Chapter 5

On Thursday night of that week, Allison was sitting on her couch, searching through classes on the website of the local community college and trying to feel excited about them.

She didn’t particularly want to take Geography or American Literature I. But if she was going to get a degree, she knew she needed to, and she felt a little guilty that she’d fought so hard to take college classes while she was married, only to be so reluctant now that she was free.

Staring at the Web page, she was hit with the bleak realization that she was never going to get her little jewelry shop in Charlotte.

It was going to take her forever to just finish college. Then she’d have to find a better job where she could earn a lot more money than she was making now. She’d have to save money like crazy, and even then she might not be able to make it work.

She was an idiot. A silly fool. For dreaming that it could ever happen without Arthur paying the bills. She’d clung to the fantasy like a little girl because it was the only concrete thing she could visualize as making her happy.

But now all she had was a crappy job and a mostly empty house and a bunch of boring college classes in her future. Telling herself to take it one step at a time didn’t really help when she could no longer imagine herself in a life she really wanted.

She needed to do something, though, or all her effort and emotional turmoil would have been for nothing. Finishing college was the obvious first step, as Vicki kept reminding her.

Community college classes were cheap. And since she was earning so little, she would probably qualify for some sort of grant that would reduce the tuition even further. She’d determined that it really wouldn’t take that much money out of her savings to start up classes again. Vicki was right. She needed to just get going on them. Even if she was unable to see how she could ever have her little jewelry shop, she couldn’t get stalled just because she didn’t have everything she wanted.

Feeling kind of blah and exhausted, she filled out an online application and submitted it before she could change her mind.

Then she requested her transcripts from the larger state school she’d enrolled in back in Charlotte.

Then she put down her laptop and her glass of cheap red wine.

At least she only had one more day of work this week. Then she’d have two days coming up to spend how she liked.

When she heard raised voices outside, she stood up—groaning a little because her feet hurt—and went to peek through the blinds. It was just dusk, and there was enough light for her to see across the street to Rob’s house.

There was a sporty little red car in his driveway.

Maybe he had a date.

The thought made her feel slightly sick, although she knew she had no grounds to feel that way. That scene with Dee in Dora’s earlier that week should have turned her off from him. He obviously had a very complicated personal life, and it wasn’t really something she wanted to get involved with.

But she kept seeing his face when Dee was throwing her fit. He’d been concerned about Allison—about whether she was upset by the hysterics—but he’d also been really troubled and frustrated.

He’d looked helpless. It was the only time in the month and a half she’d known him when she’d ever seen him look helpless. He was always so strong and capable and solid. But at that moment he’d looked…just as human as she was.

She couldn’t stop thinking about it. It made her want to help him, take care of him.

Not that she’d be any good at taking care of men. She’d had no practice at all. Arthur had never wanted or allowed it, and she’d never really felt the inclination anyway.

Looking out at the street in the dim light of the nearly set sun, she wondered what it would be like to take care of Rob—when he needed it.

She heard the voices again. The main one was female, and it was screeching loudly. That gave Allison a clue, so she wasn’t surprised when she looked closer and saw Dee’s brassy blond hair and slim figure on Rob’s front walk.

He was out there too. They must have stepped off his porch because they were now visible. He wore a T-shirt and a pair of sweats that made Allison think he hadn’t been planning on going out tonight.

Dee must have shown up uninvited. After what had happened on Monday, there was no way Rob would have invited her over for a cozy evening.

Allison was too far away to see Rob’s expression or hear any of the words they were saying. Rob must be really upset about this. It was almost as public as the scene Dee had made at Dora’s.

Allison felt bad for him and worried, and incredibly annoyed with Dee. What was wrong with the woman, anyway? Why wouldn’t she just leave him alone?

Allison wanted to do something but knew there was nothing to do. If she went over there, she would just cause more problems and Rob would be even more embarrassed. So she just kept watching—getting more and more upset by the fight as it continued for almost ten minutes.

