Fisher

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I had left in a huff, far too much like a simpering bitch for my liking, but what was I to do?

The urge to ask questions of Jade, figure out exactly what Nya had told her had been strong, but just as strong had been the desire not to again be reminded of where I stood in her eyes.

And where I didn’t.

Besides, there were other ways to get information, and I was on my way to do just that.

I’d put this trip off for a very long time, a year in fact, but things were moving and it was time for me to put all the pieces into play.

Tracking him down had been easy.

It was funny, because as a child I had thought of him as some larger-than-life character, invincible, living in America and ruling its streets. The reality that had confronted me when I got here was quite different from that.

As I got older, I had heard things, little bits of information that made me think perhaps Aengus was not all he pretended to be. But when I had arrived, seeing the true nature of him in person had been a shock.

It hadn’t changed anything, not really, but had been yet another reminder that I needed to keep my wits about me, and not rely on what others said.

The dilapidated house that he called home wasn’t out of place, nor was the fact that when I knocked at the door it took several minutes to get an answer.

“Who the fuck is it?” came a graveled, tired-sounding voice.

“Open the door and see,” I said.

I listened intently, heard the gun as he cocked it. I wasn’t at all surprised. I probably would have done much the same. I waited, feeling something like nervousness as the door was pulled open.

It had been a long time, thirteen years, since Aengus had seen me. I had no idea what to expect, but I knew he was in for a shock.

“Who the fuck are—”

His eyes widened with recognition and he reached out and pulled me inside hastily before closing and locking the door.

I made a quick check of the surroundings, saw that they looked as shabby as the outside but appeared to be relatively clean.

The same couldn’t be said for Aengus.

He was still formidable in his own way, but the years since I had seen him last had taken a toll. He was leaner now, probably because he had preferred drink to food for as long as I could remember and that was finally catching up with him. It was also clear that he wasn’t exactly rolling in the dough, but he seemed to be carving out a little way for himself.

I wondered what made that possible.

From what I’d learned, the Murphy brothers had cut him off and shut him out. Yet another reason to hate those bastards. What kind of people cut off their own flesh and blood?

“I thought you were dead,” Aengus said.

He still looked a little bit shocked, but I guessed he deserved that.

“I found that dead men have a lot more flexibility than wanted men,” I said.

“Smart,” he said, scoffing. “How’d you find me?”

“It really wasn’t that difficult,” I responded.

“Come on. Come have a seat,” he said.

I followed him through the narrow hall and watched as he plopped down on the sofa, the .45 that he had loosely carried in his right hand now across his lap.

“I’ll stand,” I said.

“Suit yourself. Want a drink?” he asked, extending a bottle toward me.

I shook my head curtly.

“More for me,” he said with a shrug.

He took a long pull from the bottle, then another, then set it down and studied me.

“I can’t fucking believe it. You’re here,” he said.

“I told you I would come,” I said.

I remembered that time so vividly. It was during one of Aengus’s very rare visits when I was younger. He’d told me of his troubles, the sons who were making his life miserable, the wife who was helping them.

I’d been little then, ten or eleven, but I had sworn to him that I would make them pay for what they had done. Over the years, I’d remembered that promise, remembered how proud he seemed, how happy. And over time, that promise had become my defining focus, the only thing that gave my life meaning.

“Yeah. People say all kinds of shit. Not many of them follow through,” Aengus said.

I wondered if he included himself in that category, but quickly stopped that train of thought. All that was water under the bridge. What mattered now was looking forward, moving forward.

“So you’re behind all that shit that’s going on?” he asked.

“What shit?” I asked, not yet wanting to give away anything, not sure that I ever would.

“I heard one of their warehouses burned down. Those assholes gotta make right on over four million,” Aengus said.

“Will they be able to?” I asked. They would. I had no doubt about that. The money I had burned was barely the tip of the iceberg, but I wanted to know if Aengus believed it.

“How the fuck would I know? I’m out of the loop,” he said.

His voice had a churlish, almost bitter tone to it, but I wasn’t surprised. Not only had the brothers cut him out of their business, they had made it very difficult for him to conduct any meaningful business on his own. And for a person like Aengus, one who defined himself by his reputation, his access to power, that had to sting.

“I think they are going to be able to,” I said.

“You gonna let that happen?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” I said.

“I mean you are behind the warehouse thing, right?”

I said nothing.

“You are. So I’m sure you have something else in store. I mean that’s nice, got them all wound up. And with that damn hotel burning down again, they are losing their shit. But that’s not enough,” Aengus said.

“Why?” I asked.

Aengus looked at me like I was stupid, the scowl on his face threatening to send me back to those years when I had been powerless, but I wouldn’t let that happen.

“Those are nuisances, irritants. Do you know what those motherfuckers have done to me? They need to be more than irritated,” he spat.

“What do they need to be, then?” I asked, wondering how far Aengus wanted to take this, suspecting I knew.

“Annihilated,” he said.

I wasn’t surprised by his words, but for some reason they took on a different meaning today. There was no love lost between them. That was clear to anyone with eyes, had been clear to me in the year that I had been in America. But to hear Aengus speak of them this way…

It was disconcerting. I had my reasons for hating them, most of them from Aengus, but shouldn’t it have been different for them, for him? They were his sons; he’d had a hand in raising them. If they hadn’t turned out good, maybe some of that was his fault.

