Chapter Nineteen
Taylor yawned and stretched, feeling better than he had in a long time. Better than he’d ever felt, probably. Faint sunlight glowed around the edges of the curtains. His watch showed two minutes to six, which meant this party was over. And a hell of a party it had been, as evidenced by the three empty condom wrappers on the nightstand and the warm, sleeping woman whose legs were tangled with his.
For a moment, he just stared at her peaceful face, which a few hours ago had been flushed pink with exertion and pleasure. They say the third time’s a charm. What, then, he wondered, would the fourth time be? He hoped to hell he’d get to find out. He had a week before he moved to Boston. Six more nights with Caitlin, if he was lucky—and at that moment, he felt pretty lucky as she snuggled in closer and draped her arm over his chest.
Knock, knock, knock.
Damn it all. Did no one in his family know how to text?
Caitlin came awake with a grumble, and he smiled at her.
“Hey,” she said in a sleepy voice that made him hard again.
“Hey yourself.”
Knock, knock, knock. “Thirty minutes until your chauffeur leaves for the train station,” his father called through the closed door.
“Got it. Thanks,” Taylor answered back.
Caitlin rubbed her eyes and stretched. “Thirty minutes?”
“Yep.” He swung his legs over the side of the bed. “They’ve got a long drive in the opposite direction after they drop us off. You can shower first, if you want.”
“No, go ahead. I’ll pack up and stuff.”
He leaned over and gave her a kiss that turned into something way more than he’d intended when she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him back onto the bed.
“Thirty minutes,” he reminded her, breaking away. “Probably more like twenty-five now.”
Groaning, she pulled the covers over her head.
He opened the door so Beau could go out and do his business. “I took you for a morning person.” Fortunately, Beau finished quickly and rushed back inside and leapt up on the bed, leaving snowy paw prints.
Her voice was muffled by the quilt. “I’m a morning person when I’ve slept more than a couple of hours.”
Beau rooted under the covers and licked her face.
“We can sleep on the train.” Taylor scooped up the wrappers on the nightstand, pitched them in the bathroom trash can, and turned on the water in the shower. With a sigh, he stepped under the warm spray. What a night. What a fucking awesome night. He turned to face the spray and lathered his hair with shampoo, loving the stiffness and aches in his body from the workout Caitlin had given him.
He stuck his head under the shower to rinse and stopped short when soft hands wrapped around his waist, and a curvy body pressed into him from behind.
“I thought we could save some time and water if we showered together,” Caitlin whispered in his ear before nipping his shoulder.
“I like the way you think.” He turned to face her, and her eyes dropped to his erection. “Sorry I only brought three,” he said.
“We have other options.” Her hands drifted lower.
“I’ll say it again. I like the way you think.”
…
Goodbyes sucked. Caitlin hated them. And she also hated the fact she’d become so attached to Taylor and his family in such a short amount of time. They’d all been so sweet and promised they’d get together soon, as if that would make things better. It only made it worse. There wouldn’t be a soon. Not even a not soon. She’d never see them again.
Bethany and Taylor’s mom had asked for her number so they could keep in touch. She entered their contacts, too, so she’d know not to answer their calls or text back.
Like a big black hole, her chest seemed to collapse in on itself as she stared out the train window at the snowy trees whizzing by. The train was not nearly as crowded as the one on the way in had been, and they had the row to themselves. Nobody was even seated near them this time. At her feet, Beau was sound asleep, but surprisingly, Taylor was not.
“Tell me about him,” he said, placing his hand on her thigh.
“Who?”
“Your ex.”
Caitlin’s stomach dropped, and she squeezed her eyes shut. Why now, when they only had a little while left before they parted ways forever, did he choose to dredge this up? She gave a noncommittal shrug. “Not much to tell. ‘Ex’ says it all.”
But it didn’t say it all, and no doubt he knew it, because he did that thing where he stared at her as if he could read her mind. Suddenly, her seat became super uncomfortable. She shifted and stared out the window, hoping he’d drop it.
“Jane said it was bad,” he said.
“Jane needs to not gossip.” Her voice came out harsher than she’d intended.
“She’s worried about you. She cares. So do I.”
Gritting her teeth, she tried to focus on the trees whipping by outside the train and not on the ache spreading through her chest. She’d made peace with Taylor leaving. She didn’t need this complication of his caring.
“I’m fine.”
“Tell me.”
The trees outside the window blurred as her heart pounded painfully. No one had ever pressed her about the details of her failed marriage, not even Jane and Fiona. God knew her mom had never asked, and she hadn’t seen or spoken with her dad since early high school. She clasped her hands together to keep from fidgeting. There was no way to spin it any way other than she’d been incredibly naive and gullible.
His voice was calm. “Please, Caitlin.”
She took a deep breath and met his gaze. Okay. CliffsNotes version. “Gary was a jerk. He told me if I loved him, I’d drop out of college when he graduated and marry him. So, like a fool, I did.”
Taylor shifted in his seat to angle toward her more. “And then?”
