CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
The next day was the day before Christmas Eve, which meant it was also the day of the tree lighting. We still planned on going together, despite Liam's insistence on not doing anything relationship- related while I figured out what I wanted. I was still conflicted about our fight the night before. On the one hand, I didn't do well with relationships. On the other hand, I didn't want to lose Liam. I honestly had no idea what I was going to do.
I decided to call Daisy that morning and invite her out to breakfast with me. She confirmed that she had someone to look after her shop for an hour, then accepted my invitation. I planned on talking out my situation with Daisy and seeing if that made me feel better. Obviously, I couldn’t tell her the whole truth about our situation, but it might still feel good to vent about my problems in general.
A half-hour after our phone call, I stood outside the diner and looked over the menu while I waited for Daisy to show up. She was fifteen minutes late, and I was starting to turn into an icicle. I was just about to go inside without her when Daisy came around the corner, still wearing her apron from the coffee shop under her hastily buttoned coat.
“Sorry I'm late!” she panted, approaching me with a kind of mad shuffle on the frozen sidewalk. “The espresso machine was being a nightmare.”
“It's okay,” I said. Daisy embraced me as always. "Let's go inside, though. I'm cold and hungry." I opened the door and gestured for Daisy to go in front of me, then followed her into the warm diner. Once inside, we were greeted by a harried waitress who told us to grab a seat in the first clean booth that we could find. We found one near the open kitchen and slid in on opposite sides of the sticky-topped table, then took our jackets off and settled in to wait for the waitress to get our drink order.
“So, what's on your mind?" Daisy asked, reaching across the table to rearrange the disorganized sugar caddy. I watched her in fascination as she separated the sugar from the artificial sweetener. She cleared her throat, causing me to look up into her face. Her eyebrows were raised in curiosity. "Agnes? Is everything okay with you?"
I sighed. “No. I feel rotten. Amos and I got into an argument and I know I'm at fault, but I'm stubborn. I can't make myself give in to what he wants.”
Daisy pursed her lips. “Can you be more specific so I have more context? What was the fight about?”
“I can’t really go more into detail, but I can say that the issue is that I am not as emotionally open as I could be, and Amos is the opposite. My emotional retardation is driving him a little crazy,” I said, hoping Daisy would be satisfied with this level of detail.
“Hm," Daisy said, contemplating. Our waitress arrived then to take our orders and rushed back to the kitchen to get our coffees. "Okay. The way I see it, you're married, and marriage is a partnership that is built on communication. Emotional honesty is a key part of communication. What is it that makes you so afraid of being emotionally honest with your husband?" "I don't know. Maybe I'm just not wired that way," I said, thinking back to what Liam had said last night.
“Do you love your husband?” Daisy asked.
I nodded at Daisy's question, though my heart was pounding hard in my chest. Do I love him? I'd never really been in love before. How does one know if they're in love with someone? I'd never considered it because I'd always thought it was beyond my emotional capability.
Daisy shrugged. "Just forget all the bullshit, then, and stop being stubborn. Make sure you let your husband in instead of shutting him out. Be open to him and everything will work itself out."
If only that were true.
Our meals arrived then, along with our checks. We wolfed our food down and left cash on the table because Daisy had to get back to her store. We said our goodbyes outside the diner.
“Will I see you guys tonight at the tree lighting?” Daisy asked.
“We’ll be there. I’m excited about it.”
“Awesome! Sometimes it feels like pulling teeth trying to get you guys to do anything out in public. This took no effort on my part!” Daisy grinned. I laughed as we hugged goodbye. I zipped my parka to my chin to shield myself from the wind on my walk back to the cabin. I didn’t feel any better after talking with Daisy. If anything, I felt more conflicted then before I’d asked Daisy to go out for breakfast.
As I walked, I took in all the Christmas decorations that had been splashed everywhere in the village- the light poles, every window on every building, even the poles on the road that led back to our cabin. I got lost in my thoughts on the way, trying to make sense of the confusion tumbling about in my brain. One thought kept coming to the forefront though- do you love him? It was ridiculous- right? People don’t fall in love after only a month. Obsession, maybe. Infatuation, definitely. But not love. Not really. Then again, how would I know? I’d never been in love in my life.
