Chapter 27
Warmer weather had finally arrived in the Windy City, and with it a jam-packed schedule at work for James. Janie was constantly on the phone booking new appointments, and James’s days were a blur. It was good to stay busy, and truth be told, he was happy for the extra money.
It was a delicate balance to save money in preparation for the new baby while trying to keep things consistent at home. He and Megan were waiting until the school year was over to tell Cade about their relationship and that he’d be a big brother. Knowing his son, he’d take it in stride. Waiting to tell him made Megan feel better since she’d no longer be his teacher.
Megan was healthy and beyond excited about the baby. Cade was doing really well in his studies, and it didn’t look like summer school was in his immediate future. James’s father had started dating a nice lady he’d met at the hardware store who had been trying to figure out what size windshield wiper to buy for her car.
James should have been breezing through his days with little to no stress. Work was good. His family was good. His and Megan’s sex life was better than ever. He should have been so carefree that he skipped around the garage passing out free hugs.
But that wasn’t the case.
While everyone else was content, James was growing more and more apprehensive. The fact that he and Megan were having a baby was great, but there was a lot of added pressures he hadn’t predicted. And apparently he was the only one thinking about them. Due to their relationship, there were finances to think about, living arrangements to discuss. Hell, he hadn’t even met her family yet.
Megan never mentioned any worries to him. Every time he saw her, she seemed happier than the last. She positively glowed, and he fell for her more every day. And that was another part of the problem.
When most men would be thinking about putting a ring on her finger, he was petrified. Everything about them pointed toward marriage. Yet he’d sworn marriage was something he’d never do again. The first time around had nearly destroyed him, and if it weren’t for Cade, it would have.
“Good night, James!” Janie shouted from the office door.
It was staying light longer, and he’d completely lost track of time. “See you tomorrow,” he called after her before ducking his head back underneath of the hood of a Lexus.
“Oh!” he heard her say before her footsteps sounded from doorway. “Looks like your dad just pulled up.”
James leaned back and peered around the open hood just as his dad got out of his truck. Using a shop rag, he wiped down the ratchet in his hand before putting it away. His dad’s slow footsteps shuffled into the open bay door, and he heard a low whistle. “I’ve never seen a car that color before.”
James looked down at the leprechaun green Lexus and shrugged. “The customer just had it repainted.”
“Complete waste of money,” Abel mumbled.
He had to agree. The car was hideous.
“I was just getting ready to close up. What brings you by?”
Abel stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Since Cade has baseball practice tonight, I thought I might take Mary Lou out for a nice dinner.”
James smiled. “Good for you. Hope you and Mary Lou have a nice time.”
After washing his hands in the utility sink, James grabbed some paper towels and dried them off. He had to pick Cade up at the little league field in a half hour. It was only his second week of practice, and he was bound and determined to play first base this year.
“Your sister called,” his dad said. “She wanted to know when she could meet Megan and whether you wanted her to throw a baby shower.”
That was definitely something his thoughtful sister would do. He’d called her a couple weeks ago to tell her about the baby. Although shocked at first, Shelby had quickly snapped out of her stupor and gushed over a new baby in the family.
She’d asked a million questions about Megan, where they’d met, what she did, what she looked like. He had explained they were keeping things quiet for Cade’s sake, but reassured her that he was happy about everything, despite the surprise.
“Yeah, I’ll call her back,” James muttered. He tossed the crumpled paper towel into the trash can and ran his fingers through his hair.
“What’s on your mind, son?”
James sighed as he leaned against one of the support beams of a nearby car lift. “Everything. I wish I could just power off my brain.”
Abel chuckled to himself as he wheeled over a low stool. “Feeling a little overwhelmed, are you?”
“Yeah,” James breathed out. “I’m trying to do everything right, you know? With Holly I did a lot of things wrong. But this time around, I just…” James shook his head. “God, I just don’t want to fuck this up.”
“Well, if it’s any consolation, I don’t think you did a lot of things wrong with Holly. And Cade’s not doing too bad. I’m sure this baby will be fine too.”
