Chapter 9

Max

Just because Lia and I weren’t talking much didn’t mean I’d given up on bodyguard duties like I said I would. A week later, I was back for another Thursday night shift, vowing that it’d be the last.

I knew she’d be fine without me because the girl was skilled in kicking ass. But the thought of not seeing her those three nights a week was eating me up. And whether she liked it or not, the idea of being her Superman was all I had to keep me sane now that I wasn’t fucking woman after woman.

“Hey, sweetie, good to see ya in here again.”

“You too, darlin’.” The blond—Aubrey—was the only downer about coming here.

“Can I get ya anything?” She set her elbows on the bar top, the curves of her D cups peeking out of her white tank like they did every night she worked. She had a thing for me and made it known every time I stopped by. Too bad for her I wasn’t interested.

“Nah, I’m good.” I swiveled around on my stool, waiting for Lia to notice me. It was pathetic how I lived for her glances. She’d already looked once since I arrived, so I wasn’t expecting anything more. That didn’t mean I’d stop looking at her though.

Part of me wondered what she would do if I did stop coming in like she’d asked, like I told her I would. Would she care? Would she even notice? For now, I’d keep at it. Live for the moments I could have and deal with the ones I couldn’t.

Midnight came and went, the night passing in a blur. I managed to fend off a few overly pushy ladies and even more innuendos from Aubrey. Fighting off women was a hell of a lot harder than picking them up.

I’d tried going home with one last Saturday after the festival, but the second I got into her apartment and had my hand up her shirt, I realized how much I didn’t wanna be there. Just like the last few times I’d tried to hook up, thoughts of Lee-Lee and her blue eyes and pretty lips were all I could see when I shut my eyes—all I wanted to see when I opened them back up. It took the fun out of sex when you couldn’t enjoy your partner.

Normally, I’d wait outside until Lia’s shift ended, walk her to her car in silence, and offer to follow her home, only for her to shoot me down by saying I’m fine. But tonight was different. She stood across from me at the bar. Her eyes were wide, and those lips I loved were curved in a tentative smile.

“Hey, Maxwell.”

My throat burned when I tried to swallow. I couldn’t catch my breath when she looked at me like that—so sweet and shy—so not my pink-haired goddess with the sass piled on thick. It was the same smile I’d seen in that old picture I still carried in my wallet, the one covered in sand and nearly destroyed by the number of times I’d pulled it out to look at in the desert. Brown hair, pink hair, purple hair, tats, piercings, or unmarked skin…she was beautiful no matter what she did with her appearance.

“Just leaving, lost track of time is all.” I grabbed my wallet and pulled out my tab money. A twenty for the one beer I’d nursed from eleven to one.

She pushed my hand away and said, “Think I can hitch a ride tonight?”

“Hell yes.” My face went hot as shit at my quick answer. But the olive branch she was extending might not be there long. “I mean, sure. Yeah, fine, whatever you need. I’ll meet you out front.”

“Wait inside.” She stared at the bar top. “I don’t have to close up tonight, so it’ll just be a couple of minutes.” Dark circles lined her eyes when she looked at me again. The girl worked two jobs, all hours of the day. I couldn’t figure out why she pushed herself the way she did, but if I asked, she’d probably chop my nuts off and tell me to mind my own business.

I nodded fast, like one of those bobbleheads. Not sure where this was coming from, since we hadn’t said ten words to each other since the night of the River Fest.

“Okay.” She smiled, and my chest got warm like my face. “Let me grab my purse.” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, showing off five tiny ear piercings.

Ten minutes later, we were in my car, on our way to her place. For once, she didn’t lean forward to turn on my radio, which was weird as hell, ’cause she couldn’t stand silence. Instead, she sat in her seat, bouncing her knee up and down.

After five minutes of her rocking my car, I’d had enough. “Okay. What gives?”

She twisted her head my way, lip pulled between her teeth. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Depends on what it is. I’m not covering for you any more than I already have.”

She winced, but I looked away before I could take the words back.

“It’s good news this time.”

“That so?” I asked.

She shifted in her seat, going quiet again.

“Let’s hear it then.” I pushed on the accelerator, coasting around a van.

“I finally finished all of my classes at Western, which also means I’ll finally be receiving my bachelor’s degree.”

I slapped the steering wheel, grinning, wishing I could pull her into my arms for a hug. “No shit? That’s the best news I’ve heard in months.”

The car swerved, and her quiet laugh echoed through my car. “Whoa, cowboy. I’d like to make it home alive, if you don’t mind.”

A thought hit me. I scratched at the back of my head, confused. “Wait. Why are you telling me and not Colly or your parents?”

