Chapter 3
Charlotte sat on the settee in utter comfort. She had long ago discarded her slippers, and her stockinged feet were tucked beneath her. At present she was being entertained by her husband and two children. The threesome sat on the floor before the fire, making shadow animals on the opposite wall together. From time to time, Ewan would lean over and subtly adjust Abigail’s hands. The effect was to transform her shadows from mere blobs to something more akin to birds. Abby giggled when he did so, and he dropped a playful kiss to her nose every time.
Love swelled up in Charlotte, utterly powerful and infinitely true.
She had always felt that emotion when it came to Ewan. Even when they were children it had been there, innocent and hopeful. Her love for him had moved her to help him create a language all their own, in the hopes that she could find a place in his world. Or at least ease that troubled world a fraction.
As a young woman, she had confessed what she felt to him once, only to be rebuffed and brokenhearted by his response. He hadn’t been ready. She had been almost destroyed.
And yet the love in her heart had survived. She had married another man, but her feelings for Ewan had always been there. They’d grown every time they wrote letters where they pretended to be friends. It had pulsated within her when she saw him or heard his name from the lips of her friends or family. When her husband was gone…
Well, that love inside her had driven her to take a chance. And here they were. The day she married Ewan, Charlotte had thought she couldn’t love him more. Five years proved that belief very wrong. Each day she found something new to love about him. Something bigger and stronger blossomed between them. And these moments with their children also made that love increase, transform and mature.
Soon there would be another child to add to their family. A fact she was very pleased about, though she did worry a little over Ewan’s reaction. He was always concerned that his mutism would be passed to one of his children. Her pregnancies had been only marred by his haunted looks.
The nurse, Miss Foster, stepped into the room quietly. Charlotte knew their family was a little odd. Most in Society didn’t spend each evening in some kind of family activity. She didn’t care. She wanted these beautiful moments with the children, with Ewan. And Miss Foster had long ago stopped looking like it wasn’t normal.
Charlotte smiled at the young woman, nodding slightly before she got to her feet.
“The night is getting long, my lovelies!” she teased, as she often did on these winter nights. “And Miss Foster is here to spirit you both away to dreamland.”
“Awww,” Abigail and Jonathon groaned at once.
“Yes, awwww,” Ewan spelled out with a wink in her direction.
She laughed at his teasing, even as she shook her head. “You must go to bed.”
“Why, Mama? Can’t we stay up just a little longer?” Jonathon asked, giving his best pleading look that she was certain would melt hearts before she knew it.
“Because, my love, tomorrow is an exciting day and you need your rest. Uncle Matthew and Aunt Isabel will be here with Daniel and Grandmother first thing in the morning.” She referred to Ewan’s aunt as grandmother and his cousin as his brother because that was what they were. They had raised him and loved him as that for most of his life.
Abigail’s face lit up like she had forgotten her family was coming and now it was a marvelous surprise. “And da baby, Mama?”
Charlotte smiled at Ewan, but he had turned his face and was now focused on a loose string on the carpet. Abigail was currently very interested in Charlotte’s brother’s family. She saw their new daughter as a dolly, in a way. “Uncle Baldwin and Aunt Helena are coming before luncheon with the new baby and your other grandmother. And then all our other friends before nightfall. You’ll see all the children and this house will be filled to the brim with excitement. So the sooner you sleep, the sooner we wake up and everyone will be here.”
The children exchanged a look, like they were contemplating if this was a good enough reason not to argue for more time.
Ewan arched a brow toward them. “Listen to Mama,” he signed with just enough sternness in his expression. “Say goodnight.”
They knew the look. Both knew it brooked no refusal. That seemed to put an end to any attempt at arguing. The children sighed before they got up to tackle Ewan just as they had earlier in the hallway, all but smothering their father with goodnight kisses.
When they were finished with him, Charlotte dropped to her knees as they flew at her, gathering them into her arms. She loved the warmth of their little bodies, the sweet smell of their skin that still retained some of that baby perfection. She whispered words of love and good night to them before she let them go, turned them and gave them a gentle push toward Miss Foster.
“Race you!” Jonathon shouted as he took off past their nurse.
“No fair, Jonny!” Abigail wailed as she followed him.
Miss Foster inclined her head with a laugh. “Good night, Your Graces.”
“Good luck, Miss Foster,” Ewan signed, and Charlotte translated with a chuckle that their servant echoed as she followed her rambunctious charges.
When she was gone, Charlotte got up and moved to close the door. She faced Ewan, who was still reclining on the floor. He was watching her closely, though not with a look that said seduction. Like he was reading her.
He could do that so easily. She wasn’t even shocked by it anymore when he read her mind by examining some turn of her lips or cock of her head.
“They’re excited for the holiday,” she said with a heavy sigh. “But I think we must talk to Jonathon about beginning to practice some calm. When he goes wild like that, he is a bad influence on Abby.”
