FIVE
It had been one week of pure torture for Josie. One week since the ball. One week since her feelings for Jake had intensified. One week since she had seen Walter searching for her. She’d made a narrow escape, but now she was always looking over her shoulder.
She’d finally found a doctor that she liked. She had made an appointment for the next day, and she was nervous. While her vomiting had subsided, she was sure Jake was watching her even more closely. Or maybe he was looking to see if she was upset by the kiss they had shared after the ball. She wasn’t; she had wanted to take it further. But she had held back. She couldn’t deceive him any longer. She had to find a way to tell him that she was carrying their child.
Today. She had to tell him today. The appointment was tomorrow. She’d looked at his schedule, and he had no meetings scheduled for that time. So quite possibly, he could go with her. She wished he would go with her. She was terrified to go alone.
Josie knew she would do it if she had to, but the reality was sinking in, and she felt more alone than ever. Even nightly talks with Gabby were not doing the trick. Gabby always made time for her between work, a new baby, a new husband, and everything else she had going on in her life. For that, Josie was grateful.
But now, Josie needed a different kind of attention. She wanted to feel Jake’s embrace; she wanted his arms to wrap around her, to stroke the belly that had their baby. For that to happen, I have to tell him, she thought to herself sternly.
“Is your appointment today?” Bill walked in, stomping the boots on the rug before shutting the door.
“No, tomorrow. I’ll be out of the office after two.”
“Alright, you get that baby looked at now. We need it to be a healthy little slugger,” Bill winked.
Josie’s jaw dropped. “What!? You...how did--”
Bill laughed. “I didn’t know. I guessed. But looks like I’m right again. Damn, I should have bet on this!”
Josie was alarmed, “Did you tell anyone else?”
“Now why am I going to go break the news to the daddy?” Bill grinned harder.
Josie sucked in her breath. “Please. Don’t say it.”
Jake walked in. “Don’t say what?”
“Don’t say that you’re going to any more meetings tomorrow,” Bill faked a scowl. “I got a lot to do with Josie being gone in the mid-afternoon.”
Jake clapped him on the back. “I’m all yours,” he said to him.
“Well, unless you’re needed elsewhere,” Bill said, winking to Josie, his back to Jake.
Josie blushed furiously. What did he think he was doing? She’d planned on telling him, but now, she had to fight Bill to be the first to tell him. The old man was going to be the death of her, she fumed. But she couldn’t be mad at the guy. He seemed to be having so much fun, and even though it was at her expense, she was starting to enjoy it herself.
“Well, you’ll have to excuse me,” Bill did an exaggerated bow. “I’ve got a hot date tonight, and I need to shower to wipe the smell of twenty some men off of me.”
Jake raised an eyebrow, “Since when did you start dating?”
“Since I found a good woman,” Bill said cheerily. “Not all of us are stuffed shirts. Speaking of which, don’t expect me early tomorrow morning. You’ll be disappointed.” With that, he grabbed his coat off the hook and whistled as he left.
“Well, that’s a first,” Jake muttered.
“I’m happy for him,” Josie said with a giggle. “He looks ten years younger when he smiles.”
“He’s gotten pretty happy since you came here; before that, he was a real sourpuss. Now, I barely recognize him. I wonder if he’s seeing….” Jake shook his head as if to clear his thoughts.
Josie took a deep breath and decided to do it. She had to get him alone, where they would be free from interruptions, and tell him about the pregnancy. “Jake?”
“Hmm?” He looked up from his laptop at her.
“I need to speak with you. Alone.”
“We’re alone now. What’s up?”
“No, not here.” This was so awkward, but it had to be done. “It’s not the right place. I’ve had to tell you something for a while, and I would like to tell you tonight. It’s important.” There. Now, all she had to do was tell him.
“Oh.” He seemed taken aback. “Well, yes, of course. Whatever you want. Did you have somewhere in mind?”
“There’s an Italian place not too far from here. I was thinking we could go there. If you’re free,” she added.
