I threw open the door to Hoff’s and the wall of heat pouring out of the place nearly made me want to turn around and go back outside. Half an hour before kickoff, the bar was already packed so full of O’Learians, I imagined there was some kind of fire code violation happening.

Or maybe a noise violation, because holy shit was it loud.

I looked around the bar for Ev, or for Henry who might know where Ev was, but I didn’t see either one and I was pretty unreasonably disappointed about that.

“Si! Over here!” Jamie Burke screamed from a tall table in the corner where he was standing with Frank, Shane, and Julian Ross. Jamie’s face was already flushed, his dark red hair was askew, and his eyes were suspiciously bright. I wished I could blame the overheated room, but I was pretty sure the array of empty glasses on the table in front of him were the culprit.

Why did the guy keep coming back to this bar when it fucked him up so badly? Why couldn't he stay away?

“Hey, guys,” I said, shucking my sweatshirt and tying it around my waist. “What’s going on?”

“Heard about the memorial service your mom’s putting together,” Shane offered. “Sounds real nice.”

“Yeah,” Jamie grunted. “It’s really kind of her to also include Molly. I appreciate that.” He chugged more beer.

I smiled wanly. The fall was the worst time of year for my mother. From January to August, it was possible to have a conversation with her that didn't revolve around memories, but once the pumpkin-spice started flowing, it was like a switch flipped in her brain. All she could think about from September onward was Matty — how sad she was without him, how much she missed him when she lit a fire in her fireplace, what she would have liked to get him for Christmas.

It made me angry every time I talked to her — angry that she was holding on to the past so hard, she was missing the present — and I’d been avoiding her calls all week, hoping to minimize my exposure to The Weeping.

Clearly, my absence hadn’t dimmed her enthusiasm.

“So… Day off, Dr. Ross?” I slapped Julian on the shoulder.

“Yep. Unless any animal emergencies occur,” Julian said, tapping a black cell phone that rested on the table, next to a platter of appetizers and a half-empty pint glass. “We’re just, uh, trying to relax and have fun.” He glanced at Jamie, then widened his eyes at me.

“What Julian’s trying to convey is that Jamie here is already on his fourth beer, won’t eat the food because it all tastes like sewage, and won’t listen to Shane or me when we try to get him to leave,” Frank said.

Julian tilted his head at Frank in exasperation and Frank shrugged. “What? Am I wrong?”

Jamie rolled his eyes so hard, he had to grab the table to keep his balance. “You guys are all ridiculous. I’m not drunk. I’m just not going to eat the third-rate shit that Parker serves.” He picked up a chicken wing from the platter and let it drop back with a wet thwap that splattered hot sauce all over his blue t-shirt.

“Jamie, come on,” Shane said, bracing a hand on the base of Jamie’s neck, even though Jamie had a few inches and a couple of dozen pounds on him. “I knew this wouldn’t be a good idea. Let’s just leave. I’ll walk you back to your place, and…”

“I’m not leaving,” Jamie shot back, jerking away from Shane’s hold. He pushed the brim of Shane’s Jets hat down so it covered his eyes. “I’m not letting Parker Hoffstraeder and the fact that Parker is an incompetent, soulless asshole who doesn’t understand essential concepts like friendship and how much fucking sauce to put on a chicken wing, prevent me from enjoying the game with my friends!” He spread his big hands wide. “This is my town.”

Shane adjusted his hat and sighed.

Julian, Frank, and I exchanged glances, but I figured it fell to me to state the obvious. “It’s Parker’s town too.”

Jamie shook his head and took another deep drink of his beer. “Nope. No, Si.” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “That’s where you’re wrong, actually. I mean, legally? Sure. Whatever. But he moved away to Boston. He left us all behind. You don’t just get to… to leave, then come back like nothing happened.” He spoke with the utter reasonableness of the exceptionally drunk. “You don’t just get to do that.” The pain in his voice was a palpable thing.

