Chapter 15

Caleb had given Eleanor a week, and during that week she’d avoided him, and when she was forced to be near him, she was distant and unapproachable. She’d made her feelings plain. She regretted telling him that she loved him. She evidently still loved her husband so much that she couldn’t allow another man to possess her heart.

He was left with only one choice. He had to leave Southern Oaks. He couldn’t stay any longer with the way things were between them. It was too painful.

Caleb walked through the meadow where the children played and gave as many of them his attention as he could. He threw the ball for a group of the older boys. Organized races with several of the girls. And even played duck, duck, goose with the younger ones.

And he spent as much time as possible on a warm bench beneath a beechnut tree with a sweet bundle of Molly Parker napping on his knees.

He’d miss the children. He’d never been happier. He’d never thought so many of them could worm their way into his heart or that he would feel as if they belonged there.

“Aren’t you getting tired of throwing the ball?” Willie said as he walked toward him. “You’re going to wear your arm out and not be able to throw to them tomorrow.”

Caleb swallowed. He hadn’t told anyone yet that he was leaving. He imagined he should at least tell someone, and Willie was a good one to inform. “Can we talk?” he said as he walked away from the children. Willie followed.

“I’ll be leaving in the morning.”

“Leaving?”

“Yes. I can’t stay any longer. I have . . . other things that need taking care of.”

“It’s Lady Eleanor, isn’t it?”

“There are a lot of reasons.”

“Have you told her you’re going?”

“No. I thought you could tell her after I’m gone.”

“Are you mad? You’re going to leave without telling her?”

Caleb kicked a stick that was on the ground. He felt like a petulant kid being called out for his thoughtlessness. “It will be better this way.”

“What about the children?”

“The children will be fine. Lady Grattling will see to their needs.”

“What’s this Lady Grattling thing? You used to call her Lady Eleanor like the rest of us.”

Caleb hesitated. “That was before.”

“Before what?”

Caleb kicked at another stick. “Just before.”

Caleb and Willie walked a few feet further, then Willie spoke. “Will you at least come to see the children one last time tomorrow before you leave? You don’t have to tell them you’re leaving. I just think it would be good that they see you one last time.”

That wasn’t what Caleb had planned. He intended to get up early and be gone before anyone woke, but he could summon the courage to see the children one last time. He nodded his head.

“I’ll make sure Jenny and Sophie have all the children outside after they eat their morning meal.”

Caleb walked back to the house with Willie at his side. “You’ll watch over everything here,” Caleb said, “and send for me if Lady Grattling needs me, won’t you?”

“Sure, Captain.”

Caleb walked away from Willie before the lad saw the wetness in his eyes. He would make his rounds of the grounds as he did several times each and every day, then go to his room and pack his belongings. He wanted to have everything ready so he could leave in the morning.

. . .

Eleanor looked up from her ledgers at the knock on the door to see Sophie enter with a bright smile on her face. She couldn’t believe how well Sophie had adjusted to life at Southern Oaks. The girl had fairly bloomed. Of course, the fact that she and Willie seemed to care for each other quite a bit helped. Sophie looked at Willie the way Eleanor knew she had looked at Caleb, which was one of the reasons she avoided him as much as she could.

“What is it, Sophie?”

“Jenny asked me to come get you. She wants you to see this.”

“What?”

“The children. They’ve got all of them out on the lawn. All except for the babes. It’s quite a sight. The lot of the children all playing at the same time.”

Eleanor rose from her chair and followed Sophie out the door. It was a sunny day, and there would be more than fifty children out there if they had them all.

Eleanor and Sophie made their way to the door that led to the outside, and Eleanor got her first glimpse of the children. They were running and playing and having a wonderful time.

“Oh, Sophie. Just look at them. Do you think any of them realize how much they’ve changed?”

“I think they all know how lucky they are.”

Sophie stepped toward the children, and Eleanor followed. That’s when she saw him. Caleb was walking through the crowd of children, patting some of them on the back, hugging others who ran up to him and wrapped their arms around his leg.

Her heart swelled in her breast. For as painful as it was, this was the exact reason she knew she’d made the right decision. Watching him, it was obvious that Caleb loved children. Obvious that someday he would want children of his own. Something she could never give him. And in time he would have come to hate her for it.

Eleanor walked over to a table that Cook had set up. The table contained plates of muffins and mugs filled with milk. “How wonderful, Cook. The children will love what you’ve done for them.”