Of course, he wouldn’t let it go. Her cheeks flushed hot from embarrassment. “And then, he moved me halfway across the country to a farm where I couldn’t meet people and friends easily, which made me dependent on him for everything.” She shrugged and stared out the window again. “Let’s just say he wasn’t a good person to depend on.”
“You were young.”
“I was twenty-one. Old enough to know better.” At least she should have known better. Everyone had warned her, but she refused to listen. Gary had made her feel special and wanted, something her parents had skipped, and she fell for it. It wasn’t until she’d dropped out and moved away with him that she realized it had all been an act.
“Did you love him?”
His question surprised her. A quick glance confirmed he was sincere. She relaxed the tense muscles in her shoulders, then took a deep breath and released it before she answered. “I thought so at the time. I think I was simply in love with the idea of being in love.”
For a while, they stared out the window in silence. The warmth from his palm seeping through the fabric of her jeans was calming. It surprised her when she continued without prompting. Talking to Taylor was easy. He was a good listener and didn’t seem judgmental. “Gary systematically isolated me from everyone from the moment we met at a college bar, and I didn’t see it until it was too late. Jane and Fiona told me he was controlling me, but I refused to see it. He was charming and made me feel like he needed me, so when he wanted to hang out alone, just the two of us, I was cool with it.”
Taylor didn’t say anything, he just rubbed her thigh slowly. Talking to him about it didn’t make her feel the shame she’d expected. Maybe that was because he was leaving, so there was no reason to hold back. Maybe it was because he genuinely cared. Or both.
She glanced at him, then continued, “After he got me to his family’s farm, he changed. They owned a business in town that manufactured small yard equipment, and he’d gone to college to prepare himself to take it over from his dad. His parents hated me right from the start. I evidently wasn’t good enough for their son.” …which was so different than Taylor’s family, who made her feel like she belonged. She blinked back the tears threatening to escape. “It was a terrible few years. He’d go to work, and I’d be stuck in the middle of nowhere with his mom, who criticized everything I did, until he got home and took up where she left off.”
Taylor’s hand stilled on her thigh for a moment, then resumed its comforting motion. “Did he hurt you?”
“Yeah, a lot.”
His fingers stiffened.
“He didn’t hurt me physically.”
Taylor’s hand relaxed a bit, then eventually flattened out on her leg.
“The only time he bothered to talk to me was to tell me what I was doing wrong. He didn’t touch me after we got to Georgia until the day I left. Something about being in his parents’ house, but that wasn’t it.” She shot a quick glance over at Taylor who was staring at his hand, gently stroking her thigh. “He woke up one morning and chewed me out for something… I don’t remember what. Overcooked eggs or something stupid. He lost his cool and raised his hand like he was going to hit me. I ducked, but instead of carrying through, he smiled and then hugged me, which was something he hadn’t done since we moved in with his parents. It was like my fear made him happy or something.”
It looked like Taylor had stopped breathing.
“I was stupid enough to marry Gary, but I wasn’t stupid enough to stay. All those warnings Jane and Fiona had given me hit home that morning. Once he left for work, I packed a few things, left my wedding ring on the dresser, walked to the road, and hitched a ride to the closest town. I called Fiona, and she wired me money. From there, I caught a bus to Atlanta and flew home.”
Taylor wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. “That’s one of the bravest things I’ve heard.”
She rested her head on his shoulder and relaxed into the motion of the train. She’d never told anyone about Gary because it hurt too much and she always thought she’d come off as foolish. Instead, Taylor told her she was brave. The relief was overwhelming.
Beau lifted his head when they came to a stop at a station, but went back to sleep immediately when they took off again.
“Did he follow you?” Taylor asked.
She shook her head. “No. And he signed the divorce papers right away. I still don’t know why he insisted we get married. I suspect it was a condition his dad had in order for him to get the company. I overheard his parents arguing about it one time. It certainly had nothing to do with me. He…” Dammit. She took several deep breaths and looked out the window, blinking back the heat building behind her eyelids. “He had lots of…girlfriends. He dated a lot.”
“While you were married?” Something in her delighted at the outrage in his voice and on his face.
“They texted, called, even sent photos. He’d leave his phone face-up so I’d notice.” She wiped away a tear that had escaped and straightened in her seat. “It’s like he enjoyed hurting me. I don’t get it.”
“You don’t get it because you’re not like that. You’re a good person.” He took her hand in his and laced their fingers together.
“I’m glad you left him.” His face was so sincere, it made her ache. “I’m glad not only for you, but because it put you here, with me,” he added.
For a moment, her heart squeezed and then expanded with emotion. She felt whole. Strong. Because she wasn’t afraid to be herself in front of him. Because she didn’t fear his scorn or judgment.
He’s leaving, she reminded herself. It was good he was leaving. It’s what was best for her right now. They’d had their fun and there were no strings attached. It couldn’t be better.
“Grand Central Station,” the tinny voice called from the speaker overhead right before the brakes squeaked and the train slowed.
Yeah. She’d gotten exactly what she wanted. It couldn’t be better. Perfect.