James pushed off the post. “Things went south so quickly with Holly I didn’t have time to think. Everything was a reaction instead of a well-thought-out plan. I don’t want the same thing to happen with Megan.”
“Megan is not Holly.”
James put his hands on his hips and scuffed his boot against the floor. “I know. I keep telling myself that. Everything about Megan is different. She doesn’t ask for anything from me, but I feel like I’m letting her down already, and the baby hasn’t even arrived. Do you know she hasn’t asked once what the living situation will be like after the baby is born? Does she think she’s going to stay in her tiny apartment with our newborn while the three of us are twenty minutes away in our townhouse?”
“Have you brought that up to her?”
“No,” he huffed. “I haven’t because I didn’t want to push her. She’s so set on being independent and self-sufficient. I feel this need to take care of her, not just because she’s carrying my child but because I care about her.”
Sighing deeply, James let his head hang as he looked at the shiny wheels of the green Lexus. “I think I should probably talk to her about getting married.”
Abel raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Is that what you want?”
James shook his head. “No.”
“Well, then why bring it up? Times have changed. You don’t have to be married to the mother of your children nowadays.”
James shook his head. “I know, Pops, but I still struggle with that. I can’t help it if I feel it’s the right thing to do. That’s the way you raised me. That’s definitely how Mom would have raised me if she hadn’t passed away so early.”
Abel nodded slowly. “Yes, she would have. But you need to do what’s right for all of you. Not just because you think it’s right for Megan. And who says she even wants to get married?”
“That’s the type of woman she is. She wants the whole thing—the happy family, the white picket fence. She’s mentioned before how she’s had everything planned out in her head since she was young. Megan probably wants to get married, but she won’t ask.”
James picked up a screwdriver lying on top of the tool chest and put it away in its drawer. “Besides, why wouldn’t she want to get married? She wouldn’t want the stigma of being a grade school teacher who has a baby out of wedlock. Hell, if we don’t get married, the child is going to have a different last name than one of us.”
“What do you want to do?” Abel asked him.
Thinking for a minute, James took a deep breath. “I’d like to move her into our townhouse, but I don’t want to get married. I want her to know I’m committed to her and to our baby, that I’d gladly provide for them as best as I can, but I don’t want to get married again.”
Abel nodded, staring at James. “You say you care about this woman. Do you love her?”
Staring hard at his father, he blinked and waited. Waited for the rush of anxiety to race up his legs, through his stomach, and straight into his heart. But nothing happened.
Megan was…hell, she was amazing. James thought countless times how lucky he was that they’d met when they had. He wanted to protect her, to provide for her. He wanted her to be happy, but most of all he wanted her to be happy with him. And these feelings weren’t something new that started after he’d found out she was pregnant. He’d realized sometime before the holidays that he could picture the two of them together for a long time. Megan would be an excellent mother, not just to their new baby but to Cade as well.
Taking a deep breath, he nodded at his father. “I think I do, Dad.”
Half of Abel’s mouth curved up in a smile. “If that’s the case, son, then a marriage certificate isn’t going to mean anything. You aren’t scared of marriage. Your issue is with trust and commitment. And it sounds to me like you’re already past the point where your heart is involved.”
Jesus. His dad was right.
His father stood up slowly and stretched his stiff back. Clapping him a couple times on the shoulder, he said, “It sounds like you kids need to sit down and discuss this.”
Nodding, James tried to organize his thoughts. He loved her. He loved Megan, and that didn’t scare him.
His father squeezed his shoulder and turned toward his truck. “I’m heading out now. I should be home before curfew.”
James snorted at his father’s joke. He watched the older man amble across the parking lot and get into his truck. The vehicle roared to life and James found himself staring at the vacant parking spot long after his dad pulled away.
Why hadn’t he realized he loved Megan before? This entire time, he’d been worrying about marriage when he shouldn’t have been. The anxiety that had invaded his body earlier had lessened but it was still lingering. He was no longer concerned about marriage. Instead, there was one other issue that hadn’t been answered yet: Did Megan feel the same way about him?
###
When Megan opened the door to her apartment, James knew right away why she’d preferred to get takeout tonight. Her nose was cherry red, her lips were dry and chapped, and there were dark circles under her swollen eyes.
