CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Adara
After I emptied my emotions out on the page, I’d wanted to play but didn’t have a guitar. So I put on my mask and another outfit of Roman’s sister’s and went downstairs, determined to do something to take control of my life.
I hadn’t told Roman that I didn’t have access to my money from Jewel through a normal bank account. There was money in an account, but one that was only accessible inside Jewel so that no records could be traced.
I needed my money, but I almost needed what little things I had more. Everything from my life before was in that one bag.
Roman texted me that there would be a detective coming to interview me tomorrow and that he would give me the details later.
I fixed a coffee and grabbed a couple of apples for Sissaleigh and went out to the barn. The smells there seemed to soothe my soul, and the company couldn’t tell me what to do.
I fed the apples to Sissaleigh, who was actually as bossy as she could manage without words. The horse had a definite backbone, and I could probably take a few lessons from her.
On my way back from the barn, Janis called. She was probably the only person from Jewel I had the stomach to talk to, so I answered.
“Hey, Adara. How are you? I’ve been so worried. You just disappeared.” She sounded nervous, but maybe that was because she was worried.
“I needed to get out of there.”
“Well, everyone is looking for you. You have rehearsal in an hour, and Brandy’s been frantic.”
My breath caught in my throat, and my heart rate spiked. Even hearing Brandy’s name made me feel sick to my stomach. I could never go back there. “I’m not coming to rehearsal today.”
“Why?” Her voice held an accusing tone.
“I’m no longer working at Jewel. Can you help me with something though? There’s a suitcase near the door in my apartment, it has all my important things in it. Can you grab it? I’ll tell you were the key is—”
“I’m sorry. I can’t, Adara.” Her voice lowered. “Things have changed since you left, security is tighter. More cameras.”
I couldn’t control my racing heart as my nerves sky rocketed. Something seemed off.
“What do you mean? Are you okay? Is Brandy okay? You don’t sound right.” The Janis I knew would have tried to help me if it were possible.
I hated this, hated these feelings, this worry. I felt so helpless, unable to do anything to stop all of the injustices at Jewel, to stop all the women from suffering there.
With her next words, the toxicity of Jewel bled through the phone and tried to wrap around me, pull me in. “Brandy’s her usual self. She wants you to come back. She wanted me to tell you that if you can come back in time for your number tonight, they’ll negotiate you getting your money and possessions back.”
Her words sounded rehearsed. Was there someone else listening?
“No.” I swallowed hard, making my voice calm and steady. “Please tell her I won’t be coming back. But if anyone there wants out, I’ll try to help them get out.”
I kept the tears out of my voice until I hung up.
They’d used the one friend I had left against me. I felt bad for not going back, for leaving them, but I couldn’t stay. I was disappointed in Brandy, but wasn’t completely sure she wasn’t being coerced. And Janis had a kid to think about… they were all victims.
But what if I could help them somehow? What if, when the investigation was through, I could help them find themselves again? If I could get even one Jewel out of there and back on her feet, it wouldn’t matter that all I had left in the world that was mine was a mask. A mask I wasn’t willing to wear any longer.
That night, when Roman came home, I was deeply involved in making plans and jotting them in my new notebook. I’d waited for him for dinner and given Martha the evening off.
“Adara?” He sounded tired. “What are you doing in here in the dark?”
It had gotten dark in the kitchen, and I’d barely noticed. I’d been writing by the light shining in from the hall.
“Jewel takes everything from anyone who goes there,” I said in a voice that sounded like ice. “They want to negotiate to return what’s mine. I’m going to help the detective stop them.”
“Sounds like your day’s been as shitty as mine.” He was as stiff as his starched suit, standing there in the doorway with his impenetrable gaze. “There will be someone coming with the detective tomorrow, someone who may be able to help you with that.”
I slapped my pen down on the table. “Roman, I don’t understand you. You sound so cold and cryptic, when just yesterday we were having the time of our lives splashing around in the hot tub. So much for wine and candles.” I gestured at the spread Martha fixed earlier. It was very romantic. If I’d had the energy to laugh I would’ve.