“Have you tried talking to him? Since he came back?” Julian suggested. “Maybe it’d be better if you, like, aired your differences, instead of you getting upset every time you walk in this place? Maybe he could tell you his reasons for coming back or… whatever?”

Jamie laughed, an ugly sound. “Now that is an idea. That is a hell of an idea. I’ll ask him how many of his Boston friends he fucked over when he moved back here.”

Jamie looked around the bar like he wanted to ask Parker now – with his fists.

“Ah, shit,” Frank said under his breath. “How good are you at patching up humans, Julian?”

“Text your brother,” I told Julian, nodding at his cell. “He’s on call today. Ask Constantine to come and get Jamie home.”

Julian nodded and started texting.

“No fucking way! The game hasn’t even…”

“Jamie,” I said, as seriously as I could. “Not again. We’ve brought you in way too many times already this summer. You need to sort your shit and stay away from Parker until you can figure out how to get right with him. This isn’t helping you, Jamie.”

“Bullshit,” Jamie yelled, he slammed his glass on the table and it slid forward, rocking precariously. “But fine. You want me to leave? I’ll leave!” Conversations stopped as people turned to look at us.

Shane wrapped an arm around Jamie’s shoulder, tugging him toward the exit, and Jamie let him. But before Shane could push the heavy wooden door open, Jamie turned back like he wanted to say one more thing. And of course the crowd chose that moment to part like the fucking Red Sea, leaving nothing but empty space between Jamie and Parker Hoffstraeder, his former best friend.

Parker stared at Jamie, his gray eyes stormy and completely bewildered. He ran a hand through his short, blond hair. “Jamie, I…”

For a second, I worried that Jamie was going to attack Parker, the anger on his face burned so hot, and I was stunned into immobility because that wasn’t the Jamie I knew. Jamie Burke was friendly, affable, and funny as hell.

Then again, maybe Molly and Matty’s anniversary was messing with his mind.

“Looks like you win again, Parker,” Jamie said bitterly. He glared at the folks nearby who’d stopped what they were doing to stare at him. “Enjoy the game.” He shouldered Shane out of the way and shoved the door open, escaping into the chilly afternoon.

Parker swallowed and shook his head like he was trying to shake off Jamie’s anger. He smiled hard at the people who’d likely be feasting on this drama for a week. “Who needs a refill before kickoff? There’s still a few minutes left.”

His words were like a starting pistol, and suddenly everyone was in motion. Even Frank and Julian headed for the bar and the buffet table, respectively. Only Parker stood motionless.

“You alright?” I asked him, laying a hand on his shoulder.

He didn’t look at me. “Of course. Fine.”

Right. Of course. “Parker, you’ve gotta stop letting him in here,” I said. “Or if you do let him in, don’t let him drink. You’re not doing him any favors when he ends up causing a ruckus and we have to bring him down to the station to sleep it off.”

“I haven’t pressed charges,” Parker said staunchly. He stared at the door like he was hoping Jamie might reappear. “And I won’t.”

“But one of these days he’s gonna hurt someone, or maybe himself.”

“Nah. Jamie knows how to control himself. He’s pissed, but he’ll come around,” Parker said. He sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

“I hope so.” I clapped him on the shoulder. “So, have you seen, uh… Henry Lattimer?”

Parker’s face lightened. “Henry? Why? You need some building advice for that apartment over your garage?”

I sighed. Figured Parker had heard about the apartment. Some helpful resident had probably put together a Welcome Back to O’Leary fact sheet with all the important recent town happenings on it.

“Or maybe it’s not Henry you’re looking for?” Parker continued. “I met Everett earlier when they came in. He’s a good-looking guy.” He clasped his hands behind his back and rocked on his feet, like a little kid with a secret. “Really good looking.”

Parker had no idea. He hadn’t seen Ev on his knees staring up at him, his cheeks flushed, his gorgeous green eyes hazed with need, and his lips kiss-swollen. And if I had any say, Parker never would.

