Chapter Five

Georgina

 

 

He really surprised me by saying he could help me with my list. I didn’t know how to reply, so I said the first thing that came into my head: “How?”

I was expecting him to say some lame line like ‘come on in here and I’ll bang you silly’ or something like that, which of course I imagined in his cute British accent. Instead, he just asked me to come in because I was getting soaked on his doorstep.

I kind of hoped he’d say the lame line. I wanted his offer to be an offer for nothing but sex, not an offer of help. That was the last thing on earth I needed—a nice guy who wanted to help me. I’d had enough of nice people who wanted to help me. Some things couldn’t be helped.

After a failed effort to dry me off—sheets aren’t the most absorbent material—he threw the sheet over my head, making me look like the world’s least ambitious ghost. He’d seemed so confident before. Then he developed a very cute stutter when trying to offer to be the man I have sex with.

I couldn’t help but smile. It was sweet, but I didn’t need sweet right now. I did need a man though, and my faux bravado was sighing in relief at the thought of not having to pick up someone new all over again. Plus, Blake was mind-blowingly handsome. Big bonus there.

I was toweled off a bit and started to pull up my shirt so I could put the dry one on. Blake saw what I was doing and turned his back. For a guy who had just offered to help me do some raunchy stuff, he sure was shy. Or a gentleman. I wasn’t interested in either of those kinds of guys.

I should just leave. Using a nice guy for my list was going to feel a hell of a lot worse than using some jerk.

I undressed quickly, relieved to be out of my wet things, and pulled the shirt over my head. It wasn’t as clean as it could have been but that was okay. I smelled Blake as the sleeves and neck passed by my nose. The earthy yet sweet scent clung in my throat and warmed my chest.

I folded up my wet shirt and dumped it on top of Blake’s clothes, still on top of the other mess on the street sign coffee table. I felt frumpy. The oversized man’s shirt draped like a tent across my breasts. I could see how uneven they were, the surgery having removed just enough from one side that there was a noticeable difference. I hoped it was only noticeable to me. I folded my arms across my middle.

Blake was still looking the other way. I cleared my throat, feeling even more at a loss. “You can turn around.”

Blake turned and looked at me, then quickly sat on the couch like someone had knocked his legs out from under him. He cleared his throat too, and gestured for me to sit as well.

I was wary of the couch this time and sat carefully so I didn’t end up on his lap again. Our knees touched, and a little thrill ran down my spine.

“Can I ask why you made a list like that?” he said.

“Just stuff I want to do. That’s all.”

“But why now?”

“Why does it matter?” I sounded too defensive. I needed to relax and just make it seem like some playful thing I wanted.

“I’m not sure. Maybe it doesn’t. I’m just trying to get to know you. Make sure it wasn’t in response to being treated bad by that very jealous boyfriend I still worry you have hiding behind me.”

He peeked over his shoulder and I cracked a smile.

He had the nicest eyes. They looked out at me from between that thick border of lashes, and my heart gave a squeeze. He would have been perfect, if things were different. But my life was what it was, and The List was important to me for my own reasons. Getting to know each other more was a temptation I had to resist. I had a super-secret invisible armor hidden under my skin, and I bolted it into place. I could almost hear the clicking.

“Do you need to get to know me to do the things on my list?”

“Not really. I’m just curious, is all. I’m not asking because I’m looking for ways to dissuade you.”

Dissuade? Who used words like dissuade in a conversation? Maybe he was doing that thing where you used a new word every day. Like that mature-age student in one of my classes who used the word minutiae four times in a conversation once.

“I’d prefer to keep things casual.”

“Sounds perfect to me.” He grinned as if I’d just taken a load off his mind. Maybe I’d judged him wrong, and he wasn’t the nice guy trying to get to know me. Maybe he was the one-night stand guy who was fishing around to make sure I wasn’t going to be the clingy one. I sure hoped so.

He clapped his hands together once. “Okay, let’s stick to the basics. You want to do the list, and I want to help you. Now, let’s suppose the best place to start would be with you losing your virginity.”

