Chapter Thirteen
Nick had spent years clawing his way out of a black hole of despair, a brutal climb through paths of heartache, bloodshed, and discipline. Now he could feel himself slipping back again.
Logan.
His brother’s appearance was the final insult coming on the heels of the ugly scenes of yesterday. It felt like an awful, cosmic joke, one that said he had no control over his life.
Logan stared at him with a wary gaze. “Nick, just let me talk to you,” he said gruffly. “Let me explain why I’m here.”
“There’s nothing to explain. My son is dead because of you. There is no forgiving that.”
In the silence that gripped the hall, Nick heard Victoria gasp. He’d been so focused on Logan that he’d almost forgotten her presence. She stood beside Kade, holding his hand. She looked shocked, of course. Likely she hadn’t even known about his son.
When their gazes met, she pointedly raised her eyebrows in a clear warning. He told himself he didn’t care about her opinion, or anyone else’s. Not with Logan inside Kinglas, where Nick had forbidden him ever to step foot again.
“I’d do anything to change what happened,” Logan said. “You know I would.”
“The only thing you can do is get the hell out of my house before I take my boot to your arse,” Nick replied.
Kade wrenched free from Victoria and rushed forward. “That’s not fair. You know it wasn’t Logan’s fault.”
“He needs to go, Kade,” he said, ignoring the pleading note in the boy’s voice.
Anger flared in Logan’s eyes. “How long are you going to punish me, Nick? For the rest of our bloody lives?”
Nick was vaguely surprised to hear a snarl emerge from his throat. “You won’t have much longer to live if you don’t leave right now.”
“My lord, surely such threats are not necessary.” Victoria’s cool, clear voice cut through the haze in Nick’s brain, like a bracing gust off the loch dispelled a winter mist.
He glanced at her, narrowing his eyes.
“And your little brother is present, in case you’ve forgotten,” she added, not the least bit intimidated.
“Then I suggest you get him out of here,” Nick snapped.
She stepped protectively in front of Kade. “I should be happy to do so, sir, once I’m convinced that neither you nor anyone else is going to commit murder.”
Royal let out an exasperated sigh. “Don’t worry about that.”
“Maybe she should,” Logan said with an ugly laugh. “Because it looks like I’ll have to beat some sense into my brother’s thick Scottish skull.”
The servants let out a collective gasp. Logan had never known when to keep his mouth shut, or show a reasonable amount of deference. Years of exile had clearly not made a difference in that respect.
“Here, now. Ye’ll be showing more respect to the laird,” Angus said in a shocked voice.
Nick flashed him a smile that was all teeth. “Never mind, Grandda. I was always able to take him. He’s clearly forgotten that.”
His brother’s gaze turned as flinty as slate. “I think you’ll find things have changed, brother.”
“Excellent,” Nick drawled. “Shall we give it a go?”
He started to move but jerked to a halt when Victoria slipped in between them. She pressed a slim hand to his chest.
“My lord,” she said quietly, “you are not thinking clearly.”
“Nick, please listen to her,” Kade said in an anguished tone.
Nick tore his focus from her calm face and glanced over at his little brother. Kade was now clutching Royal’s arm, his mouth pressed into a quivering line. Royal grimaced and jerked his head toward the boy, clearly asking Nick to stand down.
When Nick glanced back down at Victoria, he saw understanding and compassion in the depths of her cornflower-blue gaze. He felt something give way, as if a physician had lanced a boil. But left behind was a weariness that dragged at his soul—and a pain he knew would never fade.
His little governess carefully patted his chest, as if trying to soothe a half-wild animal. He couldn’t help but note the irony. On the battlefield, he’d always considered himself a civilized man, one who avoided wanton cruelty and brutality whenever possible. But now he still had to fight the urge to throttle his stupid brother.
“Are you all right, my lord?” Victoria asked.
“I’m fine,” he said curtly.
When her hand fell away and she stepped back, he had the feeling he’d just lost something vital.
“I’m relieved to hear that, my lord,” she said. “This sort of scene is not helpful to Kade’s recovery.” She flashed an imperious glare around the room, taking in his entire family. “The last few days have been exceedingly hard on him.”
When Angus and the brothers—including Logan—exchanged sheepish glances, Nick felt a little more of the poison inside him drain away. Every inch the governess in her neat brown dress and prim white collar, Victoria was fearless in her defense of Kade. His brothers could easily hoist her in the air with one hand, and yet she’d reduced them to shuffling their feet like naughty schoolboys.