Whoa. My stomach rolled. Where the hell had that come from?

I liked Ev a lot, yes. A very lot. But possessiveness implied commitment, and I wasn't sure I was there yet.

Baby steps, I reminded myself. Tiny, infant, fetus steps.

“Yep. He’s good looking. And he’s a friend,” I said, ignoring Parker’s triumphant grin. “You know better than to listen to gossip.”

Parker’s grin changed to something fonder. “Well, good, because I think the man could use a friend right now. Henry hopped himself over to the table where Diane and Marci were sitting, and you know how those three are when they get together. The gossip had to be flying fast enough to scare off any sane person. Last I saw, Ev was standing by the food table, stuffing his face.”

I bumped Parker on the shoulder again and headed deeper into the bar.

My plan for the previous day had gone spectacularly wrong — I mean, as wrong as a surprise blow job could ever be. After the oral and the tears and the bizarre cluster of toxic plants and spooky wind chimes, I’d hoped we’d have a chance to just hang out and find some level of normalcy last night. I’d gone over and rescued Ev's art supplies from his car earlier in the week, when Joe Cross had mentioned it was headed for the junkyard, and I'd hoped to surprise Ev with them last night. I’d wanted to convince him I was a decent guy who wouldn’t expect more than he was ready to give, and who would try to give him as much as I could in return.

I’d wanted to spend time with him, because something about the prickly, mistrustful, sensitive, gorgeous man just did it for me. That was the God’s honest truth. He was beautiful and fascinating and mercurial. I wanted him in my bed, and after yesterday I was no longer fooling myself into thinking that was all I wanted from him.

But of course fucking O’Leary had blocked me yet again, this time in the form of a couple of teenagers shoplifting condoms and lube from Hardison’s Drug, because irony (like trees, festivals, and gossip) was something O’Leary had in abundance.

I’d dropped Ev off with a promise to call him when I was done, but by the time I’d finished explaining to Logan Simms that the benefits of safe sex didn’t quite outweigh the implications of petty larceny, it had been way too late to just show up at Henry’s.

I’d spent my night staring up at the ceiling – which I could safely report had exactly the same number of bumps and cracks as it had for the past two weeks – and wondered if it made me an asshole that I couldn’t help remembering every second of that blow job, up to the part with the tears.

I’d expected to find Ev standing in the corner alone, hiding out or something, but he wasn’t. Instead, he stood behind the table, chatting animatedly with Ash Martin, who was probably a foot taller than Ev and a whole lot broader. Ash made some remark that got Ev laughing, his face tipping up as he smiled, and I swear to God, he was the hottest guy in the entire bar at that moment, the hottest guy in the whole damn town. The sight of him made me stop short and take a deep breath, acutely conscious that my palms were fucking sweating. I was about twenty-five years past middle school, but it didn’t seem to matter.

There was no such thing as fate, just a series of choices and outcomes, but looking at Ev now felt like standing on the edge of a precipice and I couldn't remember how I'd gotten myself into such a precarious position.

Ash excused himself with a smile and moved to the table where his brother was sitting, but Ev stood where he was, half-hidden by the cluster of football-shaped balloons that served as a centerpiece, munching on a plate of snacks and watching the table in the center of the bar, where Henry was. I could barely restrain my smile as I walked around the table and sidled up next to him.

He was so busy spying, he didn’t notice my presence.

“What are we doing?” I whispered in his ear.

He jumped and the celery stick in his hand went flying, landing in the center of the table with a plop.

“Silas!” he scolded. “Really?”

I bit the inside of my lip to keep from laughing at his outrage. “Sorry!” I lied. “I didn’t want to disturb your concentration.”

“Right,” he snorted. He picked up the celery stick and bit into it fiercely. “And to answer your question, we are snacking. I recommend the jalapeño poppers.”

I grabbed one off his plate and bit into it. “Mmm. Agreed. And what are we looking at while we’re snacking?”