“Hey,” she sniffled.
Stepping back, she let him inside the apartment. She was dressed in black yoga pants and one of his Chicago Bears T-shirts. The sleeves hung down past her elbows, and the bottom of the shirt was only a couple inches above her knees.
“Jesus, what happened?” he asked, shrugging out of his coat and putting it on the coatrack. It had only been three days since he’d seen her last, and she hadn’t sounded sick when he’d talked to her last night.
“It’s just a cold. I think I’m over the worst of it though. I’m feeling much better today. My nose isn’t dripping like a faucet anymore, and I can sort of breathe out of one nostril.”
A strand of hair had fallen out of her ponytail, and he pushed it back behind her ear. “Why didn’t you call sooner?”
“I didn’t want you to catch anything. If I’m lucky, this cold will be long gone by the time I have to fly to Boston in two weeks for Ewan’s wedding.”
She picked up a partially full mug from the kitchen island and went to sit on the couch. James placed the Thai food takeout on the counter. After unpacking the bag, he grabbed some bowls out of the cabinet and dished out their rice and curry.
They both liked the same dish: massaman curry. And they both liked it spicy. Maybe the food would clear out Megan’s sinuses.
After delivering her bowl to her in the living room, he sank down next to her on the couch. “Are you taking any cold medicine?”
“Yeah.” She stirred her curry and rice. “The doctor told me I could take acetaminophen-based products. So that’s what I’ve been taking.”
James took a bite of his food, getting a spoonful of both potato and pineapple. Glancing down at her bowl, he was startled to find it resting on a tiny baby bump. He’d never noticed it before, and her protruding belly wrapped in his Bears shirt made him smugly satisfied. He had an overwhelming need to touch it. Reaching over, he placed his palm on her stomach.
“You can see it now,” she said, smiling.
“Yeah. There he is.” He rubbed his hand over her tummy and felt Megan laugh.
“Or she.”
Pulling his hand back, he shrugged. They were four weeks away from finding out the gender of their child, and Megan was convinced it was a girl. James didn’t care either way, but he still liked to tease her about it.
“In most of my clothes, you still can’t see the baby bump, but when I wear formfitting clothes, you can.” She took another bite of her food and chewed. “I hate to say it, but I might have to buy another dress for the wedding. I didn’t think I’d be showing this much.”
Megan would be flying to Boston on the Thursday after school finished for the summer and planned to return the following Sunday. Her cousin Ewan and his fiancée, Quinn, had been engaged for over a year, and the wedding was going to be a simple affair in their hometown of Ballagh.
James had never said anything, but he wondered if she’d ever considered inviting him along. Weddings weren’t really his thing, so he wasn’t pushing the issue, but it’d probably be as good a time as any to introduce him to her family.
Speaking of weddings…the reminder of why he’d come over here tonight made his chest tighten. He’d come to the conclusion that he wanted to marry Megan, and he hoped to God that she wanted to marry him too.
With all the focus being on the baby lately, he decided instead of just popping the question, he’d broach the topic with her first. Ease into a conversation and test the waters. Maybe she’d prefer to get married after the baby was born. Maybe she’d want a simple justice-of-the-peace sort of thing. This would be the second time around for both of them, and honestly he could do without all the hoopla that came with a wedding.
He simply wanted Megan.
Looking down at his half-empty bowl, he suddenly wasn’t hungry anymore. He stood up from the couch and strolled into the kitchen, hoping to shake off his nerves.
“You want anything to drink?” he called over his shoulder. He fished some iced tea out of the refrigerator.
“No, thanks,” Megan replied.
James poured himself a glass and drank the whole thing in four long gulps. Taking a deep breath, he turned toward her. “Do you ever think we should get married?”
He held his breath as she stopped chewing and blinked at him. Her eyelashes fluttered a couple more times before she leaned forward to place her bowl on the coffee table. She rose and slowly walked to where he stood in the kitchen.
“Are you proposing?” she asked hesitantly.