She was simply . . . wonderful.
“I quite agree with you, Miss Knight,” Nick said. “And I apologize for my role in those unfortunate events. I suggest you take Kade upstairs so as to avoid any more upset.”
Kade threw him a defiant scowl. “I’m old enough to be part of any family discussion, Nick. And I’m not leaving until you promise not to hurt Logan.”
Logan’s anger had abated as well, and he now stood watching Nick with a sort of relaxed wariness, an easy smile lifting the corners of his mouth. Before tragedy had pulled their family to pieces, his brother had always believed that the world was a wonderful place indeed, full of beautiful women, fine whisky, and good cheer. He wondered if Logan still believed that.
Kade reached out and tugged on his waistcoat. “Nick, promise me.”
He forced a smile. “Lad, have you looked at Logan? He must outweigh me by more than two stone. He’d probably flatten me.”
“Too right,” Logan said, his smile stretching into a taunting grin.
“Stow it, you idiot,” Royal growled. “This is no time for jesting.”
“Why not?” Logan asked. “This is something of a farce, after all. We even have a pretty heroine to complete the scene.”
When he winked at Victoria, Nick’s desire to murder his brother flared hot again.
“I asked you not to tease Miss Knight,” Kade said. “It’s disrespectful, and she doesn’t deserve it.”
Logan winced. “Sorry, lad. I’m a bit off my feed, I suppose. It isn’t every day that a fellow returns to the ancestral home.”
“I understand, and I forgive you,” Kade said with touching dignity. “Now, please apologize to Miss Knight, as well.”
Nick didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. His little brother was putting them all to shame.
Logan gave Victoria a short bow. “Please accept my apologies for my unfortunate behavior, ma’am.” Then he flashed the rueful, charming smile that had been the downfall of many a Highland maid. “It’s simply that—”
“Apology accepted, Mr. Kendrick,” Victoria interrupted in a brisk tone. She clearly had Logan’s measure.
Nick ruffled Kade’s hair. “Go upstairs with Miss Knight, lad. I’ll come up in a bit.”
The boy flicked a worried gaze between Nick and Logan.
“Och, no need to worry,” Logan said. “We’ll just curse and shout and probably throw a few breakables, but that’s it.”
“You both promise?” Kade asked suspiciously.
“We promise, imp,” Nick said. “Now off you go.”
His little brother dashed over to give Logan a quick, fierce hug. “You’ll come see me before you go?”
“I promise, Kade.”
Logan’s reassuring smile fell away as soon as Kade turned his back. With a somber expression, he watched his little brother climb the stairs with Victoria.
Nick was furious with Logan for returning to Kinglas, but he was well aware of what exile had cost his brother. No matter his success in Canada, he’d lost the chance to see Kade and Braden growing up. He’d lost his family, the Highlands, and the home he loved above all else.
Nick ruthlessly snuffed out the flicker of sympathy. His brother didn’t deserve forgiveness. Logan was a constant, wrenching reminder of everything Nick had suffered and lost. To have him back at Kinglas was unacceptable.
He glanced around the hall. Once again, they had a large audience for another epic family brawl. “Taffy, I do believe today’s performance is concluded. The staff may return to their duties.”
The housekeeper gave a quick curtsy. “Aye, Laird. Shall I have the tea tray brought up?”
“That won’t be necessary. Mr. Kendrick will not be staying long.”
Logan’s face tightened. “Are you truly not going to hear me out?”
“I can tolerate a brief discussion, but I’ll be damned if I’ll sit about drinking tea with you, pinkies extended. What I need is a damn whisky.”
“At last, we agree on something,” Logan said sardonically.
After the last few days, Nick needed more than drink. He needed to climb into the bloody bottle and live there.
“What do you want us to do, Nick?” Grant asked in a doleful voice. He and Graeme had actually managed to keep their mouths shut during the unpleasant scene.
“Stay the hell out of trouble,” he said. Nick turned on his heel and headed to the library. The twins were the least of his problems at the moment.
He glanced behind to see his brother prowling in his wake, his gaze roaming the walls of the west gallery, taking in the portraits of their ancestors and looking like a man who’d forgotten his past but just remembered it. Angus, walking beside Logan, gave Nick a defiant stare, as if daring him to exclude him from the family council. The old man and Logan had always been close. In fact, they had corresponded frequently, although Angus believed Nick wasn’t aware of that.
