Caroline

The next morning, I almost climb the flight of stairs to Linda’s apartment before I remember she’s back and I’m no longer on Bing duty. Dang, I’m going to miss that furball, chewed shoes and all. 

I tell my colleagues and the principal about Daniel’s offer as soon as I arrive at school. I don’t even have to sell the idea to them; they fall for it hook, line, and sinker. We won’t have disappointed kids and parents on our hands, and Moss Landing is just an hour and a half from San Francisco. Win-win for everyone.

After we leave the principal’s office, Karla pulls me aside. “Girl, you know Daniel Bennett and didn’t say anything? I need to become your best friend right now.”

“He’s an old friend.”

“Friend? I’ve only seen him in photos, but friendship would be so wasted on that man. You’ve seen him in the flesh and didn’t jump his bones?”

Something in my expression must betray me because Karla widens her eyes and adds, “Oh, but you have. He’s the friend you wore the knockout dress for yesterday.”

I need to work on my poker face. I don’t want my colleagues to poke their nose in my private business, so I just say, “College sweetheart”.

I work out the details of the trip with Daniel and one of his employees throughout the week, trying to ignore the flip in my stomach every time I talk to Daniel.  

The following Monday, Karla and I are on a bus with twelve kids under ten years old, and they accost us with every version of “Are we there yet?” the entire journey.

“Wish Helen was here too,” Karla says, referring to another colleague.

“We’ll be fine,” I assure her as the bus pulls into the parking lot of a hotel near the Marina Dunes Preserve. The boat will leave from here, heading out in the general direction of Moss Landing. As we descend from the bus, two of Daniel’s coworkers, a man and a woman, approach us.

Shivering a little, I zip up my coat. Brr. It’s the end of September, and I can already feel the temperature changing.

“Hi, I’m Marcel. We emailed,” the man says as we shake hands. He’s about my age, well-built, and tan. “This is Honor. We’re both going to go out with you today.”

I feel a pang of disappointment that Daniel won’t head out with us too, even though I knew it already. He told me he has too much work to go through before he heads out with the group tonight. I was still hoping, I suppose.

“The kids have to use the restrooms first,” Karla says.

Honor motions to the hotel behind her. “You can use those at the hotel. The lunch boxes for the kids are at reception anyway. We have to pick them up too.”

We head inside, the kids jumping up and down, talking incessantly. I love working with children. Their joy and excitement for every little thing is contagious. Sure, they turn into little devils when things don’t go their way, but that comes with the territory.

The view here is breathtaking. The hotel lobby walls boast floor-to-ceiling windows, offering an almost unencumbered view of the ocean. There is nature as far as the eye can see. While Karla takes the kids to the bathroom, I take inventory of the lunch boxes.

“Hello, beautiful.”

Looking up, I find Daniel right next to me. “Hey! I thought you’d only come in the evening with your group.”

“Nah, I’ve been here since this morning. I’ve booked a room because I’m staying until tomorrow. I’m working from there. Do you need anything?”

“Is there anywhere I can buy a sandwich? I didn’t have breakfast, and I don’t want to eat my boxed lunch right now.”

“The hotel has a breakfast buffet. Closes in twenty minutes. You still have time. Marcel wanted to grab a bite before you head out too.”

Five minutes later, Marcel and I are loading our plates at top speed. I’m not even paying attention to the food; I just want to fill my stomach as quickly as possible. We sit at an empty table, and I wolf down my breakfast.

“Relax! Honor and Karla can handle the group. Daniel’s with them too. Don’t choke on something.”

I smile sheepishly, swallowing. “You’re right.”

“Looking forward to the outing?”

“Yeah. I’ve been whale-watching once before, eons ago.”

“It’ll be a lot of fun, you’ll see.”

We chitchat about which type of whales we’re most likely to see, and I’m impressed by his knowledge on the topic and his willingness to explain every detail.

“Say, Caroline, could I take you out to dinner sometime this week?”

I nearly choke on my bite. Wow, way to be direct. And here I thought he was just being polite, doing his job. My throat is itching as I swallow and consider the softest way to turn him down. He didn’t do anything wrong, but well... he is Daniel’s employee, and for some reason, this feels like I’d betray him. Silly, I know. I doubt Daniel would care.

Anyway, I’m not into dating right now. I haven’t been into dating for the past three years. Still have to pluck up the courage to jump into it again, but I keep postponing it, even though I’m lonely as hell. But every time I remember my last two breakups, I conclude that maybe loneliness isn’t so bad. Definitely not bad enough for me to risk another man making me feel small when I tell him I can’t have children. Ever since the diagnosis five years ago, my romantic life turned into a game of chicken.

