Our trip back to Castle Silverhelm was largely uneventful. Janet seemed excited and possibly in shock, considering the difference between her life just this morning and the potential for it now. I learned a little about her. She was originally from Seacrest. Her parents had died when she was young, and she had recently turned fifteen years old. She seemed to have endless energy, or perhaps she was having an attack of nerves. She continuously thanked Branford for allowing her to come with us until he grew tired of her and yelled at her to speak no more. Properly chastised, she held her mouth closed and did not speak again during the entire journey.
By the time we reached Silverhelm, it was late in the evening, and I was forced to part from Branford. My monthly cycle had begun, and I was not to have any unsupervised physical contact with males during that time, not even my husband. It was a sacred time for women, and they tended to bond together then. At least this tradition was one with which I was familiar. It was the same in Hadebrand.
Both the king and queen of Silverhelm greeted us when we arrived, and Sunniva quickly assigned Ramona to establish a place for Janet to sleep in the servants’ quarters so Janet could help me prepare my belongings for my stay in isolation.
Branford was obviously distressed and even angry as I gathered, with Janet’s assistance, some of my clothing and moved myself into the Women’s Room for the duration of my monthly time. He took his frustration out on everyone who came near him but especially Janet, snapping at her at every turn until she was practically cowering behind me whenever he moved.
“Branford,” I said softly, trying to convince him with just a look to be calm since we really could not touch each other. It did not appear to work well.
“Can I not have even a moment with you?” Branford moved closer and looked down at me, his eyes desperate and pleading.
“It is not…proper, Branford,” I whispered back. “You know this.”
He growled a curse under his breath and ran his hand through his hair as he stared at the ceiling. He looked back to me for a moment with his brow furrowed and his lips pressed tightly together. His gaze flashed to Janet, who still stood in the doorway, and glared with hatred at her very presence—as if my cycles were somehow her doing. Finally he took an extraordinarily deep breath, blew it out forcefully, and stomped out of our rooms.
Janet was visibly relieved at his departure. I tried to smile and reassure her.
“It can take some time to get used to him,” I said. She nodded silently with her gaze cast to the ground. What had begun as adoration for her savior had quickly turned to fear. I wished I could tell her he was like a toothless, barking dog, but I could not. I knew my Branford’s teeth were quite sharp.
With everything gathered up, Janet and I walked through the morning room and out the door. Branford was in the hallway, speaking to the guard, Dunstan. He pointed toward the Women’s Room.
“Unless she is locked behind that door,” he said, “you are not to let her out of your sight. Colin will relieve you at dusk and you are to relieve him at dawn.”
“Of course, Sir Branford,” Dunstan said with a nod.
“She is never to be alone. Is that clear?”
“Yes, Sir Branford.”
Branford took a step closer to the young man, standing up to his full height and glaring down at him. His voice was quiet, dark, strained through his clenched teeth, and nothing short of deadly.
“Let me make one more thing perfectly clear,” he snarled. “If I ever, ever catch you looking at her in any inappropriate way, I will make sure you never father children. Do you understand my meaning?”
“Y-yes! Yes, Sir Branford!”
Branford’s gaze flew to mine once more with an intensity I could feel in my backbone. He spoke no more words, but he did not have to do so. I could see in his eyes what he felt, for it was surely echoed in my own. I did not wish to be apart from him at all, and the very idea of not having him with me at night was nearly frightening though I had only been in his company for a handful of days. How strange it was to be so attached to his presence when I did not know of his existence just a fortnight ago.
A late dinner was provided in the Women’s Room for me, Janet, a woman from the kitchens, and two younger women—girls, really, for they could only just be old enough to be included in this room at all. I found out they cared for the garden in the center of Castle Silverhelm.
Shortly after we finished our meal, I was quite ready to sleep. I was given the large bed in the back, the one Ida also used when she was in need. I felt quite uncomfortable taking the luxurious bed when the others were left with beds much more modest though they seemed comfortable enough. Regardless of the lavishness of the bed, I was far too weary for sleep to come quickly. I found myself cold and lonely without Branford’s arms wrapped around me, his hand on my hair and the warmth of his chest under my cheek. I lay there for some time before my mind quieted enough to take me until morning.
When I woke, there was a distinct ache in my legs and belly.