Somewhere in the woods, a twig snapped, jarring me from my thoughts, and I jumped about a mile. I peered between the trees, but didn't see anything but snow and birds. It must've been a fox or a wolf. Shrugging internally, I continued walking, but with a little more situational awareness this time. A second twig snapped to my right, and I stopped still, determined to find the source this time. I strained my eyes, but couldn't make anything out between the shadows of the trees and the snow. I had a feeling that if it had been a wild animal, I would've seen it running away. I moved closer, trying to get a better view of where I'd heard the sound.
“Agnes.” My head swiveled at Liam’s call. He was on the road behind me, leaning out the window and looking at me curiously.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey back. What are you doing in the woods?”
“I heard a noise and wanted to see if it was a fox or something.”
“Why is your first instinct to investigate mysterious noises in dense woods in the midst of winter?” Liam shook his head. “Want a ride back to the cabin? The temperature is starting to drop.”
“Sure," I said, taking one last long look at the empty woods before coming around to the passenger side of the truck. Liam leaned over the bench seat to open the door for me, and I climbed in, grateful for the heat blasting from the dashboard vents.
I reached for Liam’s hand on instinct, but quickly withdrew my hand before he noticed anything. Was holding hands a relationship thing? Was it a love thing? Why had one little question from Daisy turned my world upside down? Do you love him?
I studied Liam's profile as he drove us back to the cabin. He really was exceedingly handsome. The sun shined through his auburn stubble, making it appear almost orange in its bright light. I could still see the square cut of his jaw through the beard, and those lush lips that did very naughty things to me were very distracting.
“You’re looking at me like you want to devour me,” Liam said, making me blush.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
"Don't worry. I like catching you ogle me."
I rolled my eyes. Was this what it would be like to call Liam my boyfriend? Joking with each other easily while still wanting to devour each other? I love him. The thought came to me unbidden, surprising me with its comfort. I tried it out again. I love him. I found that I liked the sound of it, the way it made me feel. Would telling him this now get rid of the heavy cloud that had been hanging over us since our fight last night? I was struck with the overwhelming urge to tell Liam but stopped myself. Telling him I didn't want a relationship one day, and then jumping to I love you the very next day- that wasn’t too flighty, was it? Nah, Liam would like this.
“Liam?” I asked, excitement bubbling up inside me.
“Hm?” He looked over at me. “What’s up?”
“I need to tell you something. It has to do with what we talked about last night."
Liam winced. “Kelsey, let’s not do this now. Just let me have tonight, and then you can say whatever you want to say tomorrow morning.”
“No, Liam, I need to-”
“Please, Kelsey. Just wait.” Liam grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Please.”
A thought occurred to me, and I kept his hand in mine. I intertwined our fingers and rested our hands in the middle of the seat. "Okay. I'll wait." I wasn't going to wait until tomorrow, of course. I would tell him tonight after the tree lighting- I couldn't ask for a more romantic setting for a declaration of love.
Liam parked in front of the cabin and, as always, walked around the front of the truck to open my door for me. I followed him up the walkway to the house, but I was in a playful mood. I spotted a prime patch of snow off to the side of the path. I bent down quickly, packed some snow into a ball, and threw it at Liam's back as he was unlocking the front door. It landed with a dull thud, falling to the ground and leaving a white bulls-eye on his coat where the snowball had scattered on impact.
Liam turned around slowly, his mouth in an O. "I give you a ride so you don't have to walk back in the cold, and this is how you repay me?" He started towards me. "You'd better run, girl, you're going to get it now."
I giggled, throwing another snowball into his shocked face. I shrieked as Liam rushed at me, grabbing me by the waist and pulling me down into the pile of snow. “No!” I laughed, trying to stop him from shoving a handful of snow down the front of my coat. He pinned me down, but I managed to flip us over so that I was on top.
I was still laughing when his expression turned serious. Liam grabbed me by the neck and pulled me down to his lips. I kissed him back fiercely, trying to convey all of my emotions in that one kiss. Liam's hands cradled my face, and I tugged him up to a sitting position. In an instant, he grabbed me by the waist and hauled me up in his arms. He carried me up the steps and kicked the front door open, then set me down on the back of the couch while he shut the door behind him.
Liam stepped between my open legs, and I grabbed him by the hips, smiling up at him, eager for makeup sex. He dropped a light kiss on my frozen nose, then stepped out of my reach, however. "I'm going to make some lunch for us."
