When Wolf eventually found me, I was sitting on the roof of the compound. Dusk was setting in and the breeze was faint as it tickled my skin. There was noise coming up from the garden as the boys got started on the bonfire for the night party.

Wolf came over with a marching stride, looking full of emotion I felt too distant to recognize, never mind connect with. I didn’t bother to look in his direction. I only listened to the heavy pound of his feet, waiting until it began to slow and then stopped a few feet from me.

I knew why he had stopped and why whatever was on his face shut down in an instant.

My hand reached out, my fingers smoothing over the surface of the wooden box, feeling the rough inscription carved into the lid. I’d found the box tucked in a compartment in the bottom of his wardrobe where he had stored the small flamethrower. Nothing would have ever prepared me for what was inside, however.

“Have you opened it?” Wolf said, his voice quiet, cautious.

I nodded.

He returned the nod, his jaw shifting as he looked everywhere but the box. He stood, seeming uncomfortable and out of place for the first time since I’d met him. Understandably so.

I glanced back to the box, the Russian letters on the lid. I lifted it from where it sat next to me on the concrete and placed it on my lap. “Who were they?” I whispered.

Wolf’s eyes finally dropped to the box, his controlled mask cracking as bits of emotion started to peak through. He looked pained. But it was nothing compared to the sadness that filled his whiskey eyes.

He took a deep, shuddering breath, unwinding the coiled fists at his sides as the tension seemed to sweep out of him. He moved forward, taking one slow step at a time before he dropped down next to me, leaning his back against the wall.

“They were members of the Raff, a small-time gang I used to work for back in Russia. Cocky kids dealt a bad hand in life.” I could hear the affection in Wolf’s voice as he talked about them, probably for the first time in a long time. “There were a few of them over the years, maybe twelve or thirteen,” he recalled, his eyes going distant, a fond smile forming on his lips. “You had the triplets first—Ivan, Aleksei, and Zach. They were always up to no good, but because they were triplets, they were all very small for their age and were able to fit into the tiniest of gaps. Then Vaughn, Oral, Luka, and Lada came over the next few years. The girls were trained in seduction, often left at a few of the prostitution places we owned. The boys trained to be nothing more than muscle, like myself. A few more came after that, all of them having no other place to go than the gang, forced into it to earn money for themselves after their parents abandoned them like sacrifices on our doorsteps. We weren’t soft on them, not when they needed to grow up in such a harsh world as ours, but we never turned them away. Maybe if we had, they might have been better off.

“But then came along Sasha.” Wolf shook his head, tone light as a weary smile overtook his face. “It was 1993. I remember it being an especially harsh winter in Penza, my hometown, that year. I was wrapped up in my crappy little apartment with the fire on, which did nothing to warm up the room. I could have afforded a bigger place, but I was working most of the time for the gang and was barely at my apartment, so I never bothered. So anyway, there I was, sitting by the fire, when suddenly I hear a knock on the door.”

A big smile lit up Wolf’s face as he began shaking his head. “It was like the start of some feel-good movie when I opened the door. There was nobody there, and it was fucking freezing outside, so I thought someone was playing a prank on me. I was about to shut the door. Then I felt this sharp little kick against my leg. I looked down, and there was a white-haired, brown-eyed little boy, barely reaching my thigh, standing with his hands propped on his hips, glaring at me. I was stunned for a moment, before he demanded—actually demanded—my six-foot-eight ass to let him join the gang.”

A laugh rumbled out of Wolf’s chest, the pure amusement of it something I hadn’t seen in him before.

“Of course, I didn’t let him. I slammed the door in his face and told him to get lost. But that didn’t stop Sasha. He was like a dog with a bone and began following me around, glued to my side, bouncing off any form of discouragement I threw at him. I was supposed to be an enforcer for this gang, and I couldn’t even threaten off some six-year-old kid.” Wolf shook his head. “He ended up being nicknamed ‘Cub’ because he followed me around like some young wolf’s pup.”

