Three Years Ago….
Sierra Warner forced yet another smile of greeting as one more guest congratulated her. “Thank you. It is indeed very exciting,” she lied.
Lie? Sierra tilted her head as the person said something, but her thoughts dwelled on her state of mind. Why did she think accepting congratulations was a lie? She was getting married! She should be excited.
She supposed, in a strange way, she was thrilled to be marrying Evan. He was handsome and intelligent – an up and coming investment broker with her father’s firm – everything she should want in a husband. At least, that’s what her mother told her. All the time. Every time she crossed paths with her mother, Sierra heard how lucky she was to be marrying so well and that Evan was going to be a very good provider, an excellent husband.
So why was she avoiding her mother lately? And why did the thought of Evan touching any part of her body make her…nauseous?
That was ridiculous, she told herself firmly. His touch didn’t make her sick! She was just nervous. Evan was a good man. A kind man. If the sparks were missing any time he touched her or kissed her, well, perhaps the romance novels she loved so much had set unrealistic expectations for her.
Sierra sighed and forced her mind to focus on the current conversation. Evan was one of the good guys, she reminded herself. He treated her with great respect, and was very attentive to all of her wishes. If she even hinted that she wanted something, he went out and bought it for her. It had gotten so bad lately that she’d learned to be careful with her words, not wanting him to buy her any more trinkets.
She glanced down at the diamond ring on her finger, noting how the light sparkled against the enormous center stone. It was an extremely large diamond. Not really her style, but she supposed she would get used to it. It felt very heavy, she thought, and everyone seemed to be dazzled by the stone. Sierra felt like she was being ridiculous to be wishing for a smaller diamond, perhaps something a bit less…ostentatious. She was just being silly. Diamonds were…a status symbol, she thought and quickly smothered her spurt of resentment.
But as she looked around at the guests, everyone laughing and chatting, drinking and eating, she realized that she was right on target. Looking at Evan, she actually had to smother a spurt of revulsion. This diamond was not a reflection of Evan’s love for her, she suddenly realized. The man couldn’t love her. He didn’t even know her! This ridiculously large and pretentious diamond ring was a symbol of his power, or what he hoped his power would be, she thought.
And at the same time, why should she feel slighted or even indignant? She didn’t really know Evan either. They were basically strangers who had gone out on a few dates and, strangely, ended up engaged.
So why was she marrying the man? Why was she standing here in her parents’ elegantly decorated living room, surrounded by her father’s friends, coworkers and clients, listening to their congratulations?
Sierra had no idea! She had no idea what she was doing and, even more pathetically, she didn’t know why she was marrying a man she didn’t truly know or love.
She sighed as she smiled yet again and showed one more person her engagement ring, acting as if the thoughts running through her mind weren’t rebellious and crazy. Yes, she was happy. Yes, she was thrilled to be marrying someone with such a great future. Yes, Evan was very intelligent. Yes…she continued to agree with everything everyone said about Evan.
Although….
Her heart wasn’t in it.
As he stood next to her and held his arm around her waist, Sierra looked up at the man, traitorous thoughts swimming through her mind but she shook her head, ruthlessly smothered the negativity, thinking she was just being silly and anxious over a major life change. Of course this would be a solid marriage, she told herself. She was just going through normal doubts about her decision to marry. These were just nerves. She felt an affection for Evan. He was a good man. He was kind and considerate. A woman could do a lot worse for herself, she thought.
Although…she couldn’t help wondering if there was more.
Mentally shaking her head as the doorbell rang once again, Sierra told herself that she was just being ungrateful. More of Evan’s university mates, she realized with a resigned sigh as she pasted a bright smile on her face. Evan stepped away, embracing the newcomers with a hard slap and more ribald teasing. She didn’t understand half of their humor because so much of it referred to jokes from their school days. Sierra hadn’t gone to university, but she would have loved to attend.
Why hadn’t that thought occurred to her before now? And why hadn’t she gone to university after high school? Maybe because none of her friends had? She’d simply attended finishing school with them. She could seat an entire banquet of diplomats and aristocrats with ease, perform an elegant waltz, or hold a prolonged conversation in French.
How were those skills relevant in today’s society, she suddenly asked herself? Why had she done this to her life? Why hadn’t she followed her dreams? Why hadn’t she eschewed her friends’ path and gone her own way, made something of herself?
Shaking her head, she mentally pulled herself back to the present and admonished herself for her ridiculous thoughts. She was just nervous. Becoming engaged was a huge milestone and she was anxious about stepping into the role of a society wife with Evan.