Eventually Dee headed for her car, but Rob was right behind her. He was trying to take the keys away, which must mean Dee was drunk. This thought was confirmed when, with great difficulty, Rob herded Dee into the passenger seat of his truck and then backed it out of the drive.

Poor Rob. What a way to spend the evening.

Allison told herself the issue was settled now, so there was no sense in hovering near the window anymore. She put away her wineglass and straightened up the kitchen and living room, although they hadn’t been that messy.

She thought about going to bed, but it was just after nine. She was tired but also kind of wired, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. She would have called Vicki, but her friend was going to the symphony tonight.

Allison turned on her front door light and grabbed her broom, stepping outside to sweep her front stoop and the short walk to the driveway. It needed to be done occasionally. It didn’t have anything to do with being outside to see when Rob got home.

The concrete was eventually spotless, and Rob still hadn’t returned. With a sigh, Allison gave up and went back inside.

She was closing and locking the front door when she heard a car on the street outside. She peeked back out the blinds to see Rob’s truck returning.

She waited for him to get out, but he didn’t.

He just sat in his car for a really long time.

There didn’t appear to be anyone in the passenger seat, so maybe he was just on his phone or something. But why was he just sitting like that? He should go back inside and get comfortable.

She kept watching, getting more and more worried for no reason that made any sense. She just knew something was wrong with him.

Eventually her concern overcame any hesitancy she normally would have felt. Rob had never invited her over to his house, but she was just going up the driveway to check on him. She was wearing cropped yoga pants and a pink tunic top that always slid off one of her shoulders. She slipped her feet into her favorite silver flip-flops and walked across the street.

Rob still hadn’t gotten out of his truck. His head was leaned back and his eyes were closed, and he looked terrible, like he could barely move.

She knocked on the door of the truck.

He jerked visibly and opened his eyes, looking shocked as he reached over to open the door. “What are you doing here?”

“Sorry,” she said, feeling silly now that she was here. “I just saw…saw what happened earlier, and then I saw you sitting out here. I was…I was worried.” She dropped her eyes, hoping he wasn’t going to tell her she was being stupid or send her away.

His voice softened slightly. “I’m okay. Nothing for you to worry about.”

“You seem like something is wrong.”

He looked like he was going to say something, but then he gave a little shake of his head. What he said was clearly not what he’d been about to say. “I’m just tired.”

“Then you should go inside and take it easy.”

“I am.” He slid out of the truck and straightened up, putting on a smile that didn’t ring quite true to Allison. “I hope your evening didn’t get interrupted by all the noise out here.”

She smiled back, since he obviously wanted to get back to normal interaction between them. “Not really. I was just signing up to take college classes.”

“Oh yeah? What classes are you going to take?”

He looked better, either from her presence or from thinking about something else. Allison decided she wasn’t going to leave him yet. She didn’t want him to go inside and stew about whatever had upset him. “I’ll tell you about them if you invite me in. I’m on my feet all day, you know.”

“Of course you are. You can come—” He broke off, as if he’d just remembered something.

She pretended she hadn’t noticed the interruption and walked up his front steps. He had no choice but to come too and unlock his door.

She realized why he was reluctant as soon as she walked inside. The place was a mess. The door opened into a pleasant great room with good hardwood furniture and big windows. But there were newspapers and mail and empty glasses on every surface, and the floor was covered with shoes, socks, tools, and what appeared to be the contents of an entire junk drawer. She could see into the connecting kitchen, and it was just as messy.

She was absolutely positive that this was what he hadn’t wanted her to see.

She couldn’t help but laugh. “Do you never clean up a little?”

He gave her a rueful look. “Only when I have to. Sorry. I know it’s a little…”

“It’s a lot.” She giggled again. “I don’t understand. The outside of your house is perfect.”

“I like yard work. I hate housework.” He pushed a hand through his thick hair, clearly torn between amusement and embarrassment. “We can go over to your place if you’d rather.”