I nodded, disappointed. Liam came back with sandwiches, and we sat together on the couch, not having sex. Instead, we watched chaste Christmas specials and idled the afternoon away. Before I knew it, it was four o'clock and time for us to go to the tree lighting.
“Ready to go, beautiful?” Liam said, standing up and extending his hand.
I nodded, placing my hand in his and letting him lead the way out to the truck. I couldn’t help but notice how right his hand felt in mine. This overwhelming obsession with Liam I was feeling was intoxicating.
The drive to the town square was intimate, as though I could see all the unspoken things swirling in the air between Liam and me, begging to be said aloud. I couldn't work up the courage, though, and the swirling thoughts remained silent. We arrived at the municipal parking lot and Liam turned to me, oblivious to my inner turmoil. "Let's go get merry."
I laughed and accepted his help out of the truck. We walked hand-in-hand to the refreshment station, where Liam bought us both spiked peppermint cocoas. We waved at Daisy and Dolores, who had brought Snowflake with her tonight. Snowflake was wearing a sparkly new collar and a tiny knit sweater and looked perfectly content in Dolores' arms. I pointed this out to Liam, who smiled and nodded in amusement.
I turned my attention to the dais in front of the giant fir tree around which we were arranged in a circle. The mayor had just arrived onstage amongst a small smattering of applause. "Welcome, ladies and gentlemen," she said into the microphone, "to the one hundred and thirtieth annual lighting of the Langdon Falls Christmas tree." She nodded and paused, waiting for the applause to die down. "The tradition of lighting the tree the day before Christmas Eve is a long and renowned one that goes all the way back to colonial times, when our German founders put up the very first Christmas tree in North America."
There was thunderous applause for this statement, which didn't sound right at all to me. I looked at Liam skeptically, and he shrugged as if to say who knows? I let this mistruth go and continued listening to the mayor's speech. There was considerably more applause when the mayor announced that the Langdon Falls High School Glee Club would be performing carols tonight immediately after her speech.
The Glee Club took the stage and launched into a rendition of "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" that was actually very good. I found myself grinning at Liam and bopping along to carols as the spiked cocoa started to have its effect on me. Liam wrapped his arms around me, and I leaned back, delighting in the comfort of his large arms. Once the high schoolers had finished their fourth and final song- "Frosty the Snowman"- the mayor started the countdown to the big moment- the lighting of the tree- and everyone shouted along.
TEN. NINE. EIGHT. SEVEN. SIX. FIVE. FOUR. THREE. TWO. ONE.
The tree lit up like a beacon, and the crowd went wild. Liam and I clapped together, then turned and hugged the various people embracing us. We got lost in the excitement of the moment and the warmth of the Langdon Falls community.
Someone started singing “O Tannenbaum” loudly, and it didn’t take long for it to catch on with the whole crowd. Everyone applauded again loudly, then slowly began dispersing into the street. Everyone bid each other goodbye as they all went back to their respective homes, and Liam and I walked back to the truck together.
“Do you mind waiting just a minute for me?" I asked, stopping in front of the diner I'd eaten in earlier. "I drank a little too much cocoa, and I have to use the ladies' room."
“Okay, I’ll be waiting for you out here,” Liam said, pulling out his phone.
“Be back in a jiff," I said. I kissed him on the cheek, then hurried into the diner. The restaurant was empty- almost all the citizens of Langdon Falls had been at the tree lighting tonight- but it was still unlocked. I liked that about small towns- everyone trusted each other. I did my business in the bathroom, grinning like a fool the whole time while I anticipated going back to the cabin. I kept daydreaming about what Liam's face would look like when I told him that I loved him and that I wanted to try out being in a relationship with him. I hummed to myself and danced as I washed my hands and ran them under the dryer, my giddy mood affecting my whole body.
I pushed open the bathroom door, still humming, and there was a sudden sharp pain on the side of my skull. I looked down in confusion, thinking that I must’ve hit my head on the door somehow. My vision started to blur as something wet and sticky dripped down into my eyes. Confused, I reached up to touch it. Blood. How hard had I slammed my head into the door?
“Hello, Counselor Jones,” came a raspy voice from the shadows. “How nice to see you again at last.”
My head was starting to spin now, and the last thing I saw before I passed out was Jack Nelson’s grinning face.