“That’s why you called yourself Wolf...,” I whispered, fitting the pieces together. I also thought to the small paw print tattooed on the back of his neck, the symbolism now making sense as well.

Wolf’s eyes flickered to me with surprise. He had been so caught up in his memory, he seemed to have forgotten I was even there. His hand reached up and rubbed along the back of his neck, dark hair falling over his face.

“He ended up idolizing me. The years passed, and somewhere along the way, he ended up under my wing. He got along with the other kids in the club, and despite being younger than most of them, he was like their big brother. He was arrogant and cocky, and mostly trouble. But he had a heart of gold, that boy. Always ready to defend those he called family.” He paused, his hand tightening over the back of his neck. “So, when Oral got into trouble...”

“He went to save her?”

Wolf nodded, a soft chuckle under his breath. “Sasha had this huge crush on Oral. It was probably because he was easy on the eyes that most girls liked him, but in Oral’s case, she gave him a blackeye any time he tried to flirt with her. Another thing he must have picked up from me.” Wolf smirked, sending a glance my way. “But Oral worked in the local brothel, not as a prostitute, but as a handmaid. But not all customers thought that way. One of the men, some scumbag drug dealer, didn’t take Oral’s no for an answer.” Wolf didn’t delve any further, but from the scowl on his lips, he didn’t need to. “Sasha was so pissed, and so were we. But when we told Sasha we’d handle it, it wasn’t enough for him. When he found out Oral was pregnant—” His hand hit his thigh, his fingers tightened into a white ball, as he bared his teeth at the ground. “—he flipped. He and the other boys, they all went to track the guy down. But they were stupid and rash, and they headed straight to his hideout, too arrogant to realize they were nowhere near strong enough to take down an entire drug hoard. We left as soon as we realized they were missing. They were gone barely an hour, but by the time we arrived... it was too late.”

I held back a sob as Wolf’s head, which had lifted higher and higher as he told his story about the children, dropped when he had finished.

I thought back to the contents of the box. The case files and information sheets were all in Russian, but the dates and the photos attached told me everything.

Several children were massacred. Not killed. Not murdered. Massacred.

“Were you the one who...?” The question was left hanging, but Wolf knew what I was asking.

“Yeah. I got there first.” His voice cracked on the last word. I looked up to see a lone tear trail down his face. He didn’t brush it away or try to hide it. His tears of pain for Sasha and the others should never have to be hidden. I reached out and placed my hand over his knuckles. He opened his hand, allowing me to fit mine in between.

“The man who did that to them...?” I probed, squeezing my hand in his. My mind went back to my reaction when I first saw the photos of the grim attack. I had wanted to throw up at the sight of them, the impact of them so overwhelming that I had to escape to the roof before I forced myself to go through the rest.

“They’re dead,” Wolf confirmed my thought. “We were supposed to get ahold of the drug problem in Penza years ago. There were no more reports after that. At first, I had thought Oral might have died, considering the extent of her trauma, but when I found no death certificate, nor a grave location, I realized that wasn’t the case.”

“Where is Oral now?” I asked softly, unsure whether Wolf would divulge the information. But that was entirely not the case.

“I don’t know,” he said after a moment, surprising me so much my repetition blurted from my lips.

“You don’t know?”

“The day after the burial, I left for America.”

Whatever I was expecting him to say, that was not even close. The news shocked me so much I didn’t know how to respond. I just found myself staring wide eyed, speechless for once as I waited for something. Some kind of explanation. But Wolf just continued. “I left a pregnant, scared little girl in a dark world, and I never went back. As far as I was concerned, everybody died that day.”

Wolf withdrew, the tension curling his muscles tight into himself. The hand that held mine became taut, but it remained gentle as my own limp fingers felt cold in his grasp.

My mind felt quiet as I looked to him for understanding. Looked for him to give me answers, to tell me the truth, just staring at him, at the face I knew so well, and the man who I’d looked to for the past three years. At the Wolf I knew.

It was in that moment that I understood the truth was right in front of my eyes.