“Sure. We can meet there, or we can drop off your car and go together,” he offered.
She thought that sounded more appealing, but given the news she was about to deliver, she didn’t know if the car ride home would be as easy as the last time they were in his car together.
“We can meet there. I was thinking we could go right after work.”
“Okay, it’s a date,” he grinned.
She smiled wanly. She didn’t know if she would call it that, but she kept her thoughts to herself.
***
After she’d finished her work, Josie found a dozen other things to do around the office. It was when she began alphabetizing and labeling the already organized supply closet that she realized she was searching for tasks to avoid going to the restaurant to meet Jake. She checked the clock. It was five minutes past the time they had agreed upon. She’d seen him leave an hour ago. He’d said he had a few errands to run and that he would meet her there. She knew he was punctual, so he was probably already waiting for her.
Josie shoved the rolls of blueprints that she was working on into her trunk and drove to the restaurant. Sure enough, she saw his car parked in the parking lot already. Great. She was feeling more and more nervous. She wasn’t sure if she was queasy from the pregnancy or if was all nerves. Either way, she didn’t know how to begin telling him. If she couldn’t tell him this, she couldn’t tell him about her father, and that was far more important at the moment.
Before she entered, she drew herself up and took a deep, calming breath. It was just Jake. He would understand. She could do this. She walked in and zeroed in on him immediately. It was hard to miss him. He had a way of commanding any space he was in, and not just because of his muscular form. He carried a certain authority, and she admired that about him. People seemed to treat him with more regard, even if they didn’t know him personally.
But it wasn’t just that, she realized as she walked toward him. There was something else. A certain edge he had that she had never seen in anyone else. Granted, her experiences with other men were severely limited. Some might even go as far as to say non-existent. Well, Gabby, really. Gabby would say that. Gabby did say that, she corrected herself.
Despite having just seen him at the office, Josie’s stomach still did little flips when she sat down in front of him. This was going to be an interesting evening. Whenever she was with Jake, outside of work, she was nearly always guaranteed an adventure. Although tonight’s adventure might be the beginning of her turning back to her father, of all people, if Jake reacted poorly to the news.
“You’re never late!” Jake said, standing to seat her across from his own seat.
“I’m sorry. I got caught up with some stuff at the office. I meant to be here earlier.” He would see what kept her busy tomorrow, she thought to herself. But by then, he would know why she’d resorted to busy work.
They placed their orders and then began to discuss some issues that had cropped up at work. It was well into their meal that Josie even remembered her reason for inviting him to the restaurant. She always found that once they started talking, they could jump from topic to topic, and the time seemed to disappear. When will I find an opening? she wondered. He hadn’t made any indication that he was impatient for her to tell him her news, either.
“Would you like to order dessert?” The waiter appeared at her side, and she thought about it.
“Sure, let’s get two. We can split them,” Jake opened the menu to look at the options. “And maybe another glass of wine for me...Josie?”
She shook her head, pretending to study the menu. He’d asked her in the beginning, and she’d declined then too, saying maybe in a bit because she was famished. But now she felt like Jake and the waiter could see through her actions. She snapped the menu shut. ”The molten lava cake with ice cream looks good to me. How about you, Jake?”
He gave it another look and ordered an Italian ice cream sampler trio. “Let’s try all of them,” he grinned. “It’s been awhile since I had ice cream anyway. And since I know you’ll be sharing, I’ll feel free to let loose.”
“I didn’t know you had such a sweet tooth!” Josie exclaimed. He always seemed so regimented with his diet, she never thought he had any weaknesses. For food, anyway. He certainly didn’t show any weaknesses in his character. Or physical strength, for that matter. She cringed. Why, oh why did her mind always take her back to that place?
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” his eyes twinkled at her. “One day, I’ll tell you if you ever tell me your secret.”
Oh boy. She cleared her throat. “Let’s, uh...let’s wait until after dessert.”
