Chapter Three
Kory
He’s here.
In my house.
Throughout this nightmare, I’d convinced myself that my feelings for Hayden couldn’t be real, they had been a figment of my imagination. And when I’d needed him the most, he’d come.
I’d been changed by my time in Ketchikan. This was what I’d needed to make the decision that had plagued me since returning home. I could not follow my parents’ plan for my future. I wouldn’t.
“Let me get you a towel to dry off.”
“Thanks.”
I ducked into the hall bathroom to grab a white towel. Everything in the house was a shade of white. I hated it. I wanted some color, but it wasn’t my decision to make. My parents owned the house. And in my world, that eliminated any decision-making power I might have had.
I handed the towel to Hayden and pulled my cardigan tighter around me. Right before I’d answered the door, I’d put it on to cover my shirt, which had gotten wet when I hugged Hayden earlier.
If my parents had seen the wet spot, they would have had questions I couldn’t answer. Thank goodness I’d thought to wipe up the floors with the blanket.
Their finding out about Hayden would end any time I might have left with him. But I knew I had to take control of my life. I just had to summon up the courage to do so. Having Hayden near me fueled that courage I had been too scared to take a hold of.
Hayden ran the towel over his hair a few times. As we made it to the informal sitting room, his shoes squeaked on the white marble floors. The room had no windows, so in case my parents were still watching the house, they wouldn’t see the lights on. I paused, worried. “Where did you park?”
“Across the street.”
Maribelle and Sam, my neighbors, had people over all the time. It wouldn’t raise any suspicions if there was a car parked in front of their house. I tried to calm down. Being high-strung while trying to explain this to Hayden wouldn’t help.
I was an emotional mess and bone-tired. Since I’d been home, I’d barely slept. And to top it off, tonight had been a close call with my parents. At least I think they bought the movie story. I always cried buckets when Shelby died in Steel Magnolias. The movie defined true and unconditional love on so many levels. It was why I never tired of watching it. That was the type of life I wanted.
I kept staring at Hayden. I couldn’t believe he was here. It was like a dream come true. In my wildest dreams, I imagined him swooping in and saving me from this nightmare. I sat on the cream sofa and looked to where Hayden stood in the doorway. My heart beat faster at the sight of him. His blond hair was a little longer, and he had more than a five-o’clock shadow, but he looked amazing to me.
He still affected me in more ways than I could remember. These last few weeks without him had been the worst kind of torment. And after what I had to tell him, I might never see him again. I took a few extra seconds so his image was ingrained in my mind.
His hands flexed impatiently.
I remembered the feeling of being in his arms. For the first time in my life, I’d felt safe. Then tonight, when I saw him on my doorstep, I’d had that same feeling. He’d come to save me from my life. But I feared if I let him stay, it would only hurt him.
Our eyes never left each other’s as we tried to read each other’s thoughts. I held up my finger to let him know I needed a moment. This was harder than I’d imagined. Hayden gave a stiff nod. He was pissed. And I was terrified he’d leave before I had a chance to explain everything.
Throughout the summer, I’d tried to keep it casual, but I fell for Hayden. Hard. The last night we were together, I’d told him I loved him as I was falling asleep. I pretended to stay asleep and heard him whisper the words, I love you, too. It scared me so much. It was the most honest moment in my life. That had been how I dreamed of falling in love as a little girl.
The summer wasn’t supposed to entail love. No, it was supposed to have been a good-bye to my freedom. Since I left Ketchikan, I felt like part of me had died. Fate had somehow stepped in to remind me that this was my life. I’d come home and hidden away from the world. How my parents hadn’t known I was home was beyond me. But when they’d called, I’d pretended to still be in Alaska. It worked.
Hayden remained rigid as he waited for me to begin. This was such a clusterfuck. The truth of the situation was almost unbelievable. I took a deep breath. “I’m not married or engaged. I want you to know that.”
“Then what did I just hear?” His face had grown more remote, his tone colder, and I hated it. Never, in the short time we’d known each other, had he looked at me like this.
I couldn’t bear to meet his eyes, so I glanced down at my fingers, hoping the words to explain this hell I called my life would come. “What you heard was my parents reminding me of my perfectly planned-out life. There’s an itinerary detailed down to the minute, in some cases, of what I should do and how I should act.”
There had been times when I’d been able to convince my parents to make a specific choice by planting seeds—such as going to college and moving out of their house. All the small freedoms I enjoyed came about by careful calculation.
“Come again?”
At least this time he took a few steps into the room and sat in the chair to the right of me. How do I explain this? Even to my own ears, it sounded fictitious. “Let me get something. It’ll help explain what I’m talking about. I’ll be back.”
I went to the front formal living room, where I had been before Hayden arrived, and retrieved the white notebook that detailed what my life would be like for the next eighteen months—a total nightmare.
The book felt like it weighed a hundred pounds, and I returned to the more informal sitting room with it. Hayden needed to know everything. I should have told him in Alaska. Leaving the way I did shattered so much between us. Things between us might be beyond repair, which terrified me. If only he could give me a little time to get out of this mess.
I had to make certain that Hayden knew there was no one else. I couldn’t allow the memories of us together to be tainted like that. If he never wanted anything else to do with me after this, that was his decision, but I never wanted him to think I’d cheated on him.