Since I had started monthly bleeding, I was burdened with the intense pain that can sometimes come with it. It didn’t usually last long, but it wore me out terribly. While in Princess Whitney’s employ, I was still to perform all my duties, which had sometimes been difficult. I found myself grateful for the lack of true work when not caring for my husband, for it allowed me to stay in the most luxurious bed a little longer than I would have been allowed before. I wondered later if doing more work would have lessened the effect of the painful cramping of my muscles, for they came on fast and strong throughout the morning, and nothing I did seemed to make any difference.
I tried to move my legs into a different position in the vain hope it would relax my stomach and relieve the discomfort, but it was no help. I switched my legs to the other side, then back again. I tried standing and walking around, which did not help. Both sitting and lying were also uncomfortable. Though I tried not to show my weakness, it must have been obvious I was in pain.
“Lady Alexandra?”
I looked up to see Janet standing in front of me, shuffling her feet from side to side. In her hands was a steaming cup of liquid.
“What is it, Janet?” I asked as I tried to smile through my discomfort.
“I am sorry, Lady Alexandra,” she said. “I did not mean to intrude, but you seem…uncomfortable.”
“I am fine,” I assured her. “I usually feel like this for a day or two. Perhaps if I did something more productive, it would not be so bad.”
“Would you permit me to help, my Lady?”
“Help with what?”
“I made you some tea,” she said, and I found myself smiling as her cheeks turned pink with her blush, not so unlike my own were wont to do. “It can help with the pain of monthly times.”
I had never heard of such a thing.
“What is in it?”
“Boiled bark from a willow tree as well as some ginger root,” she told me. “Cinnamon can also be added to it to make it taste better, but it is such a rare spice, I could not find any.”
I took the cup from her hands and sniffed. I could definitely smell the ginger. I took a sip. It was strong tasting but not unpleasant. I took another drink and nodded to Janet.
“I understand how cinnamon would complement the rest,” I agreed. “I have no idea if there is any to be found in Silverhelm or not. It is such a rare commodity. When I lived in Hadebrand, it was only obtained for very special occasions.”
“You lived in Hadebrand?” Janet asked, obviously surprised.
I nodded in return as I sipped some more of the tea.
“I was Princess Whitney’s handmaid before Branford…” My voice trailed off. Though I felt no shame in my former station—truly I was still more comfortable with it than as Branford’s wife—the way in which Branford had claimed me was not something I wanted to address. It seemed…less than what I felt for him now. I took a deep breath, for it did not change the actuality of the whole thing. It was best to just speak of it and get it out of the way. “Branford won the tournament there. I was his prize.”
Janet’s eyes went wide, and her hand covered her mouth.
“I am so sorry,” she whispered as she glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one else was in the room. “It must have been…”
She did not get the chance to finish her sentence, for I felt the need to correct her right away.
“It was not as such,” I said as I shook my head. Well, truthfully, it had been as such…it just was not as such now. “I mean, it was very…confusing at first. But Branford has been wonderful.”
Janet’s gaze met mine, and I could see her disbelief in her eyes. Of course, she had seen very little of him. On the way back from Sawyer, she was overly grateful, thanking Branford continuously until he finally snapped at her. After that, she had only spoken to him when she had to do so. After his small tirade in our rooms, I had the feeling she only saw him as the tyrant he could become.
I took another sip of the tea Janet had made. It tingled on my tongue, but I was growing to like the taste. Soon breakfast was brought to the room, and Janet took it upon herself to serve me. I argued with her briefly, but she reached out and touched my hand.
“Lady Alexandra?” Janet said softly as she looked down at our hands.
“Yes, Janet?”
“Sir Branford…he…he saved me.” She looked up into my face. “He actually fought for me. I’m not such a fool—I know for whom he truly fought—but still, his actions have brought me here as a free serf. That is something I never expected to be. Let me repay his kindness by taking care of you as he has asked.”
I could not dispute her reasoning and allowed her to serve my breakfast to me while I sat up in the bed. I ate a little before lying back down for a few more minutes. I was surprised when, about an hour after drinking the strong-tasting tea, the cramping in my belly did subside. Though the pain wasn’t completely gone, it was bearable again. I thanked Janet profusely, and she offered to make some more of the tea in the morning.
The three others left the room to attend to their duties since they did not work amongst the men. Janet stayed with me in the Women’s Room and discussed what could be done with the reams of green fabric Branford had purchased. I knew I wanted to make something for him though I did not know what. I could always make him a shirt, which would be simple enough, but I wanted to make him something special.
