as I collect my crutches.

“Don’t you think this was enough?”

“I do, but you’re close to a breakthrough and I’d like to talk about it. Would you schedule something with Melinda on your way out?”

I nod my head and leave. Even though it sucks coming here, at least I have something to look forward, a reason to wake up and leave the house.

Melinda is smiling at me as I walk up to her.

“I need to schedule with Roger before my next appointment.”

“How does Thursday at ten work?”

“That’s fine,” I tell her, knowing I don’t have a doctor’s appointment or anything else going on. “Have a wonderful day, Nathaniel,” she says, handing me a card with my appointment information on it.

Taking the elevator down, the same numbness sticks around. It’s been there since I last saw Arion. A sickening, empty, feeling of…nothingness. I wish I had her to turn to right now. She’s all I’ve ever depended on. On the drive home, I think back to how good things were before I ever left. Going back to that time on the beach with her and seeing her face reminded me of how things used to be. I know I will never have what I had with Arion with anyone else. But maybe there is a chance that her feelings will change and maybe we could come back together. You never know what the future holds and believe me, that’s all I want. Right now, I know her heart is with Bain. It’s not with me and I might have to learn to accept that. But nothing is set in stone.