CHAPTER TWENTY

Chase

Her self-imprisonment had gone too far. She’d only left the room twice yesterday to use the bathroom and get some water. It was ridiculous. She didn't eat dinner, and when I had called her to breakfast, she told me to get lost. The woman was stubborn.

“Madison, you have to eat something. This is not doing you any good. I've made toast. Eat it, or I am going to break down the damn door!”

“No, you won't.”

“Dammit, Madison, eat the fucking toast!” I shouted, not wanting to lose my cool, but she was making me crazy.

The door swung open. I stood there staring at it in complete disbelief. I had expected her to fight more.

I thrust the plate with two pieces of toast at her. She grabbed it, glared at me, and stomped back in the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

I stood staring at the closed door. That had been progress—I hoped. I wasn't entirely sure. At least I got to see her and knew she was still alive, stubborn and obstinate but alive and well.

I laced up my boots, put on my coat, and headed outside. I had to expend some of the energy that had been building up. I wanted to fuck her, scream at her, and hold her close all at the same time. My balls felt heavy, and I was sure they were a little blue. I had gone years without sex and been fine, but she had deprived me of a day, well, technically almost two days, without sex and I was in a bad way. Knowing she was in my bed, and I couldn't fuck her had messed with my head.

I started stacking the wood rounds, ready to work my frustration out with the help of an ax. It was a very effective method of exercise and stress relief. I stood one log up and slammed the ax into it. It cracked but didn't split. I repeated the action over and over, feeling the tension leave my body through the handle of the ax.

I loved her. Not just loved. I was fucking crazy about her. Madly, deeply in love with a woman who wouldn't speak to me. I didn't know why I was acting so ridiculously. Hiding who I was and my past from her was stupid. It was pointless. She would find out eventually. I couldn't possibly have a real relationship with her without her knowing.

The days were slipping away. I had two days to convince her to stay. There was only one way that was going to happen. I put away the wood and the ax and headed inside. I was determined. I had worked it all out in my head, and now I was on a mission to save what I hoped was the start of a very good thing with the woman who had stolen my heart.

When I walked into the cabin, Madison was in the living room, pacing while she listened to someone on the phone.

“No,” she said in a voice so full of stress that I knew something was terribly wrong. “Your company screwed up. Not me.”

She was silent for several more minutes. “This isn't over. I’m going to make sure everyone knows the scam you’re running. I’m going to report this to every agency I can. I will yelp and tweet and tell the world how evil you are!”

She ended the call and stood there, shaking her head.

“What was that about?” I asked.

Her head popped up, and she looked at me. “Fifteen thousand dollars. Fifteen fucking thousand! Are you kidding me?” she yelled.

“What is fifteen thousand dollars?” I asked, completely confused about what was happening.

“The rental company says I didn't have the insurance, and I’m on the hook for fifteen grand.”

“Oh.”

She threw her hands in the air. “Oh! Yeah, oh! I'm convinced they did it on purpose. They upgraded me to that fancy fucking car and didn't transfer the insurance that I signed up for on the first car. So now, they want fifteen grand. It's a scam.”

“Will your car insurance cover any part of it?”

She shrugged, her anger lessening. “I don't know. I doubt it. These people screwed me over.”

“I'm sorry. Can you cover the damages?”

She scoffed. “I have half in savings. I'll have to take out a loan to cover the rest.”

“I'll cover it,” I blurted out.

“What? No.”

“Yes, I will. It was my fault you tried to leave that day. I'll cover the other half.”

She eyed me, suspicion in her eyes. “How?”

“How what?”

“How can you afford to fork over that kind of money?”

I shrugged. “I have money, Madison. I have quite a bit of money. I don't have to work another day in my life if I don't want to. If I have a family, I may need a modest income, but paying seventy-five hundred isn't going to break me. Trust me.”

“How? Did you rob a bank? Is this money under the mattress because you can't put it in a bank because the numbers are linked to some robbery?” she asked the questions in a hysterical voice.

I fought back a laugh. “Uh, no. It's in a bank. I didn't rob anyone or anything. It's my inheritance.”

I could see she didn't believe me.

“I don't want your money.”

“It's not an option. You can take it, or I will call the company back right now and pay the whole damn bill,” I told her.

Her eyes widened. “No! You wouldn't dare.”

I raised an eyebrow.