Of course he was, just as he was aware that Logan wrote to Kade and Braden as well. He’d turned a blind eye to it as long as Logan had the good sense to stay away. But since his brother clearly lacked in sense, hostilities were about to resume.
Royal caught up to him. “What are you going to do, Nick?”
“Hear him out, then kick him out.”
“Don’t you think—”
“No.”
Nick opened the library door and stalked over to the glass-fronted mahogany cabinet with its collection of decanters and glasses. As the others filed in, he poured out a healthy dram of whisky—hoping it wasn’t some of the illegal brew his brothers had cooked up—and shot it down, barely feeling the burn. Then he filled the glass again and took it back to his desk.
“You can get your own,” he said.
“Not me. Someone in this bloody family has to keep a clear head,” Royal said as he eased himself into one of the club chairs.
Angus retreated to his usual station by the fireplace, on the edges of the conversation. Nick had no illusions, however, that he would stay out of it.
In fact, he mentally braced himself for opposition from the entire family. Everyone missed Logan, and clearly felt it was time for him to be allowed to return home. After all, as Royal and Angus had pointed out, Cam’s death had been an accident. But it was an accident that wouldn’t have happened if Logan had been watching out for the little boy instead of flirting with a woman.
Women had always been Logan’s weak spot, and that weakness had killed Nick’s son.
Despite what his family might think, he had no intention of forgiving his brother—now, or ever.
Logan glanced at Royal, who was absently rubbing his bad leg. “Does it bother you much these days?”
Royal’s reply was a terse shake of the head.
“It bothers him a great deal,” Nick said. “That, however, is not your business. This family is not your business. I thought you had the sense to realize that and stay away.”
Logan slammed his crystal tumbler down on the desk, sloshing whisky onto the polished surface. Nick watched it leach into the blotter, turning it a dark, ugly brown.
“The hell they’re not my business,” Logan snapped. “They’re my family too. You don’t own them.”
“No, but I am their laird, as well as clan head. As I told you seven years ago, you forfeited your right to be either a Kendrick or a member of the clan when you let Cameron die through your negligence. In doing so, you destroyed my family.”
Logan’s blue eyes glittered with resentment as he leaned forward. “That’s a bit dramatic. Perhaps we can also talk about the way you destroyed Janet’s life. I’m not the only guilty party in this jolly family of ours, Nick, and you know it.”
Nick found himself on his feet and halfway across the desk at his brother before he realized he’d even moved. “Say something like that again and I will kill you, Logan, regardless of the promise I made to Kade.”
Royal reached out and whacked Logan on the arm. “What the hell is the matter with you? You’re supposed to be apologizing, not making baseless accusations.”
Logan straightened and rubbed his hands over his face. “Christ,” he said in a thick voice, “you’re right. Sorry, Nick. That was a filthy thing for me to say. Chalk it up in my growing column of apologies.”
Nick dropped back into his chair, weariness freighting his bones like chains. “You can keep your goddamn apologies, because I will never forgive you for Cam.”
Janet’s death was another story. As much as Nick hated to admit it, his brother was right about that.
“Merde,” Logan muttered as he took the other seat in front of the desk.
When Nick first became earl, Logan had spent hours sitting in that very chair, helping to sort through massive amounts of estate business. Despite his devil-may-care approach to life, Logan had a sharp mind and a canny way with numbers. He’d turned that talent to his advantage, establishing a successful trade in timber and furs in Quebec.
Whatever the reason for his brother’s return, it wasn’t for money.
“I can understand how you feel,” Logan finally said. “It was an accident, but it was still my fault.”
Royal stared at him in disbelief. “Jesus, man, you almost drowned trying to save Cam. No one could have tried harder.”
That was true, but Logan had persuaded Nick to let Cam go fishing with his uncles. Nick had made Logan swear to never take his eyes off the lad. His brother had promised, of course, with the reassuring laugh that came too easily to him.
It was the last time Nick had seen his son alive.
“Well, at least ye were able to bring the bairn home,” said Angus. “That was a comfort.”
Nick scoffed. “Comfort? Yes, a small one.” But the image of his vibrant, darling child, locked away forever in a tomb of cold marble, still tore his heart into shreds. “At least my boy had a proper burial.”
“What should comfort you is the knowledge that I will never forgive myself,” Logan said.
“And you expect me to forgive you when you can’t even forgive yourself?”