“Oh no. You have a much better TV. Just clear some stuff off the couch so we can sit down. Can I get us something to drink?”

“Sure. There’s beer. Or water. Those are your choices.”

Allison snorted with amusement again as she braved the kitchen to get two beers out of his large refrigerator. There wasn’t much else, just some bottled water, some butter, and an ancient jar of pickles. No wonder he ate out all the time.

He’d moved the piles of newspapers, books, and file folders off the couch and was brushing off what was likely crumbs when she returned to join him.

“What do you want to watch?” he asked, picking up the remote and clicking on the TV.

“Oh, I don’t know. Anything but sports.”

“Great. Those are the only channels I know.”

She laughed again, feeling giddy for absolutely no reason. She had no idea why seeing his messy house would endear him to her, but it did. It made him feel more accessible. More like her. “Well, flip until we find something good.”

They eventually found reruns of a sitcom that both of them liked well enough, so Rob left the TV on that channel. “You were going to tell me what classes you were taking.”

“Oh. Right.”

So she told him about the classes she was looking at and the classes she’d already taken, and what majors she was considering and how she really wanted there to be a degree in jewelry making.

“You like to make jewelry?”

“Yeah.” She flicked her earrings, which were loops of pretty silver and pink beads. “All the jewelry I wear I made.”

“Really?” He leaned forward, peering at her ears. “Those look really good. You wear all kinds of fancy stuff, don’t you?”

She understood this question to be a compliment. “I’ve been doing it for years now. When I first got married, I was really bored, so I took this workshop on jewelry making. I enjoyed it so much I kept doing it, and then I would give what I made to my friends, and they’d all love it, so that’s when I decided I wanted to do it as a business.”

“Why don’t you?” His eyes still looked kind of heavy, like he wasn’t quite recovered from earlier, but he also appeared genuinely interested in what she was saying.

“It takes a lot more money than I have.” She sighed. “I used to hope Arthur would fund me. I even made up a business plan and everything to prove that I knew what I was getting into. But he just refused. He said it was throwing money away and that he didn’t want his wife in a ‘service industry’ anyway.”

“Asshole,” Rob muttered.

Allison reached over to pat his thigh. “A lot of people have dreams like that. Usually those dreams don’t come true. There’s no reason to assume mine would.”

“Well, there’s no reason to assume it wouldn’t. How much money do you need?”

“Way too much.”

Rob’s brow furrowed the way it did when he was thinking hard. “Maybe you could start small, then. We have a lot of craft fairs and little knickknack stores around here. Maybe you could sell some of your stuff there. It would be something, anyway. Maybe a piece of the dream is better than nothing.”

She stared at him, suddenly hit with a revelation that should have been obvious but was only now coming to her. College wasn’t the only first step she could take. She could do something with her jewelry too. Right now. There was no reason she had to wait.

He blinked. “What? Did I say something wrong?”

“No.” She felt a little choked up. “No, you didn’t.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m just not used to someone being supportive and giving such good advice.”

His face relaxed, and his eyes grew warm and soft. “That’s what I’m here for. But what about your friends?”

“I only really have one good one. The rest were pretty superficial. Vicki, my good friend, has actually told me something similar more than once. She wants me back in Charlotte, though, so she’d love for the jewelry-shop idea to happen.” She sighed.

“Well, you’re here now. You’re not in Charlotte. So you might as well do something else with your jewelry.”

“How do I find out about those craft fairs?”

“I don’t actually know, but I know a few folks who do them, so I’ll ask.”

“Thanks.” She smiled at him, suddenly realizing her hand was still on his thigh. She’d been rubbing it idly as they talked. Very quickly she pulled her hand away.

“I wasn’t complaining,” Rob murmured rather thickly, obviously noticing her quick move.

“I know. I just didn’t realize…” She cleared her throat.

“I know you didn’t.”

They fell into silence, both of them staring at the television for a few minutes. Then she finally couldn’t resist the urge any longer, and she turned to look at him again. “What happened with Dee? Earlier, I mean.”