Besides, she was twenty years old now. It was too late for her to attend university. She looked up at Evan and suddenly noticed that he had a weak chin. Was that important? Should she care? He had a good mind, what did a chin matter? In the grand scheme of things, should she even be looking at the man’s chin? Was she being superficial?
And what about her desires to go to university? Why was it too late? She’d always wanted to care for animals. Maybe she still could, she thought even as she also noticed that Evan reminded her of a bloodhound. Especially around the eyes. And the mouth. She’d never really looked at his mouth before. Their kisses hadn’t been extremely passionate. Usually a simple kiss on the cheek.
Was that significant as well?
Sierra’s mouth twisted as she pushed all of these issues aside. She was marrying the man. She’d made her decision, her life was planned out.
Although…university would have been fascinating! Yes, she could have truly thrived in an environment of higher learning. Too bad her chance for attending was gone.
Wasn’t it?
She sighed and quickly ducked when Evan’s elbow almost chucked her on the chin. She was getting pretty good tonight! That was the second time he’d almost knocked her. A less confident woman might think he was aiming for her head.
Evan’s enthusiasm for his university chums was surprising since, normally, Evan was relatively calm and composed. He adhered to all the rules of etiquette and expected her to do the same so it was very strange to see him so…boisterous!
She glanced across the room at her father and noticed his chagrin. Obviously, he had noticed Evan’s near miss at her head and his overly enthusiastic greetings towards his school buddies. Perhaps it might be time to rein Evan back in. “Honey,” she said, gently tapping his shoulder. Once again, she had to move quickly out of the way of Evan’s swinging arm or he would have knocked her out.
He only turned when three of his friends looked at her as if she’d committed a crime by interrupting their excitement.
Evan was quick to recover though and that meant something, didn’t it?
“Oh, honey!” he said, finally remembering that she was by his side – and why. His hands came out to steady her. “I’m so sorry, love.” He chuckled, obviously more than a little drunk. “Good moves, though, honey!” Sierra noticed that he’d kept his glass of scotch safe even if he’d just about knocked her out with his wild flailing.
Sierra’s younger brother, Daniel, almost tripped into the foyer. “Yeah, sis, good moves ducking from your fiancée’s wayward fists.”
Sierra thought that Daniel’s words were a bit harsh for his age. He was only fifteen years old. Shouldn’t he be with his own friends about now instead of hanging out with the older guys who were drinking heavily? He was too young to be chumming around with Evan’s friends, wasn’t he?
“Are you okay?” Evan asked, appearing solicitous and concerned.
“Yes,” she said even as she smoothed her hands down her chiffon skirt and ignored her brother. He was still a teen, eager to join in with the big boys in Evan’s group. “I think that perhaps we should mingle among the other guests,” she pointed out, her eyes drifting pointedly to her father who was not amused by Evan’s immature antics.
Evan looked over to where his boss was standing with the other partners on either side of him; Sierra’s father looking disapproving. He stiffened up and pulled away from his friends, cleared his throat and nodded with as much dignity as he could while still inebriated. “Right,” and he pulled her against his side a bit too roughly for her taste, but she laid a hand on his chest to steady herself and regain her balance. “Too tight, Evan,” she whispered under her breath.
He rolled his eyes, but he loosened his grip. “Wouldn’t want to harm the princess, now would I?”
Sierra didn’t like his sarcasm, but she wasn’t going to call him out at the moment. That was a conversation for later, and one that she truly needed to have with him. His comments had been a bit too patronizing lately and she didn’t like it. Why hadn’t she said something before now? Why was she accepting that kind of tone and those belittling words? “Let’s go say hello to Patrick, your soon-to-be boss,” she suggested even as she smiled up at him, trying to appear undisturbed by his derision.
Patrick was one of her father’s partners in the investment firm, as well as a good friend. They were part of the group on the other side of the living room. Evan sighed, looking a bit petulant for a moment. “I guess that’s what I should do, shouldn’t I?” he replied.
Sierra couldn’t believe that he was even asking the question. Evan was the one who had insisted on this night and had even insisted on the guest list. After he’d slid the ring on her finger and announced that they would be married, she’d urged him to hold off for a few more weeks to have the engagement party. But since she hadn’t been able to give him a reason why, he’d ignored her desires to hold off. So now he had to deal with his guests. “Yes, it is the polite thing to do,” she explained with as much patience as she could muster. “Your tie is askew.”
Evan immediately fixed his tie, roughly pulled her once again against his side and nodded his head. “Okay, lead the way, princess.”
