Chapter 45
Celia had just rocked Benjamin to sleep and was staring down at his chubby cheeks when a jolt awoke her to her sad reality.
She was in Tiago’s car, and Benjamin was still gone.
They traveled through the darkness, dots of light turning to ribbons as they passed her tired eyes. “Go back to sleep,” Tiago urged from the driver’s seat. “We’ll need you well-rested when we get there.”
Nights were the worst. Everyone stayed quiet, hoping she could sleep, but the quiet only meant she had to keep company with her worries. Tonight, at least, she could talk to Tiago.
“Manny had me pack some of Benjamin’s clothes and a bag of diapers,” she told Tiago as Manny slept in the backseat. “He’s that sure we’ll find him.”
“He’s a smart guy,” Tiago said, hesitating just enough to make her doubt his conviction. “He knows what he’s talking about.”
“I wish I could feel so sure. Do you think we’re doing the right thing, going all the way down to North Carolina?”
“What does your mother’s intuition say?” It was an American phrase, and he spoke the English words instead of the Creole translation, but she had heard it before and knew what he meant. It meant that being a mother, she should have gut feelings about how to help her child. That was just it. She didn’t.
She felt nothing other than frustration. Why was it that Manny seemed to have all these hunches about where they might find Benjamin? If she were a better mother, would she have more instincts like that?
When she didn’t respond, Tiago tore his gaze away from driving to look at her. “Sorry if that wasn’t helpful.”
“I’m not sure I need mother’s intuition right now as much as I need ex-wife intuition. I need to know where André would go.” She also wanted to know what he would do once he got there.
“I’ll bet you have more ex-wife intuition than you realize.”
“I should. I stayed with him long enough.”
“Maybe if you slept, you could think more clearly. We have at least ten more hours in the car before we arrive in North Carolina.”
She leaned back and closed her eyes. She was so tired, but the same worries kept intruding. Sleep felt like a betrayal. “What I can’t understand is why he took Benjamin in the first place. If it was to punish me, he’s doing a good job. But what if he had another reason?”
“Go to sleep,” he chided. “We can talk about it when you wake up.” He switched his stereo to play Fado music, low and mournful.
Once again, she closed her eyes and tried to give in to her body’s exhaustion. Slowing her breathing to keep pace with the music, she let her head fall against the pillow Manny packed for her. If only Manny could be right and Benjamin was still alive somewhere, nestled in his father’s arms.
She tried to imagine the two of them together—André and Benjamin—but Manny’s arms were the only ones she could see in her mind. So be it. She would imagine Manny’s arms holding her baby.
André’s arms were more likely to be around a woman. He would have a girlfriend by now—likely, more than one. That’s the way it had always been before they married, and she suspected, while they were married. She bolted upright in her seat, causing her seatbelt to go tight. That was it. “A girlfriend!”
It was bright enough from the streetlights to see how Tiago raised an eyebrow and gave her the kind of look he might give a crazy person. “What?”
“I’m using my ex-wife’s intuition. You know how the man at the river said he was babysitting for his girlfriend? What if André took the baby to please his girlfriend?”
Tiago turned down the music. “Now you’re talking. I can see that. He bragged to his woman that he had a baby, and she wanted him to bring the little guy home for a visit. Now the question is where does the girlfriend live.”
She was already ahead of him. “When Manny talked to André’s soccer coaches, they said André had attended practices in January and the first week of February, which means—”
“Ahh. So, we are on the right path—she’s probably in North Carolina.”
Celia smiled for the first time since this whole thing started. It made sense. Finally. She leaned back in her seat again, pulling the blanket up over herself. This also meant Benjamin was alive. André hadn’t been hanging around the river to drown him. He’d been waiting for his girlfriend to pick them up, just like he said. That’s why there had been no sign of him at bus stops or train stations. His girlfriend had given him a ride.
Knowing him, he’d found a woman with a nice car. She was probably one of those desperate fan girls who hung around during soccer practice. Celia knew her type, dressing for games as if she were on her way to a dance party, hanging around the weight room with makeup on, and asking for autographs on her various body parts. André would have picked a pretty one who had lots of money.
Whoever she was, she would be able to take care of a baby better than André. She would keep Benjamin fed and warm. She would know to put him in a car seat while they drove, and most likely, she could change a diaper. If not, she and André were probably eager to give Benjamin back by now.
With every rotation of the wheels, she got closer. She would hold her baby again and see his chubby-faced grin.
“Now can you get some sleep?” Tiago asked.
She rested her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes, letting the peace overtake her. One thing she knew for certain—André and his girlfriend wouldn’t be as smart as she was. They wouldn’t expect her to find them. And she would find them. She just needed to get to North Carolina.