“Sure,” he smiled. “The longer you wait, the more anticipation you’re building up for me. This better be huge.”
“I hope it’s not that big,” she said cryptically. I wouldn’t want to deliver a monster baby, after all, she thought wryly.
“Oh, dropping hints. I love guessing games!”
She laughed, “You’re terrible! Let’s just eat dessert and get out of here.” It was already dark outside, and maybe she would find the courage to tell him somewhere else. Her home? Yes, she could invite him over. Something about this public atmosphere didn’t seem like the appropriate place.
After they’d eaten dessert and paid the check, she asked him to follow her home. “I apologize for wasting your time. I am just having trouble telling you; it’s really not easy to say.”
“Eating food with great company is never a waste of time, first of all,” Jake clarified. “And second, if I get a chance to come over, well, who am I to turn that down?”
She looked at his face in time to catch his teasing look. “Very funny,” she said, unable to resist a chuckle herself.
When they finally got to her apartment, she was an even bigger bundle of nerves. The more she waited, the harder it was getting. He was right about the anticipation. She was happy that she’d finally gotten a small sofa and end table delivered earlier in the week, so they had somewhere to sit other than the kitchen or her bed.
Gabby had encouraged her to scour some resale places, and she’d found a television for a decent price, as well, to catch the local channels. Josie excused herself to make some tea for them and tried to pull herself together in the kitchen while Jake began flipping the channels.
“Do you need a hand in there?” he called out.
“No, it’s just warming up water,” she answered. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
When she came out, Jake was stretched out on the couch, his big muscular arms making her couch look ridiculously small. If she sat next to him now, she would be swallowed whole by him. She wished now she had purchased the set, but it was too late now. She set the tray down on the table and gingerly sat next to him. He shifted his weight to give her more room, but he just made her fall into the dip that his weight had created.
Pressed up against his side, she tried to pull away, but his arm wrapped around her shoulders, and he held her in place. She turned her face up and felt a low growl rumbling in his chest before he lowered his head to cover her mouth with his. It felt so good. So right. And yet, she couldn’t. Not yet. She placed her hands between them on his chest and pushed away firmly.
“What happened?” Jake’s voice sounded strained.
“I’ve been trying to find an easy way to tell you this, and I’m not having any luck. I just need to say it.” She straightened herself up and tried to sit at the far edge of the couch to get some distance, but their knees were still bumping together.
“That night when we were together….”
“Yes, you were a virgin, I know. I’ve been meaning to ask you about that. It’s unusual for someone your age to have waited that long.”
“Yes, well, that’s not what…it’s something else,” Josie said, faltering.
He looked at her quizzically.
“I got pregnant. I mean, I am pregnant.” A flood of relief washed over her. One secret down, one to go.
He stared at her and then at her hands that were covering her belly.
“What…? How…?” He sputtered, raking his fingers through his hair. “It didn’t even occur to me. I was so caught up with the fact that it was your first time, I didn’t even think.” Then he frowned, “How could you keep something like this from me? Why didn’t you tell me when you saw me again? Is this why you came to work for me?”
Josie felt herself getting angry at his accusations. “You think I tracked you down to get a job and then have this big reveal? I wasn’t trying to get pregnant. I don’t need your help; I just thought you should know since I’m going to be showing pretty soon.” She bit back a sob and tried to get up. Between the sunken couch and her changing body, she was only partly successful.
His arms came around her again, and he drew her into an embrace. “That’s not what I meant at all,” he spoke softly this time. “I just wish you had told me sooner. Look, I’m as confused as you are by this. But I’m going to do everything I can to help. And I do want to do it, not because I have to.”
She felt some relief at his words. She buried her face into his shoulder and sobbed, “I’m not usually much of a crier,” she insisted.
“If there’s a time to cry about something, I imagine this is it. That’s a lot of weight to be carrying around,” he said, stroking her hair soothingly.
Josie felt a stab of guilt. How could she tell him the rest? She had to do that soon, too, because it was clear the men who her father had sent after her were going to discover him, too. She couldn’t let him be found because of her; she’d never forgive herself.