Taylor leaned over and nipped her earlobe as they came to a stop, then kissed her neck, causing her body to go all fireworks again. He kissed her lips and a deep, hot longing rushed through her, bringing back thoughts of last night and this morning.
Yeah… Perfect.
Not.
…
Caitlin blinked in the sunshine as they emerged from the subway station closest to Animal Attraction. Taylor adjusted his backpack and switched her suitcase and the ridiculous golden staff to his outside hand so he could wrap an arm around her. He’d been quiet since they’d left Grand Central. Maybe he was planning out options, like she was. Hopefully, he’d come to the same conclusion: they had to rip the Band-Aid off and be done with this.
“I want to see you again,” he said.
Nope. Not coming to the same conclusion at all, dammit.
He slipped his hand down her body and clasped her hand, locking their fingers together as they walked. “I’d like to take you to dinner tonight and every night until I leave. I’d like to—”
Panicked and totally unwilling to hear the rest of what he had to say, she pulled her hand away and held it up to cut him off. They could not see each other again. She was way too attracted to him, and he was the last thing she needed right now. He was dating at least two other people she knew about, which, she reminded herself, was normal and expected. Seriously, the guy didn’t owe her anything. They’d only recently met, but after what she’d been through with Gary, she knew she could not sleep with someone who was dating other people. Worse than that, though, was the distance thing. Spending more time together would do her no good at all.
She didn’t say anything for the next half block as she worked out how to best word it. Heart hammering in her ears louder than the traffic noises, she realized that there was no good way to do this, so once they reached Animal Attraction, she settled for direct. “No.”
He flinched as if the one tiny word had been a physical punch. He stood still as people on the sidewalk passed on either side of them. “We have a week before I move. I want to spend more time together.”
“I don’t.” She couldn’t bring herself to meet his eyes. As she fought to keep her face neutral and her breathing slow, his words from the cabin ran through her head. “Your words and actions aren’t jibing at all.”
But despite the war she was waging with herself, she knew this was for the best. She had to make a clean break. “Look, you’re off the hook for working the Animal Attraction charity ball. You don’t owe me anything.” She stood up straighter, shoulders back, and offered him Beau’s leash, then took her suitcase. “I had an amazing time with your family. With you.”
“Caitlin—” He reached toward her, but she stepped back, and his arm fell to his side.
After setting the suitcase down, she took Beau’s face in her hands and pressed her cheek to the top of his head. “I’ll see you in the morning, big guy. We’ll hit the dog park so you can visit your favorite spots.”
A look of hope crossed Taylor’s face. Oh, no. No way. She’d never be able to resist him if they were alone again. “I’d prefer we keep the dog walking like it was before. You know, where you’re gone by the time I get there. It’s best if we don’t see each other, don’t you think?” Her words came fast like something that tasted bad that she needed to spit out.
His face had become cool and expressionless. “If that’s what you want.”
That was the real problem. She had no clue what she wanted. The only thing she knew was that she didn’t want to be hurt again. Even if he weren’t leaving, a clean break would be the right choice. She needed to study and work, not roll around in the sheets and lose her heart to some guy who already had at least two other women she knew about texting him about dates and panties. Shit, shit, shit. Clearly she was addled from her lack of sleep if losing her heart was even on her radar. A one-night fling was what she’d wanted and that was that.
She thrust her hand toward him for a handshake. After a moment he shook her hand and gave a curt nod. His lips, which only hours ago had been all over her body, were drawn in a hard, thin line.
She tugged the ring off her finger and handed it to him. He didn’t take his eyes from her face as he slipped it into his pocket. As she stared down at Beau, tears burned behind her lids. Not the embarrassing, ugly cry kind of tears that ran down the face. These were the kind that just pooled up in the eyes and made everything blurry, like her thoughts at the moment.
“Thanks again,” she said. Blinking rapidly, she groaned inwardly. That sounded so…not enough. But, it had to be enough. It was the best thing for both of them. So, without looking back, she pulled out her key and walked past the entrance to Animal Attraction and unlocked the door to the stairs leading up to her apartment. Once inside, she slumped against the door and took a deep breath. She released her death grip on her suitcase handle and dropped it with a thud. All she needed were a few minutes alone to gather her thoughts and scattered nerves and then she could climb up to her apartment to deflect a zillion questions from Fiona.
Sitting on the third step, she closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands. She should be ecstatic. She’d had the best weekend of her life with no worries about what the future held. She’d gotten exactly what she’d bargained for. No strings, no drama, just full-on fun.
She needed to get her butt off of this step, go upstairs to her apartment, stream an episode of New Girl, and finish off what was left of her pint of Java Chip Häagen-Dazs. Only she couldn’t move. Couldn’t think.
You got what you wanted, she reminded herself. No. She’d gotten what she’d convinced herself she wanted. What she’d convinced herself he wanted, but she’d been wrong. “I want to spend more time together,” he’d said.
Dammit.
This time, the tears blurring Caitlin’s vision turned into the ugly, streak-down-the-cheeks kind.