“No, I’m not actually proposing. This would be a really horrible proposal if I were. But I thought we should probably talk about this since we’re going to have a baby together.”
He kept his breathing shallow and hoped she couldn’t see him struggling to keep from panting. Megan frowned and shook her head.
“I don’t think we should get married,” she said.
Dread pushed away his anxiety. He tried to swallow the giant lump in his throat. “Really?”
She turned to put her empty bowl in the sink. “Yeah, really. I don’t think it would be a good idea.”
He was frozen, his limbs unwilling to move. Instead of vanishing, the tightness in his chest only increased.
She doesn’t love me.
He felt his breath shake as he exhaled.
“Are you done with this iced tea?” she asked, shaking the bottle that he’d left out on the counter.
He nodded, and she put it back in the refrigerator. Getting up on her toes, she reached for a box of teabags from a cabinet.
After she filled her mug with water, Megan put it into the microwave. “I feel like this is my tenth cup of tea today. It just makes my throat feel so much better.”
Swallowing again, he watched as she pulled the milk out of the fridge. Was she not going to say anything else about his question?
“I bet Cade is excited about the end of the school year.” The microwave beeped, and she pulled her mug out. “All the kids have pretty much checked out. Another week and they’re finished with second grade.” Smiling, she looked over at him. “I’m just as excited as they are.”
James tried to smile, but he wasn’t sure if he was successful. He felt hollow and numb, like his insides had been emptied. His heart thumped in his chest, and he swore that if he looked down, he’d be able to see it beating through his shirt.
Megan walked back over to the couch and sat down. After taking a sip of her tea, she sighed and rested a hand on her stomach. “It’s sort of cute, isn’t it?” She was grinning down at her tummy.
He managed to clear his throat. “Yeah, it’s cute.”
The words echoed inside his head. So they were done with this conversation. There would be no wedding for them. They would be unwed co-parents.
That idea would have once thrilled James. But that was before he’d realized he loved this woman. Now he felt like his heart had been ripped out through his throat. And proposal or no proposal, he still felt rejected.
Unlocking his legs, he moved away from the fridge and toward the kitchen island. After putting his empty glass on the granite, he braced his arms against the edge of the counter. He looked at the dark swirls of stone as they twisted and spread out within the mostly white slab.
“Would you do me a big favor?” she asked. “Can you go into my bedroom and grab the box of tissues on my nightstand? That curry got my sinuses moving.”
He pushed off the counter and stepped into her bedroom. The lamp beside her brand-new bed was on. As he snagged the box of tissues, the pile of mail on the nightstand shifted slightly.
He reached down to steady it so nothing slid to the floor. He saw a couple magazines, a postcard flyer, a few pieces of junk mail, and a cream-colored wedding invitation.
An invitation addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Niall Dempsey.
He reached for the envelope and ran his fingers over the golden embossed letters. It must have been the interior envelope of the invitation because it wasn’t postmarked and it lacked a mailing address as well.
He stared at the name of Megan’s ex-husband and the Mrs. beside it. Megan hadn’t been a Mrs. since her divorce was finalized last August. Yet the sender of this invitation didn’t know she wasn’t a Mrs. anymore.
What the hell was this? Surely she had told her family about her divorce. She’d told him she was going to.
James walked back into the kitchen and looked at Megan.
“What’s this?” he asked, holding up the invitation.
She squinted at what was in his hand. “Oh, that’s Quinn and Ewan’s wedding invitation. Where did you find that?” Her tone wasn’t accusatory, just interested.
“Beside the box of tissues you asked for.” He tossed the box on the counter. “Why is this addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Niall Dempsey?”
Her mug stopped midway up to her lips. After rising slowly from the couch, she walked to the kitchen island and looked at the envelope he placed in front of her. She turned the invitation over and then set it back down.
“Who sent out the invitation?” he asked her.
She swallowed without looking up at him. “Quinn.”
“Why does Quinn still think you’re Mrs. Niall Dempsey?”
The heat surging through his body had reached his neck, and he felt a warm flush pass over his cheeks. Anger blossomed inside his chest as she stared at the envelope.
“Because I haven’t told my family about my divorce yet.”