He’d worked so hard to get away from that life, she saw that now. Whatever she had learned by snooping through her father’s papers and eavesdropping told her that he and his men were nothing if not relentless in his pursuit of Edward--Jake. But Jake had chosen to hide in plain sight, something they hadn’t expected.
Josie felt the rumbling in his chest grow stronger. “Is that your chest or your stomach?” She pulled away slightly, wiping her tears.
“It’s, uh, it’s indigestion. It’s probably the pasta.” He looked uncomfortable and pulled away slightly. He put his hand on his chest and scratched his chest lightly. That’s when she noticed his hair curling out slightly out of the top of his shirt. He hadn’t always been so hairy, had he?
He caught her staring and gave her a quick smile, drawing his shirt up higher to cover some of the hair. She wondered if he was on some medication that made his hair grow thicker. She would have remembered something like that, she thought to herself.
“Do you mind if I come with you to your appointment tomorrow?”
Josie was pleasantly surprised. “Yes, of course! I have an ultrasound, so we should be able to hear the heartbeat.” She couldn’t help smiling, thinking of the new life growing inside her. A baby, a real family. She settled her hands over her stomach instinctively. Jake reached over, and she moved her hands so he could touch her belly.
“All the books say I shouldn’t be able to feel the baby yet, but I can already feel it kick!” Josie exclaimed. “I’ll have to ask the doctor about that. I know exactly when it was conceived, of course, so I know where it should be in terms of growth.”
Jake looked worried suddenly. “Oh, right. Maybe we should just see what the doctor has to say. Sometimes their charts are off, too.”
“Oh, I’m sure it’s normal,” Josie sought to reassure him.
“Yes, of course.”
Josie couldn’t be sure, but it seemed as if Jake was avoiding her eyes suddenly. She had no idea why, though. She thought back to what she had said, but she couldn’t think of anything that would have made him feel nervous. Was he hiding something? No, he couldn’t be. Maybe he wanted to tell her about the men that were after him, but what did that have to do with the baby’s growth, she wondered.
It was well after midnight when Jake finally left to go home. She’d offered to let him stay there, and he seemed swayed, but he’d declined. He had a few things to take care of before he came into work, and he would have to stop there to change anyhow. He gave Josie a long, lingering kiss before leaving, and his face was full of regret over his decision to leave. “If it was Friday night, maybe…” he groaned.
Josie felt his absence more once she was in bed. She’d only slept with him once, for pity’s sake. And here she was acting like she was used to him in bed. All the time she’d spent in his company, however, felt just as intimate. She loved their long talks and the way his eyes lit up when he talked about all the work he had planned and the charities he was passionate about. She felt inspired by his ideas and wanted nothing more than to roll up her sleeves and help him.
Likewise, he truly listened to her when she talked about her plans for building her career. She wanted to start her own firm; she wanted to collaborate with him and build a community center that would help the less fortunate. She showed him the plans she had mocked up that included renovating buildings and using community manpower to help get the job done.
These were not new ideas, but ones she’d had in mind long before she’d gone to school to study architecture. Her father had chalked up her talent as a hobby and had dismissed her ideas. “That’s not a job for ladies,” he would say. “And anyway, this kind of stuff won’t make you money. You’re worried about the wrong things,” he’d mutter and walk away, talking about how she was just like her mother with her foolishness.
But Josie had hung onto her dreams. And now, here she was, far away from her old life, about to start a family with a man for whom her feelings were growing day by day. Every day she was around Jake, he proved himself to be more of a man than her father or any of his men were put together.
He had all the physical qualities that she found attractive. But it was more than that. Much, much more. He was kind and attentive, something she’d never experienced before. And just below the surface, there was something powerful that she was attracted to. Whatever it was brought out a wildness about him that made him seem more...raw and virile. One day, she was going to ask him about that, she thought as she drifted off to sleep.