He carried the box he held over to the kitchen counter then opened it and stared at the contents long enough to make me wonder if something else had happened besides what I saw on the news today.
“Why was your day so bad?” I asked, feeling bad for having jumped down his throat.
“So bad?” He chuckled sardonically, reaching his hands into the box, and pulling out a mound of Krave Koffee bags. “It was so bad because someone is trying to ruin me. The press has accused me of ‘raping the underprivileged masses’ for my own gain. Add a million views just in the first hour after the latest story hit and over one hundred thousand comments calling me a fraud, liar, and a greedy piece of shit, and you have my day in a nutshell.” His face showed no emotion.
“I’m sorry, Roman. I hope none of this is because of me.”
Of course it was because of me.
“It’s not your fault.” He stared out the window, even though all you could see was the dark. “I’m flying out to Brazil tomorrow. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone.”
A hole punched through my gut. “What? Why?”
“I have to make sure none of what they said is true.” He looked haggard as he rubbed his forehead with his hand. “For the company.”
“For the company? What if it is true, Roman? What if the Brazil government is telling you one thing and doing another? What about those people? Are they just going to have to remain that way while there’s an ‘investigation?’”
I knew I was being unfair, but I couldn’t seem to stop the words from coming from my mouth. What was happening with his scandal felt similar to what had happened at Jewel.
And Roman had possessed a membership to Jewel. A sliver of ice ran up my spine.
“What are you saying?” he asked, his expression glacial.
“What I’m saying is that I can’t figure out who you are. One minute, you’re this funny, charming man, the next you’re cold as ice. One minute, you want to save the word. The next minute, you’re taking your clients to brothels.”
His eyes narrowed. “That’s me. Cold as ice. A bastard and a contradiction. I only care about money. Money is the reason I took my clients to Jewel. Isn’t it the reason for everything?” His eyes dragged down my body when he said it.
I felt my chest go very hot and my chin come up. “Your money doesn’t mean a damn thing to me. And don’t insinuate that your money is the reason I’m here. I didn’t go to get clothes today like you ordered, because this isn’t Jewel and you can’t give me orders. I’m not a whore.”
“I don’t buy sex, Adara.”
I lifted my chin. “So you’ve said. You can’t buy me either. Why do you even care about what people say about you? It’s not like you’ll go down the tubes if your business tanks.” I waved my arms wide.
Roman’s eyes met mine across the kitchen and went from dark and dead to so full of emotion I was frozen in my chair. He turned back to the box, gripped the cardboard, and ripped it in two, throwing the contents in a heap on the floor. “Because I care! I care about my company and the people who work for me. And I care about the people who may have been abused because of it. I won’t hide behind money the way people seem to think I do, the way you hide behind that damn scar you think rules your life now.”
I gasped. “I’m not hiding, Roman! You’ve been treating me like I was going to break, like I was a piece of fragile china since you laid eyes on me. But I’m not going to break, I’m not! I don’t need you and your money to hold me together.”
But he was right. I was hiding behind this scar, acting like I was going to break. Hiding behind what had been done to me that night, and every night at Jewel since I set foot in the godforsaken place.
Roman buried his fingers in his hair and turned away from me. When he turned back, all the emotions I’d seen in his eyes were carefully hidden. “I’ll take you to Jewel tomorrow. We’ll get some officers to go with us, and we’ll get your things. But then I’ve got to go to Brazil.”
Without giving me time to answer, he walked out of the kitchen without looking back.
What was left of my heart cracked in two, falling into the black well that was my hope. I’d thought Roman and I were building something, but I’d been wrong. There was no place for me here, and if anyone ever connected me to him and to Jewel, it would make what he was dealing with ten times worse.
I had to let go.
Let go of Nate.
Let go of this scar that was the only thing I had left of him and that time of my life.
Let go of the only man who had ever shown me the type of kindness I thought was only found in stories. The man in the kitchen was the man he really was. A businessman. Ruthless when his whole empire was being threatened. Protective of his own. Seclusive.
And I couldn’t hide anymore.
It was time for me to face the world. Scar and all.