Ewan shrugged, though he was clearly not dismissing her concern. “When the new year starts, I will begin to work on it,” he signed. “Although he’s three. It is an age.”
She laughed. “It is that. Great God.”
He stretched his back. “I’m sure most of this behavior he’ll grow out of naturally.”
“I know,” she said, watching as he slowly pushed to his feet.
It was funny, but even after all this time, she still wondered at the muscular unfolding of his long limbs, the way his chest flexed against his shirt. When he caught her looking at him, he arched a brow, his expression telling her she’d been caught ogling him.
“What?” she teased. “I like ogling you. I will never stop.”
He smiled as he shook his head and reached out a hand to her. She took it, letting him lead her to the settee where he sat, drawing her down into his lap. She rested her head against his with a contented sigh. For a little while they let the silence hang between them.
“I’m almost ready for our guests,” she said at last. “I finished the menus this afternoon.”
He caught her hands between his and held them there before he began to sign around them. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
She pondered the question, knowing she was lucky have a husband who took such a great deal of the load from her shoulders. “Well, all the dukes will want to hole up and play billiards together. I don’t mind, of course. I don’t think any of the duchesses do, for you don’t all end up in the same room nearly enough.”
He nodded. “Now that everyone is married and having children, we do see each other less. Perhaps we should arrange for some kind of 1797 Club gathering, just the gentlemen. Next year at the hunting lodge in Scotland?”
“I love that idea,” she said. “We’ll talk to them about it this week. However, if you want to help during the visit, be certain to encourage them to be social with the rest of us.”
He shook his head. “You know none of them can be apart from their brides very long. I’m certain it will take no convincing whatsoever. But I will be mindful of the time.”
She leaned in and kissed his temple, felt him shift beneath her as he turned his mouth up for her. She claimed it, kissing him gently before she cuddled a bit closer.
He cupped her hands between his again, staring as her fingers disappeared within the cocoon of his. Then he let out a long breath.
“I’m sorry,” he signed.
She jolted at the way he signed those two words. Slowly, regretfully. His expression as he glanced at her was a little dark, a little sad.
“Why?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
He stared into her face for a moment, his mouth still a deep frown. “I love our life, you know,” he signed, his fingers slashing the words as they always did when he was frustrated or upset. She rarely saw that kind of movement from him anymore. She had no idea why he would exhibit it now.
“Of course you do,” she reassured him. “I know that.”
“Do you?” he asked. “Do you truly know? Do you truly understand how much waking up beside you means to me? That I sometimes just stare at you while you sleep and wonder if this is all some long, wonderful dream. That when I hold our children, it’s like a part of me I never knew existed is brought to life?”
Tears swelled in her eyes at those lovely words. At his expression when he said them. They meant the world to her. “What’s brought this on?” she asked, wiping at the tears that had begun to fall. “Not that I am complaining. If you want to wax poetic about our life together, you may do so at any time—it’s very romantic.”
He shifted, turning his face away a little. “I’ve just been thinking of how things were back when you came here five years ago, filled with spitfire determination to seduce me and force me to see what our future could be like.”
“This time of year always makes me think of those days, too,” she admitted. “I was so terrified you’d turn me away when I made the first attempt to seduce you.”
He frowned. “You shouldn’t have had to be. I loved you, I’d always loved you. I should have been strong enough to let that happen without forcing you to fight so hard for what we both wanted.”
“Ewan,” she said, sliding from this lap and taking a spot beside him on the settee. She turned to face him, catching both his hands and lifting them to her heart. “I don’t know what brought this reflection on and the self-recrimination along with it, but you cannot beat yourself up like this. There were a great many good reasons for you to be uncertain of what I was offering. Was it a battle at times? Yes. But not one I ever regretted. Ultimately you accepted it.”
His frown didn’t lighten. There was a long hesitation, a silence that was not comfortable. She could see him struggling, and it broke her heart.
“I didn’t accept it entirely, though, did I?” he signed at last.
She stared at him, confused. “What do you mean?”
“The children,” he signed. “When you told me you were pregnant with Jonny and later Abby, my reaction was…well, I know it hurt you.”
She moved her hands to cup his cheeks, feeling the roughness of his beard against her palms, smoothing her thumbs along his cheekbones. “The only thing that has ever truly hurt me is that you couldn’t see your own worth.”
He smiled then, briefly, a shadow. “You taught me that. Back then you put me on a path, and it’s different now, I hope you know that. I’m different.”
“You’re you, Ewan,” she whispered. “There is no need for you to ever be different. If you accept yourself more, that’s all I ever wanted.”
He leaned in and kissed her briefly. When he pulled away, she cocked her head. “What’s brought all this on?”
He shifted, and she sensed the deep discomfort in him. Her heartrate increased as he lifted his hands and signed, “Jonathon apparently overheard a conversation recently about…”
He reached out and covered her belly with one hand. With the other he slashed out four letters as his gaze held hers. “B-A-B-Y.”