SEVEN - JOY

THE REST OF SATURDAY WAS spent on the phone but not to Rich. I had to source a replacement car key and that meant speaking to the garage, not my favourite task.

The man on the other end of the phone seemed to take personal offence, as if I’d done it deliberately to irritate him. “We only sold you the car six months ago.”

I didn’t know what to say. In the end, I established it couldn’t be done until the end of the week at least and even then, they’d need me to tow the car across to them. One more thing I was going to need to sort out.

I got through to the bank next, cancelling my cards and arranging for new ones to be sent out. Until they arrived, I couldn’t hire a car to keep me going so I was a bit stuck for getting to the new job. No driving licence or bank cards to prove my identity meant no car for me. That was when it occurred to me to ring Rich and see if my knight in shining boilersuit could help.

I used the house phone, glad we had chosen to get one. I remembered the argument when the three of us had first moved in. “We all have mobiles,” Geri said. “What’s the point of spending more on something we don’t need?”

“The signal’s shit round here,” Mike rejoindered. “I say we do it.”

I had the deciding vote and went for it, though I rarely used it, only when my Mum rang, the idea of ringing my mobile was anathema to her.

Rich’s phone rang at the other end of the line and I was surprised to find my heart was thumping in my chest. Why did I feel so nervous?

It rang and rang but he didn’t answer. I gave it just over thirty seconds before hanging up. I’d try again later. He was probably still driving.

I spent the rest of the day trying to calm myself down. I was getting increasingly anxious about starting the new job, potentially without any means of getting there.

I could get a taxi but my finances wouldn’t stretch to doing that all week until the garage found a slot to fit me in. I tried Rich again at six but no answer. I started to get worried. Was he blanking me?

I knew I’d been cold on the way across the water but I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to act. When he’d told me he had feelings for me, what was I meant to say? I couldn’t admit that I had them too, what kind of girl would he think I was? I needed time to mull over his words.

I had plenty of time, neither Geri nor Mike turning up home until I was in bed. We mostly kept to our own schedules, the two of them working hard during the week in the same office, partying hard over the weekend.

I was still awake when they got in, although it was gone two in the morning. I’d been worrying too much to sleep.

I’d tried Rich a final time at nine but still no answer. That was it. He was clearly ghosting me. The lovely words in the boat and when driving me home were all for show, keeping me sweet until he could get away from me.

I was surprised by how hurt I felt. I’d known him less than a day and I had no right to a connection with him, not that quickly.

It was there though, whether I liked it or not. I felt a strong bond that, if I was honest, was so strong it scared me. I’d not felt anything like it in any of my previous relationships, a physical pain at separation.

I’d been able to ignore it while keeping busy on the phone but as the night drew on I was unable to ignore the feelings rumbling within me, the need for him.

I couldn’t live on an island anyway, it would be impractical. I couldn’t take a boat across to the mainland every day for work, be apart from the world, closed off, shut in with just the two of us for company.

It was probably for the best that he’d ghosted me. It hurt but I’d get over it eventually.

I lay with my eyes closed, wondering if that was true. What if I never heard from him again? Why would he give me his number and then ignore it when I rang? Was he married? Or would he just get back to me next time he wanted a fuck?

My mind moved to dwell on what we’d done at the lighthouse, the feel of him inside me, the look of his body, the way he’d touched me, like he was worshipping my skin. I sighed, sitting up in the dark. I was going to try him again. One last shot.

The phone would make the decision that my churning mind could not.

I hadn’t been able to answer him honestly on the boat, tell him I thought I was falling in love with him. It was madness anyway to even think that. I wisely kept that to myself, there’d have been the first instance of a man walking on water in two thousand years. No, not walking. He’d sprint over the waves to the shore at the thought of me being in love with him. He was clearly such a free spirit and me, I was about to embark on a world of nine to five that would bore someone like him rigid.

I didn’t want to have feelings for him. I didn’t want complication in my life. I wasn’t looking for love. But it seemed to have found me anyway.

The phone rang. If he answered, there was a chance, a shot at happiness. If he didn’t, that would be that. I wouldn’t try again.

I put the phone down when he hadn’t answered in over a minute. Sixty seconds of waiting but it was no good. I said a silent goodbye as I hung up before rolling onto my side. Why had he teased me by telling me those things on the boat only to then ghost me?

I hated him. I hated him because I loved him. I did not sleep well that night.