Sierra was really starting to hate that nickname. When he’d first used it, she’d assumed he was putting her on a pedestal and she hadn’t liked it then. Now, the nickname seemed more sarcastic or just plain mean, as if he were pointing out that she was a snob in some way. Or that she required special attention that he was obligated to give her but didn’t like to.
She didn’t feel like a snob, she thought as she moved around the room, introducing Evan to her father’s friends and associates. She just knew what was appropriate during an important social gathering. Her mother had been good at helping her father’s career by entertaining coworkers, clients and potential clients over the years. They’d had a strong alliance and, if her parents didn’t seem extremely happy together, at least they both had found a degree of satisfaction in their own hobbies. Her father was an avid fisherman who liked to take long weekends and hide out near a stream somewhere in the wilderness. He rarely caught any fish and, whatever he did catch, he threw back, not wanting to carry the fish home or, even worse, clean and gut the fish. He just liked being in the outdoors.
Her mother, on the other hand, eschewed all outdoor activities, thinking they were uncivilized. She had all of her charities that occupied her time and she enjoyed long lunches with her friends, all of whom were within the same socio-economic level as she was and, therefore, deemed “appropriate” friends.
Sierra suddenly realized that her friends were extremely similar to her mother’s. Why did that realization bother her so much? Looking over at her small cluster of friends, she wondered why she was suddenly disturbed by their presence. They were all acting perfectly acceptably, laughing at all the correct moments, sharing the appropriately humorous stories, gossiping about…everything and everyone. Had she done that? Does she look just as…fake…when she’s sitting with that group?
Glancing back at her parents, both of whom were standing together but not touching, she knew that their relationship was none of her business. It was a marriage that seemed to work for both of them. Sierra just hoped she and Evan could work out an equally satisfying arrangement. She looked up at him as she introduced him to yet another of the important clients at the firm and she was proud of him. He’d slipped out of his college persona and was acting much more mature, more personable.
The doorbell rang once again but she gently tugged Evan over to another client that she had met a while ago, thinking the man and his wife would be a useful contact for Evan at some point. The housekeeper would open the door to the late arrival and ensure that the guest received a drink quickly. It wasn’t until they were close to Patrick and her father that she felt an odd sensation but she ignored it, thinking it was just her imagination. Patrick and Evan were discussing something and she scanned the room, trying to decide if there was someone else that Evan should speak with.
That was when her eyes caught sight of him.
He was at least a head taller than the others in the room. And she noticed that there was something else about him, something that she couldn’t really define but the undefinable quality dramatically set him apart from the other guests.
Perhaps it was just his confidence, she thought. Or maybe it was the fact that he was extremely good looking. Or his broad, fascinating shoulders?
She wasn’t quite sure. All she knew was that she couldn’t look away from him. That compelling quality sliced through the air, making her heart rate pick up and her breath catch in her throat. It was strange, she thought, but she wanted to push the other guests aside so that she could walk up to this man and simply stare at him.
And then his eyes caught hers! That compelling feeling switched off and in its place she felt a startling, shocking surge of electricity, a jolt of raw awareness. As she stared at the man, as his eyes held hers in a captive assault on her senses, she felt like she was his prisoner. It actually made her body ache in some scandalous way that she didn’t understand. And definitely didn’t like!
She tried to look away. She reached up to touch Evan’s arm, wanting to hide behind him. But Evan was only a couple of inches taller than she was and the new man’s dangerously compelling eyes told her that he wasn’t going to release her. Not just yet.
“Oh my goodness,” her mother hissed.
Evan’s eyes snapped over to where her mother was looking. Her father seemed bizarrely excited to see the man and Sierra suddenly had an uneasy feeling about the night. “Damn! I didn’t think he’d show up!”
Even Patrick stiffened as the man in question stepped further into the room.
“He needs a drink” her mother eagerly commented, a peculiar, almost frantic quality to her voice that Sierra had never heard before. A moment later, her mother was gone, off to greet this stranger with the mysteriously dark eyes and jet-black hair, a hard, square jaw that made her want to smooth her hand over the edge and soothe out the indomitable aggression somehow.
“Do you know him?” Evan snapped.
Those words and, especially the tone, were so startling that it helped break the connection between the stranger’s eyes and her body. She looked up at her fiancée, startled that he would sound so belligerent. “No. I’ve never met him before. Why do you ask?”
Evan was more than slightly irritated. “Because you’re staring at him as if he’s your next dessert. You’re about to be married. Just remember that,” he snapped and hauled her up against his side one more time, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of her waist and hurting her.
By that point, her mother had gotten the tall man a drink and had brought him over to their circle. “Everyone, I’m very pleased to introduce you to Harrison Aimsworth, Duke of Selton,” she said with a quiver of excitement in her voice.