Ev rolled his eyes, but transferred his plate of food to his other hand so I could reach it better.

“We’re watching the mating ritual of the mature heterosexual,” he said quietly. “It’s fascinating.”

I choked on my popper. “The what?”

He tipped his chin at the tables in the center of the bar and leaned slightly closer to me. “Behold the male preening before the female.”

I glanced over and saw his grandfather sitting beside Diane Perkins, smoothing his white hair back with his hand. I chuckled. “Are you kidding?”

“It should be noted,” Ev continued, “that last night, the female brought the male sustenance in the form of some insanely good brownies she’d baked herself from scratch, and a three-cheese lasagna. But when asked to stay and partake of the meal, she said she was just being neighborly and didn’t want to intrude since she wasn’t family.”

I nodded. “Uh. Right, okay.”

Ev turned his head to look at me. “Brownies, Si. Brownies and lasagna. And this is at least the fourth time she cooked for him this week.”

“Well, yeah, but she is a cook by trade, Ev,” I told him. “The diner is only a couple of doors down from the hardware store. And O’Learians tend to look out for each other. She was helping him for a couple weeks before you got here.” It sounded reasonable enough to me.

Ev somehow managed to make his smile both pitying and amused all at once. “Do you not see the way she’s leaning forward, just the way he is? She’s mimicking his posture.”

“She’s drinking water and eating snacks.” I grabbed another popper off the plate. “I mean, maybe she doesn’t want to spill them all over herself.”

Ev laughed and shook his head. “Okay, fine. What about them?”

He pointed at the next table, where Marci the dispatcher was sitting with my boss Mitch Turner and Lisa “The Dragon” Dorian, the librarian. Ms. Dorian was talking excitedly about something, and Mitch and Marci were shooting each other amused glances that Ms. Dorian didn’t seem to catch.

“Yeah,” I said. “What about them?”

“Are you being serious? Don’t you see the way the blonde is brushing the hair back from her face and crossing her legs in his direction. That’s a classic sign she’s into him.” He crunched a chip from his plate. “Don’t they teach you people anything at policeman-school?”

I chuckled. “Yeah, they teach us not to leap to conclusions based on appearances.” I jabbed him lightly with my elbow. “That’s my boss, Mitch. And the woman he’s chatting with is Marci.”

“The one who called you about the shoplifting yesterday?”

“The same,” I confirmed. “They’re colleagues. Friends. That’s all.” I looked back at Mitch who was laughing hard at something Marci said and completely ignoring Ms. Dorian. I shook my head. “If you knew these people,” I said. “You’d know that Ms. Dorian is being ridiculous, so of course they’re laughing together. No more, no less.”

“Huh.” Ev tilted his head and smiled at me. “You’re blind,” he declared. “I can’t decide if it’s funny-strange or funny-hilarious. Can’t you recognize attraction when you see it?”

“I hope so.” I smiled just a little bit sharply.

He blushed and looked away. “I’m serious, though. I think you’re letting what you think you know blind you to what’s really happening. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.”

“Everett!” Henry yelled, waving a hand at Ev. “Everett, come here and tell Diane how your demon cat has decided she loves me!” Henry was positively grinning.

Ev sighed and passed me his plate of food. “The mature heterosexual grows tired of the courtship ritual and has decided to bait his offspring.”

I let my hand brush over his hip briefly, where no one could see. “I’ll talk to you later?”

He nodded.

“Everett!”

Ev gritted his teeth and I watched him walk away.

I wondered if Ev could see the pride on his grandfather’s face as he approached. Ev thought he was so savvy about relationships, but I was pretty sure he was clueless about how much Henry loved him.

“A-hem.” Dare came out of nowhere and slung an arm over my shoulder, directing me away from the buffet table to a high-top nearby, where Cal was already standing. “What’s up, lover boy?”

I shrugged him off. “What?”

Cal grinned at me across the table. “I’ve gotta say, I wondered if Frank was exaggerating, but I see he wasn’t.”

