The next morning Susan was out for her morning walk. It was a chilly late November morning. She was walking smartly along when she heard someone calling her name. She turned and saw Simon trotting after her.

“Good morning,” he said as he caught up with her. “My, but you move right along don’t you,” he said, catching his breath.

“It’s cold. One needs to keep warm.”

“Might I walk with you?”

“Of course, if you can keep up,” she teased, charging on ahead.

“That Fitz is some woman isn’t she?” he asked.

Susan turned to look at him, not believing her ears, but she didn’t answer.

They carried on for a while before he spoke again. “Susan, you may have guessed that I still have sincere feelings for you.”

Not breaking her stride, she turned to look at him. “You do?”

“I thought it was obvious,” he pleaded.

She stopped walking and turned to face him. “Simon, what are you saying? Are you looking for us to be together again? Do you want to court me?” Her tone was, if not severe, then at least firm.

“Ever since I’ve been home, you’ve been attentive and most kind. And being around you again has ignited feelings for you I thought were dead.”

“Simon, I do care for you, and I’ve shown sympathy for your illness, but please don’t mistake my sympathy for anything more than that.”

“You have no romantic feelings for me at all?”

“Simon, you know that I’ve been courted by a naval captain for many months, and to my great surprise I also find that your brother and I have feelings for each other.”

“You and John?”

Susan nodded. “It’s too early to tell what will happen. I’ve been torn between the two. Please don’t complicate this for me. Simon, I do have warm feelings and regards for you, but it will never rekindle into a romance again. I’m sorry.”

Simon nodded. “I see. Thank you for being honest with me.”

“How else could I be with you? We have a history, and you deserve the truth.”

“Thank you. I’ll go back now.” He started back and she could hear him muttering, “Her and John?”

* * *

As Susan was coming back from her walk, she came across John coming down the stairs as she was going up.

“Out for your morning walk?” he asked, as he leaned in and kissed her cheek.

She pulled back slightly. “Yes, and I need to tell you something,” she said rather seriously.

“Oh. And what is that?”

“Simon sought me out earlier and expressed his interest in reigniting our romance. And I had to tell him that was not possible. And, in telling him that, I needed to confess that you and I had feelings for one another.”

“Oh…”

“I felt you should know that he knows about us. Just in case it comes up.”

“Thank you for telling me. But does this mean you’re accepting my suit?”

Susan sighed and placed her hand on his arm. “John, please, I need a little more time. It’s only been a day since we discussed this.”

“Well the feelings for me, at least, go back a lot farther.”

Susan agreed. “Yes, but I’m still dealing with my feelings for Daniel. Please understand.”

John nodded. “Very well. I shall leave it up to you to broach the subject again when you’re ready.”

“Thank you. Now I must fetch Elizabeth and get her ready for breakfast.”

Just then Fitz appeared at the top of the stairway. She paused when she saw the two of them together.

“What a perfect day for riding,” she said as she started descending the stairs. “I certainly hope Simon’s in good health and spirits this morning. I so look forward to our ride together.

“Miss Fitz,” John acknowledged, as she passed them on the stairs without making eye contact with either.

“My tea was tepid this morning when I awoke. I do hope the coffee will be hot,” she said and disappeared toward the breakfast room.

* * *

It was nearly eleven o’clock and Susan was going over the series of British monarchs with Elizabeth.

“So many,” Elizabeth observed, “How do you ever keep them all straight? There’s the first and second of this king and the third and fourth of that one. This Plantagenet and that Lancaster. How do you ever make any sense of this?”

“It’s called history. It’s a new subject for you and gradually, over time, you’ll begin to understand when we study all of their stories,” Susan said.

“Oh, I like stories. Let’s start right now.”

Clarissa appeared at the schoolroom door after knocking briefly.

“Susan, might I have a word,” she asked looking a little ashen.

Susan went to her. “Are you ill? You don’t look too well,” she observed.

Clarissa was accompanied by Charlotte, who went inside the schoolroom as they remained in the hallway.

“What is it, Clarissa? Is it something serious?”

“Come with me to my rooms, I need to tell you something.”

They went to the rooms and, inside, Katherine was waiting for them with an even more distressed looking face.

“Katherine?” Susan exclaimed, greatly surprised. What immediately flashed through her mind was that either her Mamma or Papa was ill.”

