* * *

“And just what do you think you’re doing?” I stayed as far away as possible, not trusting myself to enter the room. Instead I leaned a shoulder against the doorjamb and folded my arms in wait of whatever tale she was going to tell.

The little imp looked back and down from her high perch on the ladder she’d climbed. Her face lit up as soon as she saw that it was I and I felt it in my gut, and places south, as usual.

Her smile did strange things to me, but I ignored it and kept my facial expression as stern as I could under the circumstances. She always did know how to get the better of me and one twitch of my lips would only encourage her in her madness.

I wanted to walk across the room and snatch her down from there before she broke her damn neck, but I didn’t dare get my hands anywhere near her. It’s been getting harder these days to keep my distance, to not give in to the invitation written so plainly in her young eyes.

“Oh hi, I didn’t hear you come in. And how was your day?” She sounded so much like a wife. She always does the way she looks after me. Get that shit out of your mind Ethan. I straightened away from the door but still didn’t venture farther into the room.

“I’ll tell you just as soon as you climb down from there.” I kept my eyes averted from her ass as she made her way down. She was chattering away about something, which went right over my head. I was too busy taking her in.

From the way she was dressed, tight fitting capris in a bright orange color, white shirt tied beneath her ample breasts and an orange scarf tied around her hair, it wasn’t easy to tell if she was about to clean the room or go out on the grounds for a picnic.

The spot of dust on her nose answered that question and I looked up towards the ceiling to see what it was she’d been cleaning up there. “What were you doing up there Lucia?” I had servants enough to clean the rafters if they needed it, so I was sure she was up to something that was sure to make me daft.

“Nothing, I just uh… I saw a spot, that’s it, a spot on the window up there.” What a liar. The damn window is more than forty feet off the ground, the house is over three hundred years old, and I’m pretty sure no one in their right mind had ever climbed up there to clean them before.

I pretended to believe her as I looked up at the dusty windows in the conservatory at the back of my family home. “I think you missed a couple hundred spots.” This time I wasn’t quick enough to hide the smile. She’s such a delightful little liar.

“Okay, you caught me. I was spying.” That sounded more like it.

“Spying? Spying on who?”

“On you of course and that ghastly woman.”

“Lucia.”

“Well you asked.” Now she was pouting and her beautiful smile had waned.

The little brat, at least she’s honest; she always has been. A refreshing change from the usual. “And why were you spying on me and Ms. Thorne?” As if I had to ask. She’d made no secret of her feelings where my intended was concerned.

Note I said intended, and not fiancée. I’m still finding it hard to pop the question. And this little minx I’m afraid, has a lot to do with my hesitation. It’s a whole fucking mess to be sure, and I’d almost prefer to be in the middle of the desert sniffing out assholes than dealing with this shit.

I never thought I’d find myself in this position it’s just not the kind of man I am. Emotion has never played a part in any of the life decisions I’ve made thus far, and to find myself held hostage by this slip of a girl was wreaking havoc on my well-planned agenda.

She’s too young Ethan; she has her whole life ahead of her, don’t fuck with her. That little mantra was losing its strength by the day. I’ve been fighting this demon for almost a damn year now, but instead of getting easier, the shit just seems to get worst.

“I don’t like her. I wish you wouldn’t bring her around or let her show up here willy-nilly.” She actually sneered at me, which I ignored, but there was no ignoring her words. “I’ve asked you not to talk like that. Uh-uh-uh, zip it.” I shushed her when she opened that mouth of hers to argue.

When it was just the two of us she could get away with anything, but if my mother or one of the servants should hear her disrespect it would cause all kinds of hell. I allowed her to speak her mind freely because I understood. Fuck do I understand.

If I wanted her, she’d made it more than obvious over the past year that she was more than willing. But it wasn’t meant to be and we both knew it. If it were just me who would bear the brunt of it, I’d say fuck it and take her. But the price to her was just too damn high.

“Now you’re pouting, very unbecoming.” That was a lie. I find nothing about her unbecoming, but to encourage her in her disrespect and dislike would only make her continue on this path. As the adult, it was up to me to make her see the way of things.

