I’ve been sitting here staring out this window for so long that I’ll be late to work if I don’t run, and I mean that literally. I won’t have time for breakfast. I’ll barely have time to stop at crosswalks. But I wanted a glimpse of him this morning before I left. He wasn’t around at all yesterday, and I miss him. I know how crazy that sounds, but it’s true.

With a heavy sigh, I put the binoculars on the window ledge and head out the door, locking both locks behind me.

Fifteen minutes later, I breathlessly speed walk into the library. Putting my bag in my locker, I head to the break room for a cup of coffee.

“Well, if it isn’t the runaway date,” Mia teases before I even have a chance to notice her. She’s looking up at me over the edge of her glasses, totally rocking the stereotypical sexy librarian persona. Her presence and her statement catch me off guard and I laugh nervously. I guess Wyatt told on me, which is kind of weird.

I push up my own glasses and then smooth down my hair. I’m sure it looks a mess after running most of the way here. “What?” I ask, trying to play dumb, giving myself a chance to recover and think of a good excuse.

“Kyle called Wyatt last night to check in and see how the rest of your date went. Wyatt mentioned that you practically yelled at the driver to stop the taxi, and the next thing he knew, you were throwing money on the seat and jumping out.” Mia shakes her head and peers over her coffee cup at me with a small smile as she blows on the steaming liquid. “What was that all about?” Her tone isn’t accusatory, just curious.

“I forgot...something.” I fidget with the hem of my shirt and walk over to the coffee pot, avoiding her gaze. Somehow, I feel like if she were to look at me long enough, she’d know the truth.

“Forgot something. Mmhmm. I see.” I turn around after I pour coffee into my yellow smiley face mug and see her still staring at me. “So, was that something at the pharmacy?”

“Huh?”

“The pharmacy. Wyatt said he watched you, and you ran into a pharmacy.”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot that I needed to pick up a prescription.”

“Are you sick?”

“No.” I shake my head. Shit. I’m a horrible liar. “It’s uh…”

“Birth control?” she asks.

Yeah, that’s it. “Yeah,” I reply, nodding. Liar, liar, pants on fire. I’ve never been on birth control. Shit, I’ve practically never even been to a doctor. And I definitely don’t have a reason to take birth control.

“Well,” Mia says, turning around and walking toward the door. “Kyle gave Wyatt your number. He said he had a really nice time and wants to see you again.”

“Really?” After the whole jumping out of the taxi thing, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be seeing him again.

“Yeah, I’m surprised he hasn’t called already. Kyle said he sounds really interested.”

I know the look on my face is dumbfounded because that’s exactly how I feel. “Why?” The question leaves my mouth without me thinking about it because for the life of me, I can’t imagine why Wyatt would want to take me on a second date.

“Why not?” Mia asks as she sets her mug down on the desk and turns on the computers. “You’re a great girl. I know you don’t think so, but you’re beautiful and sweet and smart. Any guy would be lucky to date you.”

I have to laugh because Mia calling me beautiful is so...well, laughable.

Her expression morphs from smiling to stern in less than a second. “Listen, I know you’ve never had a good home life, and I know you might feel unlovable, but you’re so not. I don’t like very many people,” she says, smirking. “And I like you.” She says it like it’s supposed to explain everything, and I smile, shaking my head. “Don’t sell yourself short, Harper. If Wyatt isn’t what you want, then go after someone you do want, but don’t live your life feeling like you don’t deserve to be happy. Because if anybody deserves to be happy, it’s you.”

The lump in my throat is huge, and I can’t even speak for fear that my emotions might overtake my will to keep them at bay. So I nod and give Mia a small smile. Eventually, I’m able to squeak out a thank you, and in a very un-Mia move, she pulls me into a hug. “I mean it,” she whispers into my ear, and I squeeze her tighter.

No one has ever told me that. Not even Layla. And Mia’s right. I’ve thought many times throughout my life that I don’t deserve to be happy. I don’t know why, but maybe it’s because I’ve never had someone around to tell me that I do deserve it. Maybe it’s because deep down, I always knew I was the reason my mother was a junkie. Maybe it’s because I’ve felt cursed from the get-go. Some people are meant to be happy, and others aren’t. I’ve always put myself in the latter category.

§

Instead of flying through the front door of the Chinese restaurant, I walk in and step up to the counter. I’m starving. I haven’t eaten anything all day, and due to my extravagant purchase over the weekend, I don’t have any money left for food until pay day. I’m even out of Ben & Jerry’s. That thought makes me sadder than being out of real food. I could easily live on Ben & Jerry’s.

“Harper,” Mr. Chan says, beaming at me over the counter. “What you like?”

“Um, I’ll have a hot and sour soup,” I tell him. “With extra wontons, please.” A few minutes later, Mr. Chan hands a brown paper sack over the counter. “Can I pay you on Thursday?”

“On the house.” He smiles softly and nods his head.

Normally, I’d argue with him, but not this time. “Thank you, Mr. Chan.”

After hurrying up the stairs, I don’t beeline to the window for once. I toss my things on my bed and go straight for the soup. I smile when I open the bag because there is soup and extra wontons, like I asked for, but there’s also a carton of chicken and broccoli with two fortune cookies.

As I’m stuffing my face with delicious Chinese food, my cell phone dings. No one ever texts me. Layla says that she always has too much to say, which is the truth, and Mia is too impatient. My stomach flips because I know it’s going to be Wyatt, and I’m not sure how to feel about that. Sure, he was nice, and sure, it feels good to have someone’s attention, but I don’t know if I want to go on another date, and I suck at telling people no. Somehow, I always get talked into whatever it is they want or need me to do.

I sit for a few more minutes, enjoying my soup, but then curiosity gets the best of me, and I reach for my phone.