She felt Evan stiffen in surprise. In fact, everyone jerked a bit more upright and Sierra could have laughed at how everyone was so amazed to be in the presence of a duke that they reached for their tie and straightened their shoulders.
All Sierra wanted to do was hide behind the curtains. Especially when those midnight blue eyes slashed over to her grey ones and she felt herself shiver with an awareness that she felt right down to her toes. Her fingers, which had been trying to loosen Evan’s grasp, froze and her whole body heated with the intensity of the man’s gaze on her.
“This is my daughter, Sierra,” her mother explained. “And her fiancée, Evan Winters.”
The man greeted Evan first and they spent a moment discussing sports or stocks, she wasn’t sure which since both topics sounded similar. She watched carefully, her whole body trembling, fearful of the moment when this stranger would turn to her. She didn’t want to extend her hand, afraid of what his hand would feel like. She’d already experienced his eyes, she wasn’t sure her body could handle his touch.
And then his attention sliced over to her and it was just as bad as that first gaze had been. “Ms. Warner,” he greeted her. “I suppose congratulations are in order,” the stranger said with a deep, sexy voice that seemed to vibrate throughout her entire body. And then he did it! The greeting that she’d been fearing from the moment he’d stepped into the house! Extending his hand, he took her smaller one in his. “It is a delight to meet you. Your father speaks very highly of you.”
Sierra shivered as that visceral awareness sparked through her once again. Her lips felt numb even while the rest of her body felt like it was on fire, starting with her hand which was still in his warm, confident grip.
“Thank you very much, Your Grace,” she replied. “It is an honor that you would attend our celebration.”
“When is the wedding?” he asked, his eyes looking into hers and she swore that she saw amusement there. Or interest? She wasn’t sure which. And neither made sense.
Besides, those blue eyes were making her nervous and…other feelings she couldn’t really define. “Um…we haven’t set a date yet. We’re just…”
“It will be this summer,” Evan announced out of the blue, causing her eyes to glance up to his. Her mouth fell open as she absorbed the impact of his announcement. A wedding in only a few months? Was he serious? “I just put the ring on her finger so we’re working through the details.” With that, he lifted Sierra’s hand up, showing off her diamond ring.
Sierra felt as if she was on display and the size of her engagement ring denoted some sort of validation of Evan’s virility. Was this more about measuring up? Wouldn’t it be more direct to just lay one’s penis out on the dining room table with a measuring tape?
Sierra silently laughed at the idea and she suspected that Evan would come up lacking in that department against this taller man.
She didn’t really understand men, having spent more time with animals than humans. They made more sense, she thought.
She pulled her hand gently back down to her side and tried to think of something to say to the strange and intimidating man looking down at her. “We’re delighted you could attend tonight. Was it difficult to find the house?” she asked, relying on tired conversational topics that were easy because her mind simply couldn’t come up with anything more stimulating at the moment.
Harrison looked down at the beautiful woman and couldn’t believe she was marrying such an ass. This delicate flower and this brash idiot of a fiancée just didn’t fit. Why was she marrying a man who could barely handle his liquor?
“Your mother provided excellent directions. And the house is lovely. I’m sure the grounds are excellent as well.”
Sierra’s face brightened. “Oh, they’re delightful during the springtime,” she smiled, embracing an easy subject. “Do you ride?”
The man nodded slightly. “I love horses, although I don’t get out as often as I’d like.”
Her brother chose that moment to burst into their group, ignoring the tension as he wrapped his arm around Sierra’s shoulders. “That’s pretty much all my sister likes to do. Ride and take care of the ornery beasts,” he teased. A moment later, he was gone again, more excited to sneak liquor behind their parent’s back than to converse with important guests.
She blushed and glanced up at the enormous man, wondering if there was even a horse in the stables that could hold a man of his size. While she was a couple of inches shorter than Evan, this man towered over her and she stood up taller, not liking the feeling of being so small, so vulnerable. She’d never felt that way before and she fought against it now in this man’s presence. She wasn’t small!
“The roses are my mother’s pride and joy,” she finished lamely.
“Perhaps when the weather warms up, I’ll come back and be able to enjoy them during the day.”
Sierra was relieved when Patrick stepped in, taking over the conversation. She stepped back, needing space to regroup. Never, in all her years of entertaining with her mother, had she had trouble speaking with a guest. Her mother had taught her well but this man just did something to her, made her mind turn all mushy with crazy thoughts popping into her head. Crazy and inappropriate thoughts!
So why was she so flustered by this man’s presence? Why did she feel like she needed to wipe her palms against her dress?