“What are you talking about?” I demanded, but of course I knew.

“You and Everett, obviously,” Dare said.

“You’re the topic du jour.” Cal gave me a sympathetic shrug before taking a sip of beer. “And the way you’re looking at the man isn’t doing much to dispel the rumors.”

“Frank’s been telling everyone how you and Ev were holding hands out at his place yesterday.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “Didn’t you once tell me that was against your religion?”

“Si told me last summer that he was absent the day they handed out commitment genes,” Cal said, pushing a chunk of red hair back from his forehead with his fingers. “Mocked Ash and me for being in love.”

“I mean, to be fair,” Dare teased. “You guys are disgusting.”

Cal shrugged, completely unconcerned. “You remember what I told you that day, Si? I said love was gonna come and whack you when you least expected it.”

I huffed out a breath, but my instinctive denial got stuck somewhere between my lungs and my mouth. The best I could come up with was a lame little eye-roll.

“It’s not love, Cal,” I scoffed. “He’s been in town a couple of weeks. And most of that time he wasn’t talking to me.”

“I knew Ash for two minutes.”

“That’s the exception, not the rule.”

Cal drew his phone from his pocket and read the display. He chuckled, then downed the rest of his beer in one gulp. “Well, I’m about to go rescue my exception from the clutches of his mother and sister-in-law. I feel a terrible headache coming on and I won’t possibly be able to stay for the game.” He winked at me. “And for what it’s worth, I think your guy’s pretty exceptional too.”

I shook my head as he walked off. “He’s crazy,” I told Dare. “My guy.” I was desperately trying to ignore the newly possessive part of me that wanted to roll around in the idea.

“Uh huh. So what did happen yesterday?”

“Nothing. We hiked. We found that weird place with the chimes that I told you about yesterday.”

Dare grunted. “I sent Elliot Marks out to look at it this morning. We’re gonna have to remove all those weeds and destroy them. Damn things are invasive.”

“Well, don’t blame the messenger,” I told him. “I didn’t plant them, I just found them.”

“While you were hiking. With Ev,” he prompted.

Dare gave me the same penetrating gaze he’d given me at the restaurant yesterday, and though I tried to ignore him, once again I found myself spilling my guts.

“Fine, fine. We kissed.” I glared at Dare. “You can’t keep using that look on me.”

“Why not, when it’s so effective?” Dare challenged. He sipped his beer and watched me carefully. “And that’s all that happened?”

This time, I wouldn’t answer no matter how long he stared. What happened between me and Everett was… ours.

“We talked,” I said. I shifted my stance so I could keep Ev, who was standing next to Hen’s chair and watching the football game with a tiny frown on his forehead, in my line of vision. “Did you know he was married before?”

Dare shook his head. “No. How would I know that?”

I shrugged. “I dunno. Hen, maybe? O’Leary gossip? Mitch seemed to know a lot about him.”

“If Mitch knew that, he didn’t tell me,” Dare said. He studied Ev also. “He doesn’t wear a wedding ring. Did they break up a while ago?”

I shook my head and snagged Dare’s beer. “They didn’t break up. His husband died.” I took a long swallow. “Sixteen months ago.”

Dare whistled and his brown eyes went wide. “Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Ev still messed up over it?” Dare asked. Then he waved his hand dismissively. “Forget I even asked. Of course he is. God, the poor guy.”

I nodded slowly. Of course he was.

Shane Goode shuffled up to the table, adjusting his baseball cap, and I pushed over to make room for him, even though that meant losing sight of Ev. “Um, hey guys. Just wanted to let you know I got Jamie home safe.”

I slapped Shane’s arm, which was surprisingly solid beneath his shapeless clothing. “Good man,” I told him. “Jamie needs a loyal friend, for sure.”

“He’s gonna be okay,” Shane said. “I think he’s upset about… you know. Molly.”

“I know, Shane.”

“And maybe about Parker, too.” Dare said.