I looked at Aengus, and decided not to pose the question to him. I had no doubt that he would have nothing of value to say, and honestly, I didn’t want to hear whatever tale he would spin.

This had started for Aengus’s benefit, but it was for me now. I needed something to do with all the rage, all the hurt, all the years of loneliness and suffering, and the Murphys were as good a target as any. Someone had to pay for that, and it may as well be them.

“You heard they are all settled down now, right? Got families and shit?” Aengus said.

“I’ve heard,” I responded.

“I don’t know. Kids and wives are way more trouble than they’re fucking worth,” Aengus said.

“Perhaps they don’t agree with you,” I said.

“Yeah, because they’re fucking stupid. I mean look how mine turned out. Present company excluded, of course,” he said.

I had no clue how to respond to that, so I didn’t respond. Instead I said, “Why are you talking about their families?”

“Because. Even that lot of idiots is smart enough to see that they are completely under attack. Are they striking back, tossing over every rock to find out who the fuck is messing with them? No. Those bitches are making sure their wives and kids are all tucked away safe, making sure nobody can get to them.”

He shuddered, seeming disgusted by the very thought, and paused to take another drink. I tucked that piece of information in the back of my mind and decided I would examine it later, but for now I wanted to finish with Aengus, questioning why I’d come to see him in the first place.

“Do you have anything that might be useful to me?” I asked.

“Depends on what you’re looking for,” he said.

“No, it depends on what you may have to offer,” I responded.

“You always did like to play word games,” he grumbled.

I didn’t argue with his assertion, nor point out that he had very little knowledge of what I had always liked to do given that he had spent so little time in my presence.

Instead of saying all that, I waited, looking at Aengus expectantly.

“I know a couple guys. Real bad asses. Good in a pinch if you need some muscle,” Aengus said.

I didn’t, and told him as such. “No. I won’t need muscle.”

“How the fuck do you expect us to run the business?” he said.

“What business?” I asked.

Aengus looked at me like I was out of my fucking mind.

“If I’m right, and I usually am, you’re here to finally see that they get their comeuppance.”

He waited for a moment, and I slowly nodded, confirming what he’d said.

“Thank fucking God. It’s about time. Once that happens, there’s going to be a vacuum. Only a fool would leave it open.”

“And you’re not a fool,” I said.

His eyes lightened. “Exactly! I’m not a fool, and you’re not either. Once they’re gone, there’s nothing stopping me from stepping right in. Taking my rightful place as the head of the family. It’ll be the way it always should have been,” he said.

“And me?” I asked.

“You’ll have a place. You’ve done some really good work. If you keep it up, I know I can find something for you,” he said.

Even that meager offer seemed to upset him, but I didn’t give any reaction to it.

Instead I said, “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

“I’m not,” he said, taking another drink. “In fact, I think I’ll celebrate.”

“Why?”

He looked at me, then put the bottle down and stood, walked toward me.

I was a couple inches taller than him, but he was still quite formidable despite his age and the lack of care he had taken with his body. He locked eyes with mine, and for the first time since I had arrived, he looked genuinely sincere.

“Because you’re here. The only one fit to even carry the Murphy name. And you’re going to avenge me. Take back what has been taken from me, give me back all that I have lost. I waited for this for years, decades. That’s worthy of celebration,” he said.

He lifted his hand and slapped me on the shoulder and then turned to walk back to the couch, that moment of sincerity apparently gone.

“I’ll be in touch,” I said.

He nodded and took another drink, and I turned to leave.

I left as quickly as I could, feeling filthy after being inside his house. But I knew it wasn’t the surroundings.

I had imagined what my reunion with Aengus would be like, but what I’d imagined hadn’t been anything like this. I had not been so naive as to think that it would be something good, something particularly normal, but I found myself disappointed, which was a feeling I hadn’t anticipated.

I had figured out what kind of man Aengus was long ago. And I didn’t begrudge him that. He never pretended to be anything different, so I didn’t have cause to be angry with him.

But I didn’t feel invigorated either, didn’t feel the level of certainty, excitement that I had expected.

Getting the fuck out of there had been my only thought.

And that feeling was only exacerbated when I thought back to what Aengus had said.

I tried to imagine how he’d react had $4.6 million of his cash gone up in flames. He’d pretty much confirmed it, but I very seriously doubted he would be concerned about his wife and kids, making sure that they were safe and sound.

No, he would have done exactly as he claimed and been rampaging through the streets, no care or thought for me, any of the others.

But the Murphy brothers had reacted just the opposite.

I wasn’t especially connected, but had close enough ties that I heard when things were about to happen. I hadn’t heard a peep. Not even a reaction to the warehouse being burned. What Aengus had told me explained why.

I knew there would be consequences, that they would look for the person who was responsible, but they weren’t doing that first. No, they were taking care of their families, putting their business, their egos aside.

Something that Aengus would never do.

My confusion intensified.

This was about my personal hurts, the lack that I had endured, all things that I had lost out on.

But it was also for him. All driven by a promise I had made when I had been too young to know any better.

I knew now that Aengus wouldn’t ever lift a finger for me.

The question was, was I still prepared to die for him?

For the first time, I didn’t know the answer.