“Come sit with me,” Katherine requested. “Susan, we got a letter about Daniel.”

Susan’s face brightened. “Oh, is he coming home?”

“No, Susan. We had a letter from the Admiralty. Daniel’s ship was lost in a terrible storm off the coast of Cuba. There were no survivors.”

A charge like lightning surged though Susan and she couldn’t speak. She sat staring blankly ahead. Katherine reached over and took Susan’s hands and she burst into tears as Susan remained dry-eyed. Clarissa stood behind them with her hands on their shoulders.

“How is that possible?” Susan asked. “It was a brand new ship.” Katherine couldn’t answer. “There were no remains?”

Katherine shook her head.

“Oh, my dear sister,” Susan said, taking Katherine into her arms and rubbing her back.

Katherine finally stopped crying and released herself from Susan’s arms.

“Oh, your dear parents….”

“Devastated,” Katherine said, wiping her eyes and blowing her nose with a now soaked handkerchief. She stopped and looked at Susan. “You’re numb, aren’t you?”

Susan nodded. “I am. I can’t get it to register. And all I can think about is you and your parents.”

Katherine just sat there, almost in a trance.

“How kind of you to come and tell me yourself. You have no idea how much that means to me in your time of grief.”

“I had to.”

“Will there be a service?”

“I expect so. We haven’t made any plans yet.”

Susan felt surprisingly calm. Everything was too much. But she couldn’t help thinking briefly about John. But she immediately shook the thought away. This was absolutely the wrong moment to be thinking about that.

“Do you want to stay over?” Susan asked Katherine.

She shook her head. “I borrowed a horse and cart. I need to get back and I don’t want to leave my parents alone too long.”

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Not that I can think of. It’s just too horrible and overwhelming. I have no idea what to think or do except to put one foot before the other until the shock and dismay wear off. I’d better leave.”

“Let me go out with you.”

Susan put her arms around Katherine’s shoulders when she led her out of Clarissa’s room.”

As they were passing down the entry stairs, Fitz passed them on her way up. She looked over at the stricken women and said, “How bizarre,” and disappeared.

Katherine was momentarily taken aback and asked Susan, “She’s back?”

“Don’t ask. It’s a long story. One day over tea—but much later.”

They reached the entrance and Standish kindly opened the door for them. Susan led Katherine to the cart and helped her up.

“My thoughts will be constantly with you and your parents.”

“But what about you, Susan? You seem to be taking this very well. Do you think it’ll hit you later and then you’ll have a collapse?”

Susan shook her head. “I don’t know. There’s been so much going on, my head is a complete muddle. I need to sort everything out. And remember, I’m still responsible for Elizabeth and must keep myself together for her.”

Katherine reached out her hand and Susan took it. They looked at each other and gave sad smiles. Then Susan let go of Katherine’s hand and watched her drive off.

After Katherine disappeared down the drive, Susan just stood there, unable to move, think, or decide what to do next. She was surprised when John suddenly appeared beside her.

“Did I see your friend, Katherine leaving the house?”

Susan nodded and turned toward him. “There’s been terrible news, and Katherine came to tell me.”

John put his arm around her waist. “Do you care to tell me?”

Susan related the tragedy and he leaned over and kissed the top of her head. “Terrible. Just terrible. My dearest Susan, you have my very deepest sympathy.”

“Thank you,” she said simply looking up at him.

“I expect you’ll want the evening alone. Shall I arrange for a tray to be brought up to you?”

“I don’t think I could eat right now.”

“Of course. And I can have Elizabeth watched for several days if you wish. Do you think you might want to go home for a spell?”

Susan thought about that. “No. What is best for me is to immerse myself in my teaching. I can’t think of a better way to heal than to be with Elizabeth’s eager brightness.”

John nodded, and Susan took his hand, kissed it, and returned to her room.

* * *

Susan had not yet cried for Daniel. Were her affections so shallow, she asked herself? She sat and stared out at the park. It was lunchtime, but she didn’t feel like eating. She knew Elizabeth was being cared for and, as it was a bright day, she decided to don her coat and walk. Walking always calmed and settled her.

As she was putting on her coat, she saw the cockade on the lapel of her coat. She instinctively reached up and fingered the locket Daniel had given her, and she was overcome with a wash of grief. Daniel—sweet, sweet—Daniel was gone forever. She would never see his smiling face again. She remembered the sparkle of his blue eyes and the soft golden curls of his hair—his warm smile and the touch of his hand on her arm. True, it was not the great charge she felt when John touched her, but she treasured it nevertheless.