“I can’t, Marcel. Sorry.” My throat closes up, itching even worse than before. What the hell?

He nods curtly, smiling. “No problem. I had to try.”

“Well, this is—” Talking past the itching in my throat is becoming more difficult. Grabbing the glass of water on the table, I take a sip, but don’t manage to swallow. A hysterical fit of coughing overtakes me.

“Are you allergic to something?” Marcel asks.

Horrified, I lower my eyes to my plate, which I have cleaned. Did anything contain peanut sauce? Why the hell didn’t I pay any attention?

Nodding, I manage to rasp out, “Peanut. EpiPen. Backpack.” 

Marcel jumps to his feet. There is a commotion all around me, but my eyes are fuzzy, burning from the effort of trying to breathe. My throat is closing up again. That’s when I realize I don’t have my backpack with me. I left it with the group outside. Oh God, I can feel my tongue swelling. My lips too, I think. Air, I need air. But the more I try to breathe, the less air seems to reach my lungs.

Heaving gasps reach my ears, and panic kicks in when I realize they belong to me. A sharp sting in my outer thigh alerts me that someone’s using an EpiPen. Thank goodness.

“I’m taking her to the hospital,” a familiar voice says. Daniel. He appears in my field of vision, which is very blurred.

“No hospital,” I manage to slur. “Benadryl.”

The next few minutes pass in a haze. Someone forces me to swallow a liquid—probably Benadryl—and then I’m lifted from my seat, warm, strong arms carrying me. I close my eyes because my vision is so blurry that the effort to make out my surroundings makes me dizzy.

When I blink them open again, I’m lying on a bed, and Daniel is shoving more Benadryl into my mouth. Laying my head on the pillow, I close my eyes again, focusing on my breath, which slowly returns to normal. My throat isn’t itching anymore. Tongue appears to be normal-sized too.

I don’t know how much time passes before I hear Daniel whisper, “Caroline, let me take you to a hospital.”

I shake my head, which turns out to be a big mistake—it makes me even dizzier. “No, I’m fine. I can breathe normally. Need to get back to the group.”

“You’re not going anywhere like this. They already left, anyway.”

I blink my eyes open. “What? When?”

“An hour ago.”

“Shit! I’ve been out of it for an hour? I need to—”

“Caroline, relax. Marcel and Honor are with Karla and the kids. They’ll manage fine. You can’t go out right now. Rest for a while. You can always head out later.”

“Okay.” Truthfully, I’m not up to boarding on a boat. Hell, I’m not even up to getting out of this bed.

“How do you feel?”

“Very tired. A bit dizzy.”

Daniel leans forward until his face is level with mine, his chest pressing to my side. “Bad sign.”

“Nah, just side effects of Benadryl.”

He rubs a hand up and down my arm. The gesture is so tender, I swear my heart bursts with hope. Oh no, no, no! I have a hard time keeping myself in check around him even when I’m sober, but when I’m high on Benadryl....

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

I nod, but Daniel still seems unconvinced. He scoots even closer to me until his chest squishes the side of my right boob. I can feel the ridges of his trained abs pressing against the length of my arm.

“Watch it, Daniel. Pressing the deliciousness that is your body against an under-sexed woman is a dangerous endeavor.” His sharp intake of breath alerts me that my words are so far beyond inappropriate, they deserve a category of their own. “This is the Benadryl talking, by the way.” Ah, brilliant. Brilliant. I couldn’t have found a better scapegoat if I tried. Whatever happens while I’m under its influence cannot be held against me. Considering I’m seeing Daniel as if there’s a foggy window between us, I’m not even making this up.

“Don’t worry about anything, okay? The kids are in good hands. Honor and Marcel are pros.”

“He asked me out,” I find myself saying. “At breakfast, he asked me out.”

“Marcel?”

“Yeah.”

“What did you say?”

I blink twice, trying to clear my vision. No such luck. “Why does it matter?”

Is it my imagination, or has Daniel gone rigid next to me?

“Don’t go out with him. Please! I know I have no right, but please don’t go out with an employee of mine.” He’s gone very still. “I’m close to them, and when we go out after work they bring their spouses or significant others, and I couldn’t watch you with him.”

My heart hammers so wildly, I feel like it will jump out of my chest any second now. My mind spins, and it’s not just from the Benadryl. At least I don’t think so. My vision is so foggy I can’t see past the tip of my nose, but my mind is clear. I’m not imagining this, or projecting. First he took care of my father, now this....

Gathering my courage around me, I ask in a small voice, “You care?”

“Of course I care. I’ve always cared.”

He cradles me in his arms, and l feel something warm on my forehead—his lips. Then sleep pulls me under.