Shane nodded and rapped the table lightly with his knuckles. “He never should have gone to Boston. Parker, I mean.” He sighed. “Do you ever think about how everything would have been fine if no one left town, Si?”

I frowned. “If we stayed here like prisoners?”

“It’s not a prison! It’s a home. If Matty hadn’t left, Molly wouldn’t have gone with him. If they’d both just stayed here, nothing would’ve had to happen to them.” His nostrils flared and his throat worked like he was fighting off tears. “If Parker hadn’t left, Jamie wouldn’t have missed his friend all these years.”

“Well, yeah, but everyone has a right to find happiness as long as they’re not hurting anyone, Shane.”

“But that’s just it! They were hurting people! They hurt you, and your parents, and Jamie, and me.”

“Shane,” I began, but Dare caught my eye and shook his head subtly.

Shane took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Sorry,” he said. “Second time in two days I’ve gotten all upset. I just hate thinking about the waste of it all.”

“Of course,” Dare said, frowning at Shane. “Anytime someone that young dies, it’s a tragedy, and Molly and Matty were special.”

Shane nodded once and adjusted the brim of his hat again. “Anyway. I’ll keep an eye on Jamie,” he said. “Just in case.”

“I appreciate that,” I said solemnly. “And listen, if you need to talk…”

“Nah.” Shane shook his head. “I said all I needed to say twelve years ago. But your mom’s memorial service will help, I bet.”

“If you say so. I’d just as soon skip it.”

Shane’s eyes narrowed. “You don’t mean that.”

I sighed. “I don’t mean I want to forget them, Shane. I could never do that. I just… want to stop remembering their deaths, that’s all.”

“Same difference, if you ask me,” Shane insisted. He cleared his throat. “Uh, any news on the camper, Dare? I was a little late getting out to Frank’s yesterday. I think I missed most of you.”

Dare shrugged. “Well, Si found a whole fucking forest of invasive plants that are gonna be a bitch to remove. So there’s that.”

“Hey! I told you not to shoot the messenger!”

Dare scratched the back of his head. “Otherwise, though, nothing.”

“That’s good,” Shane said. “Real good.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Why’s that good? I was hoping we’d find something, give the family some closure.”

“Well, I dunno. Just that if you don’t find anything, maybe he’s still alive, right?” Shane offered. “While there’s still hope?”

“Maybe,” Dare said skeptically. “Either way, I think his folks would want to know.”

Shane nodded. “Well, anyway. You let me know if you need help again. I know those woods pretty well. I can help you with your hogweed problem, too.”

“I’ll remember that Shane, thanks,” Dare said. But when Shane walked away, Dare’s eyes followed him.

“Remind me again about your brother’s car accident,” he said.

“What about it?”

Dare glanced at me and shook his head. “Nothing,” he said. “Never mind. My memory is failing me, but it doesn’t matter.” He leaned both elbows on the table and turned that interrogative gaze on me again. “Let’s get back to talking about Ev.”

“Uh, let’s not.” I grabbed Dare’s beer again, and his lips twitched in amusement as he watched me.

“He’s a widower. Has he been with anyone since his husband died?”

I scowled. “How the fuck should I know? It’s none of my business and sure as hell none of yours.” But I would have bet my house he hadn’t.

Dare nodded. “Fair enough. But if this is his first time with someone else, it’s gonna be hard for him, I’d think. Grief crops up at strange times, even when you think you’re past it. Two steps forward, one step back. Even if you’re attracted enough to kiss someone.”

Even if you give them a blow job.

“Yes, thank you, Dr. Phil. Like I just told Cal and Parker, since you’re all a bunch of gossips, Everett and I are friends.” I ran a hand through my hair in frustration.