When I entered the room, I handed him the notebook. Where our fingers touched, I felt the familiar zap of energy. I knew Hayden felt it, too, because he pulled his fingers back and his eyes met mine. Those gorgeous blue eyes were like a stormy sea.
By the grim set of his jaw, I knew he was still aggravated. “Look at this, and I’ll answer your questions.”
I waited while he opened the notebook and scanned the first page. His eyes shot to mine. “Who the hell is Landon?”
The cover page had our names on it. I sat back on the couch and tried to keep from crying. “My soon-to-be fiancé, whom I’ve never dated.”
His grip on the notebook tightened, and his knuckles turned white. “I’m trying really hard not to blow a gasket, but this makes no fucking sense. No fucking sense at all.”
“Keep reading. You need to see it all for my explanation to make sense.”
Hayden’s eyes scanned the page, then he flipped to the next. He kept doing this for a few minutes. I knew what the pages said. Tomorrow I was to meet my parents at a local bistro. During that time, we would “accidentally” run into Landon and his family.
He turned to the next page, which would be the day Landon and I would meet for brunch to catch up after the previous day. To show our budding relationship after not seeing each other for quite some time. Due to the size and wealth of our parents’ companies, we had to show our relationship progressing naturally. Photographers would be stationed outside the restaurant to capture our first date.
My clothes, shoes, and accessories were laid out each day. Topics of discussions were scripted. It was indicated just how many times I should laugh. I was certain Landon had a similar script.
Hayden turned another page. At least the vein in his neck wasn’t protruding quite so much, but his eyebrows scrunched more. More pages flipped. His face shut down as he skimmed, becoming colder with each page. After a few minutes, Hayden looked up. “This is quite the detailed… log, I guess, of how you and Landon are supposed to interact. You’re going to receive a proposal in five months?”
“Yes. And I’ll be married in fifteen months. All the wedding details are at the end of the binder. My life for the first three months of our marriage is also in there.” The thought alone made me nauseous. Landon was a nice guy, but I wasn’t in love with him. I suspected he wasn’t in love with me, either.
Hayden flipped to the back and shook his head. “So, this is an arranged marriage?”
At least he was getting it. I sighed. “I’m looking at it as more of a business transaction. It’s easier for me to process it that way.”
“And you want this?”
At that point, I cracked, and my throat tightened. What I wanted didn’t matter. “It’s not a matter of want. It’s a matter of duty. I’m not—”
“The fuck it is.” The anger in his voice had me stiffening. He stood abruptly, so I did, too, unsure what to make of his reaction. “Do you love him?”
“No.” There was no hesitation in my response. “I can’t go through with it. I know that. I just haven’t figured out how to escape the nightmare. I wanted to be free of this before I came to apologize for how I left.”
The admission was out before I could stop it, and I covered my mouth in shock. I hadn’t meant to be so forward when I had no idea how Hayden felt.
After a few seconds, Hayden took a step toward me. “That last night in Ketchikan, you said you loved me. Did you mean it?”
Hayden wasn’t one to beat around the bush, but I didn’t think he would bring up that night so soon. Tears welled in my eyes. If I put myself out there only to be rejected, I wasn’t sure I could take it. I glanced down at my knotted fingers. “Hayden, please.”
He stepped so close that I could feel the heat of his body. With a thumb under my chin, he lifted my face up to look him in the eye. “I need you to look at me, sweetheart. Please.”
Please. Hayden’s soft request touched me deep inside and lowered my barriers. I raised my eyes to his. Again, I felt my body pull toward his. If only we could go back to this summer, I would tell Hayden everything. He took another step toward me, bringing our bodies closer, and I could smell his woodsy, outdoors scent. It made me feel safe. All I wanted to do was run my hands through his thick blond hair and ask him to make love to me. When we were together, the rest of the world fell away.
He searched my eyes, so many emotions racing across his features.
“Kory, did you mean it? I need you to be honest with me right now.”
I felt my tear run down my cheek. In the last month, I’d cried a lifetime’s worth. He deserved to know the truth. If our roles were reversed, I would want to know. “I meant every word. Which is why I had to leave early—before my heart was too far gone and I wasn’t able to leave at all.”
“Where is Landon?”
I shrugged. “I’m sure he’s here in Washington. Or on his way back. He’s supposed to be at the luncheon tomorrow. When I got our initial relationship itinerary, I asked Landon what he thought about approaching our parents with the idea of having one last summer to go off and do our own thing. He’s a nice guy, just not the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. We’ve been acquaintances our entire lives. I don’t even think I’m his type.”
And there were clauses in the agreement. Clauses that made my stomach turn.
“What are you thinking about?” Hayden touched my upper arms.
I sniffled. “This whole situation. I’ll be a slave in this relationship.”
The pressure of Hayden’s hands increased as he squeezed my shoulders. “So then why are you doing this? For your parents? For the company?”
That was the question I had been asking myself since I got back. “I… I thought I knew. But it’s so jumbled now.” I tried to think about the right words to explain this. “Since I was a little girl, duty and responsibility have been drilled into my head. My parents decided anything and everything I’ve ever done. If there was something I wanted to do, I had to figure out a way to manipulate the situation so it looked like they’d come up with the idea. I couldn’t believe they agreed to give me this summer. It was the best summer of my life. When I got back, I felt like a stranger in my home, my whole life. Everything I want is back in Alaska.” I struggled to hold back a sob. “I have been wracking my brain to figure out a way to leave here and go back to you without my parents finding me.”