Rob had looked relaxed and comfortable, slouched down in the corner of the couch. But at this he straightened up slightly. “Just…” He wasn’t meeting her eyes. “Just her normal stuff.”

“Which is what? Does she normally come over to your house drunk to scream at you?”

“More often than you’d expect.” His voice was dust dry. “She doesn’t do it all the time. She goes through phases where she drinks too much, and this is one of them.”

“What does she want?”

He shook his head slowly, staring at the television screen with eyes that obviously didn’t see it. “Attention? I really don’t know. I never did.”

“Why did you get divorced?” She’d always wanted to know more details about his marriages, and it felt like the right time to ask.

“I was just too…tired. It was one thing after another, and I just couldn’t make her happy. We did nothing but fight. I tried to hold out. I really did. I thought if I could just help her, she might change. But it was beyond my power to do.”

Allison thought a minute before she replied. “If people don’t want to be fixed, there’s not really anything you can do.”

He rubbed his head with his fingertips, like he was trying to shake off dust. “All I ever wanted…” His voice was no more than a breath, and he just trailed off, staring at that same spot in the air.

“All you wanted was what?”

He blinked and turned back to her, as if he had just realized what he was saying. “Nothing. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to whine.”

“You weren’t whining.” When he turned away again, she used her hand to make him look at her. “I told you what I want. Now tell me what you always wanted.”

He released a breath that looked like surrender. “My parents got married when they were teenagers, and they’re still together—more than fifty years now.”

“Really? That’s amazing. Do they live in town?”

“About a half hour away—on their dairy farm. Anyway, all I ever wanted was a marriage like theirs. One that’s solid. One that lasts. I never wanted to go through a bunch of women. I only wanted one—who would stick with me.” He’d been holding her gaze, but now he lowered his eyes. “I just always pick the ones who’ll never stay.”

The words touched Allison more than they should have. They opened up his heart in a way she hadn’t seen in him before. She was filled with appreciation and understanding and affection and an attraction so powerful there was no way she could resist it.

She leaned forward and stroked his cheek with her hand. When he looked up again, she leaned in to kiss him.

He responded immediately, making a hoarse sound in his throat and taking her face in both of his hands. His touch was hot and hungry—almost needy—and it fired up the softer feelings in Allison.

Filled with pleasure and excitement, she leaned into him even more, pushing him back against the arm of the couch. He slid his hands down to her thighs and pulled them apart so she was straddling his lap, and his tongue made insistent advances until her mouth opened all the way for him.

She was rubbing against him eagerly with the whole length of her body. She couldn’t remember feeling this way before, like she couldn’t get enough of him, like the heat and hardness of his body were all for her. He was stroking her thighs and bottom, and she loved how possessive it felt. Her whole being was now throbbing with a need that was coming from somewhere deeper than her body.

“Allison,” Rob murmured, pressing little kisses against her mouth. He was hard now. She could feel him against her middle.

“Hmm.”

“Do you really want to do this?”

“Oh yeah,” she panted, sliding her hands up and down his sides, wishing he didn’t have clothes on. “Oh yeah.”

“Just kiss or…”

She knew what he was asking, and she thought it was really sweet that he was checking to be sure. But there was no way she could be stopped now. She’d never wanted anything more.

“Or more,” she finished for him. “I want more.”

“Thank God,” he muttered, finally breaking out of the kiss completely. His face was damp and slightly flushed. “I have condoms in my bedroom.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“You’ll just have to ignore the mess on the floor.”

She giggled as she tried to climb off him. “I’ll do my best.”

He kissed her again when he stood up, and then they kept half kissing as they stumbled down the hall and into his big bedroom. There was laundry on the floor and a few books, but it wasn’t as bad as the rest of the house. Allison didn’t even care as Rob swung her down onto the bed and climbed on top of her.