“Chase, no. I am not taking any money from you. This is my life and my problem. Not yours.”

“It is my problem. I was as much a part of that accident as you. I pay my debts, Madison,” I said in a solemn voice.

“I'll pay you back,” she conceded. “With interest. I don't want to be indebted to you. I can't owe you money.”

“I want to do this.”

“I said fine, but I will pay you back,” she insisted.

I shrugged, not agreeing but letting her think she’d won.

She could make payments to me. That was fine, but I would put the money in another account for her. I had some ideas about how she could use that money, and if she wouldn't, I would for her. I also had to admit that her owing me money meant she would be in my life for a while. Even if it was only a check in the mail, I would have some kind of attachment to her.

“Just so you know, you loaning me money does not mean I’m going to stay here. This doesn't trap me. If you think this loan is some kind of bond between us, I won't take it. I don't want you to get the wrong idea,” she said, one hand going to her hip.

“You can stay here, Madison. You know I want you to. I know you want to. Stay. We'll both be much happier.”

She shook her head. “I need you to understand I can't stay. I want to. I want to be with you, but I can't. Chase, I'm scared of falling in love with you and having your secrets drive us apart. I can't give you my heart when I don't trust you.”

“Why?” I said, my voice far louder than I had intended. “Why can't you stay and let's work through this. Why is there this pressing deadline? I feel so much pressure to fill you in on the past thirty years of my life in fourteen days. It isn't reasonable. Why can't you just stay and let me show you who I am?”

“Because I don't trust you. I don't know you well enough to take you at your word, not when I know there’s something you’re holding back from me specifically because you know I won't like it. That's alarming and it makes me nervous.”

“Goddammit. Okay, fine. I'll tell you everything.”

She blinked. “What?”

“I'll tell you what you think you need to know so bad. For the record, I don't see how that changes anything about what we feel right now. In this moment, you care for me, and I am head over heels for you. It's bullshit you would judge who I am today based on something that happened a long time ago. Something that has nothing to do with you!”

She nodded. “I didn't say it would change anything, but it’s only fair I get to know who I'm getting involved with. Chase, I do care about you, which is why I want to know everything there is to know. I don't want to know your secrets, so I can judge you.”

“Don't you think it's a little late for that? I know what makes you happy, where to touch you to make you come, where you're ticklish, and what you like to eat. I probably know more about you than Mark did in two years,” I grumbled. “I can make you happy.”

“You probably do, and I have no doubt you would make me happy. The problem is; you know me, but I don't know you.”

“Yes, you do! I'm crazy about you Madison. Aren't we already involved? I feel like there’s a bond between us. I don't know what else to say to make you stay with me and let me prove we can make this work between us.”

She waved a hand. “We're not really involved, Chase. I can walk away. You can kick me out. We aren't bound together. We can chalk it up to an affair and go back to our regular lives. You don't have to tell me anything. That's your choice, but if you choose not to, I will choose to leave.”

I refused to let her see how much those words affected me. I could never go back to my regular life. She had spoiled all of that for me. I would never be the same. She had opened a door I could never close again. If she walked away from me, I knew I would be an empty shell of a man.

“Can we talk tonight?” I asked in a defeated voice.

She nodded. “Yes, we can.”

“Fine, I'll tell you everything tonight over dinner. I need you to know that what happened before doesn't define who I am today. I am still the same man you met that day. The same man who can make your body sing. The same man who would never hurt you.”

I saw her blue eyes glisten and knew she was feeling as emotional as I was. We both knew tonight would determine our futures. It would put the ball in her court, and she would be the one to decide if we had something worth trying to save or if she would walk away and never look back.

“We'll talk tonight. I make no promises, Chase. I can't,” she whispered.

I nodded. “Fair enough.”

I stripped out of my wet clothes and headed for the shower. I needed to get my head straight. I was feeling completely overwhelmed. In that moment, I regretted my decisions in the past. They were sure coming back to haunt me. I don't think I realized then how devastating my choices would be. I guess I assumed I would do my time and then pick up the pieces and move on. Now, I realized there was no moving on. It was moving through it constantly. Constantly being reminded of my sins. Forever indebted to the past and never getting the chance to truly be happy.

I stood under the hot water and did something I hadn't done in a long time. I silently prayed Madison would accept me for who I was and not hold my past against me.