“T’weren’t my idea. You have young Willie and Sophie here to thank for this breakfast picnic.”

Eleanor turned to Sophie. “Are we celebrating a special occasion, Sophie?”

Sophie’s smile hid a hint of mystery. “Not yet, my lady. But we’re hoping so.”

“Then I’ll hope for good things, too,” Eleanor said, thinking that Willie and Sophie might make a special announcement later on.

“Oh, look,” Sophie said with a smile on her face. “It’s Captain Parker. Have you ever seen anyone so handsome?”

Sophie stared at Eleanor as if she expected an answer.

“Have you?” she repeated.

“Uh . . . no. I haven’t,” Eleanor answered truthfully.

Caleb closed the distance between them. When he reached her, he stopped. “Did you want—”

Before he could finish his question, a loud chorus of screams erupted from near one of the sheds they used to store the bats and balls and other supplies.

Caleb took off at a run, and Eleanor followed on his heels.

“It’s Peggy!” one of the girls yelled. “She fell and hit her head. There’s blood everywhere!”

Caleb raced inside the shed with Eleanor right behind him.

They looked but couldn’t see Peggy. All of the sudden, the door to the shed slammed shut, and Eleanor heard the lock turn. Then a bar fell to barricade them in.

“Don’t panic, my lady. I’m sure this is just a prank.”

Eleanor listened to a chorus of laughter and giggles and knew he was right. But why? What was the purpose of this prank?

Caleb walked to the door and picked up a lantern someone had conveniently left for them so they could see.

“Willie?” Caleb yelled through the closed door.

“Yes, Captain. Do you need something? Would you like me to slide a muffin or two beneath the door?”

“No, Willie,” the captain answered through clenched teeth. “I’d like you to open this door now and let us out.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Captain. You see, Sophie has the key, and she told me I couldn’t have it until I kissed her.”

“Then go kiss her, dammit! And come back and unlock this door.”

“It may take a while, Captain. Sophie’s eating a muffin, and I don’t want to kiss a girl with her mouth full of muffin.”

“Willie!”

“Yes, Captain. I’ll be back after a while. In the meantime, maybe you’d like to tell Lady Eleanor what you’re planning to do.”

Willie was gone, and Eleanor was left staring at Caleb. “What are you planning to do?”

Caleb turned with the lantern in his hand, then placed the lantern on a wooden crate. He brought forward another crate for her to sit on, then tipped a barrel over for himself.

“I’m leaving, Eleanor.”

A boulder fell to the pit of her stomach. She shook her head. The pain she suffered was unbearable. “You can’t,” she whispered.

“What I can’t do is stay. I’m not that strong.”

“I shouldn’t have told you that I loved you,” she said, knowing this was all her fault.

“But you did. You told me, and you meant it.”

“That doesn’t mean anything can come of it.”

“Why? Because of him?”

She shook her head. “This has nothing to do with my husband.”

She struggled to soften the panic that she knew had streaked across her face. But he’d seen it. She’d watched his defensive eyes warm when he heard her admission.

“Then what is it? Tell me. Make me understand.”

He waited several moments, then gave up. “If you love me, how can you let this happen?” he asked.

The hurt was back on his face, and seeing it caused her heart to break. “I know you won’t understand this, but I can’t let you love me.”

“Why? All I ask is that you tell me why!”

Eleanor hesitated, then she blurted out the truth. “Because I can’t give you what you will someday want.”

He looked confused.

“A child. A son of your own.” She sprang to her feet, tears welling in her eyes. “I can’t give you an heir!”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I can’t have children.”

He rose from the barrel and walked to the high window that only he was tall enough to see out of.

“It’s obvious that you love the children and will want some of your own.” She struggled past the lump that was lodged in her throat. “I can’t give you those children.”

“So you condemned both of us to a solitary life of misery.”

Hearing his accusing words and not seeing his face was more than she could bear.

“No,” Eleanor argued. “Not you. I freed you so you could give your heart to someone who could provide you with children.”

He turned on her. “I have children!” he said as he flung his hand toward the door of the shed. “Scores of them! They’re all beyond this door enjoying muffins and milk and laughing because they played a prank on us.”

Caleb walked toward her and didn’t stop until he was toe to toe with her. “You’re the only one who doesn’t realize what you’re giving up, Eleanor.”

Eleanor’s breath caught. She wrapped her arms around her middle to guard against the pain. “I know what I’m giving up, Caleb. And I’m not sure I’m strong enough to survive what I’m about to lose.”