Sierra excused herself carefully and stepped into the kitchen, relieved to have some time alone. She stayed out of the way of the catering staff, but the whole time, she leaned against one of the cabinets, trying to get her heart rate back under control. This was crazy, she told herself! He was just a man! Evan was handsome and her father’s features were very well put together. Even Patrick was a nice looking gentleman! None of them made her feel this…odd sensation. So what was it about this newcomer that had her so frazzled?
She peered out into the living room and realized that Evan, her father and Patrick had the man well entertained. But even as she peered out, he turned his head and caught her gaze. She felt her pulse leap with the impact of those eyes, startled that he’d known she was looking at him. Thankfully, the kitchen door swung closed once more, blocking his view and she turned and fled.
Sierra knew that she couldn’t hide in the kitchen forever. But she stood in the warmth while the housekeeper, a kind woman named Ruth, supervised the catering staff, directing them all like a military general. The kitchen was a haven. Sierra had spent hours in here, doing her homework, chatting with Ruth while the robust housekeeper made dinners and breakfasts or just hiding from the cold indifference of the other members of the house. Her parents were rarely home in the afternoons, so Sierra had taken to just sitting at the scarred, wooden table, talking with Ruth most afternoons when she wasn’t out riding. Ruth was a generous woman who laughed easily and was a genius at whipping up delicious meals.
Sierra stood in the warm, brightly lit kitchen for several moments, just until she felt more balanced. Ruth helped by walking by and patting her arm gently, almost as if the gentle woman knew that Sierra was feeling out of her depth.
Taking a deep breath, Sierra stepped back out into the main area once again, knowing that she had responsibilities as a hostess. But that didn’t mean she was going back to Evan’s side. She’d had enough of him for one night, she thought. She moved to the other side of the room, greeting guests, asking the wait staff to start watering down Evan’s friends’ drinks so he and his friends wouldn’t become too rowdy and found her own group of friends clustered in the corner. She huddled there for a while, relieved to have a hiding place as well as a reprieve from Evan. And that man, she thought even as her eyes skimmed through the room. She kept an eye on him, knowing where he was at all times. It was only because he was obviously an important guest and had nothing to do with the way he intimidated her, she told herself firmly.
As she listened to her friends drone on about some party they’d attended the night before, a party which she’d left early, she couldn’t really understand what was happening to her. Why should she need a reprieve from the man she was going to marry?
And because she didn’t have an answer to that question, something else occurred to her. Why was she actually marrying Evan? She didn’t love him. Her father had suggested that the two of them go out on a date. From there, she just sort of found herself engaged.
Evan hadn’t even really proposed, she realized. Just one day, her father had asked if they had considered marriage. Evan had looked at her and said they’d already talked about it, ignoring Sierra’s startled glance. The next day, he’d put a ring on her finger. That had been last week.
Glancing across the room, she spotted Evan, once again with a fresh drink in his hand and surrounded by his college buddies, laughing too loudly and generally just being obnoxious.
It suddenly occurred to her that she didn’t really like Evan. They rarely had conversations, just the two of them. They’d gone out to dinner a couple of times, but mostly they attended social events together. That didn’t really give them opportunities to talk with each other, discover commonalities and mutual interests.
How long had she been just floating along, she wondered? Why had she let her life get out of hand without questioning her future? And why in the world had she gone along with an engagement to a man she didn’t even like?
It was one thing to not love him, she thought, startled as her mind began to unravel her relationship with Evan. It was an entirely different issue to be marrying someone she didn’t like! Goodness, that was a revelation!
She looked around, heard Evan’s loud laughter followed by his friends’ and she thought about a lifetime of this. Was this what she really wanted?
Sierra stepped away from her friends and grabbed her coat. Slipping out of the house, she moved around to the side yard where she wouldn’t be seen through the windows of the house as easily. She was a bit stunned by her latest revelation and needed a moment to…well, to be relieved! She could breathe more easily all of a sudden and she lifted her head up to the moon, relishing the cool air on her cheeks. It was cold out here, with snow still on the ground. But the fresh air felt better than the stuffiness inside. She hadn’t realized how stifled she felt until she could breathe in the fresh air. Stifled by Evan, her mother and father’s expectations for her life and an engagement that made absolutely no sense.
This was a mistake, she thought. She couldn’t marry Evan. She didn’t love him. Good grief, she didn’t even like him!
“Aren’t you supposed to be inside being the life of the party?”
Sierra spun around, startled by the deep voice. All she could see was a hand moving in the shadows as the man in question lifted his drink to his lips. But she knew who he was! That man’s presence was too intense for her to mistake him for anyone else.
