Spending the night in jail was never on my bucket list. I also never meant to turn into someone I don’t recognize. Someone who has lost complete control over everything. Okay, so maybe no one ever has control over their life, I mean shit happens, but I will bet you my left kidney that not everyone acts on their every thought.

That’s where I’m different. I don’t bother to consider the consequences of my actions, and that’s the exact reason why I spent the night in jail next to a hooker and a drug dealer in a small-as-fuck holding cell.

And because I didn’t bother to use my brain last night, I have to go to court. I have to appear before a judge, who will do exactly that–judge me for my actions, for the very reason a cop put me in handcuffs and hauled me away.

“Jade Hart,” the correctional officer yells my name, and I stand from the hard metal bench and make my way over to the cell door. “You’re out.” He opens the door, keeping an eye on the other two people behind me. “Let’s go.”

I squeeze out of the cell, careful not to touch him the way I accidentally elbowed the officer last night. That might be my only saving grace about the events of last night. When I was in the cop car thinking about how my life was spiraling out of control, the cop glanced at me from the rearview mirror. I guess he took pity on me, watching me silently cry in my own misery because he told me he wouldn’t press charges for assaulting an officer.

I was a little baffled to say the least because I was acting like a complete lunatic, and he was showing me a small act of kindness.

I’m not sure I want anyone’s pity, but I guess I can thank my lucky stars that he decided to, even if I didn’t want it.

The correctional officer locks the cell and guides me to the front where he gives me a bag of my things. Funny, a bag of my things. The sad plastic bag only contains my phone and house key. It’s symbolic of my life.

I don’t care about stuff. I haven’t in a while. The only thing I’ve needed is myself, but standing here staring at my plastic bag, I realize I want something else, or should I say I need someone because right now, I have absolutely no one and nothing. I’m an empty shell roaming through life. I have to wonder if I was to die in this instant, who would be there? Would anyone care?

“Sign here.” The guy points to a piece of paper where I acknowledge I’m receiving all the belongings I came in with. I scribble my name and discard the pen on the counter. “You’ll be getting a letter in the mail in two weeks informing you about your court date. If you don’t show, a warrant will be issued for your arrest, and I will be seeing you again.”

I nod my head in understanding.

He buzzes the door, and it makes a loud and unpleasant noise as it opens. I step through the door and walk out of the police station.

I inhale, taking a deep breath before I push it out. It smelled like vomit in the holding cell since the drug dealer puked his guts out halfway through the night.

I stare out at the parking lot full of cop cars glad to be free from the confines of the police station.

Freedom. Am I really free if I carry all my demons around, letting them drag me to the ground? No, I’m not. Freedom for me doesn’t exist because I’m trapped, tortured by my mind, never getting a break.

I shuffle to the edge of the sidewalk and pause, realizing I’m stuck. How am I going to get home? The police station is a good ten miles from home, and I have zero money on me. I could call someone but who? Who would come to my rescue?

I stretch out my right hand in front of me, seeing a few small scratches from hitting my trailer. It hurts like a bitch, but not as much as my pride.

A familiar car pulls up in front of me. “Need a ride?” Hudson asks a stoic look on his face.

I don’t answer. I open the passenger side door and hop in, slamming the door behind me.

After I click my seatbelt in place, he pulls away from the curb, leaving the police station behind us. I relax into the seat and lean my head back, wishing like hell he wasn’t witnessing my demise.

“What happened?” he asks, flipping on his blinker, bringing us that much closer to home.

Home. Can it really be home if you hate the place? If you despise it with your very being because it’s the place that represents all the things that went wrong in your life? No, no it can’t. It’s just some stupid place where everything went to die.

Again, I don’t answer him. I sit, watching the scenery pass me by, watching everything around me slip away. Time. Hope. My mom. Life. All of it slipping further as I fade away.

Before I know it, he’s parking in front of my trailer and turning off the ignition. I let out a sigh, knowing I’ll have a mess to clean up after my temper tantrum last night.

“Do you need a ride to work?” he asks, sounding helpless.

Shit. It never occurred to be that I needed to be at work today. Everything happened so fast that I haven’t had a second to think about…well that’s a lie…I’ve had plenty of time to think. As a matter of fact, thinking is all I’ve done, but I forgot. I forgot all about the life I was going to have to return to while I dwelled on everything wrong.

I shake my head, still not able to speak.

I open the plastic bag and power on my phone. Seven missed calls. All from the garage. Perfect. I open my contacts and swipe to call them back–to let them know I won’t be there today.

“Harry’s Garage.”

I cough, clearing my throat. “It’s Jade.”