Why couldn’t I have met her two years ago? Because two years ago she would’ve been two minutes away from jailbait. We could never be, her and I, no matter how we may both wish differently.

I had no doubt about her feelings for me. I knew them as well as I know my own. But it was no use. It wasn’t just her age; well maybe that was a big part of it. Heaven knows we’d face every obstacle there is if I were to ever lose my mind and give into my lust. And though I had no fear for myself, someone so young would be buried under the avalanche to come.

I come from a long line of aristocrats who’d moved across the pond hundreds of years ago. The family has always been part of high society both here and back in the ancestral home of England. While hers were what my so-called peers would call members of the lower class.

You’d think shit like that would be extinct in this day and age, but not as long as there were women like my own mother and her lady brigade. They were members of a dying breed who’d taught their offspring to be just as prejudiced and nearsighted as them.

None of that mattered to me, but I’ve seen what that shit can do to a person when they’re made to feel less than. I’ve seen women and men shunned because of their birth. And though I could give two fucks about that outdated fuckery, I wouldn’t do that to her.

My time in the marines had taught me that all men are the same no matter how much money they had in the bank. I’m not the first in my line to serve, but I’m the first who came back changed. I wasn’t just an officer whose family had bought a commission. I fought for my country, shed blood and lost quite a bit of my own much to my mother’s dismay.

At thirty I was expected to marry and carry on the family name as the only son. It’s something I grew up with and never cared too much about one way or the other. When you’re taught from the cradle what you’re supposed to be you kinda get used to it.

I wouldn’t change who I am for the world, but sometimes, late at night when I’m in bed alone, I know I would do it for her. There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for her in fact. But there was more involved here than just her and I. As much as I love her, and I’m one hundred percent sure that I do, there are too many reasons why I can’t have her.

My inheritance is not at stake here, nothing as medieval as that. And if I didn’t know what she would face if I made her my woman I would jump at the chance. But I’d seen too much of what my kind have done to what they perceive as someone they found beneath them. So, in order to not kill someone on domestic soil, I choose to give her up.

Would that that was all there was to it. There were ways around other people’s prejudice. We could move, start over somewhere else. But why should she have to run, leave everything she’s ever known behind because she fell in love? For that matter, why should I? But it wasn’t just her and I that would be hurt and that was the biggest issue of all.

“So you’re going through with it.” She spoke out loud as if following my train of thought. I looked at her as she wrapped her arms around her middle as if holding in the pain. The tears in her eyes killed me and I had to clench my fists so as not to reach out and comfort her.

When she stomped across the room and headed for the opposite door I told myself to let her go. It was for the best, but… “Lucia.”

She threw a look over her shoulder. A look filled with such devastation it cut deep, then she turned and ran.

I was quick on her heels as she headed for the vast gardens beyond the conservatory. She knew this place as well as I did by now and if she got away I wouldn’t find her until she was ready to come out of hiding. I couldn’t let her go away feeling as she did, with tears in her eyes. My poor baby.

I caught up with her, the bright headscarf giving her away. “I said stop damn you.” I pulled her to a stop and turned her around to face me. The tears were no longer trapped in her eyes, but were now rolling silently down her cheeks.

Was there anything more humbling to a man than the tears of his woman? His woman, damn. “Let go of me Ethan. I’m leaving.” Leaving, what did she mean leaving? My heart almost stopped in my chest and I pulled her hard against me.

“Please don’t….” I cut myself off. What was I asking her to do here? To stay and watch me marry someone else? Could I be that selfish? The soft warmth of her slight body pierced my chest and went straight to my heart.

She felt amazing in my arms, just as I always knew she would. Her young body was just as I expected. Soft, plush, womanly. Nothing at all like my fiancée. And that’s unfair thinking Ethan, not to mention it makes you no better than a dick.

Helen was not to blame for my feelings. We’d known each other since we were kids. Our mothers had been planning our marriage since before we left the nursery. I’d already put off the wedding for too long, and now the families were insisting that we get the deed done.