“Mom and Dad know, but if I tell Collin, he’ll make a big deal out of it. I don’t want that right now.” She picked at the cuticle around one of her nails, fidgeting again. “My brother already thinks I’m flighty enough, so if I tell him I got my degree, then he’ll make jokes about me ‘finally growing up.’” She shrugged. “Guess I just want to live in my own little bubble for a while longer.”

“But that bubble includes me now,” I said, unable to wipe the stupid grin off my face.

“Then consider yourself special, Martinez.”

I did. Way more than I probably should have. “Seriously, Lee-Lee. This is important. Colly will be proud of you, just like your parents. ”

She sat there for a second, tapping her finger against her bare thigh, before she finally said, “It’s just a piece of paper. I’ll tell him eventually.”

“Why, then, are you telling me?”

I pulled into the parking lot of her apartment, waiting for her to answer, when another thought hit me, this time like a bulldozer to the head.

“Wait. Is this because of what happened to you in college?”

“No.” She shook her head, suddenly scrambling to get her purse up and over her shoulder.

I pushed in the clutch and parked, turning to face her as I shut off the car. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring that up. What happened to you… Jesus, I wish I could take it all away. It kills me thinking you—”

“You don’t need to pity me,” she said.

“Is that what you think? That I pity you?”

Instead of looking at me, she turned toward her apartment, her voice soft as she said, “I’m not the same person I was back then.” She paused. “I’m different. I’m finally ready for what’s next in life. By doing this, going there, graduating too, I’m telling that girl in college goodbye once and for all.”

“What happened to you, what that guy tried to do… You know it’s not your fault, right?” I leaned across the center console to grab her hand, my words making her flinch.

“I know that now.” She chewed on the inside of her cheek.

“Do you?”

She nodded, then looked away as she said, “I figured since you weren’t working right now, it wouldn’t be an issue to drive me to Macomb on Monday to pick up my diploma.” She cringed, then finished with, “I’m also not sure if my car will make the two-hour trip there and back without breaking down.”

“What’s wrong with your car?”

“Not sure. But now that I’ve finished paying off the last of my tuition, I’ll be able to save for a new one.” She blinked at me, innocence and fire fighting for dominance in her pretty eyes.

“Is that why you needed the loan for your bail?”

“Yeah. I would’ve had enough if I hadn’t gotten the call that morning about owing the money for tuition.”

“Why didn’t you ask me for help?” I rubbed my thumb over the back of her hand.

“Because I’m not going to be in debt to you any more than I already am.” She grinned but rolled her eyes at the same time. “Plus, we weren’t really on speaking terms at the time.”

I liked her version of paying off debts. A whole hell of a lot. But it’s not like I could tell her that.

“You real sure about this? ’Cause I’m pretty sure your brother—”

“Dang it, Max. I don’t want my brother.”

I squeezed her hand tighter. “Okay. Sorry. Yeah, I’ll take you.” I’ll take you anywhere is what I wanted to say. To hell and back, the ends of the earth, the highest mountain, or the darkest dungeon. I’d die for this girl. Kill for this girl. And no matter what, I would always be there for her, if only as a friend.

“Thank you.” She smiled. And for the first time in a long time, I felt that smile deep in my bones.

* * *

Lia

Monday morning had come and gone in a flash. Max and I had met early, driven the hour to Macomb, picked up my diploma, and then—bam!—that was it. I wasn’t expecting fireworks or some big hoopla in honor of the occasion, but I’m pretty sure I should’ve felt something other than a constant ache in my chest that got worse the further into the day—and the drive home—we got.

“Why don’t people play poker in the jungle?” Max asked twenty minutes outside Macomb. Cornfields stretched along both sides of the highway as I stared out the window. I often forgot how lonely this drive was, but I didn’t mind the quiet, especially if it meant more time for just Max and me.

We were in his fancy Impala, the one with the rumbly motor, a red stripe down the hood, and black leather seats that stuck to every inch of my thighs. It was a total man car—the one he said he only took out on special occasions. I’d had no idea he had a second car, to be honest. But the fact that he thought this was a special occasion made everything in me flip like I was some ridiculous schoolgirl.

“Huh?” I asked, drawing my brows together in confusion. Max and his crazy jokes came at the most unexpected moments.

“Say why, Lee-Lee. Humor me.”

I sighed. “Okay then. Why don’t people play poker in the jungle, Max?”

“Because there are too many cheetahs.”