Fuck. I’d known this. I’d known it. A guy who’d avoided me for weeks then freaked out after hooking up like Ev had was clearly not ready to move on, no matter how much I wanted him to be. But hearing it spelled out made my unease multiply until it felt like a thousand tiny bees pricking my chest from the inside. I’d let myself want Ev enough to overwhelm my caution, and I’d gotten so caught up that I’d found myself in a place I’d never wanted or expected to be. If I didn’t stop this train immediately, step back from the precipice, I was going to find myself losing something I hadn’t even known I wanted until Ev walked into my life.

And even now, even knowing that? I felt a tug in my gut to turn around, to look for him, because I knew the sight of him would calm me.

Fuck, again.

“Listen, I’m not trying to wet blanket you here.” Dare’s brown eyes were sincere. “God knows, I love seeing you actually making an effort for a guy for once, and Ev seems great. I’m just saying maybe slow down and have a discussion, make sure you’re on the same page.”

I nodded and took another sip of Dare’s beer, but my heart twisted in my chest. Sure. Talk about things. Put my shit out there and risk him saying, Oh, sorry, Silas, you lose. No, thanks. Besides, the answer was obvious, now that the fog of attraction and connection had dissipated. I’d meant it when I said grief wasn’t linear, but if Ev couldn’t bring himself to talk about his husband, there was no way I was more than step one in his healing process.

The rebound. The regret.

Fuck, a third time.

Here I was, falling for a guy for the first time ever, and if I didn’t figure out a way to stop this immediately, the landing was gonna be fatal.

“I appreciate the advice, Dare, honestly. But I meant what I said earlier. There’s nothing between Everett and me.” I forced my lips into a grin.

Dare widened his eyes and shook his head. “Si, stop!”

“No, dude, I’m telling you,” I said, raising my voice to talk over him. “Ev’s a good guy, and he’s hot as hell, but he was never gonna be more than a hookup. He’s a mess for God’s sake, and there are a million other guys out there who are drama-free.” If only I could make myself want them. “You’ve gotta nip this gossip in the bud before people start getting the wrong idea. I do casual. I don’t need a guy who’s gonna sob all over me.”

I rolled my eyes… and someone behind me cleared their throat.

Dare’s devastated expression told me all I needed to know before I even turned around, and when I did, I wished I hadn’t. Hen Lattimer stood looking at me like I was shit on his shoe, and Ev… Ev was smiling, this huge, heartbreaking, false approximation of humor. His green eyes burned like I’d just told a joke and he was determined to laugh along.

“Si’s not wrong,” Ev told Dare. “God, I wept all over the poor guy in the woods yesterday. Did he tell you? It was, like, the least attractive sight ever.”

Dare shook his head mutely.

Ev put his hand on my back just above my shoulder blade, a fleeting touch that was barely there before it was gone, but managed to take some part of me with it. He raised his voice, loud enough to carry. “But I can confirm, the gossip is completely false. There is absolutely nothing between us. Si was just being a decent guy yesterday. No surprise there, right?”

To my horror, someone shouted, “Si’s the best!” And someone else laughed and demanded, “You owe me five bucks, Jack! I told you it was just a rumor!”

Ev snickered, a high, hysterical sound, and clapped his hand over his mouth like he wanted to force it back.

“Come along, Everett,” Hen said, jabbing the ground with his crutch. He leaned heavily on Ev’s shoulder for the first time I could recall. “I’m suddenly tired and I need to go home.”

“Yeah.” Ev nodded. “Thanks for the, um… everything.”

Paralyzed by my own idiocy, I stood and watched him walk out the door.

“Well,” Dare said a moment later, once the door had shut behind them and the rest of the bar had gone back to watching the game. “I guess you got your wish. Gossip effectively nipped.” The dumbass on the end of his sentence was unspoken but evident.

“Yeah,” I agreed. I’d gathered my pride around me like a shield, and had managed to clobber Ev over the head with it. I couldn’t remember feeling so hollow since the day Matty died.

Go, me.

I’d thought I was still standing on some fucking precipice, that I could save myself by walking away. But feeling Ev’s pain lance through me like it was my own, I realized it was way too late for that. I’d already fallen.