April 2005
“What’s up with this weekend, man? You comin’ to the field? Gonna do a bonfire, and Cory’s sister is scoring us beer.”
I walk alongside Dean. We lag behind our teammates while I think it over. The last time I went to one of those parties, it didn’t end well. The cops were called, and I almost went to jail for underage drinking. My parents weren’t happy about that. They compared me to my brother, pointing out the fact that he has never been in trouble, even when we were overseas.
They have been difficult to live with lately. We haven’t been getting along, not since my mother threatened to have Ivy’s dad fired. I decided then to give Ivy her space. Not only because of my mother, but because that is what she wants. One day I will talk to her, try to understand her feelings, but for now I know I need to back off. Honestly, I am bitter most of the time. I loved her, and I could have helped her. I would have fucking found a way. But she has changed, and not only because of what had happened to her physically. It goes way beyond that. Essentially, my parents were right all along. What I thought I would come back to was … not what I came back to.
Sometimes I do feel awful for dating Eliza. After all, she is the reason Ivy looks the way she does. But it was something that just happened. When shit fell apart with Kate, Eliza was there. I saw the softer side of her I didn’t think existed. I saw her being nicer to people, going out of her way to do things for others. She even said nice things about Ivy, despite Ivy holding a grudge and trying to villainize her.
“Yoohoo?” Dean asks.
“I’ll think about it. The old man wasn’t thrilled after the last time.”
He laughs. “Nah, man, it’ll be different this time.”
“Keep up, losers!” Cory yells from in front of us.
I pick up the pace, running to him and slapping him on the back.
“Hey, Brooks!”
I know that voice. I know that voice well. It is older now, and I have only heard it a few times since I have been back, but I know it. It is Ivy. I stop dead, and turn to her. All of us do. She hasn’t interacted with me since the day Eliza pushed her into the fountain.
“Got a minute?” she asks.
“Give me a sec,” I say to Dean. “I’ll catch up.”
I walk toward her, unsure of what to do. She is shaking, trembling. I hope my mother didn’t do something … she looks upset. I swear, if she did…
“Ivy.” I look back at the guys to make sure they have walked away. “What’s up?”
“I … I … well—”
She’s stone-still. “Ivy?”
Her face lights up suddenly, and she begins to spit out words almost in a manic way. “I was wondering if—I mean, I know you’re going out with Eliza, but—”
“Babe!”
Eliza’s voice draws my eyes across the field. She stands in the breezeway with her hands glued to her hips. I am sure this doesn’t look good, me talking to Ivy like this. I know Eliza was awful to her before, but she was going through some stuff. She broke down and told me all kinds of personal stuff—how her cousin had been molesting her, how her parents didn’t believe her. She had apparently become a huge bitch overnight, and the trauma of what happened to Ivy only made things worse. She already blamed herself for the molestation, and then Ivy not forgiving her and going psycho on her really fucked her up. So, it is only natural that she would be pissed at me for talking to her when she has tried to make amends with Ivy. But I get why Ivy is angry. I know there is more to it, but on the surface, I get it. I know her. She isn’t evil. She isn’t crazy. She has just been hurt, and it has changed her.
Ivy keeps talking. “I know it’s probably weird because we haven’t talked in so long, but I was wondering—”
“BABE!”
Shit. I really don’t want to fight with Eliza, and I really don’t want to hurt Ivy. I’m honestly confused. After all this time of hating me, suddenly wants to talk?
I turn back to Ivy. “Sorry, Ivy. I uh … I gotta get to practice. Later.”
I sprint across the field, a heavy weight in my chest once I reach Eliza. She looks ready to kill me. Her eyebrows are stitched together, murderous intent in her eyes, and her lips are puckered to one side. I hug her like always, not wanting to fight.
“What were you talking to Ivy for?”
Suspicion and anger hide between her words. I don’t know what to say, so I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. “Oh, she just … wanted me to tell you she hopes you both can put the past in the past.”
Instantly, she roars with laughter and glances at Ivy. “Are you for real? Let her know it’s too late for that. No, better yet, have Cory or Dean let her know. I don’t want you talking to her. She can’t be trusted.”
I turn my head to Ivy again. She has become so withdrawn, so weak. I don’t see the sparkle in her eyes that I used to. I don’t recognize her at all. I have to accept it. The Ivy standing across the field isn’t the Ivy I know. I don’t want anything bad to happen to her, but she is a stranger now.
I smile at her, noticing the tight clutch of her books when I do, and decide to leave the past behind me.