Chapter Fourteen
If it wouldn’t have come across as running away, Ryder would have hightailed out of his parents’ house so damn fast the roadrunner would have looked like he was standing still. Standing there with Peyton’s arms holding on for dear life altered him. It was as if the ten years of puzzle pieces and goals and anger and resentment finally rearranged themselves into a picture. Only the picture didn’t reflect on him too kindly. Suddenly the walls were closing in and Peyton’s forgiveness, which hadn’t been spoken but had been felt through the fingers clutching his shirt, choked the breath right out of him.
He pushed through the front door of his parents’ home and took a bracing breath. The smell of leaves, of the cold, and even a hint of manure eased the tightness in his chest. He needed to be outside. He needed to think and he needed his hands busy.
Because in that moment of suffocation, Peyton’s words finally broke through. Forgiveness had to start with himself.
It took less than five minutes for him to pull up to the site of the first cabin. They would begin clearing trees in the next few days, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t make himself useful. Trim some branches. Do something active. Maybe then his subconscious could figure out what to do with the revelations of the day.
He hopped out and was immediately hailed from the treetops. Glancing up, Alex was visible through pine boughs draping low. Seemed Ryder wasn’t the only one who needed to be active. Although Alex rarely used his outdoor skills these days.
As if answering an unspoken question, his partner shouted down, “Nice to maintain one’s hidden skills every now and then.”
“Need some help?”
Alex laughed. “Sometimes I wonder why we even bother to hire tree removers.”
Five minutes later and Ryder was up the tree across from Alex. They worked in companionable silence, taking the smallest branches at the base and working in chunks, careful of where pieces dropped below them. The area should be free of people and horses, but a lumberjack always had safety floating in the perimeter of every job.
Both trees were down in less than ninety minutes. Sweat pooled under Ryder’s hard hat and as his boots touched solid ground, he felt some of his muscles protest the rigid quarters they’d been in. But his mind felt clear. His emotions safely controlled. As the crushed pine overwhelmed his nose, he thought forward to Christmas. His first Christmas back home. His first with Mel. What should he get her? What did she need?
A thump behind him was followed by the metal clang of hooks as Alex divested himself of his equipment.
“Man, that felt good. I thought my namby-pamby business side had beat down the outdoorsman in me.”
Ryder laughed, tossing his hard hat to the ground. “Alex, we can dress you up, but we all know what’s simmering under the tie and jacket.”
“Speaking of simmering. You doing okay?”
Ryder nodded, unsurprised that Alex recognized part of the reason Ryder was out here.
“The blonde causing problems again? I could take her off your hands for you. Keep her occupied. Let mountain man out for a little spin.” He paused and flicked a pine bough. “I mean, if mountain men are what gets her going. I totally can do the boardroom, too.”
What the hell was it with the men around here and Peyton? First, he’d had to dispose of Dan, and now Ryder contemplated punching his partner just to shut him up. “I’m pretty sure neither of your incarnations would get Peyton going.”
Alex crossed his arms and eyed him. “Probably right. It seems a certain baby daddy and all his baggage are the thing that ignites her passion.”
“Yeah, well. Passion and anger go hand in hand with her.”
“Seems like the prime ingredients for hot make-up sex.”
God, how he wished. “No. Unfortunately.”
Alex gathered up the boughs and piled them off to the side as Ryder debated the plan he’d come up with in the trees. It could be disastrous on so many levels and may even make things impossible for him to stick around. But if he faced it, enacted it, and it was successful, then life for him and Sky Lake and his family would blossom tenfold.
Alex clapped him on the back, startling him out a fantasy. The fantasy of family. “We’re rarely this emotionally engaged, but if I can say one thing—life’s a fickle bitch sometimes. You have a second chance. Not just with Sky Lake but with Peyton. That’s a gift not handed to many. You’d be stupid not to unwrap that puppy and use it for all its worth.”
Alex walked over and picked up his equipment, tossing it in the back of his truck. His partner drove away through the trees and Ryder wondered who Alex had lost a second chance with.
…
Peyton leaned her arms on the split rail fence. She inhaled, and wood smoke invaded her space, bringing a smile to her face as it had done from the time of her first memory of it. Strains of a guitar swirled through the paddock and Peyton could picture Max serenading the prettiest girl in this round of visitors to Sky Lake. Shelby would be passing out the marshmallows. Dan was probably keeping an eye on the kids in the crowd, making sure none got too close to the fire, and she? Well, she normally was looking for a good shot for promotional material or chatting up the guests to get a testimonial or hint at a recommendation to their friends. But tonight, she couldn’t bring herself to be planning, to be looking ahead and staying on the path of her life and that of Sky Lake’s.