She sat down and began to cry—not great sobs—but a soft gentle crying that seemed more appropriate for the grief she felt for this gentle man.

When she could cry no more, she stood up, wiped her eyes, buttoned her coat, wrapped a scarf tightly around her neck, and went for her walk.

The air was cold, but the sun had warmth. She stretched her legs, briskly moved her arms, and used the physicality of her body to release her grief, clear her mind, and begin to deal with her thoughts and feelings for John.

She realized there was absolutely no reason not to move forward with her growing passion for him if he felt as she did. But she needed to think it through. Sit with the implications of what that would mean for all of them—John, herself, and Elizabeth. Could they be a family? John had suffered great grief over the loss of Annabel. Was he sufficiently healed to be able to love another? And how would Elizabeth react to having Susan as her actual mother? She didn’t want to rush her decision, nor did she want John to rush to a decision either. It was best to give it more time.

Susan soon found she had walked to near the edge of the estate. She was in a wooded area she’d not visited before. There had been no snow for several weeks and the ground was clear. The woods were dark, but not threatening. She felt an unexpected peacefulness descend upon her. She stopped in the middle of the trees and calmly took deep breaths.

She heard a rustling in the underbrush and turned to see a doe and fawn, paused, and staring at her. But they seemed to understand she meant no harm and they continued grazing.

Susan backed up slowly and headed back toward the house. She felt calm and centered. She still held Daniel in her heart, but she began to feel she was ready to move cautiously forward.

* * *

John gave Susan a wide berth for the next few days. He let her grieve however suited her best. He saw her take her morning walks—which seemed to last longer than usual. She had her meals by herself. But she was constant and regular in teaching Elizabeth.

Then one morning Susan appeared at the library door.

“Might I come in?” she asked.

John was preparing to go out to the wool packing shed, but he welcomed her inside.

“Come. I’ve missed seeing you. How are you faring?”

“Not too badly. But it’s been a rough few days.”

“Yes, I know how that is.”

“Are you busy? Might we talk?”

John was torn. He needed to be at the shed, but he wanted to be there for her.

“It’s a bad time, isn’t it?” she asked. John hesitated. “I’ll come back later,” she offered.

“What about a walk together tomorrow morning? I know you are walking still, even in the cold. Perhaps we could speak then?”

“That would be fine.” She turned to leave. “Oh, and I’m ready to resume coming to supper again. Is Miss Fitzwilliam still in the picture? I’ve not seen her for several days.”

John smiled. “She is. It seems she’s now stalking my brother.”

“Ah, yes. As you know, Simon approached me before I learned of Daniel’s demise and he was sounding me out about the possibility of the two of us reuniting again. I made it quite clear that was not going to happen. So perhaps he’s now exploring his other options as well.”

“As is she, I’m afraid. At this juncture, she’s still not given me a date when she’s planning to leave.”

“Perhaps you might suggest you’ll make a carriage available to her for her departure. That might let her know you mean business and it might spur her into action.”

John laughed. “I’m afraid the only action she’s taking is her pursuit of Simon.”

“And what will you do about that?” Susan asked. “Do you plan to intervene?”

“No. Simon is his own person. I’ve caused him enough grief over time and now I want him to feel free to be himself. I want to support him however I can. But wisdom dictates that he’ll find out about Miss Fitz’s nature and intentions soon enough. It’s a decision he alone can make.”

“That’s most generous. But I just hope she doesn’t upset you too much in her quest for Simon.”

“How can she upset me when I have you?” John went over, smiling, and took Susan by the waist, kissing her gently on the forehead. Then he reeled backward.

“Oh, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry. I just got carried away.”

He seemed agitated, but Susan reached out and put her hand on his arm to calm him. “Don’t be upset. That was a very sweet gesture. I quite liked it.”

“But I promised not to intrude during your time of grief,” he said, pulling on his waistcoat.

“John, I’m not an invalid. And I’ve had time to sort out things more clearly in my mind. And that’s why I wanted to speak with you.

“Tomorrow morning, then,” he said, nodding to her.

“Until tomorrow morning. But, of course, we’ll see each other again at supper.”