He was smiling as she pulled him down into a kiss, and the kiss got deep really quickly. Soon they were rocking together and making little sounds of pleasure, and Allison suddenly wondered if it was possible to come just from this.

“Rob,” she gasped, turning her head away from his mouth. “I’m ready anytime.”

He pushed up enough to gaze down at her, his eyes like melting chocolate. “Ready for what?” he asked with a little smile.

“You know what. The destination.”

“What if I want to make a few detours before we get there?” His voice and his expression were a seductive promise.

“Really?” She tried to hide the surge of surprise and delight, but didn’t think she was successful.

“Why do you look so surprised? I’m not a selfish guy in bed, you know.”

“I never thought you were,” she said quickly, worried she’d offended him. Because she wanted to backtrack, she ended up saying more than she’d intended. “It’s just that I’m not used to being with a man who really cares about what I want.”

Rob’s expression darkened into a frown.

“It was never terrible,” she explained, afraid he’d gotten the wrong impression. “It’s just that he never really cared about what would…would please me.”

“Then tonight we’ll have to change that,” Rob murmured, his expression clearing, filling with that delicious heat again.

Allison’s lips parted, but no words came out. Then she didn’t have time to think of something appropriate to say because Rob was taking off her top and trailing kisses all over her skin. It felt good and tender and strangely new. Allison closed her eyes and tried to breathe.

Eventually he got low enough to slide off her pants so she was wearing nothing but her bra and panties.

“You are so beautiful,” Rob murmured, staring down at her. “Every part of you.”

She wasn’t sure that was true, but he certainly looked like he meant it. She’d never felt this way before—exposed and aroused and cared for all at once. Once more she tried to say something but could only manage a little whimper.

He checked her expression quickly but was evidently satisfied by what he saw. He reached around her to unclasp her bra and pull the fabric away from her body.

She thought her breasts were pretty decent, and he obviously thought so too. He made a little growling sound and leaned down to kiss them in turn. Then he took his time, fondling and suckling until Allison was arching up and making silly pleading sounds. Her arousal was so strong now it was almost painful, and she couldn’t seem to hold her hips still.

Rob seemed to like this fact. He was smiling again as he finally kissed his way down her belly and played with the waistband of her panties.

“Please,” she gasped, finally able to form a real word.

He slid her underwear all the way off so she was completely naked on the bed, her arousal hot and wet and pulsing. He was still gazing at her in that soft, heated, almost awed way that made her feel so strange and so good. Then he adjusted his position so he could nuzzle between her legs.

“Are you going to…” She couldn’t finish the sentence because his tongue lapped briefly at her clit.

“Of course I am.” He licked her again. “Of course I am.”

She couldn’t believe he was doing this. They’d never even had sex before, but he was doing this for her—before he’d been satisfied himself. She wasn’t sure if her mind could actually process that it was happening.

Then her mind wasn’t working at all. She couldn’t do anything but feel. He played with her clit a little before sliding his tongue lower to her entrance, tasting her, making her moan and gasp.

She didn’t know what to do with her legs. She kept bending and straightening them, trying to find some sort of purchase when her body was about to fly apart. He finally hooked them over his shoulders and lifted her hips slightly so he could have better access.

He seemed to know what he was doing, because an orgasm was building quickly inside her. She was babbling out all kinds of embarrassing sounds and clutching at the bedding. And then she was there, and her whole body was shaking, and she was crying out helplessly as the pleasure overwhelmed her in waves.

She was limp and gasping when Rob finally unwound her legs and straightened up.

“Oh, God,” she managed to rasp. “I can’t believe you…you…”

“I what?” he asked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Did that.”

He moved on top of her again. “It’s wrong that you’re so surprised a man would do that for you. It’s just wrong.”

She was so overwhelmed and relaxed and sated that she smiled up at him like an idiot. “Thank you.”

He smiled back. “You’re welcome.”

“Now is it time for the destination?”

“Sounds good to me.”