No, tonight she was in the past. In the moments of abandonment and naiveté. Moments she hadn’t allowed herself to think about for ten long years. She’d spent many a night out here talking and laughing with Ryder. Slipping out with the lightning bugs marking her path. Her parents and his none the wiser, but that had ended.
He’d left her.
Abandoned her, and she’d moved on.
Except deep down in a place only recently exposed with a sliver of light, she realized she hadn’t.
“I should have known this is where I’d find you.”
Peyton shifted, bringing one boot up on the lower rail. “Shouldn’t you be playing hero by the campfire right about now?” She glanced over her shoulder at Dan.
He removed his hat and threaded it through his fingers. “Nah, I figure that’s what parents are supposed to do, right?”
Peyton smiled. “Yes, I do believe it’s in that handbook we all receive at birth.”
Dan stepped up beside her, placed his hat on top a post, and gripped the top rail, leaning back. “So.”
There was so much emotion in those two letters that Peyton found herself wanting to step away. Put her hands up and stop whatever was about to happen. For years, she and Dan had been partners in both the ranch and, in many ways, life. But while the woman in her recognized the good, elemental male in him, she’d never let herself entertain anything more. And somehow one word spoken in the dark of night confirmed he had.
“Dan. Please—”
He reached for her hand. “I’m putting it all out here tonight. I know Ryder’s back, and I know it brings back everything you struggled with ten years ago. But you have to know that you don’t need to struggle again. That for years I would have, and would still do, anything to be the one to unburden everything that ever slides across your or Mel’s shoulders.”
Every word and syllable rumbled against Peyton’s chest. Words she knew he meant. Words he would follow through with until his last breath.
She wanted so desperately to turn toward him, to want to set her lips to his, sealing a promise. But it wouldn’t be fair. To him. To Mel. Or to herself.
But she needed Dan in her life and at the ranch. She needed him to know that her heart was with Ryder. Before she could respond, a slow clap echoed across the paddock.
“Charming declaration. Should I offer congratulations to the happy couple?”
…
Ryder clenched his fists. It was that or stride over to the happy couple and punch Dan right in the face. And that would put Peyton even further out of his reach. Although by the looks of it, she was already beyond him now.
So maybe it would make him feel better, because he didn’t believe he could feel worse.
Two long strides and Peyton jerked away from Dan and positioned herself between him and his outlet. The sane part of him knew Dan wasn’t to blame. If he’d been around Peyton for years, watching her build herself into an even more amazing version of the woman he walked out on all those years ago, he would be declaring himself to her on a dark night and perhaps aiming to do a whole lot more.
The thought of what he might have caught them doing if he’d come looking for her even five minutes later caused him to take another step. Peyton was there, two feet from him. He could smell her shampoo. It hadn’t changed in all these years, and for a guy who had grown up around some serious nose scents, he’d always likened it to possibilities. To the freedom of life.
“I think you need to head back to wherever you’re laying that damn head of yours and cool off.”
Ryder glanced down at Peyton and back over her head at Dan. Dan, the man he grew up with. The surrogate brother. The man who had stepped into his place when he left Sky Lake. Who helped his parents and Peyton and the ranch. If anyone deserved the amazing, slightly pissed-off woman in front of him, it would be Dan.
Except…
Except no one could have her but him. Ryder hadn’t realized how true a statement that was until he’d heard another man pleading for her in the moonlight. Another man close enough to smell her shampoo. Sure, he was the shit end of the deal and she probably deserved someone better. But he stood before the woman who was it for him. He knew it, and if he had to stalk her every moonlit night until she caved then he would. He would chase every ranch hand, cowboy, or uppity businessman who came within shampoo-sniffing distance and if they didn’t get the hint, he would make it impossible to miss.
“Peyton, do you want me to walk back with you?”
Ryder snarled, then laughed. He sounded just like Vista when someone tried to take her toy away from her. Was that what this was? Did he feel proprietary over Peyton because of their past? Because of Mel? The question wasn’t fully formed before his brain squashed it with a resounding no. What he felt was so much more than that. He felt it deep in his soul, in his bones.
“Yeah, Peyton. Do you need an escort through the scary ranch?”
Two hands shoved him hard and the unexpected fury landed him on his ass. Dan snickered, and Peyton walked the few feet back to his childhood friend and whispered something to him. From Dan’s tightened jaw and ramrod straight posture, Ryder guessed it wasn’t the agreement to a midnight stroll he’d expected.
A moment later Dan walked by him, still sitting on the ground, and Ryder coughed when dirt kicked up into his face. Intentionally, he was sure, as the word asshole followed in its wake.
He listened to Dan’s retreating boot falls, his arms resting on bent knees. It would be up to Peyton to begin the conversation or leave. And honestly, he didn’t know which he feared more, or which would be more likely.