He waited for me to react, his smile wide and contagious. But his adorably boyish humor had me swooning, causing my fluttering heartbeat and the tiny dancing butterflies in my belly. Damn him and his charm and good looks. The way his dark hair fell over his eyes, how his lips twitched as he waited with anticipation for me to say something. The way his entire face lit up with excitement over something so simple was an aphrodisiac in itself. Right then and there, I finally admitted something to myself. The reason I was feeling suddenly down was that our time together today was ending…and I didn’t want it to. Why? Because I was terrified we’d go back to the way things had been.

“Do you get it?” When all I could do was blink at him, his eyebrows lifted as he said, “Okay, tough crowd then.”

I shook my head quickly, my face going hot. “No, no, I get it. I’m just…”

Terrified of losing this again?

Terrified of losing you?

Terrified of wanting you this badly, but not finding an excuse to be around you now that I’ve paid off my tuition and received my degree?

Sure, I could accept his bodyguard duties, but that would be incredibly selfish of me, since I wouldn’t need his protection once I quit Jimney’s. But what terrified me most was that I might never be able to get over him, no matter how much I needed to.

“Just what?” He lost his smile completely, his dark eyebrows pushing together in confusion.

“Nothing. Tell me another one.” I smiled at him, willing to take what I could get for now. Our moments were fleeting, but if they were all I’d ever have, I needed to cherish every one of them.

“Okay.” He paused for a minute, probably to see if I’d changed my mind. “So, a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to the front of his pants. The bartender says to him, ‘Didn’t that hurt?’ And the pirate says, ‘Aye, it’s drivin’ me nuts.’”

This time I giggled, partly because of his joke, partly because of his pirate voice. My lips sputtered as I tried to lock my laughter inside, but what was the point?

Max’s jaw relaxed at the sound, and his eyes flitted from the road to my face in boyish wonder. “One more. Just warming up.” He shimmied, shaking out his hands. The car swerved a little on the road, and I laughed even louder. “Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?”

“Why?” My cheeks burned from the wide smile on my face.

He winked at me. “Because it got stuck in a crack.”

I belly laughed this time, bending over at the waist and patting my knees. Five seconds it lasted, then ten, until finally I caught my breath and said, “Oh, Soldier Boy. You slay me.”

His voice grew softer and his eyes seemed to sparkle. “You don’t call me that much anymore.”

I kicked my sandals off before putting my feet on the dash. “You haven’t given me much of a chance to say anything lately.”

He blew out a breath, the weight on his shoulders holding back his words, it seemed. Now was the perfect time for me to say what I’d been meaning to say for weeks.

“I’m sorry.” I reached over and touched his knee. “For saying what I did to you that night at Jimney’s. You’re a good man, Max. You also have every right to lead your life the way you want to.” I swallowed my regret and finished, “I shouldn’t have judged you like I did.”

I pulled my hand back and pressed it against my stomach when he didn’t respond. Still, I kept going, turning my head to look outside. If I didn’t get it all out now, then I never would. “It was wrong of me, and I’ll never forgive mysel—”

“It’s fine.” He cleared his throat. “You were right anyway.”

“I wasn’t.” My head spun with sorrow as I looked his way. “Max, don’t you get it? You’re—”

“This day, this trip? It isn’t about me, Lia, so let’s drop it.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, the mood in the car suddenly like a weight of bricks tied around my ankles and pulling me underwater.

When it was clear he didn’t want to chat up my mistakes any longer, I decided to change the subject altogether. What I needed was to keep him talking—keep him with me in the here and now. I’d never win back his friendship by staying silent.

“How’s your mom? Your little sister?”

He blinked as if coming out of a trance. “Mama and Charlotte are doing good.”

“Can you tell me about Charlotte? I knew you had a little sister, but that’s the extent of my knowledge.”

With tentative fingers, I pressed my hand over his thigh. Like he’d been waiting for me all along, he threaded his fingers through mine from over the top. I swallowed, the warmth tingling up my arm. It was a possessive, yet intimate move, like he was trapping me there so I couldn’t flee. And as I studied the back of his hard hand, the lines and curves of his skin, I knew fleeing was the last thing I would ever do.

He smiled and began to talk about the little girl he rarely saw but would do anything for. It reminded me of how I felt about my niece. I nodded and listened intently, loving his stories, loving how happy they made him as well. I didn’t know much about his father, but from the sound of it, I knew Max was better off without him.

“And your mom… She’s happy too?”

He nodded. “The happiest she’s ever been.”

“That’s good, Maxwell.” I turned my hand over, my fingers lacing back through his, palm to palm this time. “That’s really, really good.”

The rest of the trip was filled with comfortable silence broken by an occasional karaoke performance from Max. Several times I thought about keeping the conversation flowing, but I knew if I did, it might mess up what little ground we’d gained today. Not to mention I was still scared he’d blow me off again.

But the question that plagued me the most as we finished the drive home was: Where do we go from here?