“Where the hell are you?” Harry demands.

“I’m sorry. I had a rough night. I won’t be in today.”

“You better be here tomorrow. Don’t let that bonus I gave you go to your head. Get it together, Jade.”

“See you tomorrow.”

The line goes dead, Harry not bothering to say goodbye. I throw my phone back in the plastic bag and stare at my trailer. The one thing I have, and I threw a stupid toy through the window. I step out of the car, feeling another brick collapse on my shoulders, pushing me down further.

“Do you need some help?” Hudson asks, hovering outside his car door, keeping his distance.

Do I need help? That’s a loaded question because I’m pretty sure I need all the help anyone is willing to offer, and I don’t just mean cleaning up this mess.

I nod my head, and he follows behind me to the front door.

I slip my key out of the plastic bag only to find the door already open. Wonderful. The door has been unlocked all night. I’ll blame my so called dad for that one. The dumbass left with all his shit and didn’t care about what was left behind. Me and Mom.

Pushing open the door, I’m greeted with a mess. The kitchen cabinets are all open, along with the mini-fridge. The television is in the same spot it always is and so is the old recliner Dad always sat in.

I throw the plastic bag and my key on his recliner, and then I kick the shit out of it.

“Jade?” Hudson whispers coming up next to me.

I don’t answer as I glare at the tattered chair.

I’m surprised Dad didn’t take the television or recliner with him because he loved them as if they were living things. But I guess when you’re using a cab as transportation, you don’t have the luxury of taking everything you want. I’m glad he doesn’t have the things he seemed to cherish the most because he doesn’t deserve them. He doesn’t deserve anything.

I walk through the kitchen to Mom’s room and see the broken glass scattered across the floor. My chin quivers, seeing the evidence of last night on the floor. The tennis ball, plastic shovel, and firetruck lay on the ground amidst the glass.

I open the closet door, and notice all of Dad’s clothes have been cleared out. Good riddance.

I know I shouldn’t be glad he’s gone, but I am. The one thing I’m dreading is telling my mom. Walking back into that hospital and telling her the man she married abandoned her because life got too hard for him.

I walk out of my mom’s room, not able to deal with anything.

I drop to the couch at the same time that I break, falling apart for what feels like the hundredth time.

An arm slips under my knees and another around my waist. Hudson picks me up from the couch, and I wrap my arms around his neck, holding onto him like a lifeline.

Somehow he knows where my room is as he gently places me on my bed and slips onto the other side. He holds me against his chest, and I cry into his shirt, soiling it with my tears. Tears that keep coming no matter how much I want them to stop. He holds me, protecting me from the outside world, protecting me from everything dark and evil threatening to invade.

And I let him.

I let him fight for me because I can’t do it anymore.

I wake up to the sound of a bang, followed by cursing. I turn on my back, expecting to see Hudson watching me nervously, but he isn’t there.

I relax into the bed and stretch before I crawl out and slip out of my room. The kitchen has been put back together like my dad didn’t ransack it for anything he could take with him.

Hudson steps out of my mom’s room carrying the neighbor’s toys in his arms. He stops in his tracks when he sees me. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s fine.”

“I was just cleaning up some. I taped a garbage bag over the window until it can get fixed. The guy I called said he couldn’t be here till tomorrow to replace it.”

“Thanks,” I say, grateful it’s one last thing I have to deal with.

“You shouldn’t stay here tonight.”

“Where else would I go?” I swipe my index finger under my eyes, rubbing any eyeliner away.

“You can stay with me.” He says it like it’s the perfect solution. Simple. Easy. It’s not.

“Thanks, but I’ll be fine. I don’t want to intrude. Plus, you have Chris to worry about. You don’t need to add me to your list.”

He shakes his head, disagreeing with me. “It’s not a problem.”

“I have to work tonight,” I argue, trying to come up with an excuse to stay here. But why do I want that? Do I really want to be alone in this place? No, I don’t, but that doesn’t mean I should fall into Hudson and be a burden to a guy who has his own life to keep afloat.

“Please,” he begs. “I’ll feel better if I know you’re safe. I’ll sleep on the couch, and you can have my bed.”

“Hudson–”

He interrupts me. “I’ll pick you up after work.”

I concede, knowing I’m never going to win. “Did you get the glass?”

“Yeah. It’s all taken care of. I just have to drop these toys off next door.”

I smile in thanks and collapse on the couch as he steps out the door to return toys that I’m sure I will never see in my yard again. In fact, I’ll be surprised if my neighbors ever let their kids outside with me living next door.