“Goodness, you startled me, Your Grace,” she said and pulled her wool coat closer around her body. She felt good, she thought. Really good! She’d break off her engagement to Evan tomorrow and she’d be free! Free to figure out what she really wanted for her life.
Even in the darkness, this man’s image popped into her head. But she shook that thought away. This man wasn’t what she wanted for her future, she told herself firmly. This man was out of her league. He was tall, dark and terrifying and definitely not for her. But he was gorgeous, she thought. That was a safe thing to contemplate since it was undeniable.
Harrison watched the woman and thought there was something different about her. A vitality that had been missing when he’d first been introduced to her. And damn, but that excited look about her eyes only made her more attractive. He’d come outside to get away from her, away from the confused expression in her eyes as he’d watched her over the past hour. He’d wanted to smash her fiancée’s face in. Not for any good reason other than pure, unadulterated jealousy. Harrison was jealous that the idiotic man got to touch this gentle beauty, to kiss her and have a future with him.
That in itself was startling because he hadn’t wanted a future with any woman. There were too many of them out there that he could enjoy, why settle for one? Of course, there was that ridiculous caveat of his inheritance, but he quickly dismissed that. He refused to rely upon his inheritance for anything. He’d made his own way in the world and his empire now made his inheritance seem like a pittance. Let the title pass on to someone else, he thought. The rules surrounding the damn title were ridiculous and outdated. He refused to be tied to antiquated rules that he didn’t agree with and wouldn’t comply with either.
Staring at this woman in the moonlight, a sparkle to her gaze that made his body harden with excitement, he thought about her rosebud lips and her soft, pale skin. She was beautiful, he thought and his body reacted even more, making him grateful for his coat that could hide his body’s reaction. “I apologize,” he said and stepped out of the shadows. “Just having a bit of quiet myself.”
She smiled, pulling her coat closer around her shoulders. “I’ll leave you to your drink,” she said.
“Please don’t,” he said just as she was turning to go back inside. “Stay and talk to me. I have business with your father but I know nothing about you.”
That was a startling statement and she spoke before she even realized what she was going to say. “There’s no need to know about me,” she said, her voice soft in the night.
He didn’t respond for a long moment, his eyes taking in the pink of her cheeks, visible because of the light from the full moon. “I think there’s every need,” he finally replied.
Sierra’s smile widened and she felt her heart race. That never happened when she was around Evan. Or any of the men she’d casually dated in the past. Her heart rate had always remained calm and unruffled. Not with this man though!
“There isn’t really anything to tell.” She wished that were different. And it might be different in the future, now that she’d woken up, figuratively speaking.
“How did you meet your fiancée?” he asked.
Sierra looked out at the dormant gardens, feeling like they represented her life. “My father suggested we go out,” she explained. And even that explanation bothered her now that she realized it. “I don’t remember why,” she went on and she heard the puzzled quality in her voice.
Instinctively, she looked up into the man’s eyes even though she couldn’t really see them in the darkness. “I guess it just sort of…happened.”
He moved closer to her and Sierra’s heart pounded harder with each of his steps. “Do you normally let life just sweep you along in its path?”
She thought about that and didn’t like the answer that popped into her mind. “I think I do, actually.” She blinked back the tears of shame with that admission. “I didn’t realize it until tonight.”
Harrison wanted her smile back. He was disturbed by her tears and had a strange, unprecedented need to take her into his arms, to comfort her somehow. “What made you come to that startling realization?”
She laughed self-consciously. “I guess my eyes woke up at his behavior tonight around his friends.” She stepped back and looked out again at the snow covered garden. “He’s not a gentleman,” she announced.
Harrison chuckled at her startled discovery but he had to agree with her. Evan Winters was an ass. “Not many men are. We’re pretty much trained to conquer and destroy.” He moved behind her, looking down at the top of her head.
She could feel the heat emanating from him and she wanted to curl up against him, to feel those strong arms around her. But she closed her own arms over her stomach instead. “Is that a warning?” she asked, trying for a teasing tone.
He was startled by her question, but had to admit that he enjoyed her quick mind. She wasn’t just a beautiful face, he thought. But he also suspected that she didn’t know that herself. “Are you saying that I would be able to conquer you, Sierra?” he asked softly.
Sierra turned around, her eyes blinking up to his. “Would you want to?” she whispered, every muscle in her body frozen as she waited for his response.
“Oh yes,” he replied without hesitation.
Without waiting for permission, he leaned his head down and kissed her. His kiss wasn’t gentle or tentative as she was used to. As promised, he conquered her. Even his hands moved up, cupping the back of her head and pulling her head back so that his tongue could invade her mouth.