I’d given in because as far as everyone was concerned it was a done deal. I wasn’t interested in falling in love, so it mattered very little to me who I met at the altar. It was my duty to have sons, someone to carry on the name and all that, and Helen was as good a choice as any.

That was all good and well until my own mother threw a wrench in the works. Not that she would know. She’d done nothing more than hire a new groundskeeper and housekeeper who came with a teenage daughter. She’d turned eighteen the week before they were hired, still in high school for fuck sake; a baby.

I’d been away at the time, in the middle of the desert to be exact, ferreting out slime, bent on destruction. When I came home I was in no mood for niceties. I’d seen one too many horrors and was fucking done with the world and all in it.

Marriage was the last thing on my mind. I didn’t even want to see another human being in those first few days back, and at night the horror I’d left behind followed me into my dreams. It safe to say that I wasn’t the same man who left these shores.

My family couldn’t get through to me. I shut myself away from everyone including Helen and spent my days in solitude. Then one day she’d come upon me in the garden. My first sight of her was like a reawakening. She hadn’t seen me at first, she was too busy chasing the butterfly that refused to be caught.

Her laugher was like a calming balm and when she finally turned and saw me, that smile still plastered on her face, the sun bouncing off her silky raven curls, my heart fell at her feet and I came alive.

It was as if a light shone in the dark and I knew that this was someone I could come back to and leave it all behind. I saw in her eyes all the joy and light that was missing in mine. In those first few seconds I saw something I thought had gone out of my world forever. Hope!

It died a quick death when I remembered who I was and what my future held. “Who the hell are you?” Those were my first words to her. I had a pretty good idea since mom had mentioned her and her family in one of her letters and then again when I returned.

I remember her putting her hands on her narrow hips and eyeing me down with no fear whatsoever. She opened her mouth and it was as if the sun came out again. I didn’t realize until that moment that my world had gone completely dark.

“I could ask you the same question but I’m afraid I know the answer. You’re the lord and master that everyone’s been harping about for days. Hmmm.” She’d given me one of her sneers as if to say I wasn’t much to look at after all.

From that day to this, I’ve been falling deeper and deeper in love with her. It wasn’t any one thing she did or does. It’s just her. Her light, her joy, her vivaciousness. The way she doesn’t give a shit how much money I have, or what my last name means.

I love her beauty, her youth, her… everything. And I can’t fucking have her. Not and live with myself. If my duty to my country was over maybe I’d risk it. But I still have a few more years to go. Years in which I might be called upon to leave her for months on end, while I go halfway around the world.

Helen could deal with a life like that. She was born to wealth and was well known among our peers. If I’m called up I have no doubt that she’d have all the support she needed. My family and friends would rally around her.

I know that for Lucia it wouldn’t be the same. I can imagine her being shunned by everyone. By rights this is my home, everything is now mine since the death of my old man. But mom would most definitely get rid of her family, throw them out on the street.

I can ask my own mother to leave, we have more than enough properties here and abroad that she can have, but this is her home. Her old world prejudices aren’t easily shaken, I’ve tested those waters already and well know the answer.

I can face all that. Even the hate of my mother. But I can’t ask this… child to do the same. It would crush her. I’d watched my best friend go through something similar years ago. He’d fought and stood his ground, only to lose his wife three months later when she took her own life.

Back then I couldn’t imagine that anything could be so bad that it could lead to that. Even when he told me the stories of all she’d endured at the hands of our ‘peers’. I’d refused to believe that the people I knew and loved my entire life could be that shallow.

If they’d seen half the shit I’ve seen. The death, the degradation, the utter suffering when it could be avoided. They would learn to grab life by the balls and hold on. This petty bullshit they catered to, an outdated sense of propriety was baseless nonsense.

I’d seen more in this young girl, more grit, more guts, more compassion, than in all of them combined. But if I reached out and took what I wanted, I would be destroying other lives. Helen didn’t deserve this, but neither did she deserve to be straddled with a man whose heart was already taken.