“You don’t have to give me up, you know,” he said in a quiet tone.

“But I do.”

“I won’t let you.” His arms wrapped around her and brought her close to him.

She went willingly. She was so certain that she could endure each and every lonely day and night without Caleb as long as he was here at Southern Oaks. But if he left . . .

She looked up, and he lowered his head. His lips touched hers, and he kissed her with the passion of a starving man breathing in food he’d been denied too long.

He opened his mouth atop hers, and she answered his demand. She craved his touch. She didn’t want to go without his love for one more day, let alone an entire lifetime.

“Oh, duchess,” he said when he lifted his lips from hers. “I don’t want to live my life without you.”

“But children. I can’t give you children.”

“Don’t you know that you’ve given me all the children I’ll ever need? And if we need more, we’ll go out and find more.”

He lowered his head and kissed her again. When he broke their kiss, he sat on the ground and brought her down to his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and leaned against the door. “Tell me about Lord Grattling. I know you loved him. That was obvious when you visited his graveside.”

Eleanor leaned her head against Caleb’s chest. His heart beat a steady cadence beneath her ear. She felt more alive than she had since the accident that took everything from her.

“Are you sure you want to know?”

“I’m sure.”

“I’m not going to lie and tell you I didn’t love him. I did. I was only nineteen when we met, and I was infatuated with him. He was older than I by four years. And he was one of the most handsome men I’d ever met. At least I thought he was.

“We married, and soon after, I became pregnant. No one was happier than Grattling. He wanted a son and was certain that’s what I was carrying. Then, the accident happened.”

Eleanor stopped to catch her breath. Even though it had been nine years, that day was still painful to talk about.

“Grattling died in the accident. I wasn’t as lucky. By the time anyone happened upon us, I was near death, and my baby was no longer alive. It was a son as Grattling had predicted.”

Eleanor wiped a tear from her face. “My grandfather had our baby buried alongside Grattling. Those first months after I had recovered enough to discover what had happened, I prayed that I would die. Then the doctor told me I’d been injured too severely to ever have children again. I prayed more earnestly that I would die. But God wasn’t ready to take me. It was as if He was telling me I had work yet to do here on earth.” Eleanor lifted her face to lock her gaze with Caleb’s. “Now I know what that work is.”

“I love you, duchess. And I want to be with you and help you with the work that needs to be done. I’ve never thought of having a family, let alone a huge family.” Caleb smiled. “But no matter how many children we have, it will never be too many.”

“Oh, Caleb,” she said. Eleanor wrapped her arms around Caleb’s neck and brought his mouth down to hers. She loved him more than she thought was possible for her to love another man. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.

He kissed her with a desperation that left no doubt as to his feelings for her. When she thought it was impossible for him to prove how much more he loved her, he deepened his kiss.

Her hands skimmed his flesh everywhere she could reach, and his did likewise. His fingers burned paths of desire wherever he touched her. He pushed her gown from her shoulder and trailed his fingers to places that hadn’t been touched for nine years.

His movements stopped when Willie’s voice interrupted them. He pulled Eleanor’s gown back into place.

“Have we given the two of you time to come to an agreement that the children and Sophie and I will be happy with?”

Caleb kissed the tip of her nose. “What will happen if we say yes?”

“Then I’ll let you out of the shed, and you can join the party.”

“And if we say no?”

“Then you can stay in there until your answer makes us happy.”

Caleb lowered his gaze and focused on Eleanor. “The choice is yours, sweetheart. We can stay in here and continue with what we were doing. Or we can join the party outside and pick up where we left off later. Tonight.”

Eleanor pretended that decision was terribly difficult to make.

Caleb laughed.

“Very well,” she said. “I think I’d rather join the party outside so we can continue what we’ve been doing tonight . . all night.”

“What a brilliant idea,” he said, kissing her again.

They rose and stepped back from the shed door. “You can let us out, Willie,” Caleb said through the door.

Eleanor listened as the bar lifted, then the door opened. She and Caleb stepped out into the bright sunshine amid a chorus of shouts and laughter.

She looked out onto the sea of smiling faces. These were her children. Hers and Caleb’s.

“Do you know anyone as blessed as we are?” Caleb said as the children surrounded them.

“No. No one,” Eleanor answered.

And she kissed him. Right there. In front of God and the children. Thanking them all in her heart of hearts for finding the simple solution to a dilemma of her own making.

At last he broke their kiss. But in his eyes she saw the promise of more.

Tonight.