He comes back inside and sits on the opposite end of the couch, staring me down. “Tell me what happened.”

I know I’m going to sound insane for flying off the handle the way I did.

“My mom is dying.” I pause, looking at him, and he waits for me to continue, knowing there’s more because…he already knew that. “They gave her a month, tops. No surgery. This is the end of the line.” I wrap my arms around my body, holding myself together. “My dad left. He abandoned both of us, and now I have to tell her. I have to tell her when she’s about to die that her husband won’t be around because he’s an asshole.”

He waits a beat, contemplating what to tell me before he says, “Don’t tell her.”

“What?” I ask, confused. “She deserves to know why he’s not here.”

He scoots closer to me, leaving little space between us like he usually does. He’s always invading my space. I should tell him to back off, but I don’t because I’m getting attached. And now I’m dragging him down with all my baggage.

“She’s dying, Jade. What good is it going to do her if she knows her husband is gone? Don’t you want the last of her time here to be something good?”

As cruel as it is to leave her in the dark, he has a point. The stress could weaken her heart, further limiting the time she has left, so why should I tell her? Will she even notice? He wasn’t around before, so it won’t be any different. Why should I crush her right before she passes away?

“You’re right,” I admit.

“You’re agreeing with me without putting up a fight?” he asks, amused.

“I’m full of surprises.”

His thumb sweeps across my cheek as he pushes my matted brown hair away from my face. “I came for you. As soon as they drove away with you, I ran back to my house to get Chris and my car. I dropped him off with my mom and drove straight to the police station, but they wouldn’t let me see you.”

“Why?”

“They said they were holding you over night to let you cool down.”

“No,” I say, shaking my head, “why did you come for me?”

“Because you’re worth fighting for.”

My lips part and pulse pounds in my neck. I know he said he wanted to fight for me, but I never expected it to happen because I don’t feel like I’m worth it.

His lips connect with mine before he backs away. “You’re worth more than you think you are. For some reason, you don’t see it, but I do because me and you are two lost souls who found each other right before the ground crumbled from beneath us.”

He’s more right than I want him to be. I’m drowning, lost at sea. “So you’re here to save me?” I ask.

“No, I’m here to help you. I’m here to stand with you. But most of all, I’m here because I want to be in this exact spot with you and all your bad behavior.” He smiles at the last part.

“Can you handle it?” I say as a joke, but I mean it more than anything.

He dips his head toward mine, running the length of his nose across my cheek until his lips hover above mine. “More than you know,” he admits, and I don’t dare question him as his mouth descends on mine, creating a beautiful explosion.

A volcanic eruption starts in the pit of my stomach and moves through me, scorching and fierce as his hand moves to the back of my neck, guiding me closer to gain better access to my mouth. His lips move across mine like lava flowing down the rocky terrain of a volcano. When his tongue enters my mouth, I explode, hot, and needing everything that is him.

Wrapping my hands around his neck, I pull him closer, begging for him to surround me and put me back together after he made me erupt into a pile of ash. He pushes me back on the couch, hovering over me and caging me in, protecting me from the elements.

My hand moves through his soft hair, the hair I’ve been dying to touch since the first time I saw him, and it’s better than I imagined. Luscious and as soft as cashmere. If I could hold on forever, I would, but if I do, I feel like I’ll burn him–scorch him with the lava running through my veins, but I’m selfish so I don’t let go. My hand stays firmly in place, burning him, and he doesn’t even know it.

My free hand slips down his shoulder and moves over the veins in his arms. The ones protruding that have been teasing me for some time, taunting me because I couldn’t feel them. Trapped under his body, my fingers drift over the lines in his arms, plump like a tomato, and then I grab on, holding for dear life as his tongue moves through every part of my mouth, branding me, but my hand turns his arm to ash.

So you see that’s the thing. He holds me together, but I feel like I’m going to rip him apart, leaving nothing but ashes and bone in my wake. But I take what I can get, sucking the life out of him before he realizes what I’ve done.

He pulls away, leaving me hollow, and I shiver at the chill that runs through me. “Tell me something.”

It’s easy, telling him exactly what I’m thinking before I can second guess myself. “I don’t want you to leave, but if you knew what was good for you, you would,” I say. Honest. Honesty is the best policy…or so they say. “But I never want to see you go.” Human. We all have flaws. Me? I’m chock full of them.

“I’ll hold on, only leaving when you’ve cut my heart out of my chest, and I can’t take it anymore.” He bends down, kissing my neck, tasting me while he can.

I wonder how two people like us end up finding each other. How on earth did we fall into each other’s lives?

The better question is, will we both be left standing in the end?