It was Queen Sunniva’s entrance into the room that gave me the perfect idea of what to make and what I needed to learn in order to make it. I only needed to enlist her assistance. Though I was embarrassed and blushing when I asked, Sunniva seemed perfectly willing to help.
Queen Sunniva spent the better part of the first day teaching me to embroider. My first few attempts did not go well, but once I understood how to create the stitches, I used a large piece of the fabric Branford had bought for me and began to embroider the Sterling coat of arms into the corner of it. It took me hours, and there were some mistakes, but I made progress. Once I finished that one, I knew I could embroider the same symbol on the smooth, green silk.
I carefully cut the piece I needed, long and straight. I folded it three times, and sewed the edges together precisely before I began on the needlework. It was not done the first day, but as soon as I woke on the second, I began to work on it again.
I sipped some of Janet’s tea and admired how far I had progressed. The opening of the door alerted me to another presence in the room. Queen Sunniva greeted the few women in the room before coming over to me and looking over my shoulder. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her nodding.
“It is lovely,” she said. “You seem to be adept at it. May I ask for what it is to be used?”
My teeth nearly sliced into my lower lip, and I could feel the heat in my face rising. I did not truly wish to say, but my queen had asked, so I was compelled to answer.
“It is for Branford,” I said softly, “for him to wear around his shoulder and under his armor. The embroidery would be close to his…um…close to his heart when he fights.”
When I glanced quickly at her eyes, fearing she would find my gesture silly and childish, I could have sworn I saw a tear there in the corner.
“A baldric for luck?” she asked softly. Her eyes were definitely shining with wetness. “That is a beautiful idea, Alexandra.”
“Thank you,” I replied quietly.
I felt her hand against the top of my head, and she stroked my hair once.
“You are so good for him,” she said in a voice so quiet I could hardly hear her. I looked up into her smiling face. “He is…calmer—happy, even—though I believe your absence is having its effect these past two days.”
“What has he done?” I asked, almost afraid to hear her answer. Sunniva pursed her lips together.
“Nothing he hasn’t done before,” she said. I could feel my eyes go wide at her comment, but she shook her head from side to side. “Nothing too horrible.”
The queen leaned over close to me.
“He obviously feels the loss of you at his side. I think everyone in the kingdom will appreciate it nearly as much as I if you two were to grant me a grandchild soon.”
I looked back down at my embroidery as I bit down on my lip to hide my smile. Sunniva chuckled.
“Though I thought initially Branford had rushed into his wedding, I find myself wishing he had been just a few days earlier. The timing for your wedding night may have been right then.”
I surely turned a bright shade of red at such talk from my husband’s mother. Of course, there was also our deception. Even if we had wed a few days earlier, it was several days after we had married when Branford took me to his bed—in the literal sense, anyway. I was embarrassed about our deception to the queen and wanted to tell her what had happened. I feared her reaction though. I had seen her anger firsthand and did not wish it directed toward me or my husband.
“Camden has taken him hunting with his dogs today,” Sunniva said with another smile. “I believe that will brighten his mood. It usually does. I hear he has picked a new bitch for his pack.”
“Yes,” I told her. “Amarra. She seems quite a nice dog though I don’t really know much about animals.”
“Well, associating with Branford is bound to change that!” Sunniva laughed and touched my hair once more before heading over toward one of the other women and checking on the sewing she was doing. I was surprised at how open and approachable Sunniva was with the women in the kingdom—noble and servant alike. She seemed to treat them all with both respect and caring, and I watched her carefully as she spoke with each woman in the room.
I tried to imagine Queen Margaret doing the same thing and could not. She had never spoken to me directly at all but had instead spoken to Whitney when she wished to give me instruction. “Tell your handmaid to clean this up while we are out…”
No, I definitely could not see the queen of Hadebrand doing such things, but Sunniva was so naturally nurturing to everyone around her, it did not seem out of place to me at all. Instead, Queen Margaret’s behavior now looked strange in my memories.
I could only hope I would also be able to follow Queen Sunniva’s example when it came time for Branford to take the throne of Silverhelm.