Sierra shivered, thrilled by his dominance. She lifted up onto her toes, trying to get closer to him, to feel him against her. Unfortunately, her heavy coat obstructed her efforts. She wasn’t aware of the sounds of frustration she was making until she felt his hands pushing the wool out of the way, his hands moving against her.
The sensations washing over her were all new and she wasn’t sure how to handle them. But when she felt his hand slide up her waist to cup her breast, she gasped in surprise and horror as the reality of what she was doing broke through the sensual haze that had surrounded the two of them.
She pulled back, her startled eyes looking up at him.
Harrison pulled back reluctantly. He was stunned by what he’d just done. Kissing an engaged woman really wasn’t his style.
“I guess that’s how men conquer and destroy,” he teased.
Sierra’s fingers moved up to her lips, so horrified by her actions that she took his words in the worst possible way. Lashing out, she stepped backwards, her hands, in fact, her whole body shaking in reaction to both his kiss and the very strange way he had made her feel as well as her undignified actions. She was ashamed!
“I deserved that. And I guess that shows me exactly how you view me.” She turned away. “I suppose I should have listened to your warning more thoroughly. I thought you were different from Evan, more dignified and gentlemanly. But you’re not,” she snapped. “You’re just like him, although a panther in a better suit!” With those parting words, she spun around and walked away, pulling her coat closer around her as she hurried to find a place to lick her wounds.
“Sierra…” he started to tell her that he hadn’t thought that at all. But her hand came up, stopping his words.
“Please. You’re right. That was promiscuous of me. And you didn’t deserve my censure. All of my censure should rest solely on my shoulders.” She bowed her head even as she stepped away from him. “Please, forgive me.”
Sierra hurried away, ashamed of her behavior and furious with him as well.
She heard him call out to her but quickened her steps, needing to get away from the disturbing man.
Most of her disgust was centered on herself. She’d just decided to break off her engagement to one man and started kissing another? How could she have been so immoral? To let a stranger kiss her, and at her engagement party no less! Her only excuse was that she’d felt so free and he was a fascinating man. Not a good excuse. It still made her feel cheap and tawdry.
She’d have to break up with Evan, she thought as she slipped upstairs to the privacy of her bedroom. She berated herself for her actions and, when she was able to calm down, she knew that she thoroughly deserved the stranger’s words. She’d been wanton and there was no reason he should think she was anything better than a whore. Her actions proved that. She was kissing a stranger at her engagement party!
That realization kept lashing at her and she sank down lower onto her bed, trying to ease her shame but nothing could lessen the crazy feelings that were bouncing around inside of her. Evan had never kissed her like that, nor had she ever felt anything when he touched her. Possibly revulsion, she thought with regret and Sierra layered more disgust on her shoulders because she hadn’t realized what she was feeling, had simply let life carry her forward without making any real decisions herself.
She sat in the darkness of her bedroom, her wool coat still wrapped around her as she listened absently to the sounds of the party below. How soon could she break off her engagement to Evan? She had to do it quickly but would that man actually brag about kissing her? She wouldn’t put anything past the stranger. Or any man, for that matter!
Maybe she should be grateful to the man. Maybe he’d done her a favor by reinforcing her decision to stop her engagement. Before that stupid kiss, she’d come to the realization that she’d just been floating through life, not really directing her existence. And she didn’t love Evan. Not even a little bit.
That thought only increased her self-flagellations and she wanted to bury her head underneath her pillow in shame, but she forced herself to face some ugly truths. She was aimless. She had no idea what she wanted to do with her life and she was simply coasting along, letting others direct her.
That had to stop. She had to regain, or gain control since she’d never really taken control, and figure out what she wanted for her life.
Happiness, she thought instantly.
But how did one go about finding that elusive emotion? An image of the tall, dark-eyed man floated through her mind but she banished his image. He was the wrong man for her, for so many reasons.
First thing tomorrow, she was taking control, she thought with renewed determination.
Pushing herself off of the floor, she got ready for bed, uncaring that her engagement party was still going strong one floor beneath her. It was more for Evan to mingle with clients than it was a celebration of their engagement. The engagement had only been the excuse. If he hadn’t proposed, her father and Patrick would have come up with another reason to throw a party for their clients. They always found a reason.
Unfortunately, she never got the chance to grab hold of that control. The doorbell rang early the next morning and, before anyone could understand what was happening, her father was being dragged away in handcuffs. Apparently, he’d been embezzling money from several of his clients’ accounts, including the Duke of Selton’s, which put him in real danger.