The truth was in the faintness of the laugh lines in his face and ridges of his brow. In the way his hands unconsciously sought to touch those he held dear with a clasp of the shoulder, a pat on the back, a kiss on my skin. It was in the aroma of whiskey that tinged each of his warm breaths and in the hands familiar with the bottle, the hands holding mine.

“You left her to protect her,” I said out loud, and Wolf spun toward me, surprise exaggerating the whites in his eyes as his pupils bore into mine. “Don’t look so surprised.” I gave him a soft bump with my shoulder. “People don’t change so easily. And I know you. I know who you are. You’re a stubborn bastard, but you’re loyal. Loyal to a fault. In a world like ours, sometimes sacrifice is necessary to protect those you love.”

Wolf’s face softened on me, that rough exterior seeming more like a characteristic feature than a wall of protection. “I figured, if I was gone, she’d be free from the gang, disbanding it before I left. I loved Sasha, but drug hoards were infinite. If our gang had remained, they would no doubt track us down and use Oral against us. I couldn’t do that to Sasha, not to the girl he liked.”

Wolf’s torn voice went silent, and I couldn’t bring myself to fill the void it left, leaving the silence to drag on between us as my fingers brushed across the scars marring his knuckles and the callouses rough on his skin.

“Am I a bad man?”

I thought about it for a while. I wondered about my own family back home but knew my situation would never compare. I wondered, What if I were Sasha or Oral, but knew we probably wouldn’t think alike. And in the end, rather than give half-assed consoling reassurances, I told him, “I don’t know,” because the truth was all I could tell him.

Wolf nodded and accepted my answer, letting silence once again take us, the box of Sasha and his friends’ lives by Wolf’s side until its harsh end sat quietly between us.

For a long time, Wolf didn’t say any more. But after his body relaxed and the disturbance of his emotions settled, he pulled the box onto his lap and opened the lid. He ignored the case details of the attack and instead pulled out a different little bundle of photos from the bottom of the box. My head lolled onto his shoulder, snuggled up to his warmth as one by one he went through the photos, telling me how old they were and what memory belonged to each photo.

Sasha was a beautiful boy. He was slim but strong, with almost white-blond and long hair tied in a ponytail similar to Wolf’s, and brown eyes. He never seemed to get older than fifteen or so in the old photographs, so carefully preserved. The same could be said about the other children. Apparently, the triplets were pranksters; Ivan was the leader of their troupe, while Aleksei had been a pushover and crybaby. Of the two girls, both Oral and Lada were tough. They’d never let the boys push them around, choosing to rule over them instead, though I could tell they had a few of the older members wrapped around their fingers as well. Both beautiful, reaching only the ages of eighteen or nineteen before the photos stopped. The rest of the boys seemed to rally behind Sasha, however, considering he was the only one the girls couldn’t bully into submission. A golden sun in their own little youngster gang, always wanting to come on business deals, but with the exception of the rare use of the triplets, they were left to “guard” their base.

I wondered what they would look like all grown up now. They’d all be in their late twenties by now, all having their own jobs, adult lives. The triplets, perhaps, still playing pranks on everybody. The boys would maybe have jobs—no doubt all hands-on jobs with Wolf’s influence. And maybe Oral and Sasha would have been married with children of their own.

It was a nice image that warmed me as I looked up to see that the stars and the moon were at their peak in the sky. The noise outside wasn’t too loud; the music was mostly muted from indoors, with only light chatter and the crackle of the bonfire filling the night air.

“Leaving Oral,” Wolf said suddenly, “it messed me up for a long time. I was getting drunk in bars to mask my pain, trying to forget about her. I would pick a fight with whomever, just to distract me from thoughts of going back for her. That’s how Roscoe found me. I was drunk off my ass in a bar, beating up some prick. Apparently, I told him my story, and because Bell was around that age, he couldn’t bear to leave me alone. I didn’t want his sympathy though, and once I made that perfectly clear, Roscoe stopped being sympathetic and kicked my ass back into shape. Taught me that I should never try to forget her, that the sacrifice the kids made should be honored, and that I do that by not shutting people out and making sure to treasure the things I hold dear.” Wolf turned to look at me, his face an open book, allowing me to see into this man who had remained half a mystery through most of the time I’d known him. He reached up, his hand cupping my face as the rough callus of his thumb brushed over my skin. “You’re one of the things I hold dear, Anna. You can give me as much shit as you want. You can try to near kill me every day. You can argue with me until I’m blue in the face. But I’ll love you anyway.”