*****
On the third day of my isolation from Branford, there was a formal dinner. Ramona enlisted Janet’s help to dress me, teaching her the finer art of attending to more complicated attire—employing items I had definitely helped put on others but had never worn myself. The dress was not uncomfortable to wear, but it was extravagant, and I felt uncomfortable in it. To be honest, it would not matter what I wore. I still dreaded the idea of dinners in Castle Silverhelm. Every time I entered the hall, memories of my first appearance in front of the court haunted me, and I was fairly certain others thought of it when they saw me as well. The only reason I looked forward to the feast was because I knew Branford would be there.
I had not seen him except from afar since we had returned from Sawyer.
Ramona finished plaiting my hair on the sides, and Janet brought me her special blend of tea. I hadn’t felt much pain from my cycle this day, but the tea was quite flavorful and seemed to have some calming effects as well. Janet said she could make it for me every morning, and it would quell the pain altogether during monthly bleeding.
I entered the hall with Queen Sunniva, feeling quite glad for her presence. There were some of the other noblewomen there as well though I remembered only a few names. I barely took notice of them since my husband stood at the table as we entered, his eyes looking straight into me. His gaze was all I was able to focus upon.
I felt as though I hadn’t laid eyes on him in years though it had only been a few days. He had a nearly full beard now, obviously refusing to shave himself in my absence. There were also dark circles beneath his eyes as though he had not slept well for many nights.
Regardless of my monthly time, my place at dinner was still at his side. While others conversed and ate, I did my best to focus on my food and drink and not on the strange feelings inside of me. I felt compelled to reach over and touch Branford on his face and to feel his hands on me. I wanted to press my lips to his, and I wanted to lie beneath him and be surrounded in his secure warmth.
Branford shifted slightly in his seat, and I felt the length of his thigh against mine. Having been three nights without his closeness, the touch of his warm body against mine—even through our clothing—sent a shiver down my back that seemed to lodge itself between my thighs. I took in a quick breath and held it, hoping no one else at the table had noticed.
I wrapped my fingers around my cup of wine and took a short drink of it to hide the blush I assumed was present on my cheeks. Sunniva began to speak to King Camden regarding the kitchen staff and how they had outdone themselves for the evening meal. I could not concentrate on the conversation, and to make matters worse—or better—Branford placed his hand on my thigh as he leaned close to me.
“I miss you,” he said, his hot breath dancing over the shell of my ear. “Our bed is cold at night without you to warm me.”
I glanced around the table, but no one seemed to pay us any heed. I felt the tip of his nose as it just barely touched the line of my neck. I could hear his long intake of breath.
“I miss you, too,” I confessed as I blushed.
“That is a very good thing,” Branford murmured against my ear. “If you do not return soon, I am afraid I will go mad.”
“You are strong,” I said as I glanced at him. He narrowed his eyes, and I could see his lips smash together. “It is only another day…maybe two…”
“Two days?” Branford growled and sat back against his chair. His grip on my thigh tightened. “I want you now.”
Though the upper part of his body leaned away from me, his hand continued to rub against my leg. Slowly, it crept farther up until his smallest finger pushed at that spot between my legs. I bit down on my lip to keep from crying out and alerting all around us to what Branford was doing, hidden from their view beneath the table. His finger began to rub me in a circle, and my thighs clasped together, but that only served to hold his hand tightly against me.
“Branford…” I whispered as I glanced toward him. His eyes were intense and filled with need. He leaned close to my ear again, careful not to touch where others could see.
“Be silent,” he said in a dark, husky voice, “lest we be noticed.”
He ran his hand down my leg then back up again, his finger sliding down between my legs and dancing lightly over the central spot of pleasure he knew so well. Though his touch was igniting my body in a way I had missed terribly, I also wanted him to stop. At least, I thought I wanted him to stop. I knew I should want him to stop. I looked up at those around us, most of whom were heavily engaged in their own conversations, and tried to control the panic rising in my chest.
As I glanced around the table, my gaze fell to King Camden, who was staring straight at me with his head cocked slightly to one side. I felt heat cover my skin immediately, and I froze. His gaze moved slowly to Branford, and the king’s brows rose in question. I heard Branford mumble under his breath though I could not make out what he said, and then his hand slipped quickly from my leg to rest in his own lap.
“You had best be ready within two days,” Branford murmured a little louder. “If you are not, I’ll still come and take you, customs be damned.”
I did not reply but glanced at our king again, surprised to find a slight smirk on his lips as he turned to the nobleman at his side and spoke of his hunting trip with Branford. He did not look toward me again that night.