There was a gentle vibration on the ground and when Ryder finally convinced himself to look up, he noticed a horse had crossed the paddock to visit with Peyton. She stood there, moonlight bouncing off her blond hair, stroking the horse’s snout.
Repetitive motion.
It was her tick. Her time to plan, to get things back to her way. Her ground. Her side. Normally, he would search for the way to undo her, but he needed her. Needed her to see him as Ryder Marks, the man he was now and not the man who abandoned her and their child.
Even if he hadn’t known.
Even if he’d made it next to impossible for her to tell him, he realized he had abandoned her. He hadn’t trusted her with his problems or his heart. And that was the battle, the mountain he faced.
“Would you really have punched him?”
Ryder shrugged. “Probably. But if it gives me a point, I would have felt bad about it in the morning and probably would have some serious bruising to go with it.” He stroked his chin. “Dan always knew how to undercut me.”
The horse nuzzled Peyton’s cheek. Lucky equine.
He stood and brushed down his legs. “Would you have kissed him?”
He didn’t want to know but he needed to know. If she really had a thing for Dan. If they had an understanding. If he was an integral part of Mel’s life. Because if so, Ryder needed to respect it. At least a little bit. The past few days hadn’t shown any great partiality on her part, but she’d always held everything close. She didn’t reach out for help unless she absolutely needed it, and even then it was with a big chip on her shoulder.
Peyton turned, facing him fully. “I wanted to want to.”
It was a slap to his heart and a blossom of hope at the same time. He moved closer, until his boots touched hers. If she backed way, flinched, gave him the slightest indication that his invasion of her personal space was unwelcome, then he would back off. But this was a defining moment for them. Not the “them” of the past, but the chance of a “them” in the future.
“I’m glad you didn’t kiss him.” Ryder ran a finger down the side of her cheek and traced her lower lip. He tilted her chin up and was lost in her green gaze. He leaned down and kissed her. He wanted to keep it slow. Feather light. A kiss of promise, of hope, of remembrance and looking forward.
But he hadn’t anticipated her reaction.
Her sigh.
Her movement into his body where she fit perfectly. They’d both grown and matured over the past ten years, but it was as if all the changes to both of them kept the other in mind. Her arms slid around him, and she traced his spine while he continued to nip at her silky lips.
A whinny broke through the sensual haze and hands froze. Hers on his ass, one of his cupping her breast. Their breaths fogged between them and Peyton blinked up at him.
“Why?”
…
Peyton wasn’t quite sure what she was asking. Why had he kissed her? Why was it only him that invoked that feeling like a puddle of Jell-O? Why was she considering dragging him to an empty cottage and simply giving in to the sexual anticipation that seemed to rise every time they got their hands on each other? The night of the storm had been foolish, maybe even dreamlike. But this? This was deliberate in all meaning of the word.
“I’m not sure there’s an answer.” He kissed her neck and she purred. Did she need an answer? Did everything have to have facts and plans behind them? His lips cruised down her neck and into the hollow of her throat. His tongue tasting her, and the heat combined with the cool air sent a rush of longing so intense that she gave up figuring out answers and gave in to the moment.
She ran her hands up his back and tugged, pulling his shirt from the waistband. Sliding up under the fabric, she flexed her finger against the hard planes, his skin smooth to the touch. He pulled her tighter against him as his hand worked the buttons of her shirt. If they continued at this rate they would be naked in eight seconds and although she had no problem with the naked part, the location probably wasn’t the best.
“We need to move,” she managed as his lips devoured hers.
“Fine where I’m at,” he breathed, his fingers working magic on her body. She arched against his hand.
“Gazebo,” she whispered, tugging on his belt buckle.
Together, hands and lips never ceasing their torture or touches, they managed their way around the paddock and down to the river’s edge, where a gazebo sat with a few rockers and a bench.
The minute his boot heels rang out on the wood, she pulled his shirt up over his head, her fingers tracing and reveling in the dips and valleys and the rough hair covering them. He was a furnace ablaze despite the cool air surrounding them. He mimicked her, yanking her shirt up and over, her body engulfed in a much hotter and harder one. Where their skin touched, flames flickered, and she knew, despite everything, that this night would never leave her no matter if she ended up wanting it to or not.
As his hands traced up and down her spine, Peyton maneuvered him around and back until he came up against the bench. She disengaged their lips long enough to push him down, his hands never leaving her body.
“Bossy, aren’t we?”
“No. Just an excellent planner.” She straddled his thighs. “And I see you’re not complaining.”
Her body melted into his, his hard frame the only thing keeping her from sliding hopelessly to the ground. She could hear his heartbeat, the intake and exhale ragged and rushed.
They clung to one another even as the woods surrounding them rushed back to life. Peyton didn’t know where they would go from here. Or if there was anywhere to go, but after tonight, middle ground seemed totally accomplished.