Both of them worked on his clothes, so soon he was as naked as she was. His body was just as she’d known it would be—hard and toned and deliciously masculine. He reached over to the drawer of the nightstand for a condom, and she took it from him so she could put it on. He was very nice-looking all over, and he was a very satisfying size. She particularly liked how his breath hitched when she stroked his erection before rolling on the condom.

He kissed her again before he lined himself up at her entrance. She parted her legs and bent her knees, and she made a few breathless sounds of pleasure as he slowly guided himself in.

“What do you like?” Rob asked, gazing down at her like she was special. He sounded a little breathless himself.

“I don’t even know.”

“Then we’ll figure it out.”

He started slowly, rocking into her gently. She met and matched his motion, wrapping her arms around his neck

“I want it faster,” she said, as the sensations trickled out but didn’t take shape. She couldn’t believe she was saying such a thing in bed, couldn’t believe someone would listen to her.

Rob did, though. He accelerated his motion, pleasure twisting his face. He was obviously feeling a lot himself, and that knowledge made Allison feel even better.

“Yes,” she breathed, arching her neck and closing her eyes. “Feels so good.”

“Good,” he huffed. “Good.”

They were moving together urgently now, starting to shake the bed. She clawed at his back and the firm muscles of his ass as the pleasure built up inside her. She was sweating, and so was he. Their skin was sticking together. Her hair was in her face, and her stomach and thigh muscles were burning. And she loved it. She wanted even more.

“Harder.” She made a whimpering sound as he took her with even more force.

Their motion was primitive, almost animalistic, and it was doing shocking things to her body. She was tightening around his penetration, and shivers of sensation were shooting out from where they were joined. “Oh, God!”

“There it is,” Rob rasped, sounding very thinly stretched himself. “Come, just like that.”

She cried out loudly as the orgasm took her, and she thrashed rather embarrassingly in response to the intense pleasure. She was coming down when Rob fell out of rhythm and pushed hard against her, making a long, muffled groan.

She saw the release twisting his face. She saw the rush of satisfaction afterward.

And then he was lowering himself on top of her, panting against her neck. She wrapped her arms around him and tried to catch her breath.

She’d never—not in her entire life—known sex could be that good before.

They fell asleep, naked and tangled together under the covers. It was dark in the room when Allison woke up.

Her first thought was that Rob was absolutely amazing and sex with him was the best thing ever.

Her second thought was that she shouldn’t have done it.

All of the reasons she’d been holding back before still applied. She couldn’t just have a casual fling with Rob. He was too nice a guy. It wouldn’t feel right.

And she wasn’t nearly ready for a serious relationship yet. She was still learning to live life on her own. Plus, she was planning to get out of this town just as soon as she could.

Rob thought she was special. He’d told her last night that all he’d ever wanted was to be with one woman. Maybe he was thinking that could be her.

She’d really liked how it felt to be wrapped up in his arms last night, to have him take care of her needs, her pleasure. She’d felt safe. Cared for. Like she could lean on him.

But she was supposed to be standing on her own, not leaning on the first strong guy to come along.

A wave of fear overwhelmed her, so intense it stole her breath.

She lay in a cold sweat for a minute, staring up at the ceiling.

Rob was still asleep. She could hear him breathing. One of his arms was splayed out in her direction, almost touching her.

She was so scared she rolled away from him, nearly falling off the edge of the bed.

That was what she needed to do. Get away. Figure out what was going on. And then decide what could happen from here.

She fumbled for her clothes in the dark, finding everything except her panties, which were probably under the covers somewhere. She just left them, tiptoeing out of the room and then hurrying from the house.

She tried to run across the street, but she was sore from sex and just limped instead.

She felt safer back in her house.

Rob thought he’d been making love to a sweet, pretty woman who might be a match for him, who could spend her whole life in Fielding, who could eventually be the wife he was looking for. He really liked that woman.

But she couldn’t let herself be someone’s sweet, pretty wife again when she still didn’t know who she really was.