I tensed. I didn’t really expect him to leap across the couch at me but you could never tell. He just sat there looking at me, smiling, but with a small wrinkle of concern near his eyes.

I tried to act blasé. “Doing pretty much any item off my list would cross that one off as well. Two birds, one cherry, and all.”

“You really want to lose your virginity and try out bondage all in one hit? No pun intended. I mean, haven’t you thought about how you want to lose your virginity?”

Not since I was a tween and had all kinds of romantic ideas about what that first time would be like.

It was going to be with Bobby Vaughn, in a room filled with candles, rose petals, and the piano he’d serenade me on before we made love on white satin sheets.

I didn’t have such impractical dreams anymore.

“I was just going to wing it.” I made it sound so matter-of-fact.

“That doesn’t give me a lot to work with. There’s a really wide margin of error here. I mean, what if I went the sex-under-the-stadium-seats-at-a-football-game route and you were really more of a surrounded-by-candles kind of girl. It would totally ruin the experience for you.”

I could see Blake reading my face and knew my inner tween was putting out traitorous signals at the sound of his words.

“I’m really not that fussy,” I said.

“You should be. It’s your first time. We should try and make it special, as much as possible. I’ve got a few ideas already.” I swore his cheeks turned a little pink when he said that. “But you’ve got to give me something to go by. Like, what kind of music do you like?”

“I don’t really know. I mean, I never listened to it much after the summer I turned fifteen and … I’ve just been too busy studying …” I had almost said something I shouldn’t. I buttoned my lips tightly together and stared at the floor between my bare feet.

Insecurity and doubt came back to haunt me. Did he really like me or did he just see me as a chubby girl he could have sex with in all sorts of interesting ways? Did he see me as just the person who was wild enough to write The List?

Why did I care what he thought? He was supposed to be just one more black line across the words on The List.

“Is there really nothing you would like for the big event? I just feel as though you haven’t thought this through. I mean, your list doesn’t even include having an orgasm. That seems like a bit of an oversight.”

“Oh, well, I just thought …” I didn’t know what I thought. I hadn’t even thought of it. I really was in over my head.

“You could get all the way through that list of yours without having a single orgasm. In the wrong hands, of course. Which would be a real shame.”

I raised my eyebrows. “And how are your hands?”

Blake blew out a breath and met my gaze. “I won’t lie. Well-practiced.”

Was he trying to play sex-chicken with me? If he was well practiced, all the better. I didn’t care how many partners he’d had or would have after I was gone. “Okay. I’ll let you help me with my list.”

“I’d be honored to be your guide through uncharted sexual territory.”

“Look, I’m not asking you to wine and dine me. I’m not asking for a friend or a boyfriend. The goal is to mark off all the things on my list—that’s all.”

He paused, assessing me with a confused stare. “Hopefully in an enjoyable way though, right?”

The soft, teasing tone in his voice made a pleasant sensation curl from my tailbone into my spine.

“When do we start?” I asked, my voice rough.

Blake reached to the coffee table and checked his phone. “Damn, it’s late. I mean, not that I wanted to start anything now … I have to work in the morning. How about tomorrow night?”

So soon? Setting a date for the big event made my heart flop against my ribcage. The List Georgina is brave Georgina. The List Georgina says yes, I reminded myself. “Sure, sounds good.”

He gestured to the phone in his hand. “Could I grab your number?”

I hesitated, but figured he might need it while helping me get through my list.

As he typed it in, I stood up and gathered my wet clothes.

Blake stood beside me. “You’re welcome to stay here.”

The temptation to stay was very strong. I could imagine what it would be like to wake up next to him, feeling his body pressed against mine under crisp morning sunlight. “No,” I said hastily. “Thanks.”

Sleeping next to him implied a level of commitment I didn’t want in my life, that I couldn’t have even if I wanted it. I couldn’t afford to let my feelings get all tangled up in this arrangement. I was doing this for a reason.