“Yes, because you’re a better man than I am.”
Nick reached for his glass. “Not according to your grandfather,” he said before tossing down the rest of his drink.
Angus flushed, his bright red cheeks serving as a dramatic contrast to his snowy white hair. “Now, laddie, ye ken I dinna mean that. I just lost my temper a wee bit.”
Royal hooted. “A wee bit? That’s a laugh.”
“What’s going on here?” Logan asked.
Royal craned around to look at his grandfather. “Would you care to explain, or shall I?”
Angus began to inspect his boots.
“Someone better explain, or I’m going to start bashing heads,” Logan said.
“That’ll be different for you,” Nick said sarcastically.
Logan scowled at him but had the brains to keep his mouth shut. When they were young, his brother had often gotten into fisticuffs just for the fun of it. He’d taken as easily to fighting as he had to drinking and womanizing. Logan had always been larger than life—a lovable rogue, as their stepmother had called him.
“All right, I’ll tell you,” Royal said. “My idiot brothers—”
“The twins, obviously,” Logan interjected.
“Naturally. It would seem the twins set up a moonshining operation. Nick only found out about it yesterday when the customs officers came to call.”
“Bloody hell,” Logan sighed. “And Grandda knew about it, I’m assuming.”
“Correct,” Royal said.
Logan turned in his chair to glare at the old man. “What the hell is the matter with you?”
“According to Angus, I’m the problem,” Nick said. “I abandoned the family when I ‘ran off’ to fight for my country. The twins’ wild ways are, therefore, my fault.”
Logan shook his head. “You were grieving, Nick. No one could blame you for that.”
“It doesn’t matter,” he said impatiently. “Angus is right in the sense that I stayed away too long. All the boys needed my help and guidance, and I wasn’t there to provide it.”
“You weren’t exactly whoring in a brothel or drinking yourself under the table all those years,” Royal said. “You were commanding troops in battle.”
“What’s done is done. All I can do now is try to fix the problem.”
With Victoria’s help, Nick thought he might be able to polish up the twins enough to help them find respectable wives, at least if he didn’t have the problem of Logan distracting him. Just being in the same room with his brother was starting to make him twitch.
“I think I might have a solution to that particular problem,” Logan said.
“The twins?” Royal asked.
Logan nodded. “I know exactly what to do with them.”
“There’s nothin’ wrong with the laddies,” Angus said. “They’re just young and full of vinegar.”
“They’re idiots is what they are,” Royal said. “And the next time they get into trouble, Nick might not be able to get them out of it.”
“They can work for me,” Logan said. “I’m setting up an office and warehouse in Glasgow, and I can use the help.”
When they all stared at him, he shrugged. “I’m a roaring success, as you might have heard. I’ve more than enough funds to support the twins, and then some.” Logan cast a quick glance around the library. “And help out the estate, too, if need be.”
“So you’re just going to waltz in and fix everything, are you?” Nick jabbed a finger at Logan. “I don’t need your damn help. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of the family and Kinglas.”
“That’s not what I heard,” Logan said in a mild tone.
When Nick directed a hard stare at Angus, the old man winced. “Ye ken we need the help, lad. We’re not as flush with funds as we used to be.”
“And the reason for that is because of certain decisions you made while I was away,” Nick said. “Decisions I am now trying to correct to put the estate back on its formerly sound footing.”
“You did leave him in charge, Nick,” Logan said. “I’m sure Angus did the best he could.”
It was an entirely reasonable point. Unfortunately, Nick felt far from reasonable at the moment.
“Aye, that I did,” Angus said with wounded dignity.
“Is that why you came back?” Nick asked his brother. “To assuage your guilt by buying me off?”
Logan’s gaze narrowed to irritated slits. “I came back to help my family. Believe it or not, I miss them, including you.”
“I repeat, I don’t need your help,” Nick replied in a cold voice.
“I think you do.” Logan paused for a second, as if gathering himself. “And I need your forgiveness, so I’m not leaving until I get it.”
Royal leaned forward, his gaze earnest. “It’s time, Nick. You need to let it go.”
Nick snorted. “You’re one to talk—the man who never lets anything go.”
“Like Logan said, you’re a better man than we are.”
Nick had heard quite enough about what a good man he was. Shoving back from his desk, he stood and glared at Logan. “Apparently, I’m not, because you’ll be waiting until hell freezes over before I forgive you.”