While the family was still reeling from that horror, a week later, Sierra’s mother took an overdose of sleeping pills. Her humiliation among all of her friends over her husband’s arrest was too much for her, apparently. Since her whole identity was wrapped up in her role as a wife and a society hostess, she couldn’t live when that was taken away from her.
Sierra stood by her mother’s graveside next to her brother without any other mourners as the freezing rain slowly soaked through their winter coats, she wondered why her mother had taken the easy route. She refused to cry as her mother’s body was lowered into the ground, her anger over her mother’s suicide creating so many conflicting emotions within her that she simply wasn’t sure what to feel. Her father wasn’t allowed to attend the funeral because he was considered a flight risk, so it was just Sierra and Daniel standing by their mother’s grave, confused and lost with mounting debt as the legal fees to defend their father started mounting up and the family’s bank accounts were frozen.
She’d cried so much over that week but she was soon to find out that her life was not finished catapulting out of control.
Her father was not well, he claimed to be innocent but, with all of his money frozen, Sierra had no idea how to pay for a solicitor to defend her father. This was all outside of her experience but she was going to figure it out! She had to! This was her family, as dysfunctional as they might be, and she had to deal with it. Her mother had taken the easy way out. Sierra wasn’t going to do that, not to Daniel or to her father.
Adding to everything else, Evan arrived at the house right after her mother’s funeral. Pushing through the front door, he berated Sierra for her father’s crimes. He was furious with her for humiliating him like this and Sierra was too numb to defend herself. She hadn’t even taken off her coat, the heavy wool weighing her down just as Evan’s accusations were doing.
She couldn’t seem to form the words to explain that she hadn’t done anything to him, that it was her father who had been arrested and even then, she didn’t believe her father capable of what the accusations. Evan’s words were harsh and his attitude brutal as he dismissed her from his life, demanding the diamond engagement ring back as if he were some sort of king that had to retract his presence from a menial subject.
As she slid the gaudy ring off of her finger, she felt a small bit of relief. She hadn’t realized how much her engagement to Evan was weighing on her mind. She’d meant to break it off with him several days ago but circumstances and timing were never right.
The final pain came when an officer showed up at her door the day after her mother’s funeral, informing her that her father had suffered a massive heart attack and died overnight in his jail cell.
As she stared at the officer, her hand cold on the freezing doorknob, she almost laughed at the insanity that her life had become.
But she couldn’t laugh. She couldn’t cry. In seven days, her world had been destroyed. Her father had been arrested, her mother had committed suicide, her fiancée had broken off their engagement and now this. Her life as she’d known it was over. She couldn’t even react to the officer’s words, just stared at him through the open doorway while the man awkwardly tried to come up with some words to express his sympathy. But the sympathy wasn’t there and the officer just floundered. Sierra wasn’t sure what she was feeling now. Her father was gone? That must not be right. Her mother had been buried only yesterday. It had been raining. Evan had…
Her only response was to close the door and walk into the living room where, a week earlier, her father’s friends, business associates and clients had mingled, celebrating her upcoming marriage. Everything had changed. Everything was…
She wasn’t sure how to describe her life now. Daniel burst into the room, furious and with another bloody nose but Sierra had no idea how to react. Thankfully, he rushed up to his room, relieving her of the need to form any response. He was understandably angry and confused because his life had been thrown into chaos as well. He was closer to their mother but he was also missing their father as well. Not to mention, he had to go to school and be around the other kids, all of whom were cruel and abusive, thinking that Daniel’s father had been a thief. So not only had he lost his parents, but he’d lost his entire network of friends, practically overnight.
She’d thought that things couldn’t get any worse. Unfortunately, fate was not finished torturing her. A solicitor arrived on her doorstep the following week, informing her that her house was being taken over by her father’s investment firm. It would be sold, including all of the contents, in order to pay back the investors.
Sierra heard the words but she couldn’t figure out what they meant. She’d lost her mother, her father, her fiancée and now she was about to lose her home?
The solicitor finally left, leaving the eviction papers on the coffee table while she stared into space. This wasn’t happening, she told herself as the cold seeped into her body. It simply could not be happening. She had lost so much and now she was going to lose the only home she’d ever known?
Sierra had no idea how long she’d sat there but by the time she stood, her legs ached and it was dark. She hadn’t eaten anything in…well, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten. She looked at the contents of the pantry but closed the door, unable to stomach any food.
Just over two weeks ago, she’d come alive. She’d woken up. She’d realized that her life was being directed by someone else.
Oh, how silly she’d been.
Now her life was completely out of control!