My whole existence throbbed at the mere mention of the L-word. My heart raced in my chest at the weight of his words, and for a person who had every comeback known to man at my disposal, I was lost for words.

Wolf must have seen it on my face, too, because he suddenly let out a roar of laughter.

“You’ll tell a deadly motorcycle club leader to fuck off to his face, but you’re scared of me telling you that I’m in love with you?” Wolf howled, nearly keeling over onto his side in his amusement.

“Fuck you,” I hissed, slapping him on the arm. “This and that are different.”

Wolf’s laughter calmed as he looked at my face. My eyes were glued to his huge leather-bound chest as I tried to process the words.

Does Wolf love me? Do I love Wolf? Do I? Fuck, I suddenly felt confused as it brought everything I had been trying to ignore into question. I knew something was happening between us, but I was pretending it wasn’t. Hoping that if I never acknowledged it, nothing would happen. How does someone even know if they’re in love? How does Wolf even know for sure? I wasn’t feeling some kind of impending eureka moment, ready to shout my love for Wolf at any second. Is that how it’s supposed to happen? I don’t know! How…? What do I…?

Wolf pulled me forward, his lips crashing into mine, knocking my thoughts straight out of my head as he held my face between his huge hands and kissed me until I felt like my chest was about to crack open in two.

“Don’t think so hard,” he whispered, his own breaths heavy in our kiss. “Just feel.”

What? Feel? The hell does that mean?

“I—”

“How do you feel when I do this?” Wolf pulled me forward again, locking lips with mine and giving me no choice but to surrender to him as he growled against my mouth, the vibrations fluttering throughout my whole body, leaving me moaning in response.

He pulled back, my fluttering eyes opening to see his deep brown ones looking back at me. “How do you feel?”

“I... I don’t know,” I breathed. My thoughts were barely coherent, never mind being capable of figuring out if I was in love with this man.

“Then how do you feel when I do this?” Wolf offered, his eyes twinkling almost as if he was enjoying my confusion as he pressed a strong kiss to the side of my neck, moving slowly further and further down, his teeth grazing over my collarbone and making me gasp.

“I…,” I panted. “I don’t know.”

Fuck. I couldn’t think at all.

Wolf pulled back again and looked into my face. “Then how about this?”

His smiling face sobered, and I felt my body stand to attention as he leaned slowly forward, his lips brushing over the tip of my nose and across my cheek and jaw until they touched the hollow of my ear, his moist breath rolling over my skin. “Ya tebya lyublyu.”

The difference was like night and day. I didn’t know Russian, but I knew. My heart fluttered, and unlike before, I felt something swell up inside of me, something big, something that responded to the meaning of the words.

It was definitely a eureka moment. But was that really love?

A soft chuckle tore me from my head. Wolf gave me a soft smile. “You still look confused.” He lifted his big paw of a hand, reaching up to brush a few strands of my blonde hair away from my flushed face. “I think you know. But knowing and being ready to accept it are two different things entirely, so I’m not going to push you. When you finally get your stubborn ass to stop fighting it, you can get down on your knees and profess your love to me at any time.”

“Like hell, I’d do that,” I growled back without missing a beat, covering the sudden wave of relief as Wolf offered me my temporary escape. The pressure was unbelievable. Saying how you felt about someone shouldn’t feel forced out just to escape from the weight of his expectations.

“I’ll be waiting,” Wolf whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

He rose to his feet, picking up the wooden box and tucking it under his arm before he walked back over to the door. He paused with it open, turning back to me with a wicked grin. “Come to me on your knees at any time!” he yelled and ducked inside seconds before the heel of my boot crashed against the metal door.

“Fuck you!”