*****
Janet assisted me in carrying my things back to the rooms I shared with Branford, including the shirt I had made for him, the baldric with the embroidered coat of arms, and a few other items I had started but not finished. They were all sealed away in a plain, woven basket so Branford would not see them just yet.
When I opened the door and walked into the morning room, I saw Branford leaning against the open window and looking over the castle grounds. He turned at the sound, and I could almost feel the relief wash over him as he began to step toward me. He stopped short of reaching out for me, hesitating a little. I reached up slowly and ran my hand over his cheek, nearly in full beard now. The texture was soft on his face but quickly grew rough on the skin of his neck.
“Get out,” Branford said. He did not even glance at Janet, and though his voice was not overly loud, the menace behind it was evident. I saw Janet out of the corner of my eye as she bowed slightly and left our rooms quickly
As soon as the door was closed, Branford was on me.
He grasped the sides of my face as his lips crashed to mine. As I began to lose breath, he pulled back, his eyes dark and his chest rising and falling. He crouched down, picked me up in his arms, and carried me to our bed.
It seemed only a moment later that I was pressed against the mattress, naked, my husband’s body covering me in his warmth as he moved steadily inside of me. He slid his mouth over mine, and his hands explored my body thoroughly until I was panting and crying out in pleasure. With his eyes closed and his head tilted toward the heavens, I felt the warmth of his seed fill me before he collapsed on top of me and then rolled us both quickly to our sides. He found my neck with his mouth, and he sucked at my skin as he held me close to him.
“I always seem to be begging your forgiveness for my haste,” he said quietly.
“There is no reason,” I told him. I reached around to the back of his neck and then up through his hair. I held his head against my shoulder.
“I could not bear it any longer,” Branford whispered into my ear, “and I am going to make sure I never have to endure that again!”
I smiled and turned my head to kiss the top of his. Branford rose up on his elbow and looked into my face.
“I do not believe that is completely within your control,” I told him.
“I will take you every night,” Branford said. His tone was determined, and his words definitely not to be questioned. “At least once in the day as well.”
“You have done that anyway,” I said to him. I smashed my lips together, trying not to smile too broadly, for I knew he was quite serious.
“More often, then,” he said with raised brows—daring me to contradict his plan. He used his fingers to trace from my shoulder, across my collarbones, and over my breast. He cupped it for a moment before running his hand over my stomach and then back up my arm. He brushed his fingers over my lips and up the edge of my jaw. He ran the tip of one finger down my nose. It seemed as though he was exploring each and every part of me to make sure he had not forgotten anything while we were apart.
I placed my hand against his chest, feeling the strong and steady beat under my palm. Like Branford, I also wanted to remember how he felt in my hands, and I traced every lined muscle on his chest and stomach while he drew circles around my breasts with his fingertip and kissed a trail across my shoulder. He leaned across me, his mouth sucking at one of my nipples while his fingers tickled across my side. I squirmed against the feeling, and his hand gripped my hip as he sat up and looked me in the eyes. He pulled sharply with his hand, pushing our hips firmly together.
“Any time I want,” Branford said with a scowl.
I tilted my head to the side, raising my eyebrows just a little as I looked at him. I could have sworn his lower lip was protruding like a child’s whose toy had been taken away.
“My wife,” Branford said. Moving swiftly, he leaned over me and quickly nipped at my lips with his. His gaze darted away from mine, and for a moment, I thought I could detect a slight blush under his tanned cheeks. He looked back at me with his half smile and dancing eyes. I thought he would speak, but instead, he closed his eyes briefly before looking at me again, his head shaking back and forth subtly.
The combination of his strength, his gentleness, and his obvious need for me was overwhelming.
I brushed over the edge of his bearded jaw with my fingers. I could not wait for it to be morning again so I could shave him properly and see the gratitude in his eyes when he ran his fingers over his smooth face. I could not wait to give him his tea or prepare his breakfast. I could not wait to hold his arm as we walked through the gardens, and I could not wait until tomorrow night when he would bring me back here and overtake me with his flesh—both inside and out.
My stomach seemed to roll over inside of me, and for a moment, I could not even breathe. I felt my heart pounding in my chest as his eyes continued to stare down at me. I felt the warmth of his gaze covering my body. I felt safe and secure in his strength and in knowing I belonged to him and that he was mine. I wanted nothing more than to spend my days doing whatever I could to make him happy and content in his life and to spend my nights filled by him—giving myself to him